It's so painful! So hard! So difficult!

Chapter 439 Feilin

So, after dinner, Nowen chose to squeeze his not-so-big body into a small corner of the backyard. When people feel uneasy, they always seek a sense of security in a small space. But when they encounter a problem that they can't figure out, anxiety can spread even in a small space.

At only seven years old, Nowen felt anxious for the first time. At this moment, a hand quietly patted his back and asked,

"What are you thinking about, little Norman?"

So natural, so natural, that Norman didn't even notice, that the girl known as a genius appeared in the afterglow, bumping into Norman huddled in a corner. The moment he saw her, Norman's expression flashed with panic. He immediately stood up, intending to flee. But the nun didn't seem to be willing to give in.

"If you don't say it, no one will understand your thoughts. Tell your sister, I won't eat you."

The simple jokes, the calm tone of voice, and the hand the nun quietly placed on Nowen's head made Nowen feel an inexplicable peace. The nun was just that kind of person. She had the "magic" to stay close to everyone. As long as you were close to her, you could feel another world without hostility.

The nun sat down next to Nowen, who was hugging his knees and talking silently. Nowen looked away, but couldn't help but glance at the sister out of the corner of his eye.

She undoubtedly had the appearance of a young girl, yet she carried an air of maturity and poise. That wasn't the blandness typical of a sixteen or seventeen-year-old. Without any sharp edge, she didn't seem worthy of the word "genius," or even anything unique. She simply sat beside Nuowen, quietly observing the irritable teenager.

Seeing that Nowen didn't speak for a long time, the nun leaned against the wall, looked at the sunset in the sky, and sighed,

"When I was your age, I also liked to sit in this corner. Watching the sunset, the stars, and the beautiful sky helped me relax... Although I didn't quite understand what relaxation meant back then, now that I'm back, I really enjoy this feeling."

"Why don't you just come here and take a look? Anyway, whenever you come back from outside, everyone will welcome you the same way."

Nowen muttered this, and the nun laughed a few more times. She probably guessed what Nowen was thinking and replied,

"As for you, I don't come back often. I'm busy outside most of the time. They usually give you this kind of care. I envy you."

"Envy me?" Nowen tilted his head in confusion and continued to ask,

"Why don't you just live in this monastery? Many of us have worked here our whole lives."

The nun shook her head helplessly, sighed, and said,

“I can’t do that.”

Nowen stared at the young nun's face with a confused look. The nun, who never complained about being tired, slowly spoke and narrated to Nowen.

"You should know that I'm very good at Holy Light Magic, right? It's not just because I'm naturally talented, it's also because I work very hard."

"Nowen, I heard you're quite capable. Sooner or later, you'll understand the meaning of responsibility. God gave us birth in this monastery, and it wasn't meaningless. We are God's apostles, and we are to spread His love for people and protect them."

Nowen nonchalantly folded his hands behind his head and said,

"Why do we have to do this? Didn't God say that everyone has the right to choose their own life? Besides, the nuns are here to receive all kinds of believers who come to worship. Aren't they also working for God?"

"That's different. They don't have the ability to do what I'm doing now. Or rather, they'd have to work ten or even a hundred times harder than I do to reach my level. If I don't do it, Stella, Mino, Trika, and the others will have to bear even more pressure, and I'd feel really bad about that."

After mentioning the names of several nuns, Norman finally felt a sense of reality. If the nuns around him were always gloomy, Norman would really be unable to bear it. Now, Norman also roughly understood why her hands had so many calluses. It was because of the burdens she carried for others.

In this environment, he gradually felt a strange feeling. She was fighting hard for the happiness of others, and if she didn't do so, she would feel guilty, so...

"Won't you be tired? Doing these things will make you happy? If you feel unhappy or even painful because of them, then they won't be happy either."

The nun turned her head and gently rested it on her bent knees. The sunset light slowly passed through her hair, leaving a golden brilliance, just as the golden light in her eyes was rippling like a gentle river. She put on the same gentle smile she always had when facing everyone and replied,

"Of course I get tired, so I'll come back and take a break like I'm doing now. But... this is happiness. Being strong enough to fulfill my duties is the joy of being a pastor."

The evening breeze gently blew the ends of her hair onto Nuo Wen's cheek, but he didn't notice it at all. He was completely stunned, probably because of the scene before him.

Having lived in a monastery since birth, Novin had never felt the substance of the word "holy." But when the light appeared so close before him, he understood.

The so-called sacredness should not be merely something high and mighty. Believers in God have been immersed in His teachings since childhood, and precisely because of this, they should convey this divine love to more people in a close-up way.

Nowen had once seen a saint of his generation, and at that time, he had only felt her beauty and inviolability. But now, it seemed... the one before him had completely caught his imagination, more worthy of the title of saint.

"…Oh, this is for you. My mother left it to me. Every time before going into battle, I touch it. It helps me calm down and feel the presence of God. It will definitely help you, too."

Chapter 440 Cross Pendant

The nun reached out her hands and untied a pendant from behind her neck. It was shaped like a divine symbol, shimmering with a faint golden hue. The metal pendant wasn't too large, so it wouldn't affect the wearer in battle. If it was tucked securely inside her underwear, it wouldn't move at all.

She slowly placed the pendant in Nuo Wen's hand. Nuo Wen felt the remaining warmth on the pendant, and some ignorant emotions appeared in his young heart. He looked at it in a daze and said,

"This is what your mother left for you, why give it to me..."

"Of course, it's to protect you. When you face future battles, I hope you can use it to stay calm, maintain your faith in the gods, and make the most level-headed judgments."

Nowen clenched the pendant in his small hand. Although there was a glimmer of determination in his young eyes, there was also a hint of hesitation. He replied,

"But, now that you've given me this pendant, what are you going to do with it, sister?"

After hearing Nowen call out "sister" for the first time, the nun smiled again.

"It's been with me through many battles. Even without it, I can still do my job perfectly. Just keep it safe. I'm tired, so I won't be with you anymore. You should go get some rest too."

As she spoke, the nun stood up and waved to Nowen. That was probably all she could do and what she wanted to do. But Nowen felt an impulse that prompted him to stand up and shout to the nun,

"Sister, what's your name? I've heard rumors about you for so long, but I've never heard your name."

The nun was stunned for a moment, seemingly unprepared for this situation. While the clergy's main enemies were evil spirits, most demons could cast detrimental spells upon knowing their enemies' names. Therefore, they were accustomed to concealing their names.

But she hid her name so well in the monastery. I can only say that the nuns had really high expectations of her. They protected her like this, but...

"My name is Feilin. See you next time, little brother Nowen."

If even one's own people can't remember their own names, then what's the point of a name? Feilin said her name in a gentle and steady tone, but her words were extremely plain and simple.

Feilin was like a beautiful cloud on the horizon, floating before one's eyes, enveloping one's heart, and then vanishing without a trace. Although Nuo Wen couldn't have come up with such a metaphor at the time, when he recalled it now, that's roughly how it felt.

But it would be great if... she really just waved her sleeves and said goodbye without taking away a cloud.

After that separation, Nowen never saw Feilin again, but he seemed to be inspired by her and began to study hard and diligently. It wasn't until several months later that he received the news of her death. For the first time in his life, Nowen experienced a breakdown.

Being an adventurer is a dangerous profession with a high mortality rate. Although there are specialized intelligence reconnaissance teams, they can also suffer casualties and their intelligence can be distorted. Most of the time, accidents will occur when they go out on adventures.

Even adventurers like Bai Lin and his team, who had intelligence specially prepared by Kong, would encounter unique dangers, such as Xifa, or powerful monsters encountered due to ecological changes.

Therefore, dying young is not a surprising outcome. But it is undoubtedly sad.

A top priest, hailed as a genius and held in high esteem, had perished. Some said it was her captain's recklessness that led them into a difficult mission. Others said it was bandits who attacked and claimed their lives. But none of that mattered. What mattered was that Feilin was dead.

This was the first time that Nowen realized how fragile human life is. At only seven years old, though he still aimed for Feilin and slowly took steps toward his goal, he didn't harbor a strong sense of responsibility. Instead, he valued his own life even more.

This is why Bai Lin found such an excellent priest in the tavern at the beginning. It’s not that he doesn’t have the drive of a young man, but,

Just afraid of death.

Fear of death is everyone's nature, at least that's what Nuo Wen thought. But in this year, he saw someone who was not afraid of death, and that was naturally Bai Lin.

Putting aside Bai Lin's resurrection abilities, she was naturally human and felt pain. But there was no doubt that she would always charge at the forefront of the team without hesitation, resisting the enemy's attacks. Even when covered in wounds, they had never seen Bai Lin retreat faster than they did.

He once asked Bai Lin why he worked so hard, but Bai Lin just scratched his head and replied,

"That's nonsense, it's about making money. If the income wasn't high, would you do this kind of work? I wouldn't do it anyway."

"What happens after you make money?"

"Buy better equipment and go further... That's my plan. I told you before, right?"

"You can't make more money by doing this."

"I'm not sure, but I do have this idea. I bear the responsibility to move forward, not just because I'm the Son of God. To do that, I must make good use of my abilities to save the world. But I certainly also enjoy fame and fortune; the more of those things, the better."

As the team's chaplain, Norman knew firsthand how many injuries Bai Lin had endured. Often, he'd frown at Bai Lin's injuries, yet Bai Lin could manage to smile even while facing Fei'er, who was scowling. He truly couldn't understand what was driving Bai Lin to fight so hard. But now that he thought about it...

It’s still about responsibility.

No matter what responsibilities Bai Lin shouldered, she used them as motivation and made good use of them. Not only that, she also successfully led her team and made a difference.

Even a girl who looked younger than him was acting this way. As a man, he should have some shame. He was ashamed of his cowardice. When he lived in the tavern, he would always think of everyone in the monastery.

I was taking risks, and everything I did was like protecting them. Protecting the peaceful streets and the monastery overflowing with holiness and happiness.

Chapter 441 The Pastor's Determination

This thought, along with the example set by Bai Lin, gradually made Nuo Wen begin to stand up and change his mind. He was a talented person after all, so why should he be a coward who only sought stability in such an environment?

In such an environment, even the survival of most human beings is at risk.

And now, many of the people he was supposed to protect have already passed away. Is he going to remain silent and watch those before him fall one by one?

Now is the time to step forward!

Nowen's hands stopped shaking, and he resolutely pulled out the pendant from his side pocket, a pendant he had never worn even once. He had never considered himself worthy of the pendant. Even though he believed in the power of the gods and had his own beliefs, he didn't think he could shoulder that kind of "responsibility."

But now he has made up his mind.

"Everyone, listen to me. If we simply deploy the barrier here, the probability of anyone surviving will be infinitely close to zero. You should all understand this. So, my proposal is—"

"Transfer all your accumulated magic power to me. I am enough on my own. Let me stop them!"

These absurd and unreliable words were spoken by Norman in a firm tone. Although Grayer was surprised for a moment, he immediately rejected them.

"Absolutely not! Nowen, Andel is already in this state, we absolutely cannot let anyone else fall. The captain and the others will definitely prioritize solving our problems. Our best option is to hold out here until the captain and the others' support arrives!"

Nowen also shook his head quickly and replied immediately,

"Grayer... I think you're aware that the current situation doesn't allow us to focus on our own team's problems. Your legs were just severed, and you've lost almost all your combat capabilities. Our already weak combat effectiveness has been further depleted."

Having said that, Nowen let out a long sigh. He raised his head slightly, looked at the wall lamp above his head, pursed his lower lip, and continued,

"Although I've made up my mind, it feels strange saying it myself... If sacrificing just me can buy you all a chance to live, I think it's worth it. On the other hand, if the captain and the others can really support us quickly, then I'm sure I can hold on until then."

"No means no! You absolutely cannot do such a stupid thing. We can't have any more sacrifices!"

Grayer's attitude was unusually tough, his eyes even hinted at anger, and his voice was trembling. But Norman understood that it wasn't anger towards him, but rather Grayer's grief and indignation at his own powerlessness.

"Yes, Nowen, you don't have to go. We will stay here. As long as we stick to our original intentions and make efforts, the gods will definitely respond to us. Everyone will definitely survive, okay?"

An elderly nun walked quickly to Nowen's side. Her face, which should have been kind, was furrowed tightly, turning into a weak plea. Faced with such a situation, Nowen remained unmoved, but said firmly,

"Grandma Lairsdan, the gods' teachings teach us to stand up for the weak, to serve as their spokespersons with noble will, and to dedicate our strength and lives. But blind faith is not in line with the gods' will. I'm determined to leave, so please don't try to stop me."

Nowen's last, slightly weak words caused the atmosphere in the room to fall silent again. He took it as their tacit agreement and slowly walked to the door, which was still being pounded, and gripped the cross staff tightly.

Livlin looked at Nowen in front of her, hesitated for a moment, and said,

"Then I will go with you, Reverend Novan..."

"No. If I collapse outside, without a priest as outstanding as you, the effectiveness of the Barrier of Unity will be greatly reduced. You must serve as our last line of defense and hold this place to the death."

Norman turned aside and replied resolutely. He knew full well that if he could truly stop all the enemies outside with just a little effort, then there would be no need for him to make such a sacrifice. No one believed he would succeed, not even himself. It was simply that he was needed now, and he needed to do this.

"You bastard...if you don't have the determination to win, don't do it! You're the worst at this, we all know that, don't we?!"

Grayer held himself up, shouting at Nowen in a voice that was almost a roar, but Nowen only responded with silence. Livlin was the first to speak. She slowly raised the exquisite cross staff in her hand and replied,

"I understand. Most of everyone's magic power is already with me. Put one of your hands on the cross staff."

"Many thanks."

Watching Nowen slowly place his hand on the cross staff, Grell, already becoming somewhat paranoid, his lips trembling. He wanted to stop it, but he knew full well that this might be the best option. He leaned against the wall behind him, his head drooping weakly.

Holy and warm rays of light slowly rose from the earth into this sacred church. They flowed slowly, illuminating the cold despair in the church, just like the rising sun, enveloping Nowen and surrounding his body.

However, the sun's rays also come at a price: burning. Feeling the holy flame slowly burning within his body, the excruciating pain made Norman feel extremely calm. Before he actually took this step, his heart was completely calm.

Before everyone's eyes, Nowen had truly become God's agent. No one could see his face clearly anymore, only the priest's robes that symbolized his identity and the holy flame of hope burning within him.

He swung his sleeves and hung the pendant on his chest. In the eyes of the monastery, they seemed to glimpse a familiar figure from the past, overlapping with Norman. Norman thought so.

Now I understand, Sister Feilin, why you, with all your talent, were succumbed to the ravages of time. As long as there are people or things you need to protect, you have to push yourself.

This is necessary, but it is also my ultimate wish. Next—leave it to me.

Chapter 442 Endless Darkness

From the cold touch of the pendant, Nowen felt a will as strong as a clear spring. His mind remained extremely calm, and with a body full of light, he stepped into the world full of darkness.

Is the God with me? Perhaps that's the way it is. I'm a completely different person now than I was before. But more importantly, I've overcome my inner cowardice.

Feilin, wait for me. But I really hope Captain Bai Lin can come sooner.

With a half-joking attitude, Nowen retracted the bitter smile on his lips and turned his eyes to a solemn and serious one. Like a statue of a god, he stood up calmly and confidently, and disappeared from everyone's sight on the other side of the door.

-

The entire space shook for a moment. When the black liquid from the inside of Fei'er's cloak dripped onto the ground, both Bai Lin and Manjushage felt it.

The temperature in the air, which had risen due to the flames, suddenly died down to nothingness. It was like the space above the night sky, where a tiny amount of fuel had no effect at all.

The ground beneath Fei'er's feet began to overflow with a dark tide. Her already deep eyes gradually took on a dark spiral, a profound feeling that was completely impenetrable, a depth that made one's thoughts race in a single glance, and then stopped them in their tracks the next moment. This deep, dark color climbed up the tip of her blade, as if to devour everything, struggling to burst out from every part of her body, emitting a silent roar.

"Bai Lin, retreat."

A calm and clear voice, like a sharp arrow, pierced through the noisy and distorted bell tower, reaching Bai Lin's ears clearly. The end of this sentence was also the beginning of a deeper distortion.

The dense, surging black light erupted like a flood. The eerie crimson moon in the sky began to spin rapidly, blending with the night sky until it vanished from the sight of those within the bell tower, leaving behind only a dark, empty, and misty expanse.