Gospel of Lazy Cancer

The Buddha said that everything is in one thought, the mind is pure and the mind is defiled, the mind is born and the mind is extinguished, the mind is more and the mind is less, the mind is right and the mind is wrong, and the Buddha is minded.

He was born as a demon, so there is no need to read it.

"Cough, cough, cough... You lack fatherly love. A teenager wets the bed, tortures and kills animals, and now he sets fire again. The characteristics of a serial murderer are all satisfied." Yao Chen slid off his back and knelt on the ground while complaining. Throwing away the robe that was soaked in water and scorched by the fire, tears and tears were streaming down his face, and he was severely smoked by the fire.

"Is this your attitude towards your savior?" Can you stop mentioning the matter of bedwetting? !

The emperor didn't feel very well either. In order to save the person in front of him, his robe was scorched by the flames and was in tatters. His face was also streaked with black ashes. He was very embarrassed.

"The good and the bad are equal." Yao Chen looked at him and remained objective.

After the fire was extinguished, the imperial physician found several slight burns on the emperor's skin. He didn't feel anything just now, but the emperor also felt a burning pain.

Because the imperial concubine had been suffering from neurasthenia all year round and could not be stimulated, no one dared to tell the truth, only that a fire broke out in the hall suddenly, the emperor was frightened, and no one was injured or injured.She came to visit the two of them, and after a while, she was persuaded to go back to rest.

Under Cao Duzhu's death gaze, Yao Chen had no choice but to put down the nectar made by the imperial concubine, took the ointment prepared by the imperial physician, and personally applied the medicine to the emperor.

The emperor was very disgusted: "You take it easy, hiss."

Yao Chen lowered his head and blew to him: "Painful Feifei."

"..." He was trying to anger himself on purpose, that's all, as long as he stopped saying that he had a tendency to self-destruct.

Yao Chen finished giving him the medicine in silence, and suddenly said, "It's too boring to stay in the palace. I heard that the military inspector is going to test new weapons. Let's go play around?"

The emperor felt that there was nothing to do, so he agreed.

Governor Cao of Dongchang, who was preparing for the emperor's itinerary, was a little worried: "What new gadgets can those idiots of the military inspector make?"

Yao Chen: "If the emperor wants to see it, they must have it."

Rows of scarecrows were erected as targets in the school grounds. The emperor stood on a high platform, a hundred feet away from the school grounds, to ensure safety. From the other direction, someone brought a basket of glass bottle-shaped items, which were handled with care without any collisions. Dare to have.

"This is a model, not lethal." Yao Chen showed the emperor a sample.

The appearance is very beautiful and novel, the black glass bottle is slender, about the size of an adult's arm, the glass is smooth and shiny, faintly transparent, the bottle mouth is sealed, and there is something wrapped in cotton cloth, except for this, it can be used as an accessory up.

"What's this called?"

"Burn/burn/bottle." It doesn't even count as ammunition, and the formula inside is super low-end. Because of the short time, Yao Chen used simple refined petroleum, phosphorus, and even put lard ointment.Moreover, the cost of burning/burning/bottles is very high, and it can only be used for fun, and it is impossible to produce on a large scale.

Yao Chen explained how to use it: "Ignite the ignition device at the mouth of the bottle, and then throw it hard at the target. Be sure to throw it far away, and it must not be stained by the things inside. The lard paste inside is sticky and burnable. If you accidentally get it Mars, the more you pat the fire with your hands, the bigger the fire will be. If you roll on the ground to put out the fire, the whole body will be covered with fire, and the people around you should try to stay away from it, so as not to throw the burning oil on the body when the person on fire struggles, causing secondary fire. Therefore, if someone is unfortunately caught on fire, for his sake, it is more merciful to kill him with one arrow."

The others trembled when they heard it. Are all the people in Dongchang so cruel?Some also expressed disbelief, how could such a small bottle have such a great lethality?

The emperor became a little interested, so he sent an order to test it immediately.

Seeing the order flag in the place where the weapons were stored, a school captain immediately lit a bottle and threw it into the field.

The bottle flew towards the target with flames, and exploded with a bang, like a huge firework. Sparks shot out, and the fire mist spread instantly. Everywhere it passed was a sea of ​​flames, and fires ignited within a range of tens of feet. For a long time.

Looking at the soaring flames that ignited, even if he stood far away, the emperor could feel waves of heat.

"reward."

Although this new weapon has many fatal shortcomings, such as difficult transportation, difficult storage, high cost, etc., the emperor enthusiastically invited all ministers and foreign envoys to watch it after the test.

Burning people is a tyrant, and burning enemies is a wise king.

Then, he gained a period of purity.

just for a while.

Civil and military officials persevered in their desire to exert influence on the emperor, especially in the harem where they could not get involved.The back seat is vacant, and the imperial concubine is a formidable one. The young emperor is surrounded by treacherous eunuchs, which is really not reassuring.

The emperor annoyed and swept the paperwork for the appointment of a queen to the ground. He regarded the palace as his own territory, and marrying a concubine was a family matter. He didn't bother to care about how those foreign ministers managed the country. Life pointing fingers?

Probably because he spent too much time in the Leopard Room, he actually saw the long-lost Yao Chen. Since he ascended the throne, Yao Chen is not so happy to come out to meet people. He either lives in Dongchang or stays with the imperial concubine, just like a cat Bears in winter are less and less active.

"What made you condescend to come here?"

"Watch the cats play." Yao Chen looked as if he had just woken up, watching the black panther walking around listlessly in the garden.

The emperor remembered that Yao Chen once joked with him, saying that he was just like the cats he raised, naturally vigilant and keen, and when people approached, he immediately fled away, so he had to be very patient and wait slowly for it to approach voluntarily , and then let it smell its own scent first, and then touch it after getting permission. If you force it, it will disappear.If you know its sensitive area and massage it well, it can be spread into a cat cake.Even so, if it enjoys enough, it will turn ruthless and return to a state of arrogance and alienation.

Born immature.

And he was just inviting him to see the newly built Leopard House.

Yao Chen brutally refused: "I already have you, why do I need a cat?"

"..." Every time he didn't make an order to drag him out and chop him up, he won.

The sixth prince had raised a kitten. Later, the kitten was taken away by someone. He refused to resist and was pushed into the water by the older prince, almost dying.

The emperor no longer raises kittens, but prefers big cats, which are healthier and stronger, and no one dares to snatch them.

"In a faraway country in the west, there is a circular building called the Colosseum. It took eight years to complete by 10 slaves. It has a circumference of hundreds of feet and can accommodate nearly [-] people. At the opening, ferocious beasts were released from the circle. Gladiators are driven into the arena, beasts eat people, people fight, no matter the princes, nobles or ordinary people, they enjoy this event very much, cheering for bravery, killing, and death."

"Don't let people listen to you." The emperor didn't know where Yao Chen heard so many anecdotes, and those who didn't know thought that Yao Chen was urging him to build a colosseum to drive people and beasts to fight to the death!

It can be seen that the emperor still knows how to measure, so Yao Chen thinks it's okay for him to build a leopard room. The reason why the foreign ministers are so nervous is because they don't understand, and they don't know how much they imagined. This fun picture.

After all, human beings are not on the black panther's usual diet, and the emperor is so precious to the black panther, how can he feed all the mess into its mouth?

"It's the job of the traitor to make Long live happy, and it's the job of the ministers to make the traitor unhappy. We are all doing our duty."

The emperor looked at him in surprise: "Are you speaking for them? Could it be that you forgot that there are two baskets of memorials to impeach you father and son."

"Only two baskets? Then I will continue to work hard."

"..."

The foreign ministers were worried about the emperor's mental health, but Yao Chen felt that in the period of population explosion, the pressure of survival increased sharply, and no one in the city had minor psychological problems. If the pressure was found to be released in a harmless way as possible, it would be easier to relieve and adjust. It is good.

After all, the emperor was not a normal person.

It is inappropriate to measure the emperor with the psychological state of ordinary people.

After chatting for a while, Yao Chen got down to business.

This time the ministers told the emperor that his wife was the eldest daughter of a scholar in Wenyuan Pavilion, virtuous and virtuous, beautiful and intelligent, familiar with women's virtues and precepts, and also familiar with the four books and five classics.

"Dongchang has checked, and the whole family has no stains. Do you know how hard it is to find such an official's house nowadays? His wife and uncle's family once owed a neighbor ten pennies. The neighbor moved urgently and did not leave a message. It took seven or eight years to find the other party, ask around, and entrust countless relatives and friends, before finally finding out the whereabouts of the neighbor and paying back the money. After spending so much time, it was just for a few copper coins! His wife's family is like this, It can be seen that the family style is clean and upright." And looking at the daughter, the main thing is to look at the mistress of the house, the mistress is dignified and upright, lenient and strict, and manages the family well, so you know that the daughter is not bad.

"Tell me something I don't know." Just because he was blameless, he couldn't pick faults and relegate people like before, so he was depressed and got the Leopard Room for entertainment.

"Possess both ability and political integrity, and outstanding chess skills. It is said that even the bachelor himself is ashamed. By the way, the word for boudoir is Chaoyun, which has the same name as Goddess of Gaotang." Song Yu once wrote "Gaotang Fu" and "Goddess Fu", "Gaotang Fu" When the former king of Chu traveled to Gaotang, the Goddess of Dream recommended himself as a pillow to make love. However, the Goddess of Wushan in "Ode to the Goddess" was awe-inspiring and refused the courtship of King Xiang of Chu.Yao Chen: "The passionate and unrestrained Goddess of Gaotang is more suitable for you, and it must be a sadistic novel when paired with Gaoling Flower."

The emperor lamented that those who always cast aside eunuchs who are ignorant and ignorant should really listen to these words.

"I have a small portrait of her here. The Taoist priest in Chaotian Temple said that Wang Fu Wang's family can still give birth..."

"The Taoist also said that you are a disaster for the country and the people, and that you are reincarnated as a monster."

"He's right!"

"..."

The emperor was very annoyed, he felt that Yao Chen should be the one who understood him best in this matter.

After all, he also avoids marrying a wife and having children.

Yao Chen: "I was born with broken sleeves, and you are afraid of marriage, how can they be compared?"

Yao Chen earnestly said, like three aunts and seven aunts possessed: "You are not too young, you should consider lifelong affairs, after you get married, someone will sincerely care and accompany you, and spend your life with you, so that the elders can rest assured, the common people can feel at ease, and you can also comfort the late emperor's spirit in heaven. Besides, that little lady is really good, and her family conditions are also good, she is a good match for you, and she will try to get married by the end of the year, and hold the two together for three years."

one two three four five six seven eight nine ten.Huh... not angry.

Emperor: "What else do you want to say?"

"The next one might be worse, it's almost over."

Can't take it anymore. "roll!"

"By the way, the pre-marital check-up is very important. Has the imperial doctor shown it to you?"

"Tell you to get out!"

Yao Chen obeyed the order and resigned, and finally turned around and said: "You have established a queen, and the pressure on the imperial concubine will be less."

The emperor was discouraged, so why didn't he know this?

On the eve of the wedding, the emperor got drunk.

After marrying, it means that he has to compromise with foreign ministers and retreat.

Sacrifice is just another nice word for failure.

No matter what the packaging is, it is forcing your own will to bow your head.

"He is young and vigorous, and has a wrong understanding of imperial power. He thinks that being an emperor is omnipotent, and that a born king will do everything he wants as soon as he roars domineering. He will see clearly what the throne is, and slowly Learn to wrestle with foreign ministers, play scheming with internal servants, and even guard against concubines and heirs."

Governor Cao sighed: "It's disrespectful to say a word, he grew up with you, he is considered half brother, please persuade him a lot."

"On the day when he doesn't need to listen to my persuasion, he will become the real Lord of Ten Thousand Vehicles. I hope that time will come sooner." I no longer need to be a nanny and a psychological counselor.

Governor Cao looked at Yao Chen, opened his mouth, but finally remained silent.When that day comes, where will their father and son go?He went to get the hangover medicine himself, and gave Yao Chen and the emperor a space to talk alone.

"I just saw the wedding ceremony of the Ministry of Rites. If you don't go to bed early, tomorrow will be enough for you."

"Huh, but a Buddha is welcome in, and it's just for offering."

"If I were the queen, I would definitely green you, and then join forces with the adulterers to rebel, kill you and your lover, smash your bones into ashes, sprinkle one on the high mountain and the other on the East China Sea, and teach you that you will never see each other in the next life. Yao Chen straightened the overturned wine cup on the table, sat down opposite the emperor, and said maliciously: "If you hurt your body, you can't be misunderstood by the empress...ah!"

The emperor directly gave Yao Chen a chopstick. After he was drunk, he was more irritable than usual - if he was a puffer fish, he would definitely be ballooning into a ball at twelve hours a day.

"From childhood to adulthood, teasing you has become a habit."

Seeing that Yao Chen was in pain, Pufferfish was no longer so angry, Yao Chen poured himself a glass, had a drink with him, and the two drank another jar.

The emperor's eyes gradually blurred, his handsome face shrouded in the silvery moonlight, without a trace of defense, like a child, in stark contrast to the mighty dragon pattern on the pale yellow robe.

Everyone laments watching beauties under the lamp, they must have never tried watching the emperor under the moon.

Yao Chen silently recited the awakening mantra, straight but not bent, bent not straight, straight and bent, never fruitful.

No, it's too good-looking, let's confirm it again.Yao Chen asked mysteriously, "Do you like men?"

I don't know if he was stimulated, or if he drank too much alcohol, the emperor vomited loudly.

Yao Chen: "..."

He helped the emperor up, removed the stains, poured tea for him, and moved him to a ventilated place.

"Maybe I will ask you this time in this life, what do you want?" The emperor squinted his eyes, as if he was about to fall asleep the next moment, but he seemed to be probing and judging. The feeling on the left, heaven on the left and hell on the right, must be cautious and walk carefully.

"A little wolf dog." Yao Chen replied without hesitation.

"Ok?"

"An old Gong with good looks, good legs, long arms, and a good body, only belongs to me from head to toe, he can only be hard for me, become a perpetual motion machine for me, and he will suck when he is with others."

"..." The emperor felt that he was sober. Is Duanxiu so cruel these days?

"You are the ones who are cruel! You actually want to attack my little Chenchen!"

Yao Chen hid behind the imperial concubine, using her as a human shield, looking scared and helpless.

The emperor watched the fun from the sidelines.

The late emperor allowed Governor Cao to bring the uncastrated Yao Chen into the palace, because he was sorry for his young age, and he was afraid that he would die early due to surgery or postoperative complications, so he allowed him to have surgery after he became an adult. After a series of changes, everyone Almost forgot.Suddenly this matter was uncovered, and the foreign ministers made a big fuss, wanting to carry out the late emperor's last edict, and the Taixue students even knocked on the gate to remonstrate, please expel the ten tigers of the East Factory.

A grown man, who is in the palace as a servant, can't keep the innocence of all the women in the harem—this will be an excellent sowing article at a certain point.

"There are three thousand beauties in the harem, and it takes me almost ten years to insult one every day! Doesn't the imperial examination take arithmetic?"

Governor Cao also found it funny: "The private report found by Dongchang said that you consume as many as [-] virgins every day."

"Who is spreading rumors about me? Is it the well-dressed eunuch? He has disliked me a long time ago, and out of ten bad things about me, he said nine of them!"

Although Governor Cao could not get used to that beast in clothes, he was the emperor's man after all, and he couldn't act clearly because he had no evidence.

"Show me." Yao Chen grabbed the stack of rough newspaper books. The paper was poor, the printing was blurred, and there were typos on it, but the descriptions were evocative and explicit, no wonder it was widely circulated.Turning over and over, his expression changed, from exasperated to gloating.

Yao Chen said to the emperor: "This article is very interesting, I'll read it to you." The prince held his father-in-law's hand and said affectionately, my dear, all I think about day and night is your ecstasy body , I was absent-minded when I went to court, and my eyes were full of your appearance...'"

This is not daring to point directly at the emperor, so he refers to it as the prince.

The arc of the emperor's mouth gradually retracted.

"There are more exciting things," Yao Chen continued, "The prince played with the father-in-law's hair and teased, "My concubine misses you very much too."

It's nothing more than calculating him, if you have to write about him, the emperor and the imperial concubine's 3P, if the imperial concubine is involved, the emperor will not be able to stand idly by.

Xiao Chenchen saved it.

Even so, Yao Chen still had to keep his tail between his legs, kept a low profile for a while, and then simply stayed away from the capital.

The emperor didn't expect that, originally he was only asked to go out of Beijing to avoid the limelight, but he taught Yao Chen to meet his little wolf dog and never came back.

"Lingshanwei, Lingshanwei, how much love is in the end of the world? Seeing geese flying south in the sky every day, it is heartbreaking not to see the old man."

In the palace, the imperial concubine held a seven or eight-year-old boy in her arms, and she chanted nursery rhymes to lull him to sleep. In the small bed beside her, another child was already asleep.

The emperor trimmed her hair, and found a few strands of silver in her temples, and was a little dazed.In a flash, it has been ten years since Yao Chen left.

"Look at how well-behaved Chen'er is." The concubine said softly, the child was soundly asleep and drooling.

The emperor smiled, showing some kindness.These two children were born to concubines in the harem, and when they were about the same age, the emperor took them over for the noble concubine to raise and play.

"Sleep when you're full, like a kitten..."

While talking, the imperial concubine suddenly froze, and looked at the strange middle-aged man in front of her with a puzzled expression: "Who... are you?"

The emperor was used to her getting sick from time to time, and said, "I am your husband."

"Husband?" The imperial concubine looked puzzled.

"You are sick and always forget things."

The imperial concubine was dumbfounded: "Oh."

This ill-fated woman, whose child died after birth, was half sold and half deceived by her husband to become a nurse in the palace, and treated the sixth prince as her own, but almost lost him. She took secret medicine for the sixth prince to lactate and later suffered from breast cancer. The accumulation of all kinds of misfortunes in the past caused mental weakness, and memory problems also occurred when I was old.Fortunately, the emperor always treated her the same. Even if there were empresses and concubines, she was the most loved and trusted in the harem.

At this time, her condition is still stable, and with the help of medication, she no longer loses control at every turn. Her memory seems to have returned to when the emperor and Yao Chen were young more than 30 years ago. Yao Chen.

Probably unable to figure out what a husband is, the imperial concubine turned her attention back to the child, and then sang: "Lingshanwei, Lingshanwei, where there is no blood in Lingshan..."

The gentle voice coaxed the little prince, and before the song was finished, one girl and one child all fell asleep with peaceful expressions.

The emperor looked out the window, and suddenly felt that it was a bit like the moonlight on the eve of his wedding, and couldn't help but be lost in thought.

"Let's listen to the sound of pines and waves in the middle of the night, tell me who is drunk today."

Fragments flashed before the emperor's eyes one by one.

Yao Xuan, the father of Yao Chen, the grandson of the fourth generation of Tai Zu, belonged to the lineage of King Chen. The Tai Zu knew that there were too many evils, so he ordered one of his descendants to become monks. One man could be left in each generation to carry on the family line, and the others would be left in the same line. Practice in Hongluo Temple, where Mingjiao relics are enshrined, and pray for the royal family for generations.According to seniority, Yao Chen is the emperor's distant cousin.

After Yao Chen decided to leave, the emperor decided to keep the secret.

After all, the Pu family and the Zhu family still have a blood feud, so it's better not to add more variables.

"Before I died, I took the little wolf dog and left Mingjiao, and I will never return to the Central Plains."

"After I die, I'll give you my body. You can make specimens and store them in the palace or anywhere else to protect Daming's foundation. Although I don't think it's useful."

Everything happens by fate.

He was looking forward to the day when he would meet Yao Chen again.