Jiang Hao

burden.

With the mentality of wanting to escape, Jiang Hao's behavior couldn't be more natural.

I first contacted Jiang Hao and sent a text message: [How are you these days? ]

To put it bluntly, through the phone screen, I felt a strange embarrassment inexplicably.

[I'm fine, and you. ] Jiang Hao returned quickly, but lost the intimacy before.Come to think of it, that kind of intimacy was never exclusive to me, not even mine.

My mechanical reply: [classes, mid-term is coming soon, there is an exam. ]

[come on. ]

I looked at the word 'come on' and was in a daze for a long time, then I closed the phone.I don't know what to say. It seems that the relationship between Jiang Hao and I always falls into this kind of vicious circle: the appearance of harmony, waiting for the opportunity to get closer, the distance between each other is small, and we are at a loss what to do.After escaping, waiting, or adapting, it becomes superficial again, and the next cycle follows.

I'm tired, so tired...

In the past, it may be because I didn't get it, and I always had a thought in my heart.This time, I really got it, and the accumulated exhaustion in my heart can no longer be ignored.

Thinking about it this way, the minimal contact after that night was a way to relax myself.

Although Jiang Hao is not as considerate of others as he used to be in this matter, the things and choices he made still brought convenience to me after all.

I fucked Jiang Hao.Looking back over the past few days, these few words alone make people excited.

But it's strange to say that I don't have the idea of ​​'next time', and I don't even think about it.The thrill of ejaculation is nothing compared to the satisfaction in my heart.

I got... that's the only remaining conclusion.

After chasing for too long, the following of eyes becomes a habit.Once you arrive at your destination, you will feel lost and lost in your heart.

After repeated experience, the feeling of fatigue is increasing day by day.

Thinking of the name 'Jiang Hao', the excitement became less and less, replaced by the escape of self-protection.

On the day when college students registered for the track and field competition in the province, Cai Xia had just removed the plaster cast on his leg, and it was still uncomfortable to walk.

He hugged me and cried, very lightly.Tears flowed down silently, staining the clothes on my chest.

"Don't think too much." I can only comfort Cai Xia like this, but I know in my heart that such words are meaningless at all.

"Well," Cai Xia nodded in my arms, "I only have you, Brother Kun."

I only have you... A few simple words, I feel uncomfortable, my heart is like an hourglass, and I feel that all the blood is starting to flow into the unknown black hole.

That afternoon, I took Cai Xia to buy him a lot of things.Cai Xia never refuses to accept my things, and most of the time I am willing to buy them for him.Cai Xia's mood improved a little because of these things, and it was not a cure for the symptoms.I don't have any other options. This is a manifestation of my dedication to him, and I can only do this.

After the midterm exam, my dad had another in-depth conversation with me, and the topic was still the way out for the future.

"It's been a few months," my father said while sitting on the sofa, but it gave me pressure that couldn't be ignored. "You have to decide in September. It's already April. Count on your fingers." time."

This time, I didn't have an argument with my father, and I didn't even have any negative emotions from repeating the old saying.

As time goes by, these are the facts that I have to face.I have no ability, this must be admitted. It is absolutely impossible to stay at home after graduation. After thinking about this, I felt a bit broken in my heart, "Dad, what do you think?"

Since I didn't learn how to make decisions since I was a child, my parents didn't expect me to rely on myself for such a big matter.My father was able to tell me about this matter again and again, he must have had an idea in his heart, but out of respect for my age, let me have a choice first.

"I think, if you don't have any ideas, going abroad is a better choice." Father seemed to have finally waited for what he wanted to hear, his expression relaxed a lot, and his tone softened, "The employment situation in China is not very good now. Well, too many engineering students like you have gone out, and you are nothing if you leave school... If you study for a master’s degree here, your situation will not change much after a few years. Although going abroad costs a lot, we can still afford it For the sake of it, you have an extra choice, and it's good to go out and have a look."

In the environment of colleges and universities, there are not a few children from various uncles who go abroad.It was natural for my dad to have such an idea, not a whim. "Let me think about it," I couldn't make a decision right now, leaving one place to go to another place is something that needs to be thought about, "It's just a few days, let's talk after I think about it."

I have never left home since I was a child, and now I go to school in the new campus, and I always think that I can go home whenever I want.Complete freedom from parental control was something I had dreamed of before, but after a few years in college, I was a little unsure.

When my father expressed his thoughts, I was a little moved. I was very curious about the colorful world outside, and I had never experienced the state of living alone.But at the same time, I also felt uneasy in my heart. The tepid relationship with my roommates in the new campus, and the calculations of the friends around me, I despise these things, but I can't escape them.

In a sense, the past few years have changed me, maybe I have matured a bit.At least, when I went to university after the college entrance examination, I never thought about these things, but now when I am faced with a choice, various pros and cons have unconsciously entered my thoughts.

I have seriously thought about going abroad, more seriously than ever before.

I thought about the environment around my father, the friends around me, and whether I was suitable... All these questions have no correct answers. Compared with the questions on the exam paper, these things have no solution.

Judging the situation, no matter from which aspect, following my parents' wishes to go abroad will not have a bad impact on my future.

There is nothing worse for me now... I comfort myself like this.

Within a few days, I took the initiative to talk to my father.

"I've made up my mind... let's go abroad. I started to learn English recently and review the English test for going abroad." When I said this, I was full of confidence.It felt like I had finally made this decision myself, and then spoke to my parents about my decision in a dominant manner.There is an unrealistic pride in my heart, which is extremely stupid and naive.

"Okay..." The father was satisfied, and looked back at his mother, "It's good for him to think so."

The two men, the father and the son, had two dialogues, and the interpretation of this scene was enjoyable.I was passive in this matter from beginning to end, and got my father's "approval" at this moment.I don't know how my mother felt when she heard my father's words, but I felt, through and through, a failure, a failure from a man in his 20s who had never left home.

I still clearly remember the matter of choosing a major in college. I just wanted to leave the college where my father was.I don't know if I was like a frog in a well and a newborn calf at that time, or if I am willing to be manipulated and unable to break free now.

Going abroad after graduation has no effect on me. I don't have a job I want to do, and I don't plan to take a postgraduate entrance examination. I come and go again and again, and I have a goal.I thought about this matter carefully and felt that the only problem was Cai Xia.

I know the conditions of Cai Xia's family. If I want to go abroad, he will definitely not make the same choice as me. Besides, he is still several years away from graduation.Leaving the country, no matter where I go, there must be a few hours of time difference between me and him.

Long-distance relationship, or a foreign country... I don't believe it, I can't believe it, and I can't believe it.

It's not that I don't have confidence in Cai Xia, what I have no confidence in is myself and the relationship between us.

Don't let Cai Xia know about going abroad.

I couldn't open my mouth to Cai Xia, 'I want to go abroad in the future, what do you think we should do? 'I can't ask this kind of words, and I don't want him to make a choice for our relationship.The relationship with him is the only thing in my life that I can control, and surrendering the right to choose is nothing more than adding a rich stroke to my list of failures.

I kept this matter from him. To be precise, I couldn't choose the right time to tell him, so I simply kept it from him.

When it's time to leave, what should I do...

Frankly, I don't know, I... don't want to think that far.

27

My father wanted me to go to the United States, and most of the people around me who went abroad also chose to go to the United States.My father has several good friends in the United States. If I go, I will be able to take care of me at critical moments.

I was silent when I heard this...

I have no way of knowing how people living abroad live.But if they are not relatives, children from old acquaintances, what kind of substantive help can they have?Not to mention that the United States is so big, even in one state, it may not be possible to meet each other often.It is still unknown where I will end up going, and it is nothing more than comfort to say these things now.

I started to prepare for English, and I got busy all of a sudden.

The last time I learned English was when I was taking the sixth grade of the college entrance examination. I watched it for a few days and tried to answer the questions, but the final score was low.

Going abroad is not as good as the domestic exams. What I will face in the United States is TOEFL and GRE.I took a look at the TOEFL test questions, and the words in them are still a bit familiar. Spending time may not necessarily lead to a good score, but the minimum requirements for applying abroad can be met.But GRE...

After I studied for half a month, I went home on weekends and said to my father, "Why don't I go to Europe or Australia, I don't think I can get good grades in the GRE."

My father looked at me, and the usual 'hate iron can't be made into steel' appeared on his face again, "You take the test first, and we will talk about things after you have a grade." Master