Daily life of farming and supporting a family on the ancient Loess Plateau

Zhao Yunxia forced a smile in response.

She slowly walked to the gate of her courtyard and circled the wall step by step. Her fingers gently traced the rough earthen wall, and the familiar touch confirmed to her that this was her home, and the Zhao family's home was no longer her home. But this home, she could never return to now.

Since Zhao Yunxia returned to Zhao Family Village, Ji Yongfei has moved to the old courtyard and lived in a cave dwelling with Yang Shi. The gate here is usually locked, and it is only opened occasionally when Ji Mantun and his son return.

Zhao Yunxia looked up into the courtyard. Through the wall, she could vaguely see the walnut tree still standing tall, its branches and leaves lush.

A wave of bitterness washed over her. This place was painstakingly built by her husband, a shelter for her and their children. But now, she didn't even have the right to open that door.

Zhao Yunxia gently placed her hand on the door knocker, the icy touch making her tremble slightly. She really wanted to push open this door, go inside, see the kang (heated brick bed) she used to sleep on, see the stove where she used to cook, see if those familiar corners still retained their former appearance. But she knew she was no longer worthy of anything here.

The distant horizon turned from orange-red to bluish-gray, and people gradually became invisible. Smoke began to rise from the chimneys in every courtyard, signaling it was time to rest and heat the kang (a traditional heated brick bed).

But Zhao Yunxia had nowhere to go. She sat in a corner by her door for a long time, as if waiting for something, or perhaps saying goodbye to something. The wind blew gently, rustling the leaves and the corn in the fields around the yard.

Finally, Zhao Yunxia slowly got up, reluctantly touching the two doors. She was so reluctant to leave this home. She hated her past ignorance so much. She regretted not cherishing her life more over the years, and not treating Ji Mantun and the children better.

She wanted to see Ji Mantun and the children one last time, but she knew she couldn't face them. She had devoted her entire life to her maternal family, neglecting her own family who had always tolerated her, but in the end, she couldn't earn a shred of love or pity from her parents.

There's no going back in this world; many mistakes are simply mistakes. Others might forgive her, but she herself couldn't forgive herself. She spent her life proving herself through her mistakes, yet all those mistakes ultimately proved that she had lived a life of errors, and the harm and regret she brought to her family could not be undone.

Night fell completely, and the stars shone brightly in the sky. Zhao Yunxia's figure gradually disappeared into the night, leaving only the tightly closed courtyard gate and the couplets on the gate that rattled in the wind, as if silently watching her leave.

That night, many villagers, including Ji Yongfei, were unaware that Zhao Yunxia had returned. Where had Zhao Yunxia gone? Nobody knew.

The next day at dawn, craftsmen from Zhao Yunxia's family came one after another to start work. Everyone was chatting and laughing as they worked in the courtyard until someone went into the already completed main room and discovered that a person was hanging from the main beam.

Zhao Yunxia died, hanging herself in the newly built main room of the Zhao family, instantly turning this courtyard, which had cost nearly a hundred taels of silver but had never been lived in, into a graveyard. When Old Man Zhao heard the news, he spat out a mouthful of blood onto the kang mat and fainted.

Old Lady Zhao wailed and cried, dragging Zhao Yunxia, ​​wrapped in a straw mat, and cursing all the way from Zhao Family Village to Niu Family Village. Only then did the Ji family learn what had happened.

"Mother—" Ji Yongfei looked at the serpentine trail left by the tattered straw mat on the yellow earth, staggered a few steps and ran over, letting out a mournful cry from the deepest part of her body, a cry that sounded as if her throat had been torn open.

Seeing that Ji Yongfei was about to rush towards the tattered straw mat, Ji Yongling grabbed her around the waist and said, "Don't go!"

She didn't want Ji Yongfei to see Zhao Yunxia's bulging eyes and protruding tongue after she hanged herself. The image of someone committing suicide by hanging would be too shocking for most children, and Zhao Yunxia might already have lividity; she was afraid it would cause Ji Yongfei psychological trauma.

"No, I want to see my mother!" Ji Yongfei struggled violently, kicking up clouds of yellow earth beneath her feet.

Ignoring the earthy taste in her mouth, Ji Yongling managed to stop her with all her might: "Yongfei, listen to me! Don't go, don't look, leave your second aunt some dignity!"

Perhaps it was Ji Yongling's last words that touched Ji Yongfei, for her body seemed to freeze instantly, unable to move.

The brothers Ji Mantun and Ji Yonghua finally returned. At this moment, their eyes were vacant, and their bodies seemed to have been drained of blood, devoid of all life.

"Mother—" Ji Yonghua and Ji Yongbai knelt down on the ground with a thud, hugging the straw mat tightly, as if they could hug their mother in this way.

"You...you...why did you take this road..." Ji Mantun's body trembled as he crouched down beside the straw mat, burying his head in his hands.

"Ji Mantun, you must be the one who killed my daughter! My daughter came back to your Ji family yesterday afternoon, and something happened as soon as she got back. It must be your old Ji family trying to bully my daughter! Give me back my daughter!" Old Lady Zhao sat on the ground, pounding her chest and stamping her feet, shouting and cursing through gritted teeth.

"You old woman, you need to be reasonable! The person died in your Zhao family, so why are you saying that my Ji family bullied your woman!" Ji Manqing said angrily.

Upon hearing this, Old Lady Zhao slapped her thigh and wailed, "Oh dear, I can't live anymore! I'm an old woman with no daughters, and now people are going to ride roughshod over me! I can't live anymore!"

"Old Mrs. Zhao, you can't make such a fuss! The dead can't be brought back to life, and you still have three grandsons and granddaughters!" Aunt Big Mouth couldn't stand seeing Old Mrs. Zhao acting like this and tried to persuade her.

If you don't try to persuade her, things will be better. But if you do, Old Lady Zhao gets even more worked up. She scolds Ji Mantun, then Ji Yongbai and the others, and then she scolds Old Master Ji and Madam Yang, saying that they have failed to raise their son properly.

Originally, Yang was furious and wanted to exchange a few words with Zhao Laoniang, but she swallowed her anger out of consideration for Zhao Laoniang's loss of her daughter.

Old Lady Zhao cried and made a scene, tearing and pulling at things, demanding that Ji Mantun give her an explanation, compensate her with a daughter, and pay her fifty taels of silver.