Am I being simulated by their love affair?

“The nougat tastes good.”

I was careless, Tomatsu Yuka thought. I should have deleted the answers when I printed the materials.

The two classes in the afternoon were biology and chemistry. Ever since Jun Matsueda started preparing for the biology competition, Mr. Sano, the biology teacher, never called on him to answer questions again.

After class, he went to the news department again. The room was empty and the computer was turned off. It seemed that Yuchuan at least remembered to go to class and go home after school.

After walking out of the school gate and riding his bicycle, Jun Matsueda did not turn right at the first traffic light as he usually did, but went straight.

He didn't plan to go back to the apartment. He had been getting off work very late these days in Qi Yangshi and had been practicing singing and recording. He was too lazy to cook, so he ate outside.

But it was still early, and he was not going to the restaurant, but to the Toriyama Hospital affiliated with Showa University, where Mochizuki Haruka was currently staying.

During the day today, he received a message from the maid that the girl had lost her temper during the regular meeting to discuss the patient's condition, and then went into her aunt's ward and never came out.

Pushing open the door of the ward, warm air surged in the darkness, and the cold sound of the instruments brought a sense of insecurity. Jun Matsueda pulled open the curtains.

"Didn't I tell you before? Patients also need to see the light."

The girl lying on the bed didn't get up. "Is it only when I cry and make a scene like this that you're willing to look at me?"

"Are you still angry about what happened this morning?" Matsueda Jun was already used to her prodding.

Mochizuki Yao turned over in bed, facing the boy by the window, "These doctors have even less patience than me, a patient's family member."

"Some people are already thinking of working without putting in any effort and just eating my food for free." The girl sneered, and a hint of chilliness appeared in the room.

"But I've calmed down a long time ago." She sat up in bed, her thin pajamas revealing the outline of her collarbone and chest. "Just punish them if they deserve it. They're not worth my bother."

Matsueda Jun threw his coat, which was on the back of the chair, at the girl. "Then why did you stay in bed all day?"

"Because I suddenly realized that there was no one there to be there for me to go through these frustrating and annoying moments with me."

Mochizuki Yao put on her coat and looked at him who was late.

"So I can only lie in bed like a skeleton, recalling the warmth of my life."

“I feel so lonely.”

Jun Matsueda sat down on a chair by the wall and looked into her eyes.

"You obviously knew this fact a long time ago."

"You said something similar when you watched Transcendence."

Relying on others to save you from suffering will only work temporarily.

There was a brief silence in the room.

"Get out." The girl said softly.

"Angry?"

If Mochizuki Haruka was angry, Matsueda Jun would be happier instead, because it showed that she could be stimulated, which was better than her previous lack of reaction.

The girl shook her head and said, "I want to wipe my aunt's body and stretch her muscles."

These things were previously done by the maid of the Mochizuki family, and she only took over in the past few days.

After Jun Matsueda had been in the corridor for more than half an hour, the girl opened the door of the ward, breathing heavily.

"...Come in."

Moving an unconscious body was a physically demanding endeavor. Mochizuki Haruka was sweating profusely. The girl took off her coat, revealing her pajamas, soaked with sweat, which clung to her body, revealing her youthful yet alluring features, arousing a desire to ravage her.

Jun Matsueda looked at the woman's sleeping face and listened to the sound of water like rain in the bathroom.

"I'm hungry." The girl said to him after changing her clothes and walking out of the bathroom.

"Then let's eat."

The two sat at Songfengyuan at the intersection, where they used to eat saury together.

"The manager said they don't serve saury anymore." Matsueda Jun returned to his seat and told the girl the news.

Mochizuki Haruka nodded, "Everyone changes so quickly."

"It's just that the best time to eat saury has passed." Jun Matsueda looked down at the menu.

The girl said to herself, "You haven't changed at all. From the beginning to the end, all you wanted was to push me away from you."

"We've already made so many memories."

She sat next to Matsueda Jun and looked at his profile.

"Am I the only one who cherishes these memories so carefully?"

"In that case, what kind of mood did you have when you accompanied me to create these memories?"

Chapter 192 You Are So Cruel

"What kind of answer do you want?"

Jun Matsueda did not put down the menu in his hand. He looked up at the girl in front of him. She was driven back to her seat.

"I don't need you to take care of my mood. Just say whatever you want."

Although Mochizuki Haruka said this, her face looked like she was about to cry.

"Why do we have to talk about this before dinner?" Jun Matsueda sighed.

"I just want to know if you ever feel happy when you are with me."

Wangyue Yao looked at the plate in front of her shining under the yellow ceiling light, and she no longer had any other extravagant wishes.

The middle-aged man standing behind the counter leaned out and glanced at the two of them. He didn't understand why they hadn't ordered yet.

Jun Matsueda poured water into two cups, picked up his own and took a sip. It had a light lemon flavor and was a bit astringent.

"Just understand first, if we hadn't made an agreement before, I would have stayed away from you long ago."

“…” The girl lowered her head even lower.

"As for being happy, before the day my aunt's results came out, it was fine. It was just like having one more person when I went out to relax and watch a movie."

"But since then, you've been full of negative energy, and I only have one purpose by your side."

"Serve as your trash can and placebo."

“It’s not a very enjoyable experience.”

Mochizuki Haruka's chin rested on the upper hollow of her collarbone, her face buried in the shadow of her hanging hair, and Matsueda Jun couldn't see her expression.

"Indeed, you are very beautiful, and your sweet and soft body is very comfortable to touch. Every time I see you crying so miserably, I always feel pity from the bottom of my heart."

"But in a strong relationship, this is just an unnecessary condition. A good-looking jerk will only be liked by the same jerk."

"But you've been very kind to me. The feeling of being cared for is still unforgettable."

Jun Matsueda still wears the same pair of gloves when he rides his bike. Sometimes when the cold wind blows silently on the road, he will remember the girl's slightly labored breathing as she rides beside him.

"It's just that you are too impatient. You want to love others before you learn to love yourself."

"Let's first clean up the mess on ourselves."

He smiled at the tearful girl.

"I understand..." Mochizuki Haruka wiped away the tears that rolled down her face with the back of her hand.

The girl started crying because of Matsueda Jun's complaints about her, and later because she heard him admit that she had been touched.

"Am I becoming the person you like?" the girl asked him while wiping her tears.

"You should change into the person you like first." Matsueda Jun flipped through the menu again. "Do you want to have dinner?"

"I want to eat seafood bowl." Mochizuki Haruka didn't eat much at noon because he was angry, and he also had to exercise for his aunt, so he was already starving.

Matsueda Jun put down the menu and walked to the counter. "Two seafood bowls, please."

When he returned to the table, the girl had already wiped away her tears.

"Don't ask me any more questions until you finish your meal," he warned the girl.

"Oh."

Two large steaming bowls were brought over. At first glance, the two could not find any trace of rice. There was only orange-red fish roe and golden sea urchin, with thick omelette and sweet shrimp buried underneath.

The girl put the first spoonful of rice covered with sauce into her mouth and frowned slightly. "It doesn't taste as good as the one at home."

Matsueda Jun, who was eating with his head down, glanced at her and said, "What kind of quality is the food in your restaurant? How can ordinary restaurants outside compare to it?"

The fundamental reason why Mochizuki Haruka was dissatisfied was not this, but because she had eaten the seafood rice that day with her aunt and the boy in front of her.

“To enjoy food, you must remember to forget all memories before eating it and eat it as if it were your first time.”

Mochizuki Haruka put the last spoonful of rice mixed with fish roe, sea urchin and shrimp into her mouth. She licked the reddish-brown juice on the corner of her lips with satisfaction.

"So what should we do?"

"What to do?"

Jun Matsueda opened the wooden door of the restaurant, and the long-awaited cold wind blew in, and the two of them unconsciously shrank their necks.

"Love yourself." The girl recently mastered the physical way to love herself, but she had no idea what this sentence that Matsueda Jun always said was.

They walked into the Citizen Green Park. The snow from the previous few days had not melted yet. Someone had built a snowman on the snow where the grass was exposed. The face was a little deformed.

"To be honest, I don't think there's anything I can tell you."

Jun Matsueda sat on the bench. The slight sleepiness brought by the food he had eaten was blown away by the cold wind. His mind was clearer than the words he uttered.

"For most of us, loving ourselves is instinctive, as natural as breathing."

He glanced at Mochizuki Haruka who was sitting at the other end of the bench. The girl was like this before, reluctant to show her feelings, but now she has gone from one extreme to another.

"A normal person can't tell you why he is normal."

The snowman's tilted head moved not far away, and it seemed that it thought so too.

Mochizuki Haruka's expression was not very happy. "You are not lying to me, are you? Are you just looking for an excuse to keep me away from you?"

"The fact that you doubt me now means you are much more normal than before. This is why it is necessary to keep a distance." Matsueda Jun nodded with satisfaction.

"But days like this are so hard to bear." The girl's leather shoes slid back and forth on the white snow.

“Everyone got through it this way.”

"Alone, alone, you will get used to it slowly."

Jun Matsueda looked at the sparrows neatly arranged on the branches. Their bulging bellies reminded him of the special fried rice cakes made in Qiyangshi.

"It's impossible to get used to it." Wangyue Yao said softly, "I thought this afternoon that if you don't come to see me by twelve o'clock at night, I will jump out of the hospital."

The branches beside the bench swayed, and some snow fell. The girl's words scared away the sparrows.

"If you don't believe it yourself, then don't say it." Jun Matsueda took out his cell phone and looked at the message sent by Lai Qi Yangshi. It was a video of her singing in the recording studio.

"Why do you say I don't believe it?" The girl walked up to Matsueda Jun who was about to stand up, put her hands on his shoulders, and made him sit back.

"You said I'm not a normal person anymore. If I get lonely, I'll die."

Her voice sounded very aggrieved, like a young bird waking up from a sleep, turning around in confusion, and finding no one of its kind around, only to realize that it had been left behind by the migrating group.

Jun Matsueda pushed the girl away a little, stood up and walked out of the park.

"Aunt is still sleeping soundly, how could she be dead?"

"Let's go back to the hospital. The sun is about to set and it's going to get colder."

Wangyue looked at his back from afar. The girl's previous momentum disappeared and she walked behind him with her head lowered.

The snowman's features were already blurred, its tilted head unable to resist the pull of gravity, and it finally slid to the grass. The two figures gradually faded away, and only the girl's soft complaints could be heard.

"You are so cruel..."

Chapter 193 Milk, Hard Candy, and Imperial Tea

When Matsueda Jun walked out of the bathroom, Kurusu Yoshi had just walked into the living room from the entrance. The girl was humming a song and her steps were light.

"Have you finished recording your song?"

"Hmm~ We've finished recording the confirmed songs, except for the love songs." She turned on the heater. "Why didn't you even turn on the heater?"

"There's no need for that if you're alone." When he first lived alone, he didn't even turn on the lights in the living room.

"Didn't you say you had found the feeling for that song? Why haven't you recorded it yet?"

"Because I have feelings for it, my expectations are actually higher." The girl smiled matter-of-factly. "Anyway, there's no rush. The remaining songs for the album haven't been decided yet."