Pilot

Shi Ye originally planned to take Sheng Xia home, but when he drove downstairs to Sheng Xia's house, he turned around and saw that the man was so sleepy that his saliva was almost drooling.

He stared at Sheng Xia for a while and sighed.

In fact, they haven't officially mentioned their relationship with each other since they talked about it, and they haven't spent the night at each other's house again.

A lot of things have messed up Shi Ye's mind recently. His career plan has been affected by some things, and Midsummer is also in a very important turning point. The two of them are busy like spinning tops all day long, and they don't have time to have a good chat. about each other.

Shi Ye is actually at a loss when it comes to understanding relationships, after all, he has no experience.But Shi Ye had an intuition that... two people seem to need some solemn things to commemorate and guarantee when they are together.Even if you have done everything you need to do, you still need to confirm something.

Need it?

Having had a failure experience made him more cautious.More uncertainties come from him himself. Those words that sound good-"stay with me", "live with me", "I will take care of you in the future" seem so illusory and lack a sense of belonging.Thinking of saying such things to Sheng Xia solemnly and like an oath, he just felt stupid.

Shi Ye would not speak first, he hoped that Sheng Xia would speak first.Sheng Xia didn't say anything, just created an opportunity for him to speak up.

Shi Ye looked at the steering wheel and thought for half a minute.

After thinking about it, he gently opened Shengxia's backpack, found out the key of Shengxia, stuffed it into his pocket, and then closed the bag again.

After finishing everything, he flicked Sheng Xia's ears, watched Sheng Xia struggle to open his eyes, and then looked at himself.

After getting off the car, he accompanied Sheng Xia upstairs as usual, and then waited for the plot he expected to happen - Sheng Xia took out the key, but as expected, he found that he couldn't find the key, and then frantically looked for the key.

Shi Ye glanced at him, and said in a light tone, "Can't you remember such a simple thing as taking the keys when you go out?"

Sheng Xia looked confused, and kept flipping through her schoolbag: "Could it be that I didn't wake up...Impossible! I checked before I went out today, I must have brought it!"

"Forget it if you can't find it, we'll talk about it tomorrow." Shi Ye had already turned around to press the elevator, "Go to sleep at my house."

After getting in the car, Sheng Xia was still agonizing over where her keys went, and even took out her mobile phone and sent a WeChat message asking everyone in the band—'Did everyone see my keys?There is a small Totoro doll on it, anyone see it!A lot of money for the key! ! '

After asking to no avail, he started looking for keys in Shi Ye's car.

Shi Ye was very anxious by his operation: "Is that why you want to go home?"

Sheng Xia hugged her bag, a little puzzled: "Huh?"

"I said if you don't want to sleep with me, I'll find you a lock picker right away." Shi Ye didn't look at him, "Do you want to go back to your own home or not? If you want to go back, I'll take you back and find a lock picker for you."

Midsummer choked.

He looked at Shi Ye for a while, then pulled up his bag, and said slowly, "I won't go back, I'll go sleep with you."

It's early morning when I get home.

While washing, Shi Ye took a new toothbrush towel from the side and gave it to him. Sheng Xia took a look at Shi Ye with a calm face before silently taking it.

Many things have his share, and they are all new.

"Teacher Shi Ye," Sheng Xia glanced at the living room, "This house is old, a bit like the kind of house you can only see in movies."

After Shi Ye hung up their clothes, he paused and said, "It's very old, but I'm used to living alone."

When Sheng Xia heard the key words, he took another look at the familiar chinchilla protruding from the pocket of Shi Ye's denim jacket, and felt that he seemed to have received some hints from Shi Ye.

He groaned, and tentatively said: "Well, I live alone, and that house is not good, it's too new, I don't like it."

Shi Ye didn't look at him, he was still tidying up the already tidy desktop: "So?"

Sheng Xia glanced at Shi Ye's room: "...So, Teacher Shi Ye, why don't I move here?"

Seeing that Shi Ye didn't speak, Sheng Xia began to say to himself: "I can cook, but now I can only cook simple dishes, and I can help you with some housework in the future. I don't have many things, just a small corner Just put down the violin and equipment, I don't bother."

"... I think your bed is quite big, it should be enough for two people to sleep."

Seeing that Shi Ye was still silent, Sheng Xia's voice was a little softer: "All right, Teacher Shi Ye?"

The attitude is good, it's almost done, I'll reciprocate the courtesy, Shi Ye thought to himself.

He turned around and picked up Sheng Xia, and went back to his room.

"Listen, just say it once."

Shi Ye put his head next to Sheng Xia's ear.

"I'm quite vulgar, maybe a bit machismo, bad-tempered, and difficult to get along with. You've also felt it during this time. I don't have a lot of money, I don't have a luxury car, I don't have a fixed salary, and I don't have pension insurance. I'm almost thirty Yes, it’s still a complete failure.”

"This house was left to me by my family." Shi Ye said slowly, "The house is very old, the air conditioner and floor heating are no longer working, and it may be demolished in a few years, so I'm just waiting for the house to disappear. When it disappears, my previous memories will be gone too. I must wait until the day when it dies and is forced to tear it down. You have to wait with me.

"Next to the bathroom is the study room. There is an astronomical telescope there, which is probably still usable. If you want to come over, you can write songs and play the piano there."

"I grew up in the room we're standing in now. The windows in front of me face north. If the weather is particularly good, you might be able to see the stars, but not as many as you can see in Dali."

After Shi Ye finished speaking, he kissed Sheng Xia's ear, and finally said: "It's just one official talk, and this is the only time. If you want, come with me later."

In fact, he had prepared these words once in the middle of summer, and Shi Ye even thought about them when they were drinking in that bar.

That day when the bar played "The Lover of the Vagabond Singer" and Lao Lang sang, "I can only give you a small attic with a window facing north so that you can see the stars", he thought about it.Say you go to Beijing with me, my window also faces north, and I can probably see the stars.what would you like?You tell me, I'll see if I can give it.

Why didn't you say it then?It seems that not only Sheng Xia was at a loss for that time, but he was also at a loss.He was just eager to hear an answer, to cater to the throbbing in his mind that wanted to be acknowledged.But at that time, did he really love, did he really like it, maybe he just wanted to be recognized, liked, and accepted?He couldn't tell, he only knew what they could be in that atmosphere if it wasn't love.

That feeling and atmosphere are still there now and have not changed.It doesn't seem too late to miss four years, anyway, there is still a chance to hug and talk.

After Sheng Xia listened, she put her arms around Shi Ye's neck.

He rubbed Shi Ye's face, and whispered, "I'm definitely willing."

He paused, then laughed to himself: "Mr. Shi Ye, there will be a lot of money if this house is demolished!"

Shi Ye's hand had already slipped in along the hem of Sheng Xia's clothes, and his voice was a little lower: "Yes, you sold yourself to me, and then I will share half of it with you?"

Sheng Xia shook his head: "I don't really want money, you just return my chinchilla to me."

Shi Ye hugged him to the bed, smiled, and said, "I won't return it."

Sheng Xia was very sleepy after finishing, and commented in a daze: "When you move, there is a sound, like a heavy rain, very loud."

"It's not raining, you're sweating." Shi Ye touched Sheng Xia's face, "There's still a lot of water inside, it sounds like it's raining."

"I don't like rain." Sheng Xia smiled, "It's time to sweat."

"It's actually you crying on top of me, your body is crying."

"Then I want to hold you and cry every day."

Shi Ye smiled, and hugged his frantic head: "Stop talking, go to sleep."

I thought I would sleep well, but Shi Ye didn't sleep well that night.

He dreamed of his mother, father, and the home he had when he was a child.

From the tone of others, Shi Ye has already learned that Shi Junfeng is actually quite an attractive man.

He and Shi Ye's mother grew up in the same alley. Shi Ye often heard his mother say, your father has very good grades, but he is not the same as that kind of good student.He doesn't seem to care about anything, and he seldom cares about anything. He treats everyone very aloofly, and always looks like he will leave you tomorrow.

"But everyone likes him like this, and thinks he is so cool and charming. Probably everyone will meet such a person in their life. You will think that he is very good, but you can't get close to him. Once you get close, you will be shattered. He It seems that it should live in your memory."

"But I know that your father really liked me." The mother in the dream opened her eyes and looked at Shi Ye, "I'm sure. We had feelings before, and he needs me, I know. He has always been an unsure He needs an island, and I am his island."

Shi Ye dreamed of those years.

In this house, his mother, Gao Li, sang Teresa Teng in a skirt, with white skin and no wrinkles.His father had just left work, and when he entered the door, he was carrying a bag of oranges.Seeing his wife humming and circling in front of the radio, he stood outside the door and listened to the song "Repayment" without disturbing her.

Shi Ye saw himself turned into a pitch-black mist.

He was involved in the yellowish scene in front of him, similar to an old movie scene, drifted under his mother's retro skirt, passed through, turned around on the glass jar on the table, walked around the pen on the cabinet, rushed He flew towards the door, and finally crawled at Shi Junfeng's feet.

He saw Shi Junfeng walk in and put the oranges on the table.

Shi Junfeng said, "Gao Li, I'm leaving."

Goryeo is still humming Teresa Teng's song——

'Silent lips, still dripping with tears'

'It's not carmine powder, a scar to hide'

She turned her face away and smiled, her eyes still bright.Today she put on bright lipstick, wore a new dress, and played Teresa Teng's song, just to wait for this moment.

"Are you coming back?" she asked.

He said, "I won't go back."

Gao Li smiled, as if she had expected it.

"Okay. Thank you for all these years, thank you for your hard work, Brother Feng."

The appearance of the parents in the dream was distorted.In Shi Ye's eyes, they are like two actors, looking at each other like that, speaking their lines, there seems to be affection in their eyes, but there seems to be no affection in their eyes. If you look carefully, it seems that there are more things than love and love.

They lightly said goodbye to Teresa Teng's singing.

Shi Ye saw thick water dripping out of the black mist sandwiched between them, a sticky mass of black, dripping to wet the floor, never outdated Junfeng's black leather shoes, Koryo's red slender and.

Who is crying?Why black tears.

Shi Ye saw that the black mist twisted and calmed, twisted and calm, continuously squeezing out black liquid.

In the dream, Junfeng's eyes were empty.He said: "You don't want me to see Xiaoye, I will disappear from now on."

Gao Li nodded, and said: "We owe each other and him. He is our only connection, and hatred is also a kind of connection. Don't see each other. Let it go."

After Gao Li finished speaking, she pressed the next song, this time it was "Goodbyemylove".

Shi Junfeng said, "I'm sorry."

Gory shook her head.She said: "I'm sorry, I want you to get married, give birth to Xiaoye, and want you to be ordinary. You are free. I thought I could keep you. We made a mistake."

Shi Junfeng looked at her, his eyes were slow this time, and at first glance, he looked a little affectionate.

"This is not a mistake." Shi Junfeng said, "I loved you, you will always be my family, I will always be grateful to you, and I will always remember you."

Gory turned around.

There was a handful of sugar in Teresa Teng's voice, and it was so sweet when she sang goodbye:

Gao Li sang along to the radio softly: "Goodbyemylove, my love, goodbye."

Shi Ye saw that the cloud of black mist covered Gao Li's calf, Shi Junfeng's waist, and covered Teresa Teng's voice, engulfing the scene.

Shi Ye saw himself turned into black fragments.

——Goodbyemylove, my love, goodbye.

——Goodbyemylove, I don’t know if we will meet each other, which day.

Shi Junfeng walked out of the house without looking back.

Before the black completely submerged everything, Shi Ye heard Gao Li collapse all of a sudden, and she yelled at the empty house:

"I said this is a dead end and you want to go! You don't want anything, you don't want me to help you, you just want others to look down on you!"

"This is a dead end!" Gao Li's beautiful face was distorted, "This is a dead end! A dead end! You don't understand that you are walking a dead end! I am helping you!!"

Her cries intertwined with Teresa Teng's, one sweet and the other mournful.

In the end, there was nothing in the dream, only a thick, twisting black mist.

Goryeo's echo echoed far away, 'Dead end—' 'Dead end—', each sound came with hatred, hovering and flying, splitting in the brain, like an ominous bell.

When he woke up, Shi Ye was sweating profusely and his heart was beating like thunder.

He was gasping for breath, reflexively wanting to get out of bed to look for medicine, but a pair of limp hands came up and tightly wrapped around his waist.

After touching for a while, Sheng Xia frowned slightly, moved his hand up, put it on Shi Ye's ear, pinched it and kneaded it, and when he got what he wanted, his brows slowed down.

Shi Ye was taken aback by the hug and forgot to react.

With warm hands, he slowly rubbed his ears.Shi Ye felt as if his heart had been rubbed, and as he rubbed it, he heard his heart beating slowly calm down.

Shi Ye breathed a sigh of relief.

He had many weird dreams on this bed and suffered from insomnia many times.In this bed he plays the guitar, writes songs, cries, makes love with the one he likes, misses and hates the one who left him.

Looking at Midsummer, who was sleeping soundly and breathing steadily, Shi Ye suddenly had an illusion that he seemed to have forgiven something.

It cannot be said to be forgiveness, but a kind of powerless relief.Whether it's fickle and ungrateful, or affectionate but hard to tell... forget it.It is indeed a kind of relationship to owe each other a lifetime, so why should I be so hard on you, a fellow traveler like you.You have your life, and I have mine, you don't want me, someone else wants me.

If you die, I will too.Whether it is a dead end or not, no one can tell until the day I die.

Shi Ye looked at Sheng Xia and murmured: "You are not afraid, what am I afraid of."

So be it.

The dead end you have walked, I will also walk once.I don't hate you anymore, I'm tired, hating you is too tired, I want to use the strength of hating you to love others well.

Goodbye, goodbye.