Roommate split personality how to do?

He repented solemnly, as if he had really committed some heinous mistake just now, and wanted to ask Cheng Yan for forgiveness.

Cheng Yan suddenly felt a little funny: "You stayed in the office just now, and you were rehearsing these words?"

Li Dongxing was stunned for a few seconds, and said in a low voice, "I...I also sorted out the materials..." After this incident, his nonsense skills still didn't improve, and soon he was discouraged under Cheng Yan's gaze. He nodded honestly.

Cheng Yan almost couldn't hold back the corner of his mouth, raised his hand to press Li Dongxing's shoulder, and said very seriously, "Don't be too self-critical in the future, okay?"

Li Dongxing's eyes widened, and he said, "Brother, do you find me annoying?"

What kind of brain circuit is this?

Ten minutes ago, Cheng Yan was still thinking hard about the pain, planning to uproot the person in front of him from his heart, but now, as he stared at Li Dongxing, he felt as if he could hear the vines that had been plowed down by themselves talking to each other in full bloom.

Silly boy, how can I get bored with you? I'm afraid that I love you so much that I can't extricate myself.

Cheng Yan didn't dare to say it out loud, but the smile on his mouth became more and more obvious.

He remembered what Mu Mu told him once, that he was too difficult to get close to, and his mouth was full of routines, refusing to reveal his true meaning. I really don't know what kind of girl has such a strong temper, and can deal with him.

Is Li Dongxing fierce?Probably very powerful, so powerful that it can wear through the shell he has built up year after year, forcing him to look directly at the sincerity that even he has lost for a long time.

Cheng Yan took a deep breath, stood up, dragged his numb legs and right arm, walked slowly to his room, and took out the few books he had brought back from the schoolbag thrown by the bedside .He walked back to the living room, sat on the sofa, put the notebook beside him, and waved to Li Dongxing.

Li Dongxing roughly understood, got up and sat next to Cheng Yan, holding the notebook in his hand hesitantly.

Cheng Yan turned his head, stared straight ahead, and said nonchalantly, "If you're interested, look through it."

The master had already spoken, and Li Dongxing couldn't lie about not being interested, so he really lowered his head and opened the diary.

The book looks quite old, and the inside pages have turned yellow. The handwriting inside is written with a blue ballpoint pen, and the strokes are still very immature, which is not good-looking either. You can barely see the shadow of Cheng Yan's handwriting now.

The content in the notebook was not quite what Li Dongxing had imagined. It didn't have much of the mental journey of the young Cheng Yan, but it recorded everything that happened every day in a detailed and tedious manner.Under each date, I wish there were four or five pages, densely recording what the owner of the diary did and who he met throughout the day, including not only the cause and effect of the event, the appearance of the characters, but even the daily conversations.

This is not like an ordinary diary, more like a record deliberately kept.

Based on Li Dongxing's understanding of Cheng Yan, senior brother really doesn't seem like a person who would tirelessly recall what he saw and heard one day.There must be another reason for Cheng Yan to do this.He flipped through the diary from beginning to end, and looked at Cheng Yan questioningly.

Cheng Yan rested his left arm behind his head, tilted his head halfway, stared at the pattern on the wallpaper, and said calmly: "I have been writing these few books for about a year. I wrote these things because I was afraid, so I kept them in the archives." .”

Li Dongxing asked tentatively, "Afraid...forgot something?"

"I'm afraid I'll forget everything." Cheng Yan smiled and glanced at Li Dongxing, "It's like I forgot the first 12 years of my life."

Fifteen years ago, he woke up in the hospital bed, as if he had slept the longest sleep in his life, and fell asleep, and lost everything he had previously pretended to be in his mind.

When he first woke up, he didn't even remember his own name.He looked at the face in the mirror as if he were looking at someone he had never seen before.Everything in the surrounding environment is strange to him, including his parents who are guarding his bedside.

Seeing their son woke up, Cheng Yan's parents were naturally overjoyed, and his mother hugged him tightly.

The body hugging him was soft, but not familiar at all. Cheng Yan fell into his mother's arms like a wooden man. For some reason, he felt panicked, his head hurt violently, and he vomited loudly.

His mother didn't say anything, but Cheng Yan could tell that the woman who was ecstatic just now retracted her hands awkwardly, as if a little at a loss, seeing Cheng Yan vomit, her expression was even more hurt.

His mother covered him with the quilt, went out, and had a conversation with the man who should be his father, his shoulders were heaving with excitement, and he covered his mouth while talking.His father hugged his mother, and they went to the doctor together.

In the next three days, Cheng Yan did many more checks.

The doctor said that his amnesia was caused by head trauma. He was seriously injured before, and he had been lying in the intensive care unit for a month and a half, almost becoming a vegetative state.Now only part of the memory is lost, which is a blessing in misfortune.

When his parents told Cheng Yan the news, there was still hope in their eyes, as if they had been confirmed by an authoritative person, and they stamped Cheng Yan to prove that their son was still theirs, and they did not give anything. People drop bags.

His mother was still gentle to him, but from that day on, Cheng Yan clearly remembered that his mother never hugged him again.

When I was just discharged from the hospital, the family always maintained a delicate balance.Apart from forgetting about himself and the people around him, Cheng Yan's brain is fine, he can read books, do the questions well, and he doesn't even miss much in his homework.Both his father and his mother were cautious about him, and they didn't even dare to speak loudly, for fear of stimulating his son's fragile brain again.Cheng Yan's parents have been in business for many years, and half of them are based abroad. This time because of Cheng Yan's illness, they simply moved their family to the United States, planning to immigrate here.Cheng Yan lived in this big house that was supposed to be his family, and he ate and slept every day, but he always felt that something was wrong.

During that time, Cheng Yan would look in the mirror for a while every morning to see if the face inside was still the same as yesterday.He naturally called Dad and Mom, but felt more than once that he was calling two people he didn't know.No matter how much he pretended, he couldn't pretend to be warm, he could only be polite, as if he was grateful that the other party took him in and provided him with food and clothing.

Seeing Cheng Yan like this, his parents were even more trembling, and the whole family was filled with an atmosphere of walking on thin ice, seemingly peaceful but even more alienated.

Cheng Yan felt more and more like a guest of this family, what's more, he might be a demon who snatched the body of the couple's beloved son.

A few times, his mother knocked on his door and held some gadgets in front of him with a little joy, sometimes it was a helicopter, sometimes it was a few Transformers.The woman grabbed those toys, as if she was holding on to a little bit of new hope, until she confirmed the indifference on Cheng Yan's face, that hope was dashed again and again, and finally turned into stagnant despair.

Cheng Yan was actually a little annoyed by such temptations.It's no fun when a guy pushes something on him that he doesn't remember at all, and babbles on a lot of things he doesn't remember, and makes him go over and over in his head for possible impressions.But he remembered that it was his mother, and he forced himself to deal with it patiently, knowing that it was hopeless, he kept reminiscing over and over again, but it was a pity that his mind was completely swept away by a tornado, and nothing remained No matter how hard he tries, it won't help.

So he could only disappoint his mother again and again, and that disappointment was also imprinted in his heart, making him feel a deep sense of guilt, as if it was all his responsibility, because he didn't work hard enough, Therefore, it is impossible to return the son in mother's heart to her in its original form.That's when he started having headaches.His parents took him to the doctor several times, and the doctor said that Cheng Yan's organic brain damage had recovered, and if he felt any headaches, it could only be caused by psychogenic factors.He brought back several white bottles containing similar placebos from the hospital, and the guilt in his heart was even heavier.After that, his mother didn't test him with anything else, but Cheng Yan didn't feel relaxed.He was well aware that, in the eyes of his parents, his headaches might just be an escape from not wanting to face the past.

When he felt the scolding eyes from his parents, he tried his best to pretend that he didn't care, and desperately followed the clues to play the role that belonged to him.He thought he could live in peace like this, until one night, Cheng Yan suffered another headache, went out of the room to pour water, passed by his parents' room, and overheard a conversation outside the unlocked door.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry..." It was a fucking voice, it sounded like it was sobbing, "I used to devote myself to my work, and never spent time with Ah Yan. Ah Yan is so sensible, and he behaves well by himself At home, I didn’t complain. Every time I leave work early, bring him some snacks, or go back and make him a dinner, he will be very happy. Why didn’t I cook him more meals at that time? He was so Love my pork rib soup... now I don't have the chance again..."

Cheng Yan stood outside the door and listened motionlessly, secretly squeezing the cup in his hand.His mother said it as if he was dead.

He only heard his father say: "Don't think so, no matter what, Ah Yan is fine, it's always good."

His mother cried even harder: "I see him like that... I feel even more sad... What a good child Ah Yan used to be, cheerful and lively, loves to talk and laugh, is kind to others, even the neighbor's grandmother likes it He... But now? My Ah Yan, it's not like this... It's not so cold, it doesn't respond to anything, it's like a piece of wood... Can you see the way he looks at me? Where is he? Treat me as his own mother! I can't take it anymore...Who can do a good job and give me back my Ah Yan?"

His father was still saying some comforting words, but Cheng Yan couldn't take it anymore.

Not only that, he felt that he couldn't stay in this house any longer.

It's all so ridiculous.In the eyes of his parents, he was not Cheng Yan at all, but an impostor.He was wrong, he was in this house, not a guest; he was a downright unwelcome intruder.

He walked out of the house and felt that he had nowhere to go, so he could only curl up on a park bench all night.The next day, a few disheveled white homeless men who had never seen such a small colleague gave him half a bottle of water and some bread.In the evening, several policemen came and took him away.At the police station, they asked Cheng Yan's name and where he lived.Cheng Yan remained silent.

Later, his parents finally got the news and rushed to the police station to pick him up.The police jokingly asked if their son was dumb.His father explained with a little embarrassment, maybe Cheng Yan just came to America and could not speak English well.Cheng Yan opened his mouth at this time, and answered in perfect English. He is not dumb, but he doesn't know who he is.

This sentence made the family of three stay in the police station for half an extra night.

In the end, Cheng Yan's identity was confirmed. On the way to send them out, the policeman whispered something to his parents. The child seemed to be mentally unstable, and his parents should pay more attention so that he would not leave again. home away.

After arriving home, Cheng Yan's father said a few harsh words to him for the first time since he was discharged from the hospital, blaming him for being ignorant during the rebellious period and making them anxious.

Cheng Yan listened silently, didn't say what happened last night, only told the two in a showdown tone after his father got angry that he was going back to China.

His mother was stunned for a moment, and immediately said that she would take him back to China for a few days after she was busy.

Cheng Yan said again that he wanted to go back alone.If they didn't agree, he'd go somewhere else, and he wouldn't stay at home anyway.

His parents fell into a long silence.

Three days later, Cheng Yan met Xu Mowen who came to the United States for a meeting, got on the plane back to China, and only brought a schoolbag with him, which contained those few toys that he had no memory of at all, as if he had packed them for the first 12 years. life.

In the next six months, whether it was from his parents' instruction or Xu Mowen's professional judgment, he saw a psychiatrist countless times.Every doctor thinks that there is nothing wrong with him, and he even recovers better than most patients with severe amnesia. Not only does he not have serious self-awareness disorders, but he also does not have common traumatic stress disorder or bipolar disorder.The conclusion is that, apart from amnesia, Cheng Yan has nothing wrong with him.

What no one knew was that after waking up, Cheng Yan wrote a diary for a whole year.There is also a habit that he has maintained for many years. Every morning when he wakes up, he will force himself to recall what happened before, from a day ago to a year ago.

He is always afraid that the next time he wakes up, he will forget who he is again.

In addition, he also developed a habit.

"At that time, I thought, there is probably no one or anything in this world that really belongs to me. In other words, when I forget them, the relationship I had in the past will no longer exist." These words For the first time in so many years, Cheng Yan said that he has been used to pretending since he was 12 years old.This sense of insecurity was deeply rooted in his heart. Not only did he not tell his parents, Xu Mowen, or any psychiatrist, even he himself was not willing to admit it.Just like the moment he left his parents, there was some feeling that he thought he wasn't there if he didn't think about it.He thought that in his whole life, he would never be able to express these thoughts, because he never believed before that there could really be a person in this world who would make him willing to bow his head and admit that he was not that indestructible. "Human emotions are fragile, because all emotions are dependent in nature. And the relationship between people is as fragile as a thread, which can be broken if you pull it—even if you don't lose your memory, who can guarantee that your memory will never go wrong? When the memory is gone, the relationship will be broken, and the relationship will naturally disperse, even the closest people in the past are no exception. Since it is destined to be lost, why can't you just not want it in the first place?"

For more than ten years, Cheng Yan has accepted the fact that he lost his memory. The 12-year-old boy who lived in the hearts of his parents and others had already died at the age of 12.Regardless of whether others expect it or not, Cheng Yan now looks like this.

Yet the missing piece of his mind still inevitably creates a gap between him and everyone else, keeping him close to the world.

Li Dongxing listened to what he said.

The young man's eyes were misty, like two pools in a moonlit night. He reached out his hand to Cheng Yan, touched the back of Cheng Yan's hand with his fingertips, and said, "Brother, look at me. Who am I?"

Cheng Yan turned his head and said, "You are Li Dongxing."

Li Dongxing stared at him, and said slowly: "But I'm also Xiaowei, Lili, Adong, and Zheng Heping. Not only can I not be sure what happened in the last second, I can't even be sure what will happen to me in the next second." Who would it be. But there's one thing I can never get wrong."

Cheng Yan's brows twitched, his heartbeat became noisy for some reason, he swallowed nervously, and asked, "What?"

"I..." Li Dongxing's breathing seemed to be stagnant for a moment, before he continued, "Feeling. Feeling is in the heart, not in the head. There is a person, he is very important to me, no matter who I am, no matter who I am Remember it or not, that feeling will always be there."

Cheng Yan didn't ask who that person was.

He let out a breath slowly. The thorn that had held him in place for 15 years seemed to be slightly loose. He thought that the thing would stick like a Dinghaishen needle for a lifetime, but he didn't expect to be so teased by the person in front of him. It shattered into slag and floated away.

How powerful is a dam that has been blocked for 15 years once it is opened to release the flood?In other words, how does a person who has not eaten meat for 15 years feel when he sees a table of delicacies from mountains and seas?

This is how Cheng Yan feels at the moment.

He thought, fortunately Li Dongxing didn't say another word, otherwise with his utterly exhausted rationality at the moment, he might be able to swallow people alive in one gulp.

He stared at Li Dongxing, exhausting all the remaining self-control, hoping that he didn't act too excited, too meaningful.He raised his hand to grab Li Dongxing's hand, trying not to use too much force and eagerness, so that because his hands were too slippery with sweat, he grabbed those fingers a few times.

"Dong Xing, can you promise me?" For the next two words, he almost spent the most effort in his life, just hoping to hold on to the only bond with this world that he finally picked up. hand, "Don't go."

☆, life in the play ([-])

Cheng Yan felt that he was really powerful. When he said those words to Li Dongxing, both his brain and heart's defenses collapsed like an avalanche.Feelings are like rubber bands, the tighter you press it and the longer it lasts, the harder it will bounce back once you let go.Cheng Yan grabbed Li Dongxing's hand, his mind was blank for more than ten minutes, his only thought was that he wanted to catch this person, and once he did, he wouldn't be separated from him in the future.

Before he felt joy, he felt relief.All these years, no one person or one thing can make him relax for a moment, until now.The nature of love borders on drunkenness, and it may be true.Looking at that person's gentle eyebrows, he almost got carried away, wanting to cry heartily.But soon he woke up again, not only his eye sockets were dry, but he didn't even say a single unnecessary word.

He didn't say it because he didn't know how to say it yet.In that situation, begging Li Dongxing not to leave, almost reached the limit of Cheng Yan's thickness.He is already willing to let go of his self-esteem and show Li Dongxing his most vulnerable side, which doesn't mean he can endure further begging for mercy.Cheng Yan could tell that Li Dongxing also cared about him.With the temperament of the younger brother, this level of concern and care might mean that Cheng Yan would agree to everything at that time.It is not kind enough to be tempted by a junior who is not mentally healthy, but to make yourself pitiful and play a bitter scene that the junior can't bear to refuse, it is extremely shameless.Cheng Yan made up his mind that even if he wanted to speak out, he should clean up his emotions another day, and come forward with integrity.

After that night, Li Dongxing really didn't mention moving again.Cheng Yan's arm was still not healed, and Li Dongxing's care for him even intensified.Now Cheng Yan has changed from passive acceptance to intentional, and Li Dongxing treats him well, not only does he not feel guilty, but he also enjoys it happily like an uncle, and has resumed his previous posture of manipulating others.The days passed, as usual, Cheng Yan thought he was reserved enough, and the relationship between them hadn't changed for the time being, but he didn't expect Mu Mu to see some clues first.

"Cheng Daqingsheng, if you continue to be so unscrupulous, your secret love membership will be officially confiscated." After witnessing Cheng Yan walking out of the small office for the fifth time in one morning, while Li Dongxing was going to class, Mu Mu grabbed him. Cheng Yan said.

Cheng Yan was very innocent, shook the teacup in his hand and said, "I came out to pour water."

Mu Mu gave him a sideways glance: "Yes, I poured water five times. You are diabetic, Mr. Cheng." She glanced at Li Dongxing's empty seat, "Stop lying to me, you two really failed? "

Cheng Yan shook his head.

Mu Mu patted his arm in distaste, and said, "If you don't succeed, you will be happy like this? All the branches are shaking all over your body, which irritates me, ah."

She picked up a tissue with two fingers and wiped the nonexistent snot.

Cheng Yan couldn't help touching his facial muscles, thinking that it was really so obvious?

When Li Dongxing came back, Mu Mu touched a pair of earphones and put them on. The reason was that Cheng Yan's heart was too turbulent, which made her ears hurt.A few days later, Cheng Yan found the sunglasses on her desk, so he had to consciously drag Li Dongxing to the laboratory building, lest she couldn't help but shake off her words with her junior before him one day.

Cheng Yan has nothing to be dissatisfied with, he just thinks it's good as it is now.So like a procrastinator, he resisted poking the window paper.He faced Li Dongxing day and night, and there were countless moments when he felt that he would speak out.Words came to his mouth and swallowed again and again, just like ruminating, love fermented in the process, not only did not make him suffer from secret love, but it was quite sweet.

The only trouble is Xiao Wei.After Cheng Yan realized that he had ulterior motives for his junior brother, and the boy climbed into his bed in the middle of the night, it would be difficult for him to keep his mind calm.Cheng Yan faced the blank sheet of trusting face in front of him, but he couldn't really forget that the person holding him was actually Li Dongxing. He couldn't help but want to move, and at the same time, he spurned himself for committing crimes against an eight-year-old boy. , Under the battle between heaven and man, the next day often only results in a stiff and sour body, and two extraordinarily deep dark circles.

This was another reason why Cheng Yan couldn't speak.

And what happened after that completely suppressed Cheng Yan's little thoughts, leaving him with no time to think about the confession for the time being.

When his arm was almost healed, Tian Jin died.

The old lady jumped off the roof of the biology building on a humid and warm morning in April.

She had a serious illness a month ago, and her body has not recovered quickly, her legs are weak, and she used to use a wheelchair to get in and out.No one expected that that day she actually took the elevator to the top floor of the biology building, left the wheelchair under the stairs, and climbed up to the roof by herself with two limp legs that were not very useful.

When the news came, Cheng Yan was still at home. Fifteen minutes later, he and Li Dongxing arrived at the school together. Tian Jin had already been sent to the hospital, and the ground had been thoroughly cleaned without leaving a single drop of blood.

Cheng Yan didn't see Mr. Tian Zhu.He hurriedly grabbed a security guard in the biological building and asked, but no one knew how the old lady got into the building.He thought of something, and ran to the third floor in one breath, only to find that the door leading to the mental health center was indeed open.

Tian Jin came out of the small red building, walked in a wheelchair through this corridor that few outsiders knew about, passed through this door that someone forgot to close, and then went up to the rooftop without anyone noticing.This road is not easy to walk, she walked for at least half an hour.From this point of view, the old lady must have been very determined at the time.

That morning, she was supposed to go to see Fan Mingfan.There was still half an hour before the scheduled consultation time, and Fan Mingfan couldn't wait for his patient anymore.

Three days after Tian Jin's accident, Fan Mingfan resigned.

On the day he left Xiaohonglou, Cheng Yan and Li Dongxing went to see him off.The elderly old professor slowly packed his things in the office alone, put a book and stacks of thick materials into a cardboard box, and finally sighed with a small pot of money grass, and took it out a few minutes later. He took off his glasses and wiped his eyes, leaving the flower pot on the table.

"Tian Jin gave it to me." He turned around and saw the two people standing at the door, and explained with a pale smile, "I'm probably too embarrassed to raise it now."

In Cheng Yan's impression, Lao Fan liked that potted flower, and for a while he would hold it in his hand when he went out for a walk every evening, saying that Tian Jin told him that this copper money plant loves to bask in the sun.When he was young, he refused to accept things from patients, not to mention a potted flower, he even avoided a single leaf.It's just that he often said that Tian Jin was his last patient, and he was not just a patient. He had known the old lady for many years, and he already regarded her as an old friend.

Now the old friend left without saying hello.

Cheng Yan stepped forward to help Fan Mingfan put away his things, but Fan Mingfan refused.He couldn't tell what it was like, he raised his hand and pinched the edge of the cardboard box instead, preventing Fan Mingfan from moving his belongings away.

"Teacher Fan, there's no need for you to resign." He frowned and said, "I talked to the teacher, and he said the center didn't mean that."

Fan Mingfan lowered his head and said, "I want to leave myself." He looked up at Cheng Yan, and then forced out a comforting smile, "Didn't I say that? I'm old, and I want to retire a long time ago."

Cheng Yan remembered that Fan Mingfan had expressed his intention to retire when he first returned to Jiangda University.However, what was originally said was that Fan Mingfan would at least wait for Xu Mowen to come back, that is, after the end of this school year, before applying for retirement.For an old professor like him, his retirement should be glorious. The teachers and students of the center will hold a farewell ceremony for him, and let him leave the place that has been cultivated for decades with a smile amidst flowers and applause.Absolutely not like this, never should be like this, he left in despair alone with the guilt for Tian Jin on his back.

Li Dongxing looked at Fan Mingfan's gloomy expression, and said from the side: "Mr. Fan, the death of Mrs. Tian is not your fault."

Fan Mingfan was blaming himself, he could tell at a glance.

The old professor chuckled melancholy, and murmured: "Why not? Since she was ill, she has been in a bad state for the past month. I should have seen it earlier. Recently, she always likes to mention Mr. Zhu and say that she is sorry. He, in order to take care of her, Mr. Zhu couldn't even attend class well. I made a big mistake, was misled by past experience, and thought she was the same as before, and she couldn't make it this far. People change, Dong Okay, people change. Tian Jin didn't think about dying before, because she missed her grandson in her heart, and didn't want to leave him alone. Now? She told me several times that if she was gone, Mr. Zhu would live better. I've changed too, I've become dull, I've become arrogant. I thought I'd solved her, and she'd figured it out. But the truth? The truth is that I lost, to the depression that I've been battling for so many years disease, suffered the biggest defeat in life, and lost his life at the end of the day, not only failed to save the life of an old friend, but also lost someone to the center."

It is a failure for any doctor if the patient in his own hands commits suicide, and it is even more a mistake for a psychiatrist.Regardless of whether Fan Mingfan resigns or not, his career will be ruined.

Why is this happening?Why did it happen to be Fan Mingfan, when he decided to retire?

After Tian Jin's death, the school was full of gossip these days.Even in the mental health center, some young teachers and students can be heard whispering, saying that Professor Fan is old and confused, or criticizing the old psychoanalysis method for not working, and using this to propose that the faculty should be promoted to be younger and a group of students should be forced to The old professor retired early.Cheng Yan has always been indifferent to traditional psychoanalysis, but even he can't help but feel a little cold.Fan Mingfan has worked hard all his life, how many patients have healed?In the end, because of a mistake that could not be said to be his responsibility, it was the result of such a person walking out of tea.

Those people were filled with righteous indignation because of Tian Jin's death, as if because of this incident, Fan Mingfan's past efforts and achievements were all wiped out.The wall was pushed down by everyone, even the teachers and students who had been close to Fan Mingfan in the past, none of them stood up to speak for him.They all wanted to leave themselves and Fan Mingfan clean, as if as long as they did so, similar things would never happen to them.

Compared with heartache, Cheng Yan felt more angry at the moment.He held Fan Mingfan's shoulder and said, "Teacher Fan, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Which doctor didn't compete with the god of death? This time you just lost temporarily. You can have a next time, next time."

Fan Mingfan patted the back of his hand and said: "Cheng Yan, you are still young, you don't understand. For young people, if you fall, you just fall, and you can stand up at any time. But for many elderly people Said, if I stumble, my whole body may fall apart, and this is the way it is in this life. I have no strength... I have no strength to stand up again." He lowered his head slightly, his thin throat rose and fell several times, as if he was not taking a deep breath I couldn't get enough oxygen, "I feel really uncomfortable in my heart. Tian Jin said that she is old and useless, and I can really feel it. I just think about it, and she died like this, lonely and cold Lying on the ground, it hurts. I can't do it anymore. They're right, I can't do it."

His fingers grabbed Cheng Yan's forearm, so hard, but every part of his body was filled with weakness.Cheng Yan understood that Fan Mingfan's energy was really exhausted.He couldn't fight any longer.What really defeated him was not other people's gossip, but himself.Tian Jin is not only his patient, but also a friend of his. He saw himself in her, and her death itself seemed to play an elegy for him. Guilt tormented him together and knocked him down completely.

For the first time, Cheng Yan clearly realized that Fan Mingfan was really old.Originally, when he looked at Fan Mingfan, he only regarded Lao Fan as Xu Mowen's peer, forgetting that he was over sixty years old.He could no longer ask such an old man to be strong, it was too cruel.He could only let go of Fan Mingfan and let him leave by himself.

Fan Mingfan held the pile of belongings with a little difficulty, and walked slowly to the door.In just five or six meters, he walked for several minutes.His eyes lingered on every window and every floor tile.When they reached the door, Li Dongxing helped Fan Mingfan open the door by holding the paper box.

"Thank you, Dong Xing, you are such a good boy. You and Cheng Yan, you are both very good. Old Xu is blessed." Fan Mingfan showed his usual loving smile, clamped the side of the box with one arm, lifted The other hand embraced Li Dongxing.

Li Dongxing's eyes were red.

In the mental health center, besides Xu Mowen, Mu Mu, Cheng Yan, and Han Zheng who is his attending physician, Fan Mingfan is the one who takes care of him the most.He wasn't good at expressing emotions either, so he couldn't say anything when he was parting, so he could only shake Fan Mingfan's icy cold hand again and watch him leave.

Fan Mingfan walked a few steps, then turned his head and said in a low voice, "It's a pity that Cheng Cheng won't come."

Chengcheng is his grandson's nickname.Fan Mingfan mentioned to Cheng Yan several times that when he retires, he wants his precious grandson to come and pick him up, which means that he will inherit the past and usher in the future, and enjoy family happiness from now on.

But in such a situation, even if Cheng Cheng wanted to come, Fan Mingfan would not let him.He felt that he was already ashamed enough, and it was best to leave quietly, without embarrassing his grandson.

Cheng Yan knew that this matter would be an eternal regret in Lao Fan's heart.I've been looking forward to a peaceful retirement life for so long, and I'm afraid it's hard to be really peaceful.

"Teacher Fan." There was another person waiting for Fan Mingfan at the end of the corridor.

Contrary to Cheng Yan's expectations, that person was Han Zheng.

Han Zheng was wearing a blue shirt and white trousers, with the sleeves rolled up on one side and down on the other. He rarely looked a bit sloppy, and the hair at the back of his head was uncharacteristically upturned, unlike usual styling water.If you look carefully, his face is still a little haggard. I don't know how long he has been waiting here for Fan Mingfan, and he will come forward to meet people when they go out.

Fan Mingfan was also quite surprised, and called out: "Hey, Mr. Han, why are you here to see me off when you have time?"

Han Zheng held Fan Mingfan's right hand with both hands, and said in a hoarse voice, "Teacher Fan has really worked hard these days. I had a similar experience a few years ago. A patient had a seizure after interrupting treatment, and was arrested for stabbing someone... I understand how much this is a blow to the doctor. I am a soft-spoken person, and I can't stand up to speak for Teacher Fan, let alone persuade Teacher Fan to stay. I just... just want to represent myself and tell Teacher Fan that you are as outstanding as you A doctor who is a good doctor in the past is and will be the direction of my efforts in the future.”

Fan Mingfan was stunned.After a while, he patted Han Zheng's shoulder, with tears welling up in his eyes, and said, "Okay, okay. Do it well. You all do it well."

He straightened his back slightly, refused Cheng Yan and Li Dongxing to see him off, and left the small red building without a single step.

Han Zheng and Cheng Yan watched Fan Mingfan go away together. Cheng Yan glanced at him and said without much emotion, "Thank you, Mr. Han, for taking the time to see off Lao Fan."

Han Zheng smiled and said, "I would also like to thank Dong Xing for telling me when Mr. Fan will leave. I regret that I didn't talk to him more before. I hope he doesn't think my sincere words are presumptuous."

Cheng Yan didn't say anything more.

Regardless of whether Han Zheng's words were for the occasion or not, to Fan Mingfan at this time, they could be called a timely help.Huge psychiatric centers, except for them