Tomb Raider: The Adventures of a Dumb Man

"Yo!" A joking yet nervous voice came from the other end, "This isn't our style as mutes, taking the initiative to call?

Did the sun rise from the west? Or did the signal inside the door finally reach you? Do you need me to bring you some hot pot base?"

Zhang Qilin: “…”

He was used to Hei Xia Zi's ramblings, so he got straight to the point: "No need to guard."

There was silence on the other end of the phone for three seconds.

"...What do you mean?" Hei Xiazi's tone became unusually serious. "Door, what's wrong?"

He knew only too well the ultimate importance.

Zhang Qilin said succinctly: "No more."

Black Blind Man: "...Gone? What do you mean gone? Stolen? Exploded? It can't have just grown legs and run away, right?!"

His voice rose, filled with disbelief.

At this moment, curious about the unfamiliar sound, a green bee carefully flew out of Zhang Qilin's hat and circled around his phone, as if trying to figure out the source of the sound. It also made a confused "Buzz?"

The black bear on the other end of the phone had excellent hearing and instantly caught the subtle sound.

"...What's that noise? Mute, what's that buzzing over there? It doesn't sound like a mosquito. There aren't any bees in Changbai Mountain at this time of year."

Yes, he would have frozen to death a long time ago.

Green Hornet: ...

Zhang Qilin glanced at the green wasp hovering in front of him, curiously touching the phone screen with its front paws. After a moment of silence, he replied, "Yes. It bit me."

Black Blind Man: “??? It?”

Who is it? What is it chewing? The Ultimate?!

Wait, you said the Ultimate was gone, was it eaten by an 'it'?! What is that thing?

His voice was out of tune.

The green wasp seemed to have lost interest in the phone, and flew back to Zhang Qilin's shoulder, landing there and cleaning it with its front paws.

There was a subtle, satisfying clicking sound.

It secretly left one as a snack.

It's a pity that people can't chew it.

Zhang Qilin looked at the harmless green ball of light on his shoulder, and gave a more concise summary to the confused Hei Xiazi on the other end of the phone.

"Yeah. Finished. Let's go down the mountain."

So come pick me up and no nonsense.

Hei Xiazi was completely silent on the other end.

After a while, he took a deep breath, as if forcing himself to calm down, and then he said, "Send me your location. Stand still!"

I'll be there soon! I need to see with my own eyes what kind of magical thing can chew up the ultimate!

I can even take you down the mountain with me!"

The call was hastily hung up.

Zhang Qilin put down his phone and looked at the green bee cleaning itself on his shoulder.

The green wasp seemed to have finished cleaning. It raised its head, its obsidian compound eyes met his gaze, and it rubbed his chin affectionately.

"Om~"

hungry?

Zhang Qilin took out the last piece of compressed biscuit from his pocket, held it on his fingertips and handed it over.

Green Bee happily hugged his finger and began to eat it in small bites.

It tastes really bad.

Zhang Qilin: . . . .

The wind and snow gradually subsided, and the roar of an off-road vehicle engine could be faintly heard on the distant mountain road.

Zhang Qilin stood in place, looking in the direction of the sound from under the brim of his hat, then tilted his head slightly, feeling the cool and slight sucking sensation on his fingertips.

Three hours later, a modified, weathered-looking but powerful off-road vehicle almost roared through the last section of snow and fog at the foot of the mountain.

With a beautiful tailspin, it stopped precisely a few steps in front of Zhang Qilin.

The car door suddenly opened and Hei Xia Zi almost jumped out.

He was still wearing his signature pair of black sunglasses, a tight suit, and a flight jacket with a fur collar. He looked dusty, but his face showed an expression of extreme curiosity and disbelief.

"Dumb!" He took a few steps to Zhang Qilin, looked him up and down, and confirmed that he was intact, not even a few hairs were out of place, and he still had the same cold and composed look.

Hei Xia Zi smacked his lips. "What you said on the phone was unclear. Hurry up and let me open my eyes. What on earth can give the ultimate..."

His words stopped abruptly.

Because at this moment, a bee-like creature the size of a palm, carved from jade and emitting a soft halo, was slowly flying out from the hood of Zhang Qilin's sweatshirt and hovering beside his shoulder.

Two obsidian compound eyes were staring curiously at the Black Blind, the strange two-legged beast that suddenly appeared and made a noisy sound.

Hei Xiazi's sunglasses almost slipped off.

He subconsciously adjusted his glasses, his mouth slightly open, and didn't close for a long time.

"This, this is..." He pointed at the green bee, his fingers shaking a little, and his words were not clear. "Is this the 'it' on the phone? That... 'buzz'?!"

The green wasp seemed to react to the onomatopeia of "buzz," thinking it was being called, and vibrated its wings faster, making a clear "buzz?"

calls me?

Zhang Qilin nodded expressionlessly: "Yeah."

Hei Xiazi circled around Zhang Qilin and Qing Feng, observing them from all angles, his eyes probably wide open behind his sunglasses.

"No... buddy, are you sure this thing ate the meteorite jade and the ultimate? This one? This little thing?"

He gestured at the size of the green wasp, then gestured at the size of the imagined meteorite, with an expression of "Are you fucking kidding me" written all over his face.

As if he understood Hei Xia Zi's question, Qing Feng became somewhat unhappy.

It flew in front of the black bear, vibrated its wings a few times demonstratively, making a louder buzzing sound, then turned suddenly and dived towards a hard rock half-buried in the snow next to it.

Click!

A crisp, teeth-grinding cracking sound.

The stone looked like it had been cut by a diamond, with a small corner missing in an instant, and the cross-section was as smooth as a mirror.

With another flap of its wings, the entire stone shattered into slag, like a cutting machine.

The green wasp stopped on the broken surface, raised its front legs, and proudly wiped its mouth, which did not exist at all.

Then it flew back to Zhang Qilin's shoulder, rubbed his cheek, and made a "buzzing~" sound with a hint of boasting.

Black Blind Man: "..."

He froze in place, his sunglasses staring straight at the stone with a missing corner, then slowly turned to the seemingly harmless green halo on Zhang Qilin's shoulder.

After a while, he suddenly raised his hand and slapped his forehead hard.

"My dear grandma..."

He gasped, "What the hell is this, a mutated, miniature prehistoric beast?! Those teeth, ugh, these mouthparts are outrageous!"

He finally began to believe that the words "I've finished it" on the phone were not a joke.

The green bee seemed dissatisfied with the term "prehistoric behemoth" and buzzed at the black bear twice again, but this time Zhang Qilin calmed it down by gently pressing its head with his fingers.

Zhang Qilin: "It's called Green Bee."

Black Blind finally recovered from his shock and laughed again after hearing this: "Green Wasp? That's quite an image.

So, after Comrade Green Wasp finished chewing the Ultimate, the gate was no longer needed, and you then took it down the mountain?"