this life

Our outlets are separate for business and private. A few months ago, when I was still on the private side, a new college student came to the unit.New college students have to go to the private side first, and then transfer to the public if they perform well, just like me.The one who came over last year was Jiang Ling, who was brought out by Li Xing.This year, a man named Wang Shaochong came.The leader let me take it.And told me that he was not transferred until he was able to handle cabinets independently.When Wang Shaochong first came here, he talked a lot, and he was not at all extravagant, which was completely different from my personality.Every day is Wang Ge this Wang Ge that.The young man is clean and handsome.He is about the same height as me, and his face is full of childishness and collagen, which makes him sometimes very cute.Wang Shaochong's family is from Beijing, and the family should be in the kind of conditions where there is no need to worry about food and drink.However, he still rented a house near his unit because he didn't want to live under the influence of his parents all the time.His outlook on life is very simple, that is - as long as the grandfather is happy.More than half of his monthly salary is used to pay the rent, and the remaining half of the first half of the month is spent, and then he tightens his belt for the second half of the month.The young man is a quick learner and a clever man.It's just that sometimes he is too careless, and sometimes Zhang Yuzhu has nothing to do with his informal personality.Fortunately, Wang Shaochong's mouth is really eloquent, and he fooled the big girl and the little daughter-in-law on the private side that everyone liked him.The president thinks that this kid is very developed, and he really enjoys flattering people.It is estimated that I will never learn this in my life.

The first time I met Wang Shaochong was at the morning meeting on Monday.That was his first day reporting.He introduced himself first.I was a little dazed when I first saw him.Felt like I'd seen him there, but just couldn't remember.After the meeting, Zhang Yuzhu took Wang Shaochong to find me, and told me to take Wang Shaochong with me for a while, and told me half-jokingly and half-seriously, if he wanted to go to the other party, it would depend on when Xiao Wang would be able to leave the teacher.I smiled and said nothing.Ever since he knew that a newcomer was coming, Liu Wen approached me and talked with me about whether he would like to go to my husband.I was still a little hesitant at the time, because after all, I was already familiar with personal affairs, and if I was transferred, I would have to start all over again.People have inertia, and once they get used to it, it is a difficult choice to make a change.Liu Wen didn't force me, but gave me time to think about it.At that time, I almost chose to stay. I didn't make up my mind to leave until the new performance distribution plan came out.What Zhang Yuzhu said is correct, not all of them come out to work for money, any talk about feelings, any reluctance, are all bullshit.Since the collective has no warmth, it is also good to get some material.The performance in this period was very poor, and the total amount allocated from above was not much.According to Zhang Yuzhu's preferences, those who can't be offended, those who flatter, and those who are obedient are all adjusted above the average line.Those who are unknown, disobedient, and those without background are all below the average line.I asked myself that my current marketing ability is not bad, it is similar to others, and the data is much better.Why the money you get is not as good as a lip service sycophant.Later, I paid attention to the distribution of the public, and found that Liu Wen was getting the same as the big guy. I inquired about the situation of the public in private. With a good leader, life is much more comfortable.In this way, I plan to come together again.I agreed to Liu Wen's invitation, and I will go there when the college students can start working.President Cai Shengnan didn't quite agree with it at first, but due to the lack of people on the public side and the abundance of manpower on the private side, coupled with Liu Wen's strong invitation, and with the current staff's ability and education, I am The most suitable candidate.In the end, Cai Shengnan agreed to Liu Wen's suggestion and transferred me to the public line.

Bringing apprentices is not as easy as imagined, especially Wang Shaochong, who is a computer major, knows nothing about accounting, the same as I did back then.But fortunately, this kid is smart and has a lot of business.It's not hard to teach.It's just that sometimes there are some axes, and no matter how many times I tell him what I believe in, I still believe in my own reasoning.Seeing how stubborn he was, I let him go.Anyway, it's not likely that we will work together in the future, so let's offend as few people as possible before we leave.During the time when Wang Shaochong was learning business with me, he was like a follower. He followed me wherever I went.Go to the toilet together.When we eat together, he will fight whatever I eat.Sitting next to me, he kept telling me interesting stories about him going to school.This also reminds me of my school days.Compared with his relaxed, my student days were much more depressing.

In high school, I realized that I was different from other boys.Facing the girls in the class, I didn't have a single caller.At that time, I thought it was mostly because they were all too ordinary. I might like beautiful or distinctive ones.Later, there really was a beautiful girl who took a fancy to me.In the sophomore sports meeting, this girl confessed her love to me, kissed me after she finished speaking, and then ran away.I didn't throb, I didn't blush, I didn't feel anything, and I didn't even feel a little overwhelmed.Faced with this feeling, I dare not look down for the reason.I told myself, maybe I just don't like this girl, maybe I have a cleanliness emotionally.However, I later found out that everything was self-deception.When I saw Shen Junming for the first time, my heart beat faster, my face blushed and trembled.I know that I originally like men.Turns out, I'm gay.When I realized all this, I couldn't accept it at all.I can't believe this is all true.I feel like the sky is falling down.I don't look at Shen Junming, I avoid him, walk around him, and even fight against him everywhere.But I still can't control my emotions.I simply accepted the girl's confession, imagining that maybe being with her could cure my "disease".Needless to say, I failed.I feel mean and shameless, I cheated the girl's sincerity to me, I don't even know myself like this anymore.I began to avoid all people, the same sex and the opposite sex, even my own parents could not communicate without communicating.I'm afraid that they will see my orientation, that they won't accept me, don't want me.I tried my best to act like I was straight.I even verbally attacked homosexuals and acted like I hated them.Hypocrisy in front of others, I suffer alone in the end, laughing at myself who is so cowardly.How can such an incompetent self still have the face to survive in this world.I also thought about leaving this world, but I couldn't.I am a cowardly coward.I don't have the courage to live or die.In this way, I lived submissively for two years.Because the only thing left in my world is to study, the results of the college entrance examination are not bad.When I went to college, I met my first love in my life.Fu Xiao.He is my senior.He saw at first glance that I was his kind, even though I tried my best to hide it.Even when he confessed to me, I called him disgusting, shameless, and ran away.But none of this dampened his enthusiasm.Later, I couldn't bear it anymore and told him the truth. He said he understood me and told me not to be afraid, he would always be with me.The three years I've been with Fu Xiao have taught me a lot, don't care about other people's opinions, don't torture myself, and face everything bravely.By his side, I also feel more and more that being a comrade is not a shameful thing.If I want others to accept me, I must first accept myself.Gradually, I stopped being afraid of other people's strange eyes, no longer afraid of other people's pointing, and I became sunny again.However, the good days will always have an end.Fu Xiao chose to go abroad after graduating from university, while I was still studying.Faced with our family's economic conditions, it is simply impossible to go abroad for further study, and I have no way to follow in his footsteps.I just had to try not to fall too far, and I chose graduate school.Because studying for graduate school is already the limit at home.Because we are on different sides, in the end we still did not escape the fate of breaking up.In this way, my real first love ended like this.But I am very grateful to Fu Xiao for bringing sunshine into my life.After Fu Xiao, I didn't look for it again, until I didn't have a job.It's not that I don't want someone to accompany me, it's just that I don't want to endure the pain of separation again when I think that I will still be separated in the end.It's not that I don't love, but the reality is too cruel.I don't want to have this feeling of not being able to have sex again, unless this person is willing to grow old with me, then I am also willing to go crazy with him once.