Encounter at the subway station

Yang Zhao didn't know when he came, but he stood behind them with a gentle and polite smile on his face.Before, Xiao Xingkan liked to watch him smile at himself, but now he felt that this smile was a bit harsh——

He didn't know how much Yang Zhao had heard.

Thinking of what Yu Chen said before, and what Li Yeshan said, Xiao Xingkan suddenly realized that Yang Zhao should often wear such a smile outside. As a person who has been struggling in society for many years, he knows exactly what to do. Show yourself just right.

It was as if a thorn had been pierced in my heart.

Xiao Xingkan took out a piece of paper from the side, turned around and walked towards Yang Zhao: "Come down to the toilet?"

"Well," Yang Zhao still looked at him with a gentle smile, "By the way, let's see why you haven't come up yet."

Xiao Xingkan guessed that he had heard some of it, and his unreasonable irritability made him afraid to face this person—everyone felt that Yang Zhao was bad, but he didn't refute it forcefully. It is hopeless to be overwhelmed, and the second is that I am really worried about those problems.

What they said was right, he had no money and no status, what did Yang Zhaotu do with him?Isn't it young and easy to coax?

Xiao Xingkan followed him back with messy thoughts, he lacked interest in the second half and didn't start with them, holding his drink and staring at a place in front of him in a daze.Wu Mingqian saw that the atmosphere on the table was abnormal, and offered to stop here today.

Everyone said their goodbyes at the door, Xiao Xingkan followed Yu Chen and took two steps, only then did he realize that Yang Zhao was still behind him, he turned his head as if waking up from a dream, and moved his lips: "I...I have something to do with my roommate Let’s go back first, next time I’ll give you a storm bottle.”

Yang Zhao glanced at him, nodded without saying anything.

·

Yu Chen also noticed that Xiao Xingkan's condition was not good, but he didn't ask any more questions, and secretly reflected on whether he did something bad with good intentions.

As a result, Xiao Xingkan didn't say anything about it until he went back to the dormitory. After washing in the dormitory, he went to bed and fell asleep. Afterwards, he didn't talk to anyone else until the lights were turned off.

He was looking at his mobile phone under the quilt. A few minutes ago, Yang Zhao sent a message saying that he had arrived home, and he only replied "OK".

The next day, he still went to work in the milk tea shop, and Xiao Xingkan brought the storm bottle he made for Yang Zhao.There was also the storm bottle that I made for Gao Qi later, but unfortunately it shook a bit on the road, and the crystallization was actually a bit ugly when I got it to the store.

However, there is an air conditioner in the store, and soon after the ambient temperature dropped, small snowflake-like crystals formed.Gao Qi still didn't come today, so Xiao Xingkan sent him a message saying that the storm bottle was brought, and accompanied it with a picture taken by the way.

Gao Qi immediately expressed his love for this storm bottle, and said that he would come to the store to pick it up tomorrow.

It was still early, and there was still no business in the store.Xiao Xingkan didn't sleep well last night, and today he was in a sluggish state of mind. After reading the book about making milk tea in the store for a while, he had no interest and left it aside, staring at the small snowflakes falling quietly in the storm bottle.

He stared at the name on the bottle in a daze, and it was the same last night - last night he thought over and over all night, and looked through the chat records with Yang Zhao before, and finally couldn't sleep, got up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet, and after using the toilet Sitting at the table staring at the storm bottle.

Looking at it, he felt a little sleepy. He lay down on the table and took a nap, as if dreaming about Yang Zhao.

Yang Zhao still smiled very gently in his dream, he dreamed that Yang Zhao said to himself: "Kankan, I like you."

The moment he woke up, he suddenly felt that he was not worthy of Yang Zhao's liking.

He has nothing to offer Yang Zhao, not even the courage to be with Yang Zhao.

·

In the afternoon, Yang Zhao sent a message to pick him up. The two were clearly separated by a few floors in the same building, but at that moment Xiao Xingkan suddenly felt repelled, and the reply typed in the chat box was rejected. Deleted, dragged to the end, he didn't reply to that message.

Sending a message to Gao Qi saying that he was not feeling well and wanted to ask for leave and leave half an hour earlier, Gao Qi also expressed his understanding and asked him to close the shop and go back when there were no customers.

He hung up the closed sign, cleaned up, and went out to throw out the trash.

When he threw away the garbage and turned around, he happened to see two talking people walking downstairs of the building. It was Yang Zhao who was accompanying a blond foreigner. Both of them were in suits and leather shoes. When they got out of the building, no one noticed the people who were looking at them.

Xiao Xingkan stared at their backs and entered the lobby on the first floor, and vaguely heard Yang Zhao chatting and laughing happily with the people around him in English. That kind of elite demeanor and style was like a sharp blade held in a scabbard, looking low-key and harmless. But at the right time, it can shine brightly.

——That is the world that belongs to Yang Zhao.

It wasn't until this time that Xiao Xingkan really felt the difference between himself and Yang Zhao.

He turned around, went back to the store, picked up the storm bottle with Yang Zhao's name engraved on it, opened the stopcock on the glass bottle, and poured the liquid inside into the sink.

He watched the light blue liquid and fine crystals flow into the sewer, and suddenly felt that he had lost all his love.

·

The next morning, after Gao Qi came early in the morning, he obviously couldn't put it down to the storm bottle that Xiao Xingkan gave him. He turned his head and saw that the other bottle that Xiao Xingkan brought was empty, leaving only a beautiful bottle. A person's name engraved in font.

"Is this bottle also used to make a storm bottle?" Gao Qi leaned over, saw the solution remaining at the bottom of the bottle, and asked curiously, "Why is there nothing in it?"

Xiao Xingkan stared at the name for a while, then shook his head: "No."

Gao Qi said "Oh" twice, feeling that Xiao Xingkan's face was not very good-looking, and asked again: "Are you still sick? I feel that you are not energetic."

"Sorry..." After Xiao Xingkan finished speaking, he wanted to say something, but he didn't know how to say it.

He thought Gao Qi was gay, and happened to be here today, and wanted to ask something about that circle, but he couldn't get the words out of his mouth.

People who want to quit will subconsciously avoid related topics, as if they will reduce their troubles by standing still in a certain place, but troubles often come from inner restlessness.

Gao Qi noticed something, just pointed to the name on the empty bottle and said with a smile: "I guess, this bottle must be given to some important friend? Is it a girlfriend?"

Xiao Xingkan followed his words: "It's not...it's a man."

"Such a handmade romantic gift engraved with a person's name must have a very special meaning." Gao Qi sighed, "Is it someone you like?"

He felt that Xiao Xingkan was troubled, and he was always hesitant to speak, and he didn't ask what he wanted to ask. As a boss, if he didn't want to talk about salary increase or resignation, then it was a matter of life.

Xiao Xingkan hesitated for a moment, saw that there were no customers in the store, and asked in a low voice: "Brother Gao Qi, will homosexuality really be rejected and discriminated against?"

"This question..." Gao Qi smiled, "In the current society, there are some things that are obvious to all, aren't they?"

Xiao Xingkan's complexion became even darker.

"But you see, I'm not living a good life as a homosexual." Gao Qi said, "It is often said that what breaks a person is the environment around him, and even a person with a strong heart will inevitably be affected. But if there is no With a strong heart, no matter what the environment is, it cannot adapt.”

Gao Qi pulled Xiao Xingkan to sit down, stretched out his hand and flicked the storm bottle, making those little snowflakes tremble in the solution.

"You know, homosexuality was once considered an abnormal mental state, written in the diagnostic criteria of certain mental and behavioral disorders, and it was not removed until later. Homosexuality is not a disease... But to this day, many people Mentioning the same-sex group conjures up bad things — promiscuity, AIDS, whatever.”

"That's the survivor bias," Xiao Xingkan thought for a while and said, "There are actually quite a few people in this group, but the part that spreads out and is publicized by people is just an event that seems to attract more people's attention. "

"That's a good point, survivors are biased." Gao Qi smiled, "In this society, men and women, men and men, women and women are actually mostly ordinary people, and they do similar things, but because of the inherent differences in human nature Snooping and novelty hunting often make some bad things exaggerated, spread and publicized."

"Until today, we have not been fully accepted in a more open and diverse environment, but there are still people who are making unremitting efforts for it." Gao Qi raised his head and looked at Xiao Xingkan with gentle eyes, "Some scholars once proposed Replace the name 'homosexual' with 'same sex | love' to eliminate ambiguity, love love love, love and love are often put together, but the meaning is always different."

"Love and love." Xiao Xingkan repeated in a daze.

"Love is a verb. I am attached to you, I am attached to you, and I am in love with you. You will find that it is empty and there is no emotion in it."

"And 'love' is not only a verb, but also refers to the emotion in the human heart. As a higher animal that is different from animals, has a language system and can use tools—a unique psychological product of human beings, it is priceless, valuable, and worth cherishing "Gao Qi said, "We all hope that the day will come when I love you, and that's all I love you."

"I can guess some of the confusion you encountered, and I have been there before." Gao Qi patted him on the shoulder, "The foundation of everything is to protect yourself, and then try bravely, and don't let yourself regret it Just fine."

Don't let yourself... regret?

Xiao Xingkan leaned his head against the arm supported on the table, and stared sideways at the empty storm bottle.

·

Before leaving get off work, Yang Zhao still sent a message, joking like before: "Is it because the storm bottle is not ready, so you dare not see me?"

Xiao Xingkan stared at the text message, but still didn't reply.

He wanted to think again, to seriously consider this person and this relationship.

·

The empty bottle with Yang Zhao's name on it was taken back and placed on the desk in the bedroom.Xiao Xingkan seems to have returned to his previous life, the canteen, dormitory, and teaching building are at [-]:[-] and [-]:[-], and he is not always holding his mobile phone as he was some time ago, and he never mentions Yang Zhao again, as if this has never happened before. .

Li Xunguang and Gou Mengxi didn't notice the change in him at all, but Yu Chen, the only one who knew the inside story, always felt an indescribable sense of guilt.

He asked tentatively: "Brother, you and your friend recently..."

Xiao Xingkan grabbed his hair and said nonchalantly, "I haven't been in touch, what's the matter?"

He looked at his phone, but there was indeed no contact.After he didn't reply to the message for two consecutive days, Yang Zhao didn't send another message to ask anything.

Perhaps the rupture of the connection between people started when the message could not be read back.

He has thought a lot these past few days, thinking about everything, but no matter how much he thinks, it seems that he can't get over that hurdle.

Until Friday night, after class, everyone went their own way. Gou Mengxi went out to invite someone to play games, Li Xunguang went to accompany his girlfriend, Xiao Xingkan and Yang Zhao stayed in the dormitory.

He opened the WeChat chat interface with Yang Zhao again. This is something he has often done these days.

Yu Chen's mobile phone beside the bed was playing English songs, Xiao Xingkan rubbed his eyes and was about to get up to go to the bathroom, when the mobile phone with the WeChat interface turned on suddenly vibrated, and a message popped out——

"It's worth it."

Xiao Xingkan's body trembled slightly, he held the phone blankly, but couldn't move away for a moment.