Warhammer: I don't want to become a stinky can!

Warhammer: I don't want to become a stinky canned food!!!

Author: Lonely Lamp Night Talk

Summary:

Summary:

This is a world of extreme darkness.

The emperor walks among men, attempting to rebuild the glory of his empire.

But humanity's fate has long been manipulated by evil gods.

The future is fraught with uncertainty, filled only with endless darkness and war.

until--

The Death Guardian named Hades appeared.

The threads of fate intertwine; can external forces reverse the inevitable tragedy for all living beings?

The gods all placed their bets.

But Hades is unaware of all this; he's currently crying like a jerk who's had his toes stepped on.

"Help!!! How did I end up in the Warhammer world?! Ughhhhhh?!"

"And why am I a Death Guardian?!"

"Is it too late to crash into yourself and start over?!"

A humorous novel where a reclusive and irresponsible male protagonist transmigrates into the world of Grimdark, where he oscillates between having a broken leg and crying like a fart.

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Chapter 1 A Tragic Start

In the low-lying white cornfields of Barbarossa.

A chubby-faced, pale-faced little boy was diligently hoeing the ground.

His name is Hades. In his previous life, he was an Earth otaku named He Shi. While playing the Death Guardian Poison Pig game, he suddenly lost consciousness and turned into a newborn baby, arriving on the death planet Barbarossa.

At first, he knew nothing. He only knew that he had been reborn into a world that was quite unfriendly to humans, until his haggard-looking parents taught him to speak and told him that the land beneath his feet was called Barbarossa.

By the Emperor!!! What the hell is Barbarossa?!

This is the world of Warhammer!!!

Hades felt like he could cough up blood right there and then.

What place is Barbarossa?

Barbalus is a famous dead world in the Warhammer universe, the home of the Primarch Mortalian. The entire planet is covered with deadly poisonous miasma, and humans can only survive in low-lying areas where the concentration of poisonous gas is relatively low. The true alien lords of this planet live in mountain fortresses enveloped in the most concentrated poisonous gas.

Humans have never been the masters of this planet; they are merely domesticated pigs.

Whenever the planet's brief daylight ends, poisonous gas slowly seeps into the low-lying areas, and eerie, pale creatures laugh and frolic in the poisonous fog. They leisurely surround the villages, choosing their future slaves.

Without resistance, humanity was already terrified and hid in villages, praying that they would not be chosen.

Some of the chosen ones were killed on the spot, while others were dragged to a fortress on the mountain, where countless witchcraft and experiments awaited these lab rats. Humans were a kind of material, dismembered and then twisted and sewn together, given new life through witchcraft, and made into permanent slaves of the lords.

Humanity here has no hope, just like the world of Warhammer, only eternal darkness.

Hades really wanted to smash his head against a wall and start over. He was already trying his best to control himself, trying not to cry like a jerk who'd had his toes stepped on.

Although he's a transmigrator, he doesn't have a single cheat ability yet! What happened to the transmigrator's rampage?!

With his current small frame, even the lowest-level alien could crush him.

As a time traveler, Hades knew the course of this world, but that was not a good thing.

The reason is simple: this is a world where ideas also have power.

This world consists of the physical world and the subspace. As humans, our bodies exist in the physical world, while our souls are projected like flames in the subspace.

Among humans, those with a closer connection to the warp are called psionicists. Psionicists can use the power of the warp, that is, psionic energy. They can conjure energy with their bare hands that clearly defies the laws of physics; powerful Alpha-level psionicists are even capable of destroying a planet with a single hand.

However, becoming a psionicist is not necessarily a good thing.

Because their connection to the Warp is closer, their soul sparks are brighter and more alluring, attracting creatures from the Warp.

These malevolent beings whisper to psykers through the warp, driving them mad, twisting their minds, and turning them into their permanent slaves. The more frequently psykers use their powers, the brighter their flames become, the more easily they are spotted by warp creatures, and the more easily they are corrupted.

Hades tried it himself and discovered that he had no psionic talent whatsoever; he couldn't even conjure a small spark. While disappointed, he was also increasingly grateful—

A person's soul and thoughts can truly fluctuate in the subspace, and as a transmigrator, Hades knew those obviously forbidden things.

Hades didn't even dare to imagine the consequences if a person's thoughts aroused the interest of a powerful warp being.

In fact, from the moment Hades realized that he was in the Warhammer world, he immediately forced himself to control his mind and not think about the gods of the Warp.

The moment I think of that kind of knowledge, I'll probably be watched by those four evil gods!

But what Hades didn't know was that it was precisely because he possessed the so-called "transmigrator" physique and the planet he descended upon that he barely managed to escape the gaze of the gods.

.

Therefore, Hades currently only has knowledge of the early stages of the Human Empire that he can recall and contemplate.

Originally, humanity in this world flourished with technological advancements, colonizing numerous planets in the Milky Way. However, after the Iron Man Rebellion (also known as the AI ​​Rebellion) and [unclear], human civilization was shattered and on the verge of extinction.

Chaotic times breed heroes. Just when humanity was on the verge of extinction, the man known as the Emperor stepped forward!

The Emperor, the most powerful immortal being in human history, the strongest psionicist—so powerful that he could instantly kill warp creatures, the ruler of Terra, the commander-in-chief of the expeditionary force…

This powerful man, who had been living in anonymity, swiftly unified Terra, which had been divided among warlords. He then created the Space Marines, allied with Mars, and embarked on a great expedition to reclaim human planets that had been lost due to [unclear], as well as to conquer planets occupied by alien races.

To ensure the success of the Great Crusade, the Emperor personally created twenty-one Primarchs using his own genes as a template. Each of these Primarchs possessed wisdom, strength, and talents that were beyond the reach of ordinary mortals. Some of them could see through the essence of all physical and mathematical formulas at a glance, some could cleave a Warhound-class Titan in two with a single sword strike, and some could handle the administration of hundreds of planets simultaneously.

Well, in fact, these Primarchs can do most of the above-mentioned things, but they just specialize in different things.

The twenty Astartes Legions, created using their genes as a template, were the main force of the Great Expedition.

These giants, each standing between 2 and 3 meters tall, possess extraordinary skills and boundless charm, making them awe-inspiring figures for ordinary people!

It's no exaggeration to say that this level of power would make him an overpowered protagonist in any other universe, but in the Warhammer universe, even someone as strong as the Primarch and the Emperor ultimately...

We can't think about it that way anymore!

Hades stopped abruptly.

Anyway, the last half of the Primarch rebelled, becoming neither human nor monster, and the Emperor was trapped on Terra...

Since the expedition, humanity's brilliant destiny has once again turned gloomy—

—But none of this currently concerns Hades, who toils in the fields.

.

The most useful memories from my past life are those related to Mortarion, the Primarch of the Fourteenth Legion's Deathguard.

The twenty-one Primarchs were in the Emperor's laboratory when a warp storm scattered them across the universe. Primarch Mortalian landed on Barbaros.

In the original lore, Mortarion was adopted by the most powerful alien lord living in the high mountains. He was treated as the lord's war machine and was abused throughout his childhood. For example, he was thrown into a beast pit before he could stand up, thrown into the deadly acid rain of Barbarus, and forced to fight other alien lords...

Even as a Primarch, he wasn't this powerful as a child, let alone his alien adoptive father, who was the most powerful psionic on the planet. Thus, Mortalian spent his miserable childhood.

This miserable childhood fostered Mortarion's twisted and distorted personality—foreshadowing his eventual betrayal of the Emperor after being found by him.

Of course, Mortarion's eventual betrayal... also involved the methods of the Warp.

However, these are all things that happened much later in the story. The closest Hades came to the time was when Mortarion escaped his adoptive father's control, led the people of Barbarossa to form a resistance army, and overthrew the alien oppression.

Then, in the final showdown with his adoptive father, the emperor stole his life, thus sowing the seeds of hatred between them...

For a long time afterward, Mortarian simply took over the leadership of the Fourteenth Legion quietly and led it on numerous expeditions.

The people of Barbarossa, on the other hand, gained the right to become members of the Fourteenth Army's Death Guard.

Based on his memories of his previous life, Hades set himself a mid-term goal: to live until the Emperor finds Mortalian and then become a Death Guard.

The side quest, of course, is to take advantage of the time spent in Barbarus to raise your favorability with Mortarion.

Plan Pass

However... becoming a Death Guardian might not be a good thing, after all, they're on the rebel side... the later stages will be terrible, and he doesn't want to become one of them...

But that's all too far in the future, Hades thought about it and decided there was no need to think that far ahead.

Given that he is likely just cannon fodder now, becoming a Space Marine would be an incredible stroke of luck.

Damn it, why is his transmigration so frustrating?!

The short-term goal is, of course, to survive. Life on Barbarossa is deadly at any moment. Before Mortalian led the uprising against the aliens, the average age of people was thirty.

As things stand, Hades is currently in a small village called "Heller Pass". His parents were killed by aliens when Hades was three or four years old. Hades has no feelings for them and can only vaguely remember their pale faces corroded by poisonous fog.

Hades had no brothers or sisters, but fortunately, in the village of Barbarossa, food was distributed according to need. He lived in the mud house left by his parents, receiving only a small amount of food each time, struggling to survive.

There's no way around it; he's too weak right now. Hades is only seven years old and doesn't have the power to rival the Xenomorph.

Every day, he would work in the fields with the villagers during the short daylight hours, and at night he would stay at home, tinkering with making tools and weapons.

His most satisfying achievement so far is a small crossbow, which he modified himself. The materials are all coated with medicine, making it resistant to the corrosion of poisonous gas.

Although charging up the power is quite troublesome, its power is considerable.

He had secretly gone to find the corpses of the aliens left in the poisonous fog. Except for those aliens known for their thick skin, his crossbow could pierce their skin, and sometimes even pass through it.

He had thought about getting a gun, but he found that he didn't have the ability to make ironware. The only iron weapon he had was the dagger his father had left him.

In addition, he has been researching the design of gas masks and the configuration of the chemical materials inside them—everyone on Barbarossa has a rudimentary gas mask to protect themselves from poisonous gas.

To be honest, there has been progress, but not much.

After all, his activity area was limited to the village and the fields nearby, so the amount of medicinal herbs he could gather was limited.

Hades was confident that if he could find other medicinal herbs, he could improve the current gas mask.

The village bell rang, signaling the end of the workday. Hades picked up his hoe and looked with satisfaction at the field he had just harrowed; it was quite large—although he was still young, he was already quite adept at farm work.

He followed the villagers, running quickly back to the village. With a shout, the village gate was pulled open.

Hades returned to his mud house with practiced ease, picked up a cloth to wipe his hands briefly, and then began to boil water and cook porridge.

After dinner, Hades picked up the draft paper of the repeating crossbow he had designed earlier and began to look at it—single-shot crossbows were not very practical in actual combat.

In a real battle, the opponent wouldn't give Hades a chance to reload; this crossbow would only give him a first-strike advantage.

……

Just as he was lost in thought, a series of screams rang out.

Damn it! The aliens chose to attack their village tonight?!

Hades quickly extinguished the lights, put on his gas mask, wore as much corrosion-resistant clothing as possible, then picked up his crossbow and arrows, placed his dagger at his waist, and hid behind the door.

There was nothing he could do; his house had nothing but a large earthen bed and no furniture to hide in.

The aliens, known as the Pale Laughers, crawled slowly along the village paths. Their faces were pale, twisted smiles spread across their faces, and their excessively long limbs were placed eerily against the walls of the houses.

They reminded Hades of spiders with human faces and exceptionally long legs.

However, the extra-large ones are only slightly smaller than a single mud house.

The yellowish-green poisonous gas was imprisoned by their psionic energy and wrapped around their slender bodies.

Hades' pupils suddenly contracted.

He saw it—the poisonous gas slowly seeping in through the crack in the door.

He was chosen.

Hades gritted his teeth, pointed his crossbow at the door, and gave a bitter, pathetic smile.

Looks like a battle is about to begin.

I hope I can survive.

Today, Hades is also trying hard not to cry like a jerk who's had his toes stepped on.

.