dark white and light black

I think... I might be gay.

"Hey, Wang Ye, you're not going to be angry about what happened just now, are you?"

On the way to school.Sui Yuan caught up with me from behind, hooked my shoulder with a playful smile.

Sui Yuan is my deskmate. We have been at the same table since we first entered high school. Our relationship is neither good nor bad. Usually, we talk about things. It is definitely not enough to say that we are friends. It's kind of mean, at most, it's a friend, one less than him, and one more than a lot—after all, I don't have other friends, and many times I feel that I don't need friends at all.

"I said, Wang Ye, can you borrow me to copy the history exam next week?"

He put his elbow on my shoulder and smiled flatteringly.

"Let go!", I was not in the mood to deal with his slobbering face, and I just took his arm away from my shoulder.

"Hey, you really..." He stamped his feet, and followed in a blink of an eye.

"Isn't it just that you accidentally dropped the love letter someone wrote to you? Are you really so indomitable?"

"Get out of the way, I don't want to talk to you now!"

"Wang Ye, Ono... Is it okay if I was wrong? Can I apologize to you?" He walked around in front of me and blocked my way, making a funny expression.

"I tell you to go away!", I was angry when I saw Sui Yuan's appearance, and I pushed him hard: "...Don't you understand?"

"Good you Wang Ye!", Sui Yuan was pushed by me and almost fell down, took a few steps back before finally standing still, his face immediately became a little uneasy, he gritted his teeth and said: "Don't be so fucking shameless... ...Death! Sameness! Sex! Love!"

I might really be gay...and I've figured that out a long time ago.

I didn't go to the exercise between classes this morning, my leg hurts, so I asked the teacher for leave and sat in the classroom alone to preview my homework...

After a while, Sui Yuan sneaked back for some reason, saw me sitting in the classroom, and kept dangling in front of me.

I ignored him, but he got more and more aggressive, snatched my textbook and flipped through it on purpose - he has always been like this, always messing with me, I am so annoyed by him!

He took my textbook and handed it in front of my eyes to tease me, and he hid as soon as I snatched it.The two of us chased in circles in front of my desk, he was triumphant in the front, and I was furious in the back... Then, I don't know if it was me or him, I accidentally overturned my desk...

In the back of my desk is the biggest secret I've grown up with—a dozen love letters written on pink letterhead that I've never shown to anyone.

I was afraid that my parents would find out if I put them at home, so I secretly took them to school and hid them in the deepest part of the desk...

I thought everything was safe, but I didn't expect them to be exposed because of negligence today...

The bell for exercise rang, and a few students with fast legs quickly ran back to the classroom.

My desk fell to the ground, and the textbooks and stationery were spilled all over the floor. Seeing this, several students naturally bent down to help me pick them up...

It didn't take long for the students to come back one after another.And soon, someone found those pink love letters...

The pink letter paper looks particularly eye-catching in a pile of black and white test papers. They are scattered around with various sundries at the moment, so I have no time to pick them up quickly...

"Dear Wang Ye....I miss you so much...hahahaha..."

Lin Sheng, the naughtiest gangster in the class, picked up one of them.He took it apart in front of his classmates, stood on his desk, and read it out on the spot.

"...I can't help but miss you every night, I want to see you... Hahaha... Oh my god, it's so disgusting..." He pretended to be rubbing goosebumps while winking and teasing the onlookers...

"Give it back to me!", I pulled down his trouser legs on the desk, and I was afraid of throwing him to the ground with too much force: "Lin Sheng, stop reading..."

There was pleading in my voice, but no one cared, as if it was just a harmless joke.

The students frolicked around Lin Sheng like a carnival.

"...One day, I will let you know! Even if we are the same gender, we can still love each other..." Lin Sheng squeezed his throat and deliberately paused every word, but as he read, his voice gradually weakened go down.

The classroom was suddenly quiet.Everyone looked at me in unison, like looking at some scourge, some with terror in their eyes, some with hesitation...

After a while, the normally gentle little girl at the table behind me mustered up the courage to take a step forward. She tugged on my sleeve and asked timidly.

"Wang Ye... are you... gay?"

I have never hated anyone like I hated Sui Yuan today.

I will never forget—he, the instigator, stood in the crowd without any regrets at that time, along with the classmates who were watching the excitement, singing and laughing with Lin Sheng's intentionally funny tone.Laughing so ferociously that you can't even breathe -- it makes me sick just looking at it!

When I got home, I took out the crumpled love letters from my schoolbag and spread them out on my desk one by one.

I admit that I fell in love with this man who wrote me a love letter, although I still don't know who he is...

I began to receive mysterious love letters one after another from the summer vacation after the high school entrance examination.

My family lives on the first floor of a building in an old district, and the outside of my room window happens to be a small road that must be passed to enter the community.There are people coming and going on weekdays, and there are often naughty children looking into my room. Occasionally they get too close, and I will accidentally find them...

However, I never stopped them, and I even took the initiative to smile at them-I never resisted anyone who wanted to approach me-because, I am lonely...

Looking back, that day was just an ordinary morning like usual...

I got up in a daze, brushed my teeth, washed my face and went back to the desk, spread out the paper and was about to draw, when I saw the pink letter paper folded into the shape of a paper airplane on the desk at a glance.

I opened it curiously, and saw the small crooked words in just a second, the first sentence read——

"Wang Ye, you are not alone, you still have me..."

I subconsciously felt that someone was joking with me, and I poked my head out of the window to try to find clues, but found nothing—that morning, the alley was unexpectedly quiet, not even a child who was usually laughing and playing.

A leaf of the sycamore tree outside the window whirled and fell, just in time to float in and land on my desk...

I suddenly looked at the window that I forgot to close the night before, thoughtfully...

I can't remember my mood at that time, maybe I was at a loss?Is it fear?Is there still a little expectation?

I have never been so cared for by anyone—from childhood to adulthood, almost all my emotions are for self-entertainment, and I have never seen anyone.

On that day, with a feeling that I didn’t know why but couldn’t restrain myself, I read and read the pink letter paper over and over again until the paper was rubbed a little soft by me, and finally at night, I let it stick to my desk. chest, accompanied me to a deep sleep...

For the first time in my life, I prayed to God in my dream, that this letter was true, that this was true, that someone really cared about me, that I would never have to be alone again.

Since that day, I have never shut that window tightly again...

The next day, as soon as I got to the school gate, I saw some classmates I didn't know pointing and whispering to me from a distance.But when I got closer, they passed me by with serious expressions like nothing happened... Of course I knew they were talking about me behind my back.

When I walked into the classroom, I accidentally met the eyes of the girl at the back desk looking out the door. When she saw me, her eyes flickered unconsciously, and immediately lowered her head pretending to be inadvertent, her face looked a little embarrassed... I smiled wryly , went straight to his seat and sat down.

Sui Yuan was not late today.At this time, he was lying on the table and concentrating on adding beards and glasses to the illustrations in the textbooks. Even when I sat next to him, he didn't raise his head or say hello, as if I didn't exist at all...

The whole morning, Sui Yuan didn't say a single word to me...and I simply ignored him.

What do you mean when friends know each other, aren't they always greeted and sent away by stepping on the high and flattering the low?I have already seen through!

The history exam at the end of the first year of high school is coming soon.The school vacated all the classrooms and rearranged the student numbers of the examinees, but unexpectedly failed to separate Sui Yuan from me—he was actually assigned to the same examination room as me and sat in front of me.

Sui Yuan and I haven't spoken to each other for a whole week, other than that, it's normal to go to and from school every day.However, he never put his arms around my shoulders like in the past, and walked home with me side by side after school.

I know that he is actually following me secretly every day, evasively and evasively.I glanced over several times, and I often saw him hesitant to speak, as if he wanted to come forward and say something to me.But with his mouth open, he still didn't say a word for a long time...

In the end, he chose to lower his head, swallowed his words, pretended not to see me, and hurried past my shoulder—without exception...

After a week of cold war, I am also a little tired.

I even secretly thought in my heart that as long as Sui Yuan apologizes to me, even if he casually says sorry, I can forgive him immediately...

The image of Sui Yuan in my heart is actually not as bad as I imagined before. Anyway, we used to be regarded as model deskmates—we got along well and never quarreled...

What's more, I don't know if I'm thinking too much—during the week of the cold war with Sui Yuan, the pink love letter that was originally sent every week without interruption has never been sent again...

I never thought that Sui Yuan would have anything to do with words like "clank and pride".

Before the history test, I even thought that if Sui Yuan dared to take a sneak peek at the back, I would definitely find an opportunity to completely tear my skin off with him——I couldn't hold it anymore, being hung up in such a cold way by him, let I'm very upset...

When it comes to Sui Yuan's grades in history class, it is no exaggeration to describe it as so bad that both people and gods are angry.If he hadn't cheated, he would have passed the exam.

I don't think Sui Yuan doesn't know how important the exam is.I don't think he would risk not getting his diploma after high school to get mad at me...

Cheating in the exam can be big or small, in fact, the teachers know it too, so they often turn a blind eye to the little tricks of the students secretly...

In the first half of the exam, I was a little apprehensive. I covered the test paper as if I was afraid that he would see it, and I was afraid that I would cover it too tightly so that he would not be able to see anything...

However, I was wrong.He actually didn't turn to the side by an inch from the beginning to the end, let alone glance behind him.Throughout the exam, he quietly wrote on the test paper, with his back straight, his eyes fixed, and there was no possibility of him getting a cheat sheet...

I think, I lost!

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