I'm not

I still remember the first time I met Wan Shu.

A group of noisy students were sitting randomly in the freshly painted classroom. I stayed blankly on a wooden chair. People around me were chattering. Some of them seemed to know each other. They were talking about the school’s classrooms, cafeteria, and students, teachers.

I felt some discomfort, maybe it was the awkwardness when I first arrived in a new environment, maybe it was a sudden sense of loneliness.

In junior high school, my academic performance was only above average. In the senior high school entrance examination, I used the good luck of the entire junior high school era to get into this high school, which is one of the best schools in the city.I didn't speak much in my class in junior high school, but it was a familiar environment anyway, and this is a brand new place. I hadn't lived in the school before high school, so it was a bit strange.

In order to relieve my mood, I went out to fetch water with a water cup, and familiarized myself with the environment by the way.In the corridor, I saw a water dispenser, which is the kind of machine that can receive hot water by swiping the card, but after I swiped the card, the faucet did not come out of water.

I tried a few more times, and the people behind seemed to be urging me, so I turned my head, at a loss.

"This machine is broken." A clear female voice sounded from behind me, very close to me, so close that I could smell a scent of jasmine.

The girl standing behind me is very white, very thin, very beautiful, very beautiful, very moving, very sinking.

A jasmine flower - the first time I saw Wanshu, I thought she was too gentle. Later, countless days and nights proved that my judgment was correct, and I became her gentle captive.

When she stared at me with those night-like eyes, I was stunned, as if being sucked into a vortex, it took my brain several seconds to reflect the meaning of what Wan Shu said.

Oh, it turned out to be broken, that's what it was.

"Now only the third floor and the second floor have water, you can go there." Wanshu said, and the others left one after another.

I think I should go, after all, I also want to drink water, but I don't want to move my steps, this kind of scene is almost embarrassing.

Later, I recalled many times that the first time I saw Wan Shu was really strange. A dumb person holding a water glass in a daze, Wan Shu must have thought it was very funny.

This is a very common thing. The water machine broke down in high school, but that time left a deep impression on me.When I thought that everything had faded away, when I thought that time would gradually fade my memory, I realized that that moment was actually vivid and vivid.

Wanshu looked at me, and asked me with smiling eyes, "What's wrong?" But what she said to me was: "There must be a lot of people over there now, let me take you to another place to get water."

I followed Wanshu and walked up the path full of red-leaved plums. It was still hot in September, but the shadows cast by the lush trees were enough to bring coolness to this path. The golden light shone from the gaps in the leaves. Projected down, swaying with the breeze.

This is the place where we have set foot on countless times. In winter, Wanshu and I came here to shovel snow with a shovel. I used the shovel to write on the snow. Wanshu rubbed her hands and urged me not to play. Go back to the classroom. Pale pink flowers bloomed, and the fallen petals spread on the path and fell on the heads of the students who passed by.

I don't like autumn the most, because it often rains in autumn. When Wanshu and I go to eat, each of us needs to hold an umbrella. We will stay far away, otherwise the water will splash on us.But then we can't talk while walking, I don't like autumn.

At that time, Wanshu took me on that road for the first time, and told me that she was working as a volunteer a few days ago and was familiar with the school, "It will take an hour or two for the teachers to finish the meeting, we can Take a stroll around the campus first, and I'll take you there." Wanshu said to me with a smile, her warm body was very close to me, and I felt a little nervous.

We went to the school cafeteria. Before I realized what we were doing, Wanshu bought two cups of sour plum soup at the window and handed me one of them: "It's so hot now, drinking this is very thirst-quenching—let's go Look elsewhere."

"Thank you," I said, "My name is Yu Su, what's your name?"

"Bai Wanshu," she held the sour plum soup, and the cold water vapor soaked her hands, "Is it a mouthful? It's euphemistic Wan, the quiet girl like Shu. What about yours? Which word is it?"

"The element of the ruler," I wrote down the word "Wanshu", "Plum blossoms are sent by the post, and the ruler is passed on by the fish."

"It's so nice." Wan Shu said, her words were not flattering at all, she was always sincere. "It's also very artistic."

We drank the cold sour plum soup, walked half of the campus, and then wandered back to the classroom.The classroom was full of people, and there were only a few seats left, all of which were left alone, so Wan Shu and I had to sit away.Later we arranged the seats according to height, and Wan Shu sat in front of me.

The first person I met in school was not Wanshu. Before that, I had already met my classmates in my dormitory and a few other classmates, but I felt at that time that Wanshu would definitely become a good friend with me. Friends, with this inexplicable firmness, we really became inseparable, sticking together all day long.

I don't understand it yet - but I've been sucked into this vortex of fate.

Wanshu is actually not the kind of enthusiastic person, she belongs to the good grades girl in the class who is still working on the questions quietly after class.But everyone likes to listen to her opinions in various group activities. Although Wanshu is not the organizer, she has a convincing power.

Later, I thought, why did Wanshu want to talk to me and treat me to sour plum soup?Was it because she laughed at my stupid look at that time, or did it mean that there was really something called destiny in the dark.

Before reading in the evening, the teacher asked us to use our spare time to practice calligraphy. Some people were singing on the podium, some were cleaning, and the classroom was chaotic. This kind of noise is a symbol of youth in high school.I listened to the radio, lay down on the table, and copied the poem "Quiet Girl" over and over again. When I wrote the word "Shu", I felt a little joy in my heart-I straightened up and tried to write the word as clearly as possible. Flawless.

Wan Shu sat in front of me. She had just washed her hair, and her hair was softly scattered on her shoulders, and the tips of her hair were still slightly damp.When Wanshu was writing, her back was very straight, and I quietly reached out to poke her hair, and then I started braiding her hair.

Wanshu was annoyed by me, so she turned back and stuffed me a dried tofu that she took out from the drawer, and said to me, "Don't make trouble." Wanshu frowned, but her voice was smiling.I squeezed the snacks in my hand and smiled flatteringly: "Okay, I won't get any." I put down Wanshu's hair.

When I was in the second year of high school, everyone was discussing whether to choose science or liberal arts. At that time, the number of people who chose science was overwhelming.My science is terrible, I can only choose liberal arts, but Wanshu is good in both science and liberal arts, I don’t know what Wanshu will choose—I don’t want to ask, I’m afraid I will persuade Wanshu something, even if I don’t realize it, My words may affect Wanshu's choice.

This is something I don't want to see. I hope that Wanshu can make her own decision and completely follow her own heart. I hope that Wanshu's future will be bright and bright, and her life will always be happy and happy.

In fact, I still don’t know why Wanshu chose the liberal arts. I asked her once, and she said: “There is so much competition in the sciences. It’s better to study the liberal arts. My history is the best, and it’s easy to learn.” easy."

I want to ask, isn't your chemistry and biology better?

But in the end I didn't ask, I'd rather it be true.

After class division, Wanshu and I still sat at the front and back tables. I lamented to Wanshu that this was a godsend, and Wanshu smiled, her eyes bent into a crescent moon.

I worked very hard for a while, almost to the point of forgetting to eat and sleep, because I knew that Wanshu's strength could be admitted to one of the best universities in China, but I could barely get into one.I was full of unrealistic fantasies - maybe we can go to the same university?

I was looking forward to the first mock exam in the third year of high school, but the result was very unsatisfactory. I was hit hard, depressed, and cried secretly in the bathroom at night.

Wanshu couldn't bear me like this, and I had a fight with her during that time——I had an unknown anger in my heart, and somehow vented it on Wanshu.I said whatever, anyway, no matter how hard I try, it will be like that, and I can take the exam casually during the college entrance examination.

"How can you say that?" Wanshu looked at me in surprise, "Although you didn't achieve your goal this time, you still made a lot of progress..."

"Do you think I'm the same as you? No matter what I do, I will never reach your height!" I shouted, tears quickly gathered in my eyes, I didn't want Wanshu to see it, and I lowered my head again.

Wan Shu was stunned, and she said for a long time: "I didn't expect you to say that. You are too excited now, Yu Su, you are doing it for your own future, not to compare yourself with anyone. Think about it yourself."

After Wanshu left, I squatted on the ground, trembling all over, and finally couldn't help crying.

I obviously didn't mean that, I wanted to tell Wan Shu that I was so sad because I couldn't go to the same university as her, I wanted to tell her that I didn't mean to be jealous of you, I just realized that we can't be together forever like now, I'm so sad, I didn't mean that.

The next day, I went to apologize to Wanshu. I hesitated and panicked. When I finished speaking with trepidation, I found that Wanshu was expressionless and panicked.

Wanshu stretched out her hand with a straight face, and said, "What about courtesy? Isn't it polite to even apologize?"

I breathed a sigh of relief and handed the sour plum soup I just bought to her.So we returned to the usual way of getting along again. I still work hard, but I already understand that I have no possibility of going to the same university as Wanshu. I want to do my best to be admitted to a good school, so that when I see her again, maybe Our sense of distance will not be so far away.

The third year of high school was the most cherished time in high school, because I knew it was the last carefree day for me and Wanshu.

Thinking about it now, people will never know how to be content.

This is the second time this week, I saw Dong Shao's dark car downstairs.I looked down from the window and could only see the light of two headlights, which stood out in the darkness.

I can hear the sound of Wanshu going upstairs. She put the key in the door.

The door opened, and Wanshu was wearing a royal blue dress, which made her skin as fat as jade.She sat in the porch and began to take off her shoes, rubbing her calves.

I saw a red spot on her foot, because she was so white, it looked particularly glaring.

I walked over to her and knelt down to help her stretch her calf. I was puzzled and distressed: "Why do you wear it?"

There is a faint fresh fragrance on Wanshu's body, is it because she specially wears perfume?

"I'm so tired..." Wanshu turned her head, sighed, and took off the sparkling jasmine flowers on her ears, "Because I'm experiencing a vulgar life."

"Susu, look at this pair of earrings. Although they are not the pair I often wear, but because they are very small, I don't feel much when I wear them."

"If I date Dong Shao, then fall in love, get married, have children, and become a rich wife after marriage, will I be like this pair of earrings? I don't feel anything about me, no matter who is sleeping next to me. It's all the same to me."

"How can this be the same?" I sat on the ground and looked at Wanshu seriously, and I understood that she wanted to chat with me now, "People are visual animals, and when you look at a bad old man and a handsome guy, it feels completely different .”

"But the handsome guy will turn into a bad old man one day." Wan Shu said, sitting on the chair by the entrance, she looked down at me with calm eyes. "Extend the timeline a little bit, a person's life is like 1 minute-I'm so tired, Susu."

My heart hurts slightly.

"If you are unhappy with Young Master Dong, then don't do it...Although he saved you, this is not the reason for you to be together."

"Maybe... I don't know if I'm happy or not, I just feel so tired. Susu, do you remember when you were in school? The poem you read to me on my birthday——

"'May you enjoy the radiant splendor of the bright universe; as if throwing yourself on a clear and magical wine.' I wrote this poem on the cover of my notebook, and I remember that I had a bright dream, Very beautiful, very far away, that dream was so clear at that time, but I can’t remember now, what is my future? Am I going to live like this forever? They all say this is good, you have completed yourself I have a dream, but I don't even remember my dream-I don't want to walk the road that others give me.

"I really don't understand now, Susu, I'm wearing a dress worth thousands of dollars, but my toes hurt, the red wine is very bad, and I just want to drink Coke.

"But is it something I have thought about? Is it because I have already got it, so I no longer cherish it, or is it because I betrayed my past self, and the current me is just a fake."

"I don't understand, Susu." Wanshu seemed to be drunk, she talked too much today, she gave me the whole confused heart, revealing the soft inside, and my heart was broken.Wan Shu's gaze was no longer calm, she showed a dazed expression, "I really don't understand."

"We are not fakes of ourselves, we just grew up." I said, "Who can remember the sentences written in his notebook now? Wanshu, you still remember, you are just too tired...do what you want Do what you want, you deserve the best."

Wanshu seemed very tired and sleepy. I helped her back to the bed, changed her clothes, and washed her face.

I looked at Wan Shu's calm face and gently covered her with the quilt.Her frowning brows slowly relaxed, Wan Shu is very unhappy these days, I just want to make her happy.

When I was about to turn off the bedside lamp, I saw the "Flower of Evil" I gave her lying on Wanshu's bedside, with a half-exposed bookmark in the middle.

My heart is sour, is it because of this book that Wanshu thinks of the past?

Just as I was about to turn off the light, I heard Wan Shu seem to be whispering something, and found that Wan Shu was lying on the bed with her eyes half-opened, her watery eyes were like a puff of smoke under the lamp, she seemed to be staring at me, and seemed to be Just in a daze, she said softly, "Why... do you keep using that pen?"

"What?" I didn't understand.

"You use... that pen," she said intermittently, closing her eyes again, "you... why do you use it?"

"Which pen?" I still don't understand.

"Obviously...it was mine first..." Wan Shu's voice became smaller and smaller, she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

I went back to my room, sat at the table and turned on the lamp. I saw the pen Cheng Xingjian gave me next to the mug. I suddenly understood something. Is this the pen Wanshu was talking about?