I have a life simulator.

"Arisu, what a lucky child."

After uttering this profound remark, Chairman Sakayanagi seemed somewhat moved by the scene before him:

“Arisu’s mother had the same thought when she decided to give birth to her.”

Kitagawa Ryo understood the implied meaning in Chairman Sakayanagi's words. Although he was only twelve years old, he was practically one of the most knowledgeable doctors in the world when it came to congenital heart disease.

Patients with severe congenital heart disease are generally not advised to have children, because the total blood volume of a pregnant woman increases by more than 30% compared to when she is not pregnant. During pregnancy, the enlarged uterus forces the diaphragm to rise, causing the heart to shift to the upper left, affecting blood flow back and also increasing the burden on the heart.

During actual delivery, as the uterus contracts and the mother pushes, her heart rate will increase involuntarily. After the baby is born, the abdominal pressure will suddenly drop, and placental blood circulation will stop. The burden on the mother's heart will suddenly increase, making her very susceptible to heart failure.

What's even more unacceptable is that, even after surviving these two life-threatening situations, the child born still has a considerable probability of inheriting the mother's congenital heart disease.

"It's like a painful cycle."

Chairman Sakayanagi said in a low voice that these were the words he had heard from the doctor when the doctor advised against it years ago. In the end, the facts proved that the outcome of things often does not change according to people's wishes, and the worst result did indeed befall this family.

"Actually, Arisu's mother was not the strong, perfect hero that Arisu imagined."

The man was lost in memories, and he murmured, as if laughing through tears:

"When she was about to give birth, she was worried that the child might inherit the condition, and as a result, she developed quite severe prenatal depression."

"I can't sleep at night and often fall into inexplicable anxiety."

"I remember one night I woke up in the middle of the night and found that she was not there. I ran out of the room and saw her sitting on the stool, curled up in the corner and asleep against the wall."

“At that time, I often took care of her because I didn’t want to stay in the hospital.”

As Chairman Sakayanagi spoke, he turned Kitagawa Ryo over, wiping Kitagawa Ryo's back with a towel and sighing:

"But compared to her, you are really pitifully thin."

"Back then, she kept asking me if she was too fat or ugly, and I would always say that since I was the only one looking at her, if she was still unhappy, I would just hug her until she was happy."

"Humans can learn what warmth is through contact with each other. This is very important; the warmth of the skin is by no means a bad thing."

"It was during that period that I finally understood the meaning of that sentence."

Chairman Sakayanagi stopped talking at this point. He and Kitagawa Ryo both knew what happened next. According to Sakayanagi Arisu's pessimistic view, her birth ruined the lives of three people at the same time.

Her father's, her mother's, and her own.

“Arisu, this name was chosen for her by her mother in advance.”

"Alice."

“She had already read this fairy tale to Arisu before Arisu was even born.”

"The message she wanted to give to Arisu was actually hidden in the last paragraph of this fairy tale."

Thanks to his photographic memory, Kitagawa Ryo quickly recalled the last paragraph of the original text of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland." At the same time, Chairman Sakayanagi also recited it softly, but with slight differences from the original text:

"Her little daughter will one day become a girl, lover, and wife just like her. May Alice retain the pure and loving heart she had as a child; may Alice also entertain her children with many wonderful stories; perhaps it was this very Wonderland from long ago that made their eyes brighter and more eager."

At the same time, she will also share Alice's innocent troubles, because these troubles exist in her own past, but they are pleasant summer memories.

Alice was born to the best parents, making her the most outstanding child.

-------------------------------------

Kitagawa Ryo is having trouble sleeping.

On one hand, it was due to the influence of his talent, "Night Owl," which had been quite useful for him to deduce things at night in the past few years. However, as he gradually lost his ability to move, it only brought him night after night of torment.

Like sand in an hourglass, sleep has gradually slipped away over these days.

The pitch-black night was more like a day dyed with color for Kitagawa Ryo. He stared wide-eyed at the ceiling, and time, which had been boiled down to a liquid that had lost its shape, was soaked in it, like amber, and preserved.

He was still thinking about what Arisu Sakayanagi's father had said to him in the bathroom that night. Perhaps it was because he had kept it all bottled up inside for too long, or perhaps he had found the same qualities in himself as Arisu's mother. The man said a lot in one breath.

As a father in a single-parent family, the other party has actually done the best.

It's difficult for even Sakayanagi Arisu and Kitagawa Ryo to simply define whether her personality has any flaws.

With a morbidly energetic spirit, Kitagawa Ryo began to recall everything about Sakayanagi Arisu.

He gradually figured out the key point: rather than defining Sakayanagi Arisu as a defect, it would be better to define it as a flaw.

Physical deficiencies, family deficiencies, and social deficiencies.

Then, the lack creates depression.

That's why she sometimes shows a particularly persistent desire for something or someone, as if she's releasing all the emotions she's accumulated over the past after finding an outlet.

She has experienced being loved too much, which makes her need to find another person to love.

Kitagawa Ryo recalled all the simulations he had encountered with Sakayanagi Arisu, and the other party had always shown an extraordinary possessiveness. However, the extraordinary nature of this was not in terms of degree, but rather in terms of reason.

Sakayanagi Arisu's reasons always seem unconvincing.

For example, in reality, Arisu Sakayanagi contacted him because she hoped he could defeat Kiyotaka Ayanokouji of the White Room. However, the only interaction between Arisu and Kiyotaka was when they were seven years old; they had only glanced at each other from afar through a one-way window and had never even exchanged a word.

Kitagawa Ryo even felt that if he didn't exist, Sakayanagi Arisu might have had to wait until high school, at Tokyo Advanced Educational High School, to meet Ayanokoji Kiyotaka again and defeat him.

Thinking of this, Kitagawa Ryo turned to look at Sakayanagi Arisu, who was sleeping on the other bed next to him. To his surprise, the other person was not asleep either, but had his eyes wide open, as if he was staring at some point in the void.

But Kitagawa Ryo couldn't make a sound at all. His glasses had been taken off and placed on the bedside table next to him. The distance of a dozen centimeters was an insurmountable chasm for him.

"..."

So Kitagawa Ryo could only look helplessly at Sakayanagi Arisu, unable to utter a single word of comfort or inquiry.

Every part of his body was gripped by a dull and vague pain. Although Kitagawa Ryo couldn't even feel the pain, he knew that every organ and every broken part of his body was in excruciating agony.

The process of being sick is a process of fulfillment.

The premise is that you are the only person in the world, or that everyone else is a patient like you.

At this moment, Kitagawa Ryo finally understood some of Sakayanagi Arisu's thoughts. To him now, Sakayanagi Arisu, who could move freely, was a healthy person. And to Sakayanagi Arisu, everyone else in reality, even those she looked down on, like Yamauchi and Ike, were people she could envy.

But this feeling is absolutely indescribable, unspeakable, and unthinkable, yet unforgettable. It cannot be expressed in language; it is impossible for it to become language, for once it becomes language, it ceases to be itself. Its domain exists in only two places: the heart and the grave.

Kitagawa Ryo's breathing suddenly became rapid, as if a taut string had snapped, and he was completely plunged into boundless darkness.

-------------------------------------

Kitagawa Ryo was urgently transferred to the intensive care unit. Sakayanagi Arisu followed the nurse blankly into the ward where he had lived for five years, a ward that was all too familiar to him.

Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) is not like an ordinary disease. There is no such thing as being able to move back home after improvement. In fact, every doctor and nurse here, and even Arisu Sakayanagi herself, knew that only the cruelest outcome awaited Kitagawa Ryo.

Sakayanagi Arisu came today to first collect some important items, and then gradually dismantle the ward back to its original state in several stages, turning it into an ordinary high-standard ward to await the hospital's next patient.

My mind felt completely chaotic, and it seemed like things had become a mess by the time I came to my senses.

With her father's words, which she had overheard outside the bathroom that day, flashing back in her mind, Sakayanagi Arisu walked straight to the enormous bookshelf she had given to Kitagawa Ryo.

She took out a thick notebook from there, filled with detailed analyses of symptoms and feasibility deductions for various treatment plans, all about congenital heart disease.

My finger turned to the next page, where a thick greeting card was tucked inside.

The act of turning the pages seemed to have woken it up, as a tinkling sound came from it.

"Für Alice".

"I will cure Liang's illness."

It was my own handwriting from three years ago.

Something had overflowed from her deep purple pupils.

The broken sunlight dappled the ward with spots of light. Although there was no wind, a whistling sound could be heard, like countless muffled little bells ringing one after another.

Chapter 76: Achieving the Ending: Wishing for One Heart

There are three fundamental predicaments in life.

First, we are born destined to be ourselves, destined to live among countless others, and unable to fully communicate with them. This means loneliness.

Secondly, humans are born with desires, but their ability to fulfill those desires will never match their capacity to satisfy them. This is an eternal gap.

Third, people are born not wanting to die, yet they are born heading towards death. This implies fear.

-------------------------------------

Kitagawa Ryo finally adjusted his mindset. Although he was never someone who lacked emotions and was unable to empathize with others, and in fact he had taken care of the sick Hotaru for about four years, compared to Hotaru, Sakayanagi Arisu was obviously precocious. While Hotaru was still pestering him to listen to the simulated stories she made up and acted out, Sakayanagi Arisu had already abandoned the childish mentality of believing in fairy tales.

She is always aloof and always in control, which makes people overlook Sakayanagi Arisu's own imperfections.

Perhaps this was a deliberate choice by Sakayanagi Arisu. From the age of seven, or perhaps even earlier, she presumptuously defined herself as a genius, an existence transcending the realm of mortals. This statement sounds like a kind of childish boasting, even arrogance, but only after thoroughly understanding everything about Sakayanagi Arisu up to this point can one know that the root of this idea is actually just a simple sentence:

Parents are grateful for their children's excellence, and children are grateful for their parents' excellence.

Like a philosopher yearning for utopia, Sakayanagi Arisu may have longed for this kind of family relationship.

Wanting to defeat Kiyotaka Ayanokoji, this child, whom she had only met once in her childhood, had a strong competitive spirit stemming from her father's resistance to the white room, so she wanted to prove him wrong.

[I cannot lose to any child nurtured in this facility; having inherited superior genes, I must stop this.]

That was probably what Sakayanagi Arisu was thinking at that time.

Then, as she grew up, Arisu Sakayanagi realized that she was out of place in this world, like a gear stuck in a machine.

Her childhood was missing half of what a normal child would have experienced, including family, school, and social interactions.

Kitagawa Ryo had never personally experienced this feeling. He had always been a healthy person, and even in this simulation, his mindset had not changed because he subconsciously knew that this was just a fake simulation. Even though he was gradually losing sensation all over his body, he would become a healthy person again once the simulation ended.

So even when everyone around him cast pitying and concerned glances his way, he remained unmoved.

From an outward appearance, Kitagawa Ryo seems as strong as Sakayanagi Arisu. In fact, in the eyes of Sakayanagi's chairman, Kitagawa Ryo, who is suffering from a terminal illness, is even more outstanding than his daughter.

But it's not.

It wasn't until that night at the hotel that Kitagawa Ryo finally understood everything.

The catalyst is that pair of glasses that are so close yet so far away. Unable to speak, unable to act, unable to embrace—it's all just a formality. Ultimately, it all points to a state of helplessness, or rather, a state of having the will but not the power.

Kitagawa Ryo remembered the lost hat that Sakayanagi Arisu had told him about in real life.

A girl named Sakayanagi Arisu came to the seaside and the wind blew away the gift her father had given her. She tried to retrieve it, something that even a six or seven-year-old child could easily do, but she couldn't.

She could only watch helplessly as the hat disappeared from her sight and was swallowed by the deep blue sea.

The process of being sick is also a process of fulfillment, so Arisu Sakayanagi should be grateful that she didn't have the more serious amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), so she should be grateful that she can still walk with a cane, so she should be grateful that she still has a loving father, so she...

This has never been a matter of optimists and pessimists dealing with a half-full glass of water.

Instead, all she could see around that half-full glass of water, within Sakayanagi Arisu's field of vision, was a full glass of water, but she had no other choice but to look at that half-full glass.

Therefore, Sakayanagi Arisu is the embodiment of contradictions.

On the one hand, she firmly believed that she was the most outstanding genius born from the combination of the best genes from the best parents, and Sakayanagi Arisu firmly believed this.

However, she also has to face her congenital heart disease, a congenital defect that has brought countless regrets to her life so far.

Sakayanagi Arisu never met her mother, but her father showered her with threefold love.

Sakayanagi Arisu suffers from congenital heart disease, but she is also a remarkably intelligent genius.

Sakayanagi Arisu believes she inherited excellent genes, but these genes, besides their benefits, also brought her flaws.

But it's too late now.

Kitagawa Ryo barely opened his eyes. He was surrounded by medical equipment. This was the intensive care unit, and even daily visits were strictly controlled. Family members could only peek at him from afar through the glass while wearing protective suits.

Moreover, Kitagawa Ryo is now completely terminally ill. The negative effects of [Heaven's Jealousy] are even more exaggerated than he imagined. However, this is partly due to his own disordered sleep schedule and his failure to treat himself as a patient.

Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) has progressed to its late stage. Kitagawa Ryo has almost completely lost all self-care abilities, and even breathing, the most essential thing for survival, requires the assistance of a ventilator.

It's a bit funny to think about it now. He clearly drew the top-tier gold talents [Painting Saint] and [Extensive Knowledge] in this simulation, but he has only seriously studied books for three or four years, and he has hardly ever touched painting. He only doodled once a few years ago with Sakayanagi Arisu.

No matter how extraordinary one's talent may be, it can be easily destroyed by disease.

next time.

Kitagawa Ryo closed his eyes. He had given up on this simulation and placed all his hopes on the next one.

This was indeed his initial plan. The purpose of the first simulation, built around the core talent of "Heaven's Jealousy," was to thoroughly complete the pathological research on Sakayanagi Arisu and the analysis of her personality.

The purpose has been achieved.

but……

Kitagawa Ryo could hardly imagine the future of Sakayanagi Arisu in this timeline. He entered Sakayanagi Arisu's life in the most unreasonable way, and then left in the most unacceptable way.

In that instant, Kitagawa Ryo suddenly understood some of Sakayanagi Arisu's feelings.