do you really love me

"do you really love me? "

Lu Yan & Ye Bei

BE.

001

Lu Yan fell from the driver's seat of the truck in a panic, his knees gave way, and he almost fell to his knees.

Seeing this, Squad Leader Qiu hurriedly supported him, and asked with concern, "Are you all right, Xiao Lu?"

"No, it's nothing." Lu Yan struggled to pull out a smile. With trembling hands, he took out the cigarette pack in his pocket, sipped one and put it between his lips.

He lowered his head and stared at the white sneakers on his feet. There were a few bloodstains on the sides, and the mottled red spots were like nails stuck in his eyes.

Lu Yan skillfully pressed the lighter, and the swaying flame cast a dark shadow on one side of his tall nose. He was sweating, squeezed out the smoke, and exhaled tremblingly, watching the dissipated smoke gradually melt into the thick ink In the endless night.

The road under my feet turned into thin ice at some point.

With his heart hanging, he strode forward in a panic. On a midsummer night, the temperature was hot and humid, but a biting chill surged through his body.

At three o'clock in the morning, Lu Yan walked into the community, looking around, only one room was still lit.

It is this inconspicuous little piece of yellow that supports him to work hard in countless nights, and is the only consolation in his poor life.

Stumbling up the stairs, his heart was beating like a drum, and until now, his consciousness has not completely returned to reality.

His throat was dry and tight, and his palms were soaked in cold sweat. Lu Yan rubbed his pants back and forth, swallowed hard, and raised his clean hand to press the doorbell on the wall.

"Ding Dong".

The wooden door opened a gap, Ye Bei rubbed his eyes, and a cotton apron with a doraemon pattern was hanging around his neck.

"I'm back." Ye Bei hugged Lu Yan into the room with a smile, and pouted at him, "I worked overtime today, I didn't go to the supermarket, and there is only one eggplant left at home, so I simply made you a bowl of eggplant noodles. Don't be disgusted."

Lu Yan didn't say a word, just nestled in front of the dining table honestly, staring at Ye Bei's busy figure in the kitchen, his eyes were red.

They have lived in this [-]-square-meter rental house for nine years.

It had been nine years, and Lu Yan had sworn at the beginning that he would give Ye Bei a stable home, but now, he has not been able to save much savings, and their status is still "tenant", not "owner".

Ye Bei was holding a white porcelain bowl, and the hot steam was steaming on Lu Yan's face. He quickly took the chopsticks, lowered his head, big teardrops stained his long eyelashes, and smashed them into the boiling noodle bowl.

"You're tired. I'll rub your shoulders and back for you later. I'll go to bed tomorrow, so we can sleep in."

An ordinary sentence made Lu Yan's nose sore, and he closed his eyes in despair.

Ye Bei sat quietly across from him, took out two pieces of paper and put them in his hand: "Don't be in such a hurry, if you don't choke again, I'll make you some egg soup."

"No need." Lu Yan inserted/inserted the bamboo chopsticks into the noodles, sat up straight, and leaned his spine against the back of the chair. He had to lean against something to feel at ease.

The living room was not turned on, and with the one-inch light extending from the kitchen, Ye Bei could only see the outline of Lu Yan's handsome figure, but he couldn't make out the expression on his face.

Seeing that Lu Yan remained silent, and the regular sound of the clock on the wall lingered between the two of them, Ye Bei raised his eyebrows slightly, and after a while, he began to panic.

"What's wrong? Did something happen?"

Lu Yan raised his head, blinked his eyelids, and breathed a sigh of relief. He looked at the pale and monotonous ceiling in the darkness, clenched his fists and said to Ye Bei: "Let's get out of here, and go as far as we can."

The silence made the atmosphere heavy.

Ye Bei looked down at Lu Yan's hand resting on the edge of the table, his heart sank suddenly, and he asked in an emphatic tone, "What happened?"

"I'm too sleepy." Lu Yan withdrew his gaze, his eyes were at the same level as Ye Bei's, and he said with a wry smile, "I'm really too sleepy, Xiaobei, I couldn't see the boy walking on the crosswalk clearly."

The fear in his heart filled his whole body in an instant, Lu Yan kicked his feet on the ground, and the chair legs pulled back and made a sharp and harsh noise: "I didn't mean it, I really didn't mean it."

He arched his body, wrapped his arms around his head, and couldn't stop shaking.

"Xiaobei." Lu Yan was terrified. He needed to read his lover's name to barely maintain his collapsed state of mind. "They will find me tomorrow. I don't want to go to jail, at least not now. I'm only 29 years old." , Let alone seven or eight years, I can't stay for a second, let's run away, I can't live without you, let's run away..."

There was a moment of silence in the house.

The sudden tinnitus pulled all the surrounding sounds out of his ears. Ye Bei looked blankly at the painful Lu Yan. He was hoarse and unable to speak, his breathing was intermittent, and even his lips were numb.

Tears gathered at the tip of his nose and fell to his feet in the next second. Lu Yan covered his face and let out a sob. He urged: "Xiao Bei, be obedient... hurry up and pack your things, or it will be too late if you don't leave."

After a while, the noodles in the bowl were lumpy and cold, and the sky outside the window was covered with a layer of light morning light.

Ye Bei supported the corner of the table and got up slowly, turned around and took off the apron in front of him, crumpled it up and threw it on the chair.

He walked up to Lu Yan, pinched his trembling shoulders, and tried his best to calm his emotions.

Wiping away the tears on his cheeks with the back of his hand, Ye Bei opened his mouth and said softly, "Go and surrender."

The thin ice underfoot shattered.

Lu Yan jumped up, and the thin light pulled his oppressive figure into a wide black shadow, covering Ye Bei tightly.

His voice changed, hoarse and unpleasant: "What did you say...?"

Ye Bei looked at him affectionately: "I will accompany you, go and surrender."

Lu Yan thought he had heard wrong.

At this moment, all the previous fears disappeared without a trace, and the sudden anger and resentment blocked his breathing. He seemed to have lost his heart, and grabbed Ye Bei's neckline: "Anyone can do it!" Tell me this, only you can't."

"You won't listen to anyone who tells you." Ye Bei looked at Lu Yan with fascination, just like when he first met him downstairs in the dormitory nine years ago, there was a soft smile in the moist corners of his eyes , "You will only listen to me."

"Ye Bei." Lu Yan let go of him, stretched his five fingers and held them in front of his face, "Do you know what this means? Are you willing to put me in jail and separate from me?"

Ye Bei held his hand tightly, and the palms of the two felt the same cold temperature: "I don't want to part with it, but we only have this way."

"You're scared." Lu Yan withdrew his arm and knocked Ye Bei's hand out again, he teased, "You are afraid that you will follow me in the future, you can only run away, you won't be able to live a stable life, and you won't be able to give you the life you want. Right?"

Ye Bei didn't speak, and rushed towards him from the darkness.

That sentence "Go and surrender" instantly wiped out nine years of relationship, Lu Yan took a step back and turned his face away: "Ye Bei, do you know that what I need most is for you to tell me, 'I I will bear it with you'."

A little light climbed onto Ye Beiqingjuan's eyebrows, and there was a slight wave in those clean and clear eyes: "If you do something wrong, you have to be brave and bear it. I don't want you to live in self-blame and regret all your life..."

"Why do you have to stand on the moral high ground and talk to me!?" Lu Yan raised his hand and overturned the wooden chair, pointing at Ye Bei and shouted, "Before entering the house, you are the only person I can rely on, but I I really didn't expect that you actually wanted to push me into the abyss with your own hands."

Ye Bei lowered his head, staring blankly at the ground, he was about to lose his footing.

In the twilight of the morning, the walls of the living room were dyed a layer of dazzling golden yellow, and a few chirping magpies perched on the branches near the window sash.

Lu Yan leaned back against the sofa and sat slumped on the ground, with one leg bent, his elbow resting on his weak arm, his wrist drooping, and a burnt cigarette butt between his fingers.

Countless emotions that suffocate him are endlessly pulling and tearing in his body, the world suddenly loses its color, and in Lu Yan's eyes there is only black or white, and his consciousness is also quietly forced by this change. extreme.

He was not so desperate.

The person who gave him the most fatal blow was Ye Bei.

"Let me give you one last hug." Lu Yan said.

Ye Bei, who was sitting next to him, turned over upon hearing the sound, knelt down in front of him, cupped his face reverently, kissed, and then hugged.

Lu Yan clenched his teeth, and punched Ye Bei's back with such force that his body shook violently.

He looked at the shadow of the mother-in-law tree swaying on the window sill, leaned on Ye Bei's thin shoulders, and whispered in his ear: "I love you, so I will surrender myself."

In the past nine years, Lu Yan has never doubted the relationship between them, but now, he asked with a smile.

"Xiaobei, do you really love me?"

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