Rebirth to Save Myself

Lu Jingnian took out his phone and found Su Xia's chat interface, which was still showing the content of his explanation to her. Scrolling up, he saw that most of their chat content consisted of asking each other questions and then helping each other answer them. If they didn't know the answer, they would send voice messages or make phone calls. Lu Jingnian slowly typed in the chat box: "Do you want me to study abroad?" but didn't dare to send it.

Coffee to keep you going: [Image]

Coffee to keep me going: How do I solve this problem?

All the Way to Summer: You forgot the formula I told you on Monday so quickly?

Coffee to keep you going: Oh, I didn't realize that for a moment.

Coffee for a Breakup: Why are you being so fierce, Lao Lu? Tell me what's bothering you, let me have a laugh.

All the Way to Summer: I said, you're building your happiness on my pain, isn't that going too far?

Coffee to keep you going: Not at all, not even a little bit.

All the Way to Summer: I'm asking you, what do you think if I went abroad to study?

Coffee keeps me going: That's great! Educational resources abroad have always been excellent, and going abroad to see different people and things is a great way to grow.

All the Way to Summer: Won't you miss me?

Coffee for Life: Why are you acting like you're not coming back? Are you planning to develop your career abroad?

All the Way to Summer: Unlikely

Coffee to keep you going: That solves it!

Coffee to keep me going: Maybe Lao Lu will just find a blonde, blue-eyed beauty then?

Heading Towards Summer: ...

The conversation ended with Lu Jingnian's sentence. Just as she had discussed with Chen Yuan before, Su Xia wouldn't stop Lu Jingnian from going abroad. Nor would she allow him to remain a backup plan for her sake. That would be extremely selfish, blocking his potential for better development, and Su Xia couldn't do it.

Lu Jingnian could tell that Su Xia wouldn't try to stop him. Rather than saying she would try, it was more accurate to say that he hadn't won Su Xia's heart at all; she didn't like him. For someone who didn't like him, whether he went abroad or not, and whether he returned or not, was none of her concern. Lu Jingnian thought for a moment and said, "I think I can start preparing the materials now."

In the second semester of their junior year, everyone was under pressure. Lu Jingnian began preparing to apply to universities abroad. Xia Tian's mother found her a teacher in the capital to help her prepare for the art college entrance exams. After Shen Zhiheng was accepted into Tsinghua University through a special program, he was cheerful every day, attending classes only when he felt like it, and the teachers wouldn't say anything if he missed a class. Chen Yuan felt relieved and made a promise with Chen Wenwei to take the entrance exams for universities in the north together. Ye Lingling felt that she had always lived in her hometown, so she also wanted to apply to universities in the north to escape her family's control.

Everyone seemed to have found their direction, but Su Xia didn't know where hers lay. Her story to Chen Jianguo about wanting to apply to Xiamen University was just a lie; she wasn't even sure what she wanted to study yet.

After the midterm exams, the homeroom teacher spoke one-on-one with the students in the experimental class. When it was Su Xia's turn, the homeroom teacher said to Su Xia, "I see you haven't prepared any materials for studying abroad. Are you planning to go to a domestic university?"

"Yes, I have no plans to go abroad."

"Currently, half of the students in the class are preparing their paperwork for studying abroad and will be able to start school once they receive their acceptance letters. The rest of the students need to focus all their efforts on the college entrance examination. Are you interested in aiming for the top scorer in the province?"

"Teacher, you overestimate me. I'm nowhere near the top scorer in the province. You should choose someone else."

"Besides you, I've selected two or three other people. If you're willing to give it your all, I'll arrange for teachers to give you extra lessons over the weekend. If you're not willing to give it your all, then just consider this what the teacher was saying today."

"Thank you for your kindness, teacher. I won't go for it."

"Okay, then you should prepare well for the college entrance exam."

"Oh, I see."

Su Xia left the office and looked at the sky outside the corridor, recalling her past life when she hadn't studied hard enough. Her grades had plummeted from the top of elementary school to the teens in middle school, and then to the bottom of high school. She did very poorly on the high school entrance exam, and her mother bluntly stated that if no high school accepted her, she should just go out and work. After all, she had already completed nine years of compulsory education, so high school didn't matter. Later, the high school she applied to increased its enrollment in the second batch, which allowed her to get in.

After receiving the call, Su's mother asked her, "Do you want to go to high school or a vocational school to study nursing, so you can find a job later?"

At that time, parents considered nursing and teaching to be popular majors, and there was no need to worry about finding a job. However, Su Xia felt that nursing was very tiring, so she rejected her mother's offer to become a nurse, even though she had already been accepted into a high school.

After the college entrance examination, the same situation as in junior high school occurred again. Su Xia did very poorly on the exam. She was more than 200 points away from getting into a second-tier university. So Su Xia was once again lectured by her mother: "I told you to study hard, but you didn't. Now look what happened. You did so badly on the exam, and the tuition is so expensive. Don't you even care about your parents' situation?"

From childhood to adulthood, Su Xia has always worked hard in her studies. Her parents have never cared about her studies; it's as if saying "you need to study hard" is their only form of encouragement. When she does well in school, they take credit for it. When she doesn't do well, they blame her for not studying diligently.

So, Su Xia went to a junior college, where she experienced dormitory life for the first time. She was bullied, isolated, and locked out. Su Xia didn't understand what she had done wrong, but the other girls in the dorm felt she had offended them. With no other option, Su Xia went to her counselor and asked to move dorms.

She had initially thought moving dorms would make things better, but it turned out to be only slightly better than her previous one. After graduation, finding a job remained a major challenge due to her degree; everyone wanted to hire undergraduates. In the sweltering heat, Su Xia went to interviews one after another, introducing herself, and finally landed a job completely unrelated to her major.

Back at the Chen family home, Su's mother made a rare phone call, asking Su Xia about her life: "How's school? Is tuition and accommodation still free?"

"It's alright, it's free." Su Xia said succinctly, not wanting to say anything more to her.

"That's good, that's good. You must get a bachelor's degree, then you'll be the first college student in the family." Su's mother said earnestly, hoping that Su Xia would make her proud.

"I'll try my best." Su Xia didn't give her a direct answer; no one could be sure about such a thing.

"Are you going to come to Putian for the New Year?" Su's mother asked tentatively.

"No, I have to take extra classes later." Su Xia refused her request without even thinking. When she was little, she didn't have a choice, so she could only go and pretend to be close to them. But now that she's getting older, she doesn't want to go anymore.

"Yes, yes, you're in your second year of high school now, the most important time has come, you have to work hard!" Su's mother spoke up for her and then gave her another reminder.

"Mom, why haven't you ever asked me about my living expenses? Although my tuition and accommodation fees are waived, you've never given me any. And Grandma hasn't contacted me since I started high school. Aren't you afraid your daughter will go hungry?" Su Xia couldn't help but wonder if her parents were really that careless. Their daughter was studying in the provincial capital, and they had never visited her or given her any living expenses.

"Hey, what are you saying? You still have the Chen family, right? If you're hungry, just go eat at their house. Do you think they'll kick you out?" Su's mother thought Su Xia was stupid. The Chen family is so rich, why doesn't she just hang out with them?

"According to you, does that mean I can call them Mom and Dad and take care of them when I grow up?" Su Xia laughed angrily, thinking they were utterly shameless.

"How could you be so foolish, child? You're a member of the Su family, and if anyone's going to take care of you in your old age, it's for your father and me. The Chen family has daughters, so why do you insist on clinging to them?" Hearing Su Xia's words, Su's mother could no longer tolerate it and made things clear to her.

"What? I'm using other people's money and living in their houses, and in the end, am I supposed to take their money back for you to use?"

"If you can, that would be a huge help to your parents. You know, they're not well-off, and they have to raise three kids."

"Shut up. It's not like I asked you to have three. It was you and Dad who insisted on having a boy, otherwise they felt there would be no one to carry on the family line. Your poverty is your own doing, don't blame it on me. The Chen family has no obligation or responsibility to raise your child and be taken advantage of."

"How dare you talk to your mother like that? What am I doing all this for? It's all for you! If you don't have a younger brother, who will stand up for you if you get bullied by your husband's family after you get married? Besides, a married daughter is like water spilled from a bowl; if we don't have a son, are your father and I just going to lie in bed waiting to die?"

"Hehe, then according to you, I don't need to go back after I start working, since my daughter will eventually belong to someone else's family anyway."

"When you start working, give me half of your salary, and I'll save it for you."

"Why save it? For your son to use when he gets married?"

"When did I say that? Of course I'm saving it for you to buy gold jewelry when you get married."

"And what about you? I'll pay for my own gold jewelry, but will you pay for my house?"

“We don’t have any money. When we get old, we won’t be able to earn money anymore. If we don’t buy you gold jewelry, your in-laws will look down on your parents and you.”

"Oh, I see. You're just trying to save face for me, right? Then I won't get married. That way, I won't have to save my salary for you to buy gold jewelry."

“It’s not right for a girl not to get married. Your life is incomplete if you don’t get married and have children.”

Su Xia couldn't take it anymore and hung up the phone. Her mother had said these same things to her in her past life, and now they sounded incredibly ironic. Under the guise of being poor, she was forced to scrimp and save, spending all her money on her son. She was accused of being unable to save money and forced to give her half her salary. She even said that when Su Xia got married, the dowry wouldn't be given to her. When asked about the dowry's whereabouts, she threatened to use the money to buy things for her children after she got married and had kids.

Isn't this just blatantly taking other people's money to save face? But in Su's parents' eyes, this is perfectly normal. They feel that they've raised their daughter for so long, it's time for her to repay them. They will relentlessly exploit their daughter, saying things like "a married daughter is like water spilled from a bowl," which are all lies.

When the family needs help, such as when the younger brother needs to buy a house or car, or gets married, the older sister is expected to go all out and contribute her savings to help him. But what if the older sister and brother-in-law need to buy a house? Well, there's the brother-in-law's family too; the older sister handles it herself, not her own family's affairs. This is the so-called "when you help, you're family; when you don't, you're outsiders." Many women feel they lose their home after marriage, and this is their reasoning.

Your own parents feel that you belong to your husband's family, and that you will be buried with them when you die. But your husband's family feels that you are an outsider, and that they are the only family together. So you got married, but in the end, neither place feels like home.

When her mother called again, Su Xia ignored it, letting the phone ring and stop. Her mother simply wanted to get back at Su Xia, to continue scolding her and make her continue to work diligently and tirelessly for the Su family. Some things are best left unsaid after one experience; to go through them again would be foolish.

Because the school year starts at universities abroad differently than in China, Lu Jingnian had to board a plane to go abroad at the end of the year. He wouldn't even be able to finish celebrating the Lunar New Year before leaving. He met up with Su Xia, handed her a gift, and said, "This is a birthday present. I won't be able to spend it with you, so I'm giving it to you in advance."

"Thank you! When are you leaving?" Su Xia asked, taking the gift.

"Will you come to see me off the day after tomorrow?" Lu Jingnian looked at Su Xia expectantly, hoping she would give him a positive answer.

"It's the weekend, so it's fine." Su Xia nodded. It wouldn't be a problem to give them a ride. Besides, it wouldn't just be her going; Shen Zhiheng and the others would be going too, so it would be good to have someone to keep her company, and they could come back together.

"Then, I'll wait for you." Lu Jingnian was overjoyed, and then said, "Su Xia, could you grant me a request as a gift for my trip abroad?"

"What are your requirements? Can I meet them?"

"I'll come back after I graduate. If you still don't have a boyfriend by then, can I be your boyfriend?" Lu Jingnian asked nervously.

Su Xia was a little surprised, but the boy's feelings were always so pure. No matter what happened in the future, they were so passionate now that it was hard to refuse him. So Su Xia said, "Okay, but if you meet someone suitable abroad, forget about this promise."

"Okay, I promise you." Lu Jingnian nodded solemnly. With such a promise, he felt that the days abroad didn't seem so long anymore. Just thinking about being able to date Su Xia after graduation made him, like the fox in The Little Prince, begin to look forward to it, and the closer that time got, the more intense his anticipation became.