Searching for Treasures in the Clouds

Now, he finally understood the purpose of the doll. It turned out that it was used as a punching bag.

After Yu Ru smashed the doll in the room, she looked at Yun Jixing again.

With tears in her eyes and a self-deprecating smile on her face, she excitedly gestured in sign language, "Did you see that? I am a psychopath. I have mental and psychological problems. I will go crazy even if I am fine. You will not feel good when you are with me. And I don't like you either. I will feel pressured and uncomfortable when I am with you."

After saying that, her whole body shook, and she knelt on the ground, covering her mouth and began to dry heave. In order to prevent Yun Jixing from seeing her ugly appearance, she turned her back with difficulty.

After smashing the doll this time, her emotions were not vented, but she was restrained by a kind of regret that came after she realized it belatedly. In fact, nothing happened, but she couldn't control herself, and she didn't know why she was so impulsive and went crazy in front of Yunjixing.

She felt that she was lucky because she had enough food and clothes and a friend to talk to, but she couldn't help going crazy and she hated herself for being like this.

Yun Jixing wiped the tears from his face and rushed forward to hug Yu Ru. He hugged her tightly and wanted to say something to comfort her, but he was choking and couldn't say a word. He picked up Yu Ru and carried her to the sofa to sit down, and then took the blanket on the sofa and wrapped her whole body.

Yun Jixing hugged her on the blanket and patted her back with one hand to calm her down. "Aru, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... Don't be angry, okay? I won't do such coercive things again. I will correct it. I'm sorry, sorry..."

Yu Ru dry heaved a few more times and finally stopped, but her body was stiff. The vomiting reaction was too intense and her stomach was cramping. It felt like something on both sides of her waist was broken and the flesh was sunken. She slowly touched her stomach with trembling hands.

Yun Jixing had this kind of reaction before, and when he saw Yu Ru's behavior, he quickly realized what was going on. It seemed that Yu Ru was very likely to be severely depressed, and the situation was very bad, and there were also somatization characteristics.

Thinking of this, he was so sad that tears welled up in his eyes. He cried and hugged Yu Ru, apologizing continuously.

Yu Ru did not respond to his apology. She half-closed her eyes, staring blankly at a spot in front of her, and allowed Yun Jixing to hug her.

After a while, she fell asleep in Yun Jixing's arms.

……

After an unknown amount of time, Yu Ru woke up. It was already dark, and the room was also dark, but it was still bright where she was.

She was still lying on the sofa. There was a turned-on desk lamp on the table next to her. It looked unfamiliar. She had never seen it before. She was sure that the lamp was not hers. It should have been brought by Yun Jixing.

The room was silent, as if dead. Yunjixing's appearance, smell, and temperature were all gone. There was nothing left, only she was left. She turned over and looked at the lamp sideways. She guessed that Yunjixing had left a long time ago. This discovery made her feel fortunate, but also a little lonely.

It was like the time when she and Ming Shisui went to see the Sea of ​​Pink Flowers with great anticipation, but in the end they saw a mountain full of ugly pink flowers that had not yet changed color and felt disappointed.

I am tired, still tired, with no end in sight, and it seems like this life will never end.

Yu Ru closed her eyes again.

At this moment, she suddenly heard some movement coming from the direction of the kitchen. It was so dark, and there was movement in the house other than her, so she immediately became alert.

From the day she moved into this house, she placed knives in every corner, including the gap in the sofa. She pulled out the fruit knife she had prepared long ago from the gap, opened the sheath, held it tightly, and tiptoed to the kitchen.

The sound was indeed coming from the kitchen, and the closer I got, the louder it became.

When she stood at the kitchen door, she realized that the person making the noise was none other than Yun Jixing, who was cooking and cutting vegetables. Yu Ru silently put the knife behind her back and prepared to go back, but Yun Jixing turned around and looked at her as if he had sensed something.

"Aru."

Being called, there was nothing she could do, Yu Ru took the knife back and walked towards Yunji Star. She placed the knife casually on the table and walked in front of him.

"Aru." Yunjixing called out again and glanced at the food being cooked in the pot. "I saw that you were very tired, so I wanted to cook something delicious for you, so I came to your kitchen to cook without permission. I didn't go anywhere else. I'll clean up for you later, okay?"

Yu Ru lowered her eyes, looked at the chopped green onions on the chopping board, and nodded, with no expression on her face.

"Aru..."

Yun Jixing stared at her closely, swallowed his saliva, and said softly, "Aru, don't be afraid of me, okay? My family is big, but I am just a person, a person who needs to eat and sleep like you. Apart from this, I am nothing."

After thinking for a while, he said, "I apologize to you again for what happened today. You are not a psychopath, you are an emotional thinker, and I can still tell you with certainty that you are very good. So, I really can't give up on you, and I still want to pursue you. I think people living in the world must always have something to rely on in order to live more vibrantly. Different people have different ways of living and different sustenance. My way of living is to love you and treat you well. If you ask me why I have such deep feelings for you, it is difficult for me to explain.

I believe in karma and reincarnation in Buddhism. Maybe we were not meant to be together in our previous lives, and there is a mysterious arrangement in this life telling me to continue our relationship with you. However, I have figured it out. Loving someone does not mean you have to get her, but you have to make her happy. That is true love. If you feel pressured and uncomfortable being with me, I will not force you to be with me. As long as you are happy, it will be fine. Otherwise, if I force myself to stay with you without considering your feelings, it will also be a kind of harm to you. But I will always be behind you. You can come to me anytime if you need me, and it is okay to come to me in the middle of the night. "

In his previous life, he lived a long life, which was long, after all, he lived happily for half of his life. But he also lived a short life, which was short, after all, he lived happily for only half of his life. At that age, many things seemed to him enlightened, and he had become indifferent to them.

He is getting younger now, but sometimes he thinks about things with an old heart and mind. He often thinks, what is the purpose of his life? He has carefully examined himself and feels that what supports him is not the human nature called "desire", but responsibility. One day, when he "is not ashamed of heaven and not ashamed of people", and has no responsibilities to bear, he should understand himself without hesitation, just like in his previous life.

Fortunately, this life is not the previous life. His responsibilities are back. His father and mother are his responsibilities, and Yu Ru is also his responsibility. He must work hard for them, and he will live well.

After a pause, Yun Jixing wiped his hand on his apron. When the water on his hands was a little cleaner, he reached into his clothes pocket and took out a slender wooden box.

He opened the small box and handed it to Yu Ru, then said, "Aru, I think you like traditional things very much, so I asked someone to customize this hairpin. If one day you are willing to accept me but are too embarrassed to tell me, you can wear this hairpin to see me, and I will know, and I will propose to you, okay?"

This hairpin is a replica of a cultural relic that was lost overseas and is now stored in the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art in Kansas City, USA. It is called the Silver-Gilt Kingfisher-Inlaid Butterfly and Auspicious Fruit Hairpin. It is colorful and dazzling.

Yu Ru looked at the hairpin and blinked, hesitated for a moment, and finally took it.

This made Yun Jixing smile, and he said, "Aru, you must be exhausted this afternoon. You should go back and lie down to rest for a while. The food won't be ready so soon. Or you can take a shower first so that you can eat and rest early."

Yu Ru nodded, picked up the knife she had just put down, walked back to the sofa with unsteady steps and continued to lie down.

More tired.

She closed her eyes, hoping that she could evaporate at this moment, turn into gas, and then turn into a cloud, floating farther and farther away, wandering freely in the sky, transcending the world, away from all the hustle and bustle.

But, she is still a human being and cannot evaporate. She has to live. She doesn't want to live for herself, but for her biological parents and grandmother. Her second father is alive and has so many lives on his shoulders. How can he fall down easily? Only when they die of old age will her mission be over and she can freely control her own life.

It is better to stay alive. After all, life is a process of living towards death. No matter whether she can evaporate or not, the laws of nature will eventually execute God's will and collect and compile this little creature like her and then send her away again.

Everything is just a matter of time. She just needs to wait. If she works harder in this life, maybe the King of Hell will see her efforts and fulfill her wish, allowing her to be a cloud in the next life.

……

When Yun Jixing prepared dinner, Yu Ru was almost asleep. She didn't want to do anything but lie down. She didn't want to eat or take a bath. She just lay there until she rotted and merged into the sofa.

She had no motivation to eat. It seemed as if the bones in her hands were pulled out. Her hands were soft and she felt unable to move. So she lazily curled up on the sofa. No matter how Yun Jixing called her to get up and eat, she ignored him and just shook her head.

Yun Jixing helped her up and let her lie on the sofa, while he scooped rice with a spoon and fed her mouthful by mouthful.

This was the second time that Yu Ru had been fed by someone, and it was a man. It was unprecedented. She felt a little weird, as if her hands were connected to her feet, and her feet were connected to her hands. It was weird and absurd, with an irrational sense of falsehood.

However, people cannot live without food. Being able to eat proves that they are still alive. She still wants to live, so she accepted the food from Yunjixing.