I'm not

The lake in the school is quite large, it is late spring, the weather is pleasant, the sparkling water on the lake is jumping with broken gold, and there are a few snow-white swans paddling slowly.

This is the sanctuary for lovers in the school. Not only is the environment quiet, it provides the best free dating place for the poor and lovers. It is also surrounded by lush vegetation and close to the back mountain. Many couples had their first kiss here.

But apparently I wasn't in any romantic mood.

Cheng Xingjian and I walked side by side, he was uncharacteristically silent, I guess he also had something to say to me.

We walked along the lake, and stopped at a viewing railing. The breeze was blowing slowly. I wanted to enjoy the rare and comfortable moment, when I heard Cheng Xingjian suddenly "Ah!".

I turned to look at—

I saw a white sticky substance on Cheng Xingjian's head, which was obviously a "gift" from a certain bird.

Seeing his ferocious expression, I held back my wild laughter, and took out a tissue to him, and he wiped his hair angrily.

"You have it on your collar too," I laughed uncontrollably, "I'll wipe it for you."

"Too bad luck..." Cheng Xingjian muttered, I actually thought he was kind of cute.

"Looks like you're going to be lucky with bird shit," I said, throwing the paper into the trash can next to it. "Go buy a lottery ticket later."

The spot on Cheng Xingjian’s head could not be wiped clean, so he simply threw the paper away like me, leaned on the railing with both hands, sighed, and glanced at me from the corner of his eye: “Really?”

I nodded.

He turned his head and stared at me with those innocent looking eyes, without blinking.

—— "But I don't want to buy lottery tickets, I just want to confess my love to you."

My heart beat violently, I lowered my head not daring to look into his eyes, those firm and bright eyes covered with long eyelash feathers.

My voice seemed to be blowing away in the wind, "... I thought we were friends."

"We are indeed friends, but Susu—" Cheng Xingjian hasn't called me Susu for a long time. I think of the little boy who looked like a girl in the past, who dragged me out to play, and kept calling me "Susu".

"Who says friends can't fall in love?"

I didn't speak, but I mustered up the courage to look up at him. His voice was soft and gentle, and his brows and eyes were filled with a slight smile.

"I liked you a long time ago, Yu Su, I know I was always very frivolous before, maybe you look down on such a frivolous person, but I will change." He is really too gentle, not like him at all, " We are friends, but that's not a bad thing?...Who says friends can't become a couple? And we know each other better than others, I know what you like and what you don't like, the way we get along can be the same as before Same, it's more natural than ordinary couples... Even though you said you liked me that day, even though you knew it was false, I was so happy."

His mouth opened and closed, and everything he said hit my heart one by one. I was a little panicked. The feelings he said made me feel strange. I didn't want to hurt a person who really liked me.

Cheng Xingjian stretched out his hand, took a leaf off my head with a smile, and said to me, "Are you okay? Susu."

I opened my mouth, but I couldn't say the word "no".

I hold Cheng Xingjian's hand, dry and warm, but it can only be a friend's hand, not a lover's hand.

"I'm sorry...you should go buy a lottery ticket today."

"Oh...isn't it okay?" Cheng Xingjian's voice sounded very low, and my heart ached slightly, "Is it because of the person you have a crush on?"

I nodded with difficulty.

"If you want, or be more selfish, you can take me as his substitute," Cheng Xingjian said, with a hint of self-deprecation, "Do we look alike? Is he handsome?"

"...not like."

"I'm so humble, can't you say something like it?" Cheng Xingjian smiled. "You are too straightforward."

"I'm sorry." That was all I could say.But thank God, Cheng Xingjian didn't continue to ask about my "secret love" object.

"It's okay, I'm ready to be rejected, don't worry about it." Cheng Xingjian actually comforted me, "We're still good friends."

"Of course," I said, "we're friends."

"In my place, friends are not treated as high as girlfriends. Don't you think about it?"

Seeing my speechless and embarrassed look, Cheng Xingjian kept laughing, "Okay, okay, I won't talk anymore. Didn't I say I want to buy a lottery ticket? Let's go." So we were going to buy a lottery ticket for no reason.

Seeing him back to normal, I was a little relieved, but I still had a concern, and I didn't speak up all the way.

"What's the matter?" Cheng Xingjian asked me, seeing that I was silent all the way.

"I have a question..." I was really a little embarrassed, "You said, you confessed to me, but we haven't become boyfriend and girlfriend, and we stay together with you again, isn't it a bit of a girl?"

Cheng Xingjian didn't know whether to laugh or cry, and said, "What are you thinking about all day? You have neither a boyfriend nor I. We are friends now. Is there a woman who is not a woman. You have to think about these things, and you have to wait for me If you have a girlfriend, then it's not too late to think about how to avoid suspicion."

I thought that was the reason, so the burden in my heart was gone, and I happily chatted with Cheng Xingjian again.

To be honest, Cheng Xingjian’s confession shocked me a lot. This was the first time someone confessed to me since I was a child, and it was a boy with an excellent appearance and personality. There seemed to be something wrong in my heart. obvious changes.

...So I am also worthy of being loved?

I looked at Cheng Xingjian beside me. He is a friend I cherish very much. I also believe that it is fate that we meet again. Although it may not be the fate of being lovers, I don’t want to miss it. A friendship worth holding on to.

Although, thank you, Cheng Xingjian.

When I arrived at the gate of the welfare lottery, Cheng Xingjian asked me, "What to buy?"

I don't really understand either, so let's just say you come.

So Cheng Xingjian bought the simplest scratch-off toys, a total of ten pieces, and we each divided five pieces, sat in the store and started scratching.

I really like the feeling of scratching the lottery tickets, and I ran out quickly without winning a single ticket.But I take it for granted, after all, I am not a chieftain.Cheng Xingjian was still slowly scratching the last one, so I leaned over to read it.

"Why are you so slow!" I watched him push away the layer of ink bit by bit with his index finger, anxious for him.

"I'm afraid of getting my nails dirty." Cheng Xingjian said with disgust.

I finally scratched off the last lottery ticket, and I was in a hurry to see it, but I saw Cheng Xingjian frowned, and picked up the lottery ticket.

"What's wrong?" I couldn't see, and asked hastily.

Cheng Xingjian frowned gradually, waved the lottery ticket at me, and said, "I won the lottery!"

"Really?!" I didn't believe it. I wanted to grab the lottery ticket in his hand. He handed it to me and said, "Look for yourself."

real!After I saw the lottery ticket, I happily went up and hugged Cheng Xingjian, "It's the first time I won the lottery! It's still a grand prize of 500!"

"What you won, obviously I won." Cheng Xingjian took back the lottery ticket, "Talk nonsense."

"Didn't I tell you to buy a lottery ticket? No matter, it's mine anyway... Cheng Xingjian, you're really lucky!" I was really happy.

"Okay, let's go claim the prize." Cheng Xingjian grabbed me who was excited, "It's half of you."

So I happily went to the store to redeem the prize.

Cheng Xingjian put his hands in his pockets and slowly followed behind me.He muttered—"It's too easy to be satisfied."

In this way, I originally planned to go back after selling the lottery tickets, but I suddenly became interested and wanted to go out and spend the 250 yuan. Cheng Xingjian suggested that I might as well go to a nearby zoo. He had always wanted to go but no one wanted to go with him.

"Hahahaha you are amazing, who wants to go to the zoo now?" I think Cheng Xingjian's idea is very strange.

"I've always wanted to go. I heard that there are pandas in it. I haven't seen a panda yet." Cheng Xingjian said to me solemnly, "Would you like to go, or I will go by myself."

"Okay!" I just want to vent my excited energy now, "It's noon, it's still early, let's go!"

Our school is located in a university town, and there is a subway station nearby. The traffic is very convenient. The zoo that Cheng Xingjian mentioned is not far away. It only takes two or three subway stops to get there. In the small bag I carried with me, I took a small backpack, Cheng Xingjian carried his notebook on his back, and set off casually.

Should I say that it is indeed the largest zoo in Nanshi? The entrance is magnificent. We visited one park after another. The animals looked very energetic. The parks are also very clean and tidy, with complete facilities and lush greenery. I was originally interested. Qicai, at the end, was also attracted by some strange animals, and couldn't stop lingering.

I have only been to the zoo once before, and I vaguely remember that when I was in elementary school, it was the zoo in this city that my mother took me to.The zoo in my impression is very dilapidated and messy, the animals are mixed in a small space, and there is an unpleasant smell in the air.That day I really wanted to eat two pieces of ice cream in the zoo, but I didn’t tell my mother. Our family’s economy was not good at that time, and it was not easy to take me out to play. I’m not sure if I can get it after I say it. I want something, so I choose not to say it.

This kind of thinking has always been with me. From childhood to adulthood, I am used to hiding what I want in my heart.

I try my best to forget the past memories and devote myself to the present life.[-] Oh [-] this time I'm serious about having fun.

We visited the zoo until it was closed, and then it was dark when we returned to school.There is an extra panda doll in my bag, which is chubby and lying on the white canvas, with a naive look.

"So you're a panda lover. I didn't know that before." Cheng Xingjian bought a lot of things related to pandas today.

"There are still many things you don't know." Cheng Xingjian held a half-human tall panda doll in his hand, looking a little ridiculous, "Study hard."

After saying goodbye to Cheng Xingjian, I went back to the dormitory and hung the white canvas bag on the bedside. The little panda held a red heart in its paw.

All in all, thank you, Cheng Xingjian.