Daily life of farming and supporting a family on the ancient Loess Plateau

Ji Mantun was still reeling from Zhao Yunxia's sudden death. He was in a daze and had no idea why Zhao Yunxia had chosen to commit suicide. It wasn't until Zhao's mother came over and tried to pull him away, but was pulled away by Ji Manchuan, that he began to come to his senses and learned what had happened before Zhao Yunxia died.

What papermaking formula, what fifty taels, that's why the child's mother couldn't think straight.

On the way back from the county, he kept blaming himself, thinking that his wife's suicidal thoughts were caused by his failure to pick her up for so long.

So that's how it is! But is fifty taels of silver worth a life?

Like other men from Northwest China, Ji Mantun was a reserved person. He had never been good at expressing his feelings and would never say things like, "My dear mother, I miss you so much." Even now, as he gently lifted a corner of the straw mat and looked at Zhao Yunxia's bloodless body, he still didn't shed a single tear.

He couldn't tell whether he felt pain or sorrow. He only felt as if a piece of his heart had been gnawed away by a wolf, leaving him feeling lost and helpless.

Old Lady Zhao cried and accused him of being cold-blooded, saying he wasn't human, and he didn't know how to refute her.

All he knew was that his living child's mother was gone, and he would have no wife or mother for the child. This was definitely not what he wanted to see.

He thought that the Zhao family was at fault, but he was also at fault. If he had gone to pick up Zhao Yunxia earlier, perhaps this wouldn't have happened; if he had stopped Zhao Yunxia from going back to her parents' home, perhaps this wouldn't have happened either.

But now the situation is beyond repair.

Ji Mantun was in a daze. Faced with Old Lady Zhao's crying and demanding that he pay with his life and money, he didn't know what to do. It seemed that his mind couldn't process anything at all.

Papermaking...the formula...but, death is a serious matter...decades of marriage...for the sake of our three children...

Looking at the children crying their hearts out, Ji Mantun pondered intermittently, and finally slowly took fifty taels of silver from the house and gave it to Old Lady Zhao.

"Here's the money! Your wife was a filial daughter of the Zhao family, who spent her whole life helping her family and hoping they would live well. Now that she's gone, I'll pay for this last time she helped her family, as it fulfills her greatest wish in life. From now on, the Zhao family and the Ji family will never have anything to do with each other again!"

.....

Old Lady Zhao left with the money, and Zhao Yunxia was buried.

But for someone who died at this age, and in such a special way, with their children not yet married, it's not customary to hold a proper funeral. So all they can do is dig a grave, bury the person, cover the grave with soil, and erect a tombstone. There's not even a suona (a traditional Chinese wind instrument), making it seem hasty and desolate.

Zhao Yunxia's death was a huge blow to Ji Mantun's family, especially Ji Yongfei. She didn't eat or sleep for three days and three nights, and her eyes were so tired that they looked like they had fallen into a deep well. Yang was so frightened that she prayed to Buddha and called on the spirits of the dead.

In fact, Zhao Yunxia's death brought Ji Yongfei sadness and pain, as well as deep guilt and self-blame. After all, her mother's return to her parents' home this time was because of her marriage, so she didn't know how to forgive herself.

Her feelings for her mother were conflicted and complex. When she was little, she thought everything her mother said was right, and her mother loved her the most. She was her mother's most capable little helper. Her mother cooked, she tended the fire, her mother did the laundry, and she scattered the ashes. But later, she learned that although her mother was physically in Niujiazhuang, her heart was always in Zhaojiazhuang.

She believed that if she could, her mother would definitely be willing to sacrifice their family to bring happiness to her maternal grandmother's family. She disliked, even loathed, this.

She had opposed it and fought against it. She wanted her mother to understand that her family was her family and the Zhao family was the Zhao family, and that only by making sure her own family was doing well could she help her mother's family. However, she ultimately failed to bring her mother to her senses; instead, her mother sank deeper and deeper into this situation, even going down this path.

But this was, after all, her own mother! Even at the worst, she didn't want her mother to die. Her mother was so foolish; she had already returned to Niujiazhuang, so why couldn't she ask her family for help with the contract? Instead, she chose this way of being separated by death, causing her family so much grief!

Villagers had differing opinions about Zhao Yunxia's passing. Some felt it was a pity, after all, she was so young, and it was truly a shame that she left so easily.

Some people think Zhao Yunxia brought it on herself and deserved it. When she was in the Ji family, she was arrogant and didn't appreciate Ji Mantun because her father was educated; when she went to her parents' home, she didn't even know she had been sold by them.

With Zhao Yunxia's matter resolved, no matter how grieving the Ji Mantun family was, life had to go on. But once the peace was broken, everyone in the family seemed to be burdened with heavy thoughts.

Ji Mantun and his son approached the paper mill owner, saying they wanted to resign from their jobs there because Zhao Yunxia had sold the caustic soda and paper medicine formulas to someone else, and they felt guilty towards the paper mill.

Actually, the paper mill owner had harbored resentment towards Ji Mantun after learning about this. He felt that Ji Mantun was lax in managing his household, unable to even control his wife. But the deceased was gone, and he couldn't say much. Now that Ji Mantun and his son had come to him to resign from their jobs, it was within his expectations. However, he couldn't make the decision himself.

It can be said that without Ji Yongling, there would be no Ningping Paper Mill today. Therefore, the paper mill manager did not dare to agree to the request of Ji Mantun and his son without authorization, and hurriedly went to find Ji Yongling.

Ji Yongling could understand the actions of Ji Mantun and his son. Given Ji Mantun's character, it was not surprising that he made such a decision, although there must have been many reasons and difficulties involved.

However, Ji Yongling could not agree to it.

She firmly believes that everyone experiences the most difficult moments in their lives and faces tough choices. As adults, once a choice is made, one should take responsibility for it.

Like Zhao Yunxia, ​​in Ji Yongling's view, she was really too muddle-headed. She made a mistake, but she should have tried to make amends. She really didn't deserve to die. She shouldn't have so easily lost her life over such a thing.

Her death solved nothing, nor did it awaken the conscience of Zhao's family; it only left Ji Yongfei and his sister with endless sorrow.

But she also understood that those involved are often blinded by their own perspective. At that time, Zhao Yunxia may have already seen through her parents' selfishness, and felt utterly desperate, which led her down this path without considering anything else. Her choice was perhaps a silent protest, a rebellion against her parents. But this rebellion plunged everyone into even deeper suffering.

However, upon closer reflection, Zhao Yunxia's tragic end to her life is not without reason. The blisters on her feet were self-inflicted; she had gradually worn down Ji Mantun's tolerance for her and eroded the children's attachment to her. Perhaps she wanted to leave some beautiful memories in the hearts of Ji Mantun and his sons in this way.

However, what she didn't know was that her choice would also implicate Ji Mantun and his son.