yellow spring blossoms

After watching the movie, it was already eleven o'clock in the evening. I walked side by side with Sun Bo on the way home. The night wind was a bit cool. I looked at the end of the road, and my thoughts gradually drifted away. It took him a long time to call me back.

"Ziyan, what are you thinking?" Sun Bo asked.

"Just in a daze." I replied.

Sun Bo laughed after hearing this, and then said to me: "I found that you are very quiet and well-behaved. Are there many boys chasing you?"

"Not at all." I walked, a little wanting to go home.

Fortunately, not far away.

"Then what do you think of me?" Sun Bo continued to ask.

I stood still and looked up at him, only to see him smiling, his eyes looking at me tenderly.

"Would you like to give me a chance?"

"No."

I was about to answer, but a voice answered for me.I was startled, and a layer of cold sweat broke out in my hands.

"Who are you?" Sun Bo looked at the woman behind me with confusion.

"I'm her college classmate." The voice behind continued, and then whispered in my ear. "Ziyan, why didn't you tell him that you already have a boyfriend? If this happens after a fight, it will give him a headache."

"What nonsense are you talking about?" I couldn't bear it any longer, and turned to look at Gu Youning.

"Am I talking nonsense?" There was an intriguing smile on the corner of Gu Youning's mouth, which made me feel chills behind me.

I felt that things were a bit beyond my imagination, so I turned around stiffly, and said to Sun Bo: "Well... It's been a long time since my college classmates, and my home is coming soon..."

"Ah, it's okay, I'll go first, you guys talk slowly." Sun Bo seemed to be uncomfortable being suppressed by Gu Youning's icy aura, and immediately stepped down a step.

I watched his back go further and further away, and my sight was blocked by Gu Youning.

"Still watching?" Gu Youning tilted his head slightly, completely occupying my sight.

I stared at her without speaking. I haven't seen her for a few years. She has changed a lot. She lost the youthful and childishness in school, and became more fierce and charming.Her hair seemed to be cut short, just to shoulder length, with a slight wave.The light makeup actually set off her spirit.

"Do you smoke?" After standing like this for nearly a minute, the tip of my nose has been surrounded by the vague smell of smoke, which is so light that it is difficult for me to confirm it.

"Yeah." Gu Youning replied, "Occasionally, if you don't like it, I can quit."

"Don't be so troublesome." I looked into her eyes and said, "We have already broken up. You can do whatever you want without asking my opinion."

As I said this, I saw Gu Youning's stretched eyebrows suddenly clustered, and there was a kind of pain in his eyes, dry and sharp pain.

"I agree to break up?"

"You don't need to agree. Breaking up is actually a decision made by one person, and the other person can only accept it." I replied, then turned around and prepared to go into the yard. "I'm going home, so you can too."

Gu Youning didn't leave, and grabbed my wrist.

I feel the gentle and delicate touch on my wrist, which I haven't seen for a long time.

She rarely keeps me like this, perhaps, now she also feels the determination in my words.

"Why..." Gu Youning asked in a low voice.This is the first time she asked me about the breakup: "Why... Ziyan."

"Because..." I stood with my back to Gu Youning, I felt breathless, my vision was blurred, I felt like I was going to cry again: "Because I found that you are no longer alone in my heart, Ziqing will always be there, Not going away."

"I don't care." Gu Youning said behind me.

"But I care." I tried to hold my breath and said, "Gu Youning, to be honest, you haven't had a good day since you were with me, and you were injured so seriously in the end. These years... I I have been thinking, if I am not with you, you will be very happy."

"You're not me, how do you know that I haven't had a good day, and how do you know that I'm not happy." Gu Youning said with a faint tremor in his voice.

I dare not look back, afraid to see her tearful eyes.

I felt that the air around me was overwhelming and I wanted to leave.

"If I'm by your side, I'll live a good life every day, very happy!" Gu Youning continued behind me, but I was already in tears and couldn't say another word.

"I said... I don't want to..." I gritted my teeth and squeezed out these few words: "How can a person's life be lived...I just don't want to live with you anymore. You know what, just look When I see you, I will think of the way Ziqing died...I will think of the smell of blood that day...I don't want to do this again! Why do I still remember...Why do I still remember everything! It's been so many years...Why It's the same as what happened yesterday..."

"I promise it will never happen again, Ziyan. I promise, this kind of thing will never happen again, and I will handle it well." Gu Youning said, walking towards me.I felt dry and difficult to breathe, sweat dripped from my forehead, and I wanted to run away, but Gu Youning hugged me from behind.

"Let go! Let go! Let me go!!" I struggled instinctively, and finally threw Gu Youning away.

I turned around and saw Gu Youning's red eyes.

She... cried again.

I know that in all my perceptions, Gu Youning's red eyes are the sharp pain in my heart.

"I don't know why I don't let you go... I don't know what I like about you..." Gu Youning looked at me seriously with red eyes. "But I know that I want to take care of you... know that I love you... I know that I only love you in this life... no matter how time goes by, we will still be together in the end."

"But I know why I left." I approached Gu Youning, raised my hand to wipe away the tears on Gu Youning's face, and said to her: "I believe that one day I can let Ziqing go, and you can let go of me too."

As I said that, I turned around cruelly.

But I heard Gu Youning whisper behind me: "Ziyan...do you know what I'm most afraid of..."

She paused for a while, as if suppressing some emotion.Then, I finally heard her say: "I am most afraid of the back of you leaving without nostalgia...it makes me helpless...every time..."

I didn't answer her words, and I didn't stop in my tracks.

Just like that, it disappeared that night.

It was also on that day that I agreed to date Sun Bo.He treats me very well, like all boyfriends in the world.But I became quieter and quieter, and I even felt that it was a luxury to laugh.A year later, Sun Bo proposed to me.He made a big show, kneeling on one knee with a microphone in the open square.I looked into his gentle eyes, feeling distant and strange, close and familiar.

"Ziyan, I love you, will you marry me?" He asked with a smile.

"Yes." I nodded and agreed to his proposal.

Meeting parents, meeting friends, wedding photos, and the process of preparing for the wedding went very quickly.The parents of both parties were also very satisfied. I sat in the room with bridal makeup and a wedding dress, staring at myself in the mirror in a daze.

Sometimes I think it's better to have nightmares, if reality is scarier than dreams.

I don't want to wake up, it would be great.

But...how long has it been?

I never had any dreams again.

"I'm married." When the wedding procession came crashing down on the door, I picked up my phone and sent a text message to Dream Slayer.

She replied quickly, saying, "Congratulations. Huang Quan, I wish you happiness."

"Yes." I replied, and handed the phone to the bridesmaid.

When I looked up, I saw that Sun Bo had knocked open the door of my room, with a bright smile on his face that I had never skipped.I don't know what expression is on my face at the moment, I hope I don't look too ugly.

During the bridal chamber, I was drowsy all the time, feeling extremely tired all over my body, as if all my strength had been consumed in this day.During the intermission, I ducked into the hotel bedroom and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I don't know how long I slept, I just felt someone touching my hair in a blur.Then there was a wet touch on my cheek... I slowly opened my eyes, and saw Sun Bofa's face.

"Ah——!!!" At that moment, I couldn't describe the horrifying feeling in my heart.I screamed loudly and rolled off the bed.It all happened so quickly that I didn't even have time to react.

"Ziyan...it's me, what's the matter with you? Did you have a nightmare?" Sun Bo was very frightened by my reaction, and hurriedly asked with concern.

"Don't come here!!!" Seeing that Sun Bo was about to approach me, I wrapped my arms around my chest and hugged my shoulders. "Don't come here!!!"

Seeing my reaction, Sun Bo sat by the bed helplessly and sighed.He leaned down, looked me in the eyes and said, "Ziyan, we are already married, we are husband and wife. You still won't let me touch you...? This year...we hold hands the most... I don't even... "

"Yes... I'm sorry..." I looked into Sun Bo's eyes, which were full of mist.

"Just because I kissed you made you so scared and disgusted?" Sun Bo was still asking.

"I'm sorry..." I could only keep repeating this sentence, looking at him a little helplessly.

"It's okay." The tenderness in Sun Bo's eyes gradually turned into a helpless emotion. "You are not used to it, we can take it slowly."

Have you ever woken up every morning feeling terrified?In the dream, I was still young and happy, but when I woke up, there was a completely strange man lying beside me, which seemed like a nightmare.

I thought, I'm not a good wife.Apart from doing housework and being filial to my parents-in-law, I have almost nothing to do for Sun Bo.Even a smile or a greeting is a luxury.

I slept with Sun Bo all the time for the first six months, but at night whenever he moved, I would wake up and watch him like a small animal wary of enemies.Sometimes I can see a kind of oppression in Sun Bo's eyes, that look makes me very uncomfortable, and my palms are often covered with sweat.

Later, I didn't know whether Sun Bo bought another small bed and put it in another bedroom because he felt sorry for me or for other reasons. I felt relieved.

That bedroom has been my world ever since.

In addition to going to work, going to the publishing house, cleaning and cooking.I basically can't come out of that room.

Sometimes Sun Bo couldn't help standing at the bedroom door and knocking: "Ziyan, shall we go for a walk?"

"No." I looked back at him and replied politely.

"What kind of novel do you write in a day? I'll just support you." Sun Bo continued.

"I can support myself," I replied.

"Then why do we get married?" Sun Bo asked.

It was the first time I saw him angry, and I didn't know how to react for a while.

"My mother said she wanted to hold a grandson." Sun Bo said again, and then put on his coat and went out.

☆, the final chapter: the same return

Sun Bo didn't come back very late that night. I sat in the living room and looked at the clock on the wall until it was two o'clock.I took out my cell phone and called him, but no one answered.I got up from the sofa, went back to my room and went to sleep after a simple freshen up.

I don't know what time it was, but I heard the sound of the door lock turning, and I knew it was Sun Bo who came back, but I didn't want to get up to meet him.I even regretted not locking the bedroom door.

However, it is useless for me to regret it now, so I have to close my eyes and fall asleep.

Sun Bo walked to the door of my room and stood there without even taking off his shoes.

"Slept very hard." He smiled, and I smelled a strong smell of alcohol.

"You're back." I sat up from the bed and looked at him in the dark.

"Do you still know who I am?" Sun Bo asked.

I didn't speak, but found that he had been waiting for me, so I added: "I called you."

"Will another one kill me?" He continued, and I felt like he was about to gnash his teeth. "Fang Ziyan! Do you have a heart?!"

I listened to Sun Bo's questioning, but I remembered his blind date back then.I wondered...was it my coldness that turned him into what he is now, or is this just another side of him.

"What's the matter? Why didn't you talk? Did you hit me?" He walked towards me, pulled the tie on his shirt, and unbuttoned the tiny button.

"What are you going to do?" I felt bad, hugged the quilt in my arms, and shrank into the corner.

"What are you doing?" He seemed to think that what I said was a joke, I just heard him sneer and said, "Fuck you, wife."

After hearing what Sun Bo said, my mind went blank for a moment.Then I immediately took out the short knife hidden under the pillow and looked at him vigilantly.

Sun Bo was more than half sober when he saw the knife, and then laughed.

"Hahahahahahahahahaha, Fang Ziyan, do you sleep on the tip of a knife every day?" He smiled, his eyes were red.I just watched him turn around unsteadily, walk out of my room door, and said as he walked: "I was deceived by your cute and quiet appearance at the beginning, who knew you had such a weird personality."

"I want to have a good time." I answered him seriously. "I thought that after I got married, everything would be the same as normal people, and I would love and take care of you. But... I now find that it is impossible."

"Why is it impossible?" Sun Bo asked, "Because you don't love me at all."

I was silent, unable to answer his question.

"Want to get a divorce?" Sun Bo asked again.

Before I could answer, he went on to say, "There are no doors."

He dropped the words and left.

He just walked away without saying a word to me.But I felt calm in my heart. In fact, it doesn't make much difference to me whether to divorce or not.Like I said before, how to live is not living.

Now... my eyes are dark, and there is no such light anymore.

I boarded Q, and the head of Dream Slayer lit up.I stared at the icon in a daze, only to find that it was shaking.It was like hearing my inner voice.

"Why don't you sleep?" Dream Slayer asked, "It's getting late."

"Didn't you sleep too?" I replied.

"I'm busy." Dream Slayer replied.

"What are you busy with?" I asked.

"A lot of documents need to be approved for the company's affairs." Dream Slayer replied.

"You're busy and still have time to talk to me?" I laughed.

"Seeing that you are awake, just ask." Dream Slayer typed very fast, as if chatting face to face. "It's so late...your husband doesn't care about you?"

"It doesn't matter." I replied.

There was no movement for a long time, and I was about to go to sleep, when I saw Dream Slayer asking, "Huang Quan, are you happy?"

"Well, happiness." I replied without thinking.

After a long time, Zhan Meng sent a smiling face: "But I am not happy."

"Why?" I frowned unconsciously, feeling a little worried in my heart.

I saw Dream Slayer's dialog box input and write, and in the end there was only one sentence: "It's nothing, go to bed early."

"Okay." I replied.

"Good night."

"Good night."

A year later, Sun Bo and I still divorced, and he proposed it.I don't know why he got through all of a sudden, but I just feel calm in my heart.On the day we separated, Sun Bo hugged me in his arms and asked me: "Fang Ziyan, let me ask you... from the beginning to now, have you never loved me?"

He asked, I heard the trembling in his words, reached out and patted his back and told a big lie.

"I loved it." I said.

Then Sun Bo cried and I heard him say thank you to me.

He moved his hands away and looked at me.I seem to have returned to the time when I first met him, as if I saw that man who is modest and gentle and loves to laugh.

"The first hug since we got married." He told me.

"It's the first hug after the divorce." I corrected him.

He was speechless, and answered me: "You still don't know how to chat."

I smiled, nodded, and turned to leave.

I know that this harm to Sun Bo has ended.

After divorcing Sun Bo, I left the city and went to a very remote place.I bought a small house with my savings from publishing books, found a fairly leisurely job, and lived a simple life.I changed my pseudonym and continued to write articles, but half a year later I saw Dream Slayer's message.

"You're here." I replied to her message.

"Yes." Dream Slayer also replied to me. "Huang Quan, no matter how many pseudonyms you change, I can find you."

"How many years?" I asked her with red eyes.

"It's been exactly ten years since I first met you." Dream Slayer said.

"Liar, how could it take so long." I laughed.Ten years, what a long time.

"Really." Dream Slayer replied: "I knew you were the year I was. Now I'm 28."

I suddenly felt that my vision was blurred, and I rushed to the bathroom to wash my eyes with cold water.I can't remember how long I haven't cried.

I brought some Ziqing's clothes in the suitcase, and I picked and picked some of them that I could still wear.The ones that couldn't be worn were put on another pillow at the head of the bed, as if she was still sleeping beside me.

For me, the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is still looking towards the door, looking at the familiar shadow.Before going out, I will tell Ziqing that I have gone out, and when I come back, I will tell Ziqing that I am back.There are two tooth jars and two toothbrushes in the bathroom, and there are even two sets of quilts.

I don't like chatting with my neighbors very much, and I just simply nod when I meet them.They thought I was withdrawn and gloomy, with a strange personality, so they were not willing to associate with me.Occasionally passing by, you can also hear some gossip.

"I heard that she was divorced...not a serious woman."

"She lives alone at home, and it looks like someone lives with her. She often talks to herself..."

"Does she have some mental problems... What a bad luck..."

I feel as if I have returned to the time when I was squeezed out in college, but I feel inexplicably kind.Although I was squeezed out at that time, Gu Youning did not dislike me, and Ziqing was always by my side.

enough.

Now that I think about it, I really have enough.

It is simply too happy.

Another day, after get off work, I found that it was getting late.So he quickly went to the vegetable stall and bought green pepper ham, preparing to make it for Ziqing to eat at night.Back home, while I was washing the vegetables, I told Ziqing what happened today.

In fact, it's nothing more than the gossip of the parents and the west, but I want to talk to her.

I want to share everything with her too much.

There was silence at the dinner table, except for my voice.Laughter, sigh, cry.

"Ziqing, I remember you asked me what kind of life I want to live in the future." I said looking at the empty chair across from me. "At that time, I said I didn't think about it, so you told me that you thought about it. The life you want is very simple, that is, having our own house, with me, you can see me every day when you go out, and you can also come back from work See me. Now, I live the life you want, but where are you..."

After I said it, I felt my throat was fishy and sweet, and my eyes were sour.

"I know what kind of life I want...I want a life with you...Can you do it?"

"I can't do it!!!!" I yelled and overturned the table: "Why did you leave me and leave!!! Why are you not allowed to cry!!! I am in pain every day... I I'm really tired... You said... If I will become a flower blooming on Huangquan Road after I die... You will bloom by my side, and you will not let me be lonely... But I have made you lonely for so many years... And How could you be willing to let you be alone for the rest of your life..."

I knelt among the tiles on the floor and said softly to her, "I will come to accompany you now..."

When I was dying of consciousness, the shadow of Zhan Meng suddenly flashed in my mind. She had been chasing me for ten years. If I left like this, she would be so sad that she would never find me again in the vast sea of ​​people.Anyway...it's time to say goodbye.

I struggled to touch the phone, clicked on the familiar phone number, and was in a trance.

I typed and sent it out.

The message read: You Ning, goodbye.

I seem to be walking on the edge of the river of the underworld, surrounded by densely packed red flowers, I know they are the flowers of the underworld that often exist in my mind.I looked at these flowers carefully and followed Ziqing's appearance carefully.

I lowered my eyes to search, but felt that there was a line of sight following me closely behind me.When I turned around suddenly, I saw a vague shadow behind the dense mist.

The shadow was on the other side of the river, in a field of bright red flowers.

I stood where I was, looking at her from a distance.After a long time, I said dryly: "Ziqing?"

"Zi Yan." She replied.

Tears washed out of my eyes, and my voice became hoarse in an instant.

"You cry again, crybaby." She said, and I could imagine her frowning.

"Ziqing... Ziqing..." I called her name, feeling a sharp pain in my heart.

"People don't become flowers in the underworld after death." She said, "I just continue to live in this world. So we are not separated, and we will meet sooner or later. Isn't it?"

I tried hard to look at the mist and listened to her voice, I missed that voice so much.

"So, don't be sad because of this incident anymore. When you finish your life, we will meet again." Ziqing said. "Ziyan, I'm dead... I can't accompany you through the years to come... I can't continue to protect you... But it's okay... With her..."

"I don't want you to say that!!! I don't want to listen...don't listen..." I cried and jumped off the river of Wangchuan and ran towards the opposite side.But I found that I couldn't get close, but got farther and farther away.It seems that there is a force pulling me away from this place.

I tried my best to look at Ziqing, and saw the mist dissipate... I saw her delicate eyebrows...

"Ziyan!!! Ziyan...Ziyan, wake up!!!" A distant call pulled me back to this world, I vaguely opened my eyes, and saw Gu Youning's red eyes from crying.

I looked at Gu Youning's red eyes and cried out.I stretched out my hand and hugged Gu Youning into my arms, not knowing where I was.

At night, Gu Youning stayed with me in the room, just like many years ago.

"Youning, I miss Ziqing very much." I told her.

"I know." Gu Youning replied, "You've always wanted to."

"Ah."

"Miss me?" Gu Youning continued to ask.

I looked sideways, looked at Gu Youning's worried face and answered. "Miss you."

I saw Gu Youning's brows stretched out, and there was a faint smile in the corner of his eyes.I moved my position and said to Gu Youning, "You can lie down too."

Gu Youning obediently lay beside me, hugged me in his arms, and said to me: "Do you remember our first time, it was also in the hospital...the school's infirmary."

"Well." I replied.

"Now...it seems...it's like going back to that time again." Gu Youning said.

I turned my eyes sideways, stared at Gu Youning and said, "Youning, if I can meet you again, I will never miss you again."

Gu Youning didn't seem to understand what I said, but just looked at me with some confusion.I raised my hand to touch her cheek, and said softly, "Go to sleep, good night."

She also stroked my cheek and said, "Ziyan, good night."

This is the third year since I left Gu Youning. I haven't contacted Gu Youning, I haven't contacted Dream Slayer, I haven't been on Q again, and I haven't gone home for the New Year.I changed my name, changed my phone, and started all over again.

I am floating on the edge of this world, like a rootless duckweed.

I have seen the extreme beauty of this world, and I have been to places that many people cannot reach.Finally, in this open nature, the soul is washed from the inside to the outside.

When I returned to City X, I received a call from the editor.

"An Ran, your novel has been incrementally printed, and all the major sponsors are here. You come back today, come over for dinner!"

"I'm not going." I replied.

"You're here again, let me tell you, this time it's about my job! If you don't come, I'll never end with you!" The editor hung up the phone directly, and then sent a message The address of the hotel.

I took a look and decided to give it a go.

I have always disliked participating in this kind of event, but there is nothing I can do if I don't like it, this time the sponsors are too full.

When it was just dark, I finally arrived at the hotel.Once there, there are all kinds of entertainment, and after two glasses of wine, I feel a little dizzy.I told the editor that I had to go back first, but she disagreed, saying that these were all cutscenes, and the biggest boss hadn't arrived yet.Anyone who doesn't see it is fine, miss this and regret for a lifetime.

"I won't regret it." I drunkenly challenged the editor, but when the editor got excited, she patted my shoulder and said to me, "Say Cao Cao Cao Cao will be here. Here we come!"

I don't know why, but I was a little nervous, so I heard them all the way called Mr. Gu, and then, the so-called Mr. Gu stood behind me.

"Miss An Ran, hello." She smiled.

I turned my head stiffly, and saw Gu Youning in a suit and leather shoes. She stared at me with beautiful eyes and said, "My name is Gu Youning. You can call me Youning. From now on, please take care of me."

I laughed too, and tears flowed from the laughter.I stepped forward, hugged her in my arms, and said to her: "Okay, let me take care of you."

Many people were surprised by how I got along with Gu Youning, but I was not surprised by her.

Because I know, this is not our first encounter.

We met in the book room many years ago.

Has stood the test of time.

Just like Gu Youning said, she believes that no matter how time goes by, we will eventually be together.

Now, I believe it too.

"You promised me that if you meet again, you will never miss me again." Gu Youning whispered in my ear.

"Well." I replied. "Won't miss it again."

"Take care of me forever?"

"Ah."

"What if I'm broke?"

"Then I..."

"..."

"Then I... will support you forever."

-THAN-

The author has something to say: This is the end of the story, and there should be extra episodes. If the scale is large, it can only be posted in the group sharing. Welcome everyone to enter the □□ stream

In addition, it was not easy to finish writing this article... It was so cold that I was sweating, but fortunately I persisted and finished writing.Thank you to the readers who have been leaving messages to encourage me, love you, you are my motivation to update

The new pit will be opened years ago, and the style will be completely different from this article. We will see you in the new pit

Finally, I wish everyone a happy new year O(∩_∩)O~