Follow the sound and follow the way

Apart from the House of Atonement on the top of the mountain, there are several benches with excellent views for climbers to rest on. Lin Yan sat down on a bench with a wide view.The mountain just started in May, which is not the peak season for hiking. The sun was shining at noon, and there was no one at the end of the trail except Lin Yan and Mu Kang.

The plains at the foot of the Alps are vast and magnificent.Lin Yan is at an altitude above sea level, and he can take in the green lake, houses, fields, and woods with just one glance, as if he has become the eyes of the world, watching the laughter and sorrow that complement each other from a macro perspective.

The soul always has a place to return, whether it is happy or sad, good or evil, whether it is willing or not.Lin Yan let out a long breath and said this to himself.

When Mu Kang sat over, Lin Yan had calmed down and said to Mu Kang, "Did you see the other box?"

Mu Kang took out the water and took a sip: "The notebook and pen are specially placed there for tourists to write their experience."

Lin Yan opened a bag of potato chips and handed it to Mu Kang: "Did you write it?"

"No." Mukang glanced at the package of potato chips and said with disgust, "Sour cream onion? What the hell?"

Lin Yan: "Only this one."

Mu Kang said in principle: "Don't eat."

Lin Yan couldn't bear it after eating two slices, so he rarely commented "it's not delicious", stuffed the potato chips back into the bag, took out the rest of the sandwich, and asked while chewing, "Why didn't you write?"

Mu Kang also took a sandwich and gnawed it: "There are a lot of poems that pretend to be profound and nonsense written in it."

Lin Yan was taken aback, and said clearly: "After all, I read a poet's story."

Mu Kang: "With a prison guard."

Lin Yan said heavily, "Stasi."

Mu Kang sighed: "Yes."

The two sat on the top of the snow-capped mountain, ate cold sandwiches, paired with cold mineral water, breathed the cold air, and tasted the cold stories.

After finishing the sandwich, Mu Kang said to Lin Yan, "You know, I liked Camus very much when I was young."

"Hmm." Lin Yan read out the original title of "The Sleepy Spirit", "Le Renégatouune sprit confus."

"The pronunciation is much better than mine." Mu Kang glanced at Lin Yan with a smile, and then said, "I don't like him anymore."

Lin Yan: "Why?"

Mu Kang: "He is too optimistic."

Lin Yan disagreed: "Camus is not optimistic, he just...does not want to fight fearlessly."

"Yes." Mu Kang said coldly, "Choose to accept, and then find happiness in shit."

Lin Yan thought for a while: "It's not that bad, happiness is his way of fighting."

"It's that bad in my opinion." Mu Kang stared into the distance, but his eyes didn't fall to the ground. "Even if you feel happy in spirit, shit is still shit."

Lin Yan didn't speak.

"I used to think that the world is complicated and all living beings are suffering. It's no big deal. Anyway, I can write music." Mu Kang's eyes finally caught a weed swaying in the cold wind on the ridge, "Later I realized that the world is complicated. , all beings are suffering, and I am one of them, and I can’t get rid of it at all, because I can only write music.”

After he finished speaking, he paused for a few seconds, then asked again: "Do you understand?"

Everything goes its own way, and one person is hypocritical like an ant.

"Do you understand?" Mu Kang asked these four words stubbornly and fearfully.

He stared intently at the weeds, not daring to look at Lin Yan, for fear of reading disdain, ridicule or contempt from those eyes that he regarded as precious.

Mu Kang was overwhelmed, his Ayan would never let him down.

Lin Yan nodded, and thoughtfully concluded for Mu Kang: "It has changed from liberation to bondage."

Mu Kang opened his mouth, and the sourness that had been entrenched in his heart for a long time surged out again.

He couldn't even say "um", feeling strange and flustered.

Right, that is it.

You understand too, Ayan.

That's great.

In an instant, Mu Kang had a desire to talk that was not caused by alcohol and was rarely controlled by reason, and there were many things he wanted to say.

But when he looked up at Lin Yan, he saw the familiar focus and tenderness in Qing Qing's eyes, and felt that he was enough for this situation, and nothing bothering him could beat Lin Yan's eyes.

It's all over, and there's no need to say anything more.

Mu Kang moved his gaze to the plain in the distance, and said calmly, "Yes."

Lin Yan said distressedly: "Thank you for your hard work."

"You're right." Mukang said in a low voice, "Finding happiness in pain is Camus' means of resistance. I haven't reached his level."

"I can't do it, I can't get rid of it, and I can't fight it, so I hate him."

"I wanted to tell you when I was done writing." Mu Kang smiled, "Since I have such a predestined relationship with that prison guard brother today, let me reveal it in advance."

Lin Yan reacted quickly: "A symphony written for us?"

"Yeah." The quiet lake on the plain is like Lin Yan's eyes, gently brushing away the darkness silting up in his heart, Mu Kang said frankly, "It's still a symphonic poem, called L'étranger."

Lin Yan looked at Mu Kang in surprise and didn't speak for a long time.

Mu Kang laughed at himself and said: "In fact, I still envy him in my heart. I just became an... outsider."

Lin Yan asked tentatively, "You want to write... your own story?"

"I don't have any stories worth writing." Mu Kang shook his head, "It's Mosuo's story."

Lin Yan said sharply: "Mo Suo is not a happy person."

Mu Kang: "Well. He used indifference to resist the absurd."

Lin Yan asked: "What about you?"

Mu Kang knew that he couldn't be sloppy in front of Lin Yan. After all, A Yan was unparalleled in the world, so smart that Mu Kang sometimes felt ashamed.

He said lightly, "I'm not Mosuo."

Lin Yan looked at Mu Kang relentlessly.

who are you?

What role do you play in music?

Lin Yan's silent gaze is the key to the life of Mu Dacai, he can't resist it, and he doesn't want to resist it.

Mu Kang confessed as if giving up: "Like the man who writes the diary, I am also a silent person."

The world is silent, either because of fear, or because of cowardice, or because of ignorance, or because of fatigue.Ask yourself, no one can firmly say that they are not the silent majority.

Lin Yan thought sadly, me too.

His love has been silent for many years, and he has nothing to say to anyone.

Lin Yan read slowly: "Silence is guilty. I will spend the rest of my life here to redeem my sins."

"Ah." Mu Kang said, "According to his thinking, I am also guilty."

Lin Yan immediately retorted: "Of course not."

"I don't think I'm guilty, at most it's just pain." Mu Kang shrugged, "I understand his guilt, but I don't think he needs to atone here just because he witnessed someone's death."

Lin Yan smiled bitterly in his heart for a while, and said to Mu Kang: "One is the Stasi, and the other is a prisoner. If you want to atone for your sins, you should also atone for the entire Stasi. You think so."

Mukang: "That's right."

Lin Yan sighed softly: "You don't understand him."

Mu Kang: "Who?"

Lin Yan: "The person who wrote the diary."

Mu Kang raised his eyebrows: "Really?"

The sun came directly above the head, telling the explorers that it was time to go down the mountain.Lin Yan stood up and walked to the edge of the cliff, overlooking the earth with the eyes of the world for the last time.

With his back turned to Mu Kang, he used words to point out the gaps in Mu's mind that had not been filled for many years: "It's not that he regrets that he would not be saved, nor does he feel that his hands are stained and donated blood."

"What he wants to atone for is... love."

"He buried his love with his own hands."

Mu Kang leaned back in the chair and was stunned. After a while, he asked in disbelief: "A love that lasts a lifetime and has no results?"

"It's like music used to be a liberation for you, but later it became a bondage." Lin Yan turned around and said solemnly to Mu Kang, "For some people, the same is true for love."

"The difference is that maybe you are miserable, but love can always make people happy."

It was almost seven o'clock when the explorers returned to the hotel.Hiking and climbing was too exhausting. The two musicians were so tired that they didn't even go to the restaurant. They went directly to their room to take a shower and ordered dinner to the room.

When the dinner was delivered, Lin Yan was still in the bathroom. Mu Kang opened the door for the food delivery staff, and it was the little brother who appeared to be the manager of the lobby but was actually a storyteller or bard.The little brother walked in wearing a black suit with his chest upright, and said to Mu Kang solemnly: "I guess you also found that diary."

"I found it, it's really a surprise." Mu Kang stood at the door of the balcony and watched the younger brother put the tableware, and asked casually, "Do you have chopsticks?"

The little brother who has been working in the deep mountains and old forests is probably the first time he heard such a request from a customer, and asked suspiciously: "Excuse me, sir, what did you say?"

Mu Kang: "Forget it, it's nothing."

The little brother bowed slightly, and took out the steak and pasta: "It's an incredible story, isn't it?"

Mukang: "It's so sad."

Brother: "It's full of sin, but it's love!"

Mu Kang said indifferently: "Oh."

The little brother was holding the red wine that the two of them hadn't finished drinking the day before, like holding a grenade, and looked at Mu Kang with a look of "I won't pour you wine if you don't admit it": "Do you think so, sir?"

Mu Jiugui, who was brutally coerced, had no choice but to confess: "Yes, but this love...is too heavy."

"Love is always beautiful." The little brother has not yet passed puberty, "Because of love, we can read those poems, and we can still see the talent and spirit of 'his' after so long."

Mu Kang watched the younger brother pour the wine with satisfaction, and said, "You're right."

"He spent the rest of his life atoning for his sins, and God will give him forgiveness." The younger brother said seriously, "They will meet in heaven."

Mukang: "I hope so."

The little brother set up the dinner, bowed to Mu Kang and said, "I wish you a pleasant meal, just push the dining table outside the door after the meal is over."

Mu Kang sent him out politely: "Okay, thank you."

"Then sir, I wish you and your partner (partner) a pleasant night, goodbye." The younger brother winked at Mu Kang and left quickly.

Mu Kang: "..."

When Lin Yan came out, Mu Kang was neither watching the scenery on the balcony nor waiting for dinner at the dining table, but sat beside the bed in a daze with a melancholy expression.

Lin Yan: "...what's wrong?"

Mu Kang looked up at Lin Yan, and he was sure that he was the kind of person who couldn't get a tan no matter how much he was exposed to the sun. The high altitude sun exposure all day still failed to destroy his fair skin. People in their thirties were wearing pajamas. The way he rubs his head is so fucking young.

Mu scum is so ashamed at this moment, ashamed to death, he has never been so guilty in his life, and his mind is full of "should I tell Ah Yan that someone misunderstood that we are a couple".

Fuck, I feel like I took a lot of advantage, A Yan is such a good person.

Forget it, the soul of the scum said sinisterly, the atmosphere is so harmonious, it's better not to mention it.

Mu Kang tossed and turned all night because of this "partner", and his physical fatigue could not save him from this round of insomnia like late-stage obsessive-compulsive disorder. For a while, his mind was "I'm sorry, A Yan", and for a while, "A Yan didn't hear it anyway." , the two ideas saw-saw game until midnight, finally fell asleep in a state of schizophrenia, and had an unprecedented dream.

In the dream, Mu Kang became an old tortured poet, and Lin Yan became a watchful prison guard. There should have been a horrible sadomasochistic relationship between the two, but the fuck is Mu's scum, who knows that the prison guard is there Peeping at himself, and knowing that the prison guard has some kind of unspeakable heart for him.

In this way, Mu Kang, who had been spoiled beforehand, was very miserable.

Poet Mu really wanted to talk to prison guard Lin, saying that I know you like me, and I like you too, so let's run away together.

But he tried his best and couldn't speak. Apart from reciting those few poems, he could only shout "I don't plead guilty" from beginning to end.

I plead not guilty!

I plead not guilty!

I plead not guilty!

Stop yelling, Mukang thought anxiously, call your husband over!You're dying, idiot!

It's a pity that the direction of the matter has already been determined, and he can only stay helplessly in the body of the poet, watching the owner of this body being abused to death, watching Lin Yan climb over the Berlin Wall, wandering in the world in grief, climbing to the top On the lonely peak of the Alps, isolated from the rest of the world.

In the last frame of the dream, Lin Yan closed the door of the mountain hut expressionlessly.The hut seemed to be equipped with an invisible barrier, and Mu Kang, who had become a lonely ghost, was unable to pass through the wall.

He and he said goodbye in the cold wind with such a worried and ashamed heart.Mu Kang stood alone outside the hut, and suddenly there was a heart-piercing pain in his heart.

The pain of burning all five inside was so real that Mu Kang was awakened abruptly by the pain.

He opened his eyes suddenly, his whole body was covered with cold sweat, and his heart was beating like thunder beside his ears.The room was still dark, the curtains were thick and opaque, and it was unclear whether it would be dawn.

Mu Kang forced himself to take a deep breath, and it took almost 5 minutes to recover, his eyes gradually adapted to the darkness.He reached for his phone, and the clock read 07:30 in the morning.

Usually at this time Lin Yan is either making breakfast or going for a morning run, but now he is still sleeping while listening to his breathing, probably because he was too tired from climbing the mountain yesterday.

Mu Kang quietly sat up and put on his slippers, and saw that Lin Yan in the next bed was buried under the quilt, with only a few strands of hair exposed, like a discreet shell.Mu Kang thought of the scene of Lin Yan closing the door in his dream, and his heartbeat became disordered, as if the pain that was about to tear his soul apart had a tendency to revive again.

Fuck, what a broken dream.That diary might not be Voldemort's Horcrux.

Distraught, he went looking for cigarettes. First he rummaged through his pants, but he couldn't find them for a long time, so he had to rummage through his jacket. Finally, he found a cigarette case that was on the verge of falling apart and a lighter that he didn't know if he could still use it in his inner pocket.

The cigarette case couldn't live anymore, and there were still four or five cigarettes in it.

Mu Kang opened the curtains a little, and the sunlight and the temperature of the sun penetrated through the gap, and it still looked like a good weather.

He turned his head and glanced at the bed, seeing that Lin Yan was still buried under the quilt in a state that he was not afraid of suffocation, so he opened the glass door carefully and walked out.

I sneezed as soon as I stepped on the balcony, it was so fucking cold.

Although the wind was bitingly cold, it also had a powerful effect on calming the mood. Mu Kang's chaotic mood was blown away by the wild wind in the style of "life, not money" in the mountains.Looking at the mountains in the distance that were dyed gold by the rising sun, he exhaled a foul breath, turned around and planned to light a cigarette.

The lighter, who has not been on duty for a long time, seems to be still on vacation. Mu Kang made eighteen gestures to light cigarettes, and even the small flame only flickered once.

When Lin Yan yawned and pushed open the glass door, Mu Kang was standing with his back to the wind, struggling to make the No. 19 cigarette lighting pose between monkey stealing peaches and roc spreading its wings.

Lin Yan rubbed his eyes: "...why did you get up? Are you practicing yoga?"

Mu Kang saw it straight: so cute!And fucking rubbing his eyes!Are you a three-year-old kid? Lin is three years old!

Mu Kang, who hadn't lit the fire for a long time, immediately didn't want to smoke, and changed back to Yushu Linfeng in a second, and smiled at Lin Yan: "Good morning."

Lin Yan: "What time is it?"

Mukang: "07:30."

"It's so late?" Lin Yan was taken aback, "I was too tired yesterday."

Mu Kang drove Lin Yan back to the room: "Go to sleep again?"

"Don't sleep, I need to read the score when I go back." Lin Yan walked into the bathroom, holding a toothbrush and said, "Tomorrow, Bruckner [-] is scheduled, and I haven't done it before."

The two checked out and left the hotel at 10:30 in the morning, and the small gear train slowly picked up the two explorers who had finished their journey.

The explorers are not depressed, because home is ahead, they have something to rely on, and they are full of expectations when they return to the original road.

The cruise ship is still full of tourists, the pier is still busy and crowded, the town is still full of spring breeze, and the home is still quiet and warm.

However, unknown changes also happened quietly in the corner.

When Lin Yan was opening the door with the key, Mu Kang suddenly shouted excitedly: "Lin Yan! Look!"

Lin Yan turned around and saw Mu Kang squatting in a corner of the garden, pointing to a touch of blue in the soil and weeds, and happily said to him: "The flowers are blooming!"

There was a smile in Mu Kang's eyes, and the spring sun softened his cold temperament, blending in with the surrounding scenery, like a returnee who has lived here for many years.

The author has something to say

Camus's "L'étranger" has two Chinese translations, namely "The Stranger" and "The Stranger". The meanings of the two have different emphases, and both are related to this article. It is difficult to choose, so the original text is used.