Lima syndrome

"What did you say? Auntie..."

This incident was beyond Bai Zhiyan's expectations. He thought Che Jingcan would come over and say something unreasonable again, but he didn't expect this to happen.

In his previous life, Yin Meishan had clearly died before he returned to the Bai family, but this incident actually happened at this time.

This almost confirms Bai Zhiyan's guess. Although many changes have occurred in these two lives, some things cannot be changed after all, like Yin Meishan's death.

"My mother committed suicide. She doesn't want me anymore..."

Che Jingcan's head was still buried in his neck, and his almost inaudible words came out muffled through the soft fabric. Bai Zhiyan felt wetness on his shoulder.

He cried again.

"you……"

In this situation, Bai Zhiyan couldn't think of any words to comfort him.

"Don't speak, I beg you not to speak."

This was the first time that Che Jingcan said the word "please" to Bai Zhiyan, or it could be said that this was the first time that the arrogant Che Jingcan said this word in his life.

"I beg you not to drive me away, I just want to hold you like this."

Bai Zhiyan's heart was deeply touched. He hesitated for a moment and then gently patted Che Jingcan on the back.

Che Jingcan just leaned against Bai Zhiyan quietly, and the room was so quiet that only the breathing of the two people could be heard. After a long time, Che Jingcan calmed down a little, and he slowly raised his head to look at Bai Zhiyan, his eyes were red, like a wounded little animal.

Bai Zhiyan felt very bad when he remembered that he had met Yoon Mi-sun not long ago and now learned of her death in this way.

Looking at Che Jingcan's haggard face and emaciated figure, Bai Zhiyan recalled the time when his mother had just passed away. He was also heartbroken like Che Jingcan and wished he could go with his mother. Now he really understands Che Jingcan's feelings.

"Zhiyan, what should I do? My mother doesn't want me anymore..."

Listening to his heart-wrenching cry, Bai Zhiyan also felt very uncomfortable.

"do not Cry."

He raised his hand and gently wiped away the tears from his cheeks, but Che Jingcan's tears seemed to be out of control and continued to flow from his sad eyes.

"I clearly know how miserable my mother is at home, but... I want her to love me so much, I want her love so much..."

From the time Che Jingcan was born until he could remember, what he saw most often was his mother who often sat alone in a daze and his father who was indifferent to him.

But when his mother was in a good mood, she would smile at him and ask him if he was cold or hungry and what he did in school, just like the mothers in TV dramas.

When he was a child, he didn’t understand what this feeling was, but he liked his mother’s care for him. Later, when he was a little older, he realized that this was love.

He needs love, lots and lots of love.

"If only I had never been born, then maybe my mother wouldn't have committed suicide to leave us."

Bai Zhiyan was shocked by his words. His hand, which was wiping Che Jingcan's tears, trembled violently. At this moment, he couldn't think of any words to describe the despair in Che Jingcan's eyes.

Although he didn't know the situation of the Cha family, judging from the fact that Yoon Mi-sun would rather sacrifice her own identity to let him go to the Cha family to meet Cha Kyung-chan, Yoon Mi-sun really loved Cha Kyung-chan, and at least she didn't choose to commit suicide because of Cha Kyung-chan.

"Auntie wouldn't think so..."

Death is never a relief, but a twisted revenge on widows.

But love doesn't stop with death.

"I have nothing left, Zhiyan. In the end, everyone who loves me has left. If even you don't want me, then I will really have nothing..."

Che Jingcan's voice was trembling more than ever, and his emotions, which had just calmed down, seemed to be out of control again.

"Zhiyan, Zhiyan, I have nothing left——"

Che Jingcan was breathing rapidly and his face was pale. Bai Zhiyan tried to grab his hands in panic, but found that his hands were cold and very stiff.

"Wait a minute, Che Jingcan, calm down, something's not right with you!"

At this time, Che Jingcan could no longer stand and fell down with limp legs. Bai Zhiyan saw that he was overbreathing, so he quickly knelt down and covered his mouth and nose with his hands.

"Breathe! Take a deep breath!"

Che Jingcan's eyes were red. He held his hand tightly and slowly adjusted his breathing. All he could see was Bai Zhiyan's worried face.

After his breathing slowly calmed down, Bai Zhiyan's heart was finally at ease. When he took his hand away, he found that he was actually sweating profusely because of how scared he was.

Seeing his pitiful appearance, Bai Zhiyan sighed, bent down to help him, took him to sit on the sofa, poured him a glass of water and handed it to him.

"You drink some water first."

Che Jingcan silently took the cup of water, holding it tightly with both hands, his eyes empty.

After a moment of silence, Che Jingcan spoke.

"I want to go somewhere."

He didn't drink the water. The discomfort he had just felt had passed. He put down the cup and took Bai Zhiyan's hand.

"Come with me, please."

This was the second time he said the word "please". Bai Zhiyan, who would frown whenever he was touched by him, did not react. Looking at his earnest eyes, Bai Zhiyan could not say a word of refusal.

"it is good."

After following him out of the door, Bai Zhiyan's hand was still tightly held by him. He did not pull it back, but followed Che Jingcan's steps step by step.

When he stopped, Bai Zhiyan realized that the place he wanted to go was St. Ann's Church.

He held Bai Zhiyan's hand and came to the door of the confessional, where they met for the first time in this life.

"You know, Zhiyan, I buried my mother's ashes here."

After Che Jingcan finished speaking, Bai Zhiyan felt his scalp tingling and he subconsciously pulled his hand away. Che Jingcan noticed his movement, turned around and hugged him in his arms.

"This was her last wish. She said that she didn't want to die in the Che family's cemetery. She didn't want to meet us in her next life."

The wind on the winter night was cold and desolate. Bai Zhiyan couldn't bear to push away the last bit of warmth in his arms. He didn't say anything and just listened quietly.

"I have never seen my father so out of control and irrational. He was madly trying to compete with me for my mother's ashes, but I couldn't fail to fulfill my mother's last wish."

He will never forget the look on Cha Jae-ho's face after he saw Yoon Mi-sun's suicide note. He fell to the ground, crying and laughing, saying that it would be better if she died, and then saying that he wanted to go downstairs to accompany her.

Just when Cha Kyung-chan was about to take the urn to the church, he saw with his own eyes Cha Jae-ho breaking the window and slitting his throat with glass, imitating Yoon Mi-seon's example.

He forgot how he commanded his body to grab the piece of glass, and he couldn't remember where Che Jae-ho was taken by the housekeeper. He only remembered that he would come to find Bai Zhiyan after burying the ashes.

If he can't even see Bai Zhiyan again, perhaps he will be the next person to commit suicide.

"My mother killed the father in my heart with her death. I am a real orphan now."

His words were too sad, and Bai Zhiyan couldn't think of any words to comfort him. His tightly pursed lips turned pale due to the pressure.

“Cha Kyung-chan, don’t do this.”

His pale and weak voice was blown away by the cold wind, just like the biting temperature, extremely sad.

"You are not an orphan."

I am.

Bai Zhiyan did not say the second half of the sentence. At this moment, he might be the person in the world who could empathize with Che Jingcan the most, but he did not think that using his own pain to comfort him would be an effective method.

"I know you don't want to see me at all." Che Jingcan rested his chin on Bai Zhiyan's shoulder, and his lowered eyes hid surging grief.

"But I really don't know where to go. My brain has no other thoughts except looking for you. I just want to see you."

Feeling that his voice became trembling again, Bai Zhiyan quickly broke free from his arms, held up his face with both hands and examined it carefully.

"You need to calm down first."

But without any warning, two lines of tears slid down Che Jingcan's cheeks uncontrollably. Countless works of art surging through Bai Zhiyan's mind could not compare to the crying face of the person in front of him.

Bai Zhiyan pulled him to sit in the church, patted his back gently and coaxed him in a soft voice just like he coaxed Li Shanyu.

"Stop crying, okay?"

Che Jingcan nestled in his arms, like an abandoned puppy seeking comfort, and the sound of his low sobs made Bai Zhiyan feel uncomfortable.

"If even you don't want me, I might as well just die."

As soon as he said this, Bai Zhiyan stopped patting his back. He knew that Che Jingcan was forcing him to make a promise that he would not leave him.

"I can die here and be reunited with my mother. It can be considered a worthy death for me."

His horrifying words made Bai Zhiyan subconsciously withdraw his hand, "Don't do this--"

"That's what I want."

Bai Zhiyan was interrupted before he could finish his words.

"I need love. Without love, I will die."

Che Jingcan took Bai Zhiyan's hand, and both of them were wearing bracelets woven by Yoon Mi-sun on their wrists.

He lowered his head and gently kissed the bracelet that carried his mother's emotions, with his head and eyes lowered like a devout believer.

But Bai Zhiyan still felt the burning tear on the back of his hand.

When Che Jingcan looked up and their eyes met, Bai Zhiyan saw the determination in his eyes. He was forcing him to make the final choice in a destructive way.

Bai Zhiyan thought that it would be great if he was an emotionless robot. Perhaps then at this moment he could say something coldly and ruthlessly like "Then go to hell."

But he couldn't do it.

There has never been a moment when Bai Zhiyan hated himself for not being ruthless enough more than now. His soft-heartedness was like handing Che Jingcan a bone-cutting knife to torture himself.

"Don't push me."

When Bai Zhiyan opened his mouth, he realized that his voice was trembling more than his.

He wanted to keep a distance from Che Jingcan. He couldn't stay here any longer. Che Jingcan's relentless pressure would definitely make him make a decision he would regret the most.

But as soon as he stood up slightly, Che Jingcan immediately pulled out a knife from his waist and put it against his neck.

"Che Jingcan, what are you doing!"

Seeing his actions, Bai Zhiyan was almost scared to death, and he quickly rushed over to grab the knife from his hand.

But he was neither taller nor stronger than Che Jingcan, and could only watch the knife cut his skin bit by bit.

"Let go of me now!"

"Aren't you going to leave? Then don't worry about my life or death. Mom is here anyway, and I won't be alone if I die here."

"Che Jingcan, no one can't survive because of lack of love!"

"Yeah, you haven't seen it, and neither have I." Che Jingcan raised the corners of his mouth to reveal a sad and sarcastic smile, "But you will see it soon."

As he spoke, he increased the strength of his hands. "I lied to you when I said I wanted to die with you. I can't bear to see you die or get hurt, so I'd better leave first."

Blood rushed out of the wound, and Che Jingcan's face turned pale. Bai Zhiyan had seen too much blood recently, and seeing that his tense neck was still bleeding, he could no longer control his emotions.

"I promise you, did you hear me? I said I promise you!"

As soon as Bai Zhiyan finished speaking, the knife in Che Jingcan's hand fell, making a crisp sound in the silent church.

"Say it again."

"I said I promise you, I promise to be with you."

Saying this seemed to use up all of Bai Zhiyan's life's strength. He closed his eyes and resigned himself to escaping from reality, as if this way he could avoid everything he didn't want to face.

The sadness in Che Jingcan's eyes was replaced by joy. He didn't even care about the cuts on his body. He hugged Bai Zhiyan tightly, fearing that this was just an unreal dream.

"Really? I'm not dreaming right now, am I?"

He hugged Bai Zhiyan excitedly. Bai Zhiyan could hear the heartbeat like a drum coming from his chest and felt his joy. His mood was extremely complicated.

He knew that Bai Zhiyan would be soft-hearted towards him. He had tried to keep him by self-harming in a similar way before but failed. Today was his last chance. If he still failed, he would rather die.

"Thank you Zhiyan, thank you so much, I will cherish the love you give me."

Bai Zhiyan frowned slightly. He didn’t know if this decision was right, but at this moment he could only follow his heart.

Che Jingcan's wound was still bleeding. Bai Zhiyan took out a handkerchief and gently pressed it on his neck. "You can't mention suicide here. Auntie will be sad if she hears it."

Yoon Mi-sun certainly doesn't want her child to become a lifeless zombie because of her death.

"I can't do it anymore."

"Don't cry anymore. I can't bear to see you cry."

His flamboyant and handsome face is not suitable for tears. Whenever Bai Zhiyan sees him crying, his heart will feel uncomfortable uncontrollably.

Bai Zhiyan's hand touched his face, feeling the warmth of his hand, Che Jingcan blushed and held his hand and whispered, "No... I'm not a crybaby."

He also held up Bai Zhiyan's face and looked at the person in front of him obsessively, as if the person who wanted to commit suicide the last moment was not him.

"I love you so much Jiyeon, I really do."

Even if Bai Zhiyan didn't respond, he didn't care. They were together now and there was still plenty of time in the future. He would make Bai Zhiyan truly fall in love with him.