i see your calling

From the first time I saw Shen Pingge in the classroom on the vernal equinox, the eyes met through oxygen, Lian Yan wanted to be friends with him, and he clumsily wrote a note, those notes were just greetings at first , but gradually deteriorated, from love to love, from expectation to pursuit.

Whenever Lian Yan feels that Shen Pingge likes her a little bit, Shen Pingge will smash all his fantasies, and watch Lian Yan's ups and downs with cold eyes, obviously he is a boatman, but his boat can't accommodate Lian Yan.

When Lian Yan finished sending the last message, she belatedly remembered that in the beginning, he just wanted to make friends with Shen Pingge.

Now Shen Pingge wants to return to the relationship with him as friends, but he refuses.

He wanted too much, but in the end he had nothing and nothing.

The phone screen went dark, and the whole room was dark again.

The moon outside is like a silver-white skeleton, with its skinny hands submerged in the silt-like night, dragging the clouds and the moon, so that bit of moonlight has disappeared, and the moonlight is not good tonight.

Lian Yan's eyes were sore, as if she was extremely sleepy, but when she closed her eyes, she felt very clear again. He just kept his eyes closed, and after a long time, he heard Shen Pingge turning over, rustling.

There is nothing left.

In the morning, the teacher who led the team knocked on their door, Lian Yan woke up in a daze, but Shen Pingge's bed was empty, opened the door, it was Wang Dao, Wang Dao handed him the one in his hand, Lian Yan was a little dazed take over.

A cup of soy milk, a tea egg, and an egg pancake.

"It's still so late," Wang Dao said, "Shen Pingge asked me to give it to you."

Lian Yan's heart trembled when she heard "Shen Pingge", she subconsciously clenched the bag tightly and made a small sound.

"Eat fast, at nine o'clock today, the team leader will take us to familiarize ourselves with the venue and competition procedures," Wang Dao patted him on the shoulder, "Come on for tomorrow's competition."

Lian Yan nodded for a while, and was about to enter the room when Wang Dao called him back.

"Why haven't I heard you speak?" Wang Dao was a little curious, "Is your throat uncomfortable?"

Lian Yan paused, looked back at him, and pointed to her own mouth. Wang Dao understood immediately, but Lian Yan didn't want to look at other people's almost pitiful eyes, so she turned her eyes away, waved to him hastily, and closed the door .

How come you are a dumb person?

Why is it that you are naturally inferior to others?

Lian Yan didn't know what the breakfast tasted like. At nine o'clock, the team leader took them to the competition club. Lian Yan saw Shen Pingge. He was wearing a black top with the sleeves rolled up, revealing black Small leaf tattoo.

Lian Yan's mind was very confused, just listening to the teacher who led the team talking, he deliberately didn't look at Shen Pingge, and Shen Pingge didn't come to join him either, the distance between them was always not far or close, as if There is a transparent thread that involves them.

When it was almost twelve o'clock, the teacher who led the team disbanded the team. The clubhouse was not far from the hotel. Yan knew what he would say, sure enough, he heard Shen Pingge say to him: "Let's go."

All care is limited to this.

The two of them didn't say anything else that day. It was like this on the way back and during meals. Lian Yan had a poor appetite and didn't eat much for lunch. The nap time was very long. When Shen Pingge woke him up, even Yan saw the intense sunlight on the horizon outside the window, like a forest burning, steaming and surging.

"Let's go to dinner."

Lian Yan heard Shen Pingge say this.

He shook his head and gestured.

- you go first.

Shen Pingge probably wanted to say something to him, his lips moved, but he didn't say a word, he closed the door with an "um", left the room card to him, and the lights in the room were on, as if Even Yan could breathe, and even Yan sat on the bed for a long time, Shen Pingge never came back.

As the night fell outside, the honey-like street lamps came on and flooded the room.

Lian Yan sat up on the bed, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw the bear beside the bed, looking at him with those dark eyes, Lian Yan paused, and took it over, the bear is very suitable for hugging, lifeless The object will not push him away, but hugs him softly, everything is fine except that there is no temperature.

He kissed the bear on the ear.

He didn't even eat dinner, he didn't have any appetite, he didn't know what to do, he took a book from his backpack, a black ballpoint pen, the poet in the book knew all about romance, and wrote "However/If your love for me fades away / I will also slowly end my love", Lian Yan felt that the poetry collection was also deceiving.

Obviously Shen Pingge didn't give him any love, but he couldn't stop liking Shen Pingge.

The black ballpoint pen was drawn on the inside of the wrist, the color of the ballpoint pen is not easy to fade, but Lian Yan was not afraid of being seen by Shen Pingge, so she drew three small leaves and outlined them.

Shen Pingge still didn't come back.

Lian Yan closed the book, went to the bathroom to take a bath, the beige curtain was drawn, and the heat rose in the small space. Lian Yan soaked in the bathtub, and the warm water wrapped around him tightly and submerged him. Tian's nerves, which had been tortured too much, suddenly relaxed, took a long breath, and saw the Yuhua put aside.

The dry Yuhua flower became transparent after being covered with moist water mist. Lian Yan took it over, gently held it with her fingertips, pinched the corner of the Yuhua flower, and kissed it secretly, as if there was skin on it. The temperature is average.

Lian Yan didn't remember when she fell asleep, she just wanted to close her eyes and relax, but she was pulled into the depths all of a sudden, how long has passed? 10 minutes, two 10 minutes?In the dream, there are all beautiful colored glazes, and they are transformed into the universe, and there is no bulky space suit. The universe is hot and lives in the center of the sun, and he saw Shen Pingge, beside him, and said to him with a smile .

"We will die in space."

Tears floated and couldn't sink down, and he finally kissed Shen Pingge in his dream, but he felt a suffocating dullness, the cosmic magnetic field increased, and when the stars were crushed, Lian Yan heard the doorbell.

He woke up in a daze, the bathroom was still around, the water was still warm, and the hot air was filling, almost squeezing the oxygen out, and he was a little dizzy, out of breath, and the doorbell was still ringing.

Lian Yan supported the glass and stood up, but black spots suddenly gathered in front of her eyes, and she fell to the ground in a twirl, with severe pain in her head. Lian Yan opened her mouth weakly, but couldn't say anything.

The noise reduction effect of the hotel door is not good, Shen Pingge probably heard it.

This random thought faded away before he had time, and before he fainted, the doorbell was still ringing, and when he pulled it away, the sound finally disappeared.

·

First there was the sound of the door opening, followed by the sound of breathing, and the sound of footsteps mixed in.

The floor was slippery and cold, and the dry towel wrapped him. Lian Yan realized that someone was talking in a daze, but she couldn't listen carefully, and soon sank down again.

The oxygen was abundant again, relieving the almost suffocating dullness.

When Lian Yan woke up, the light was still on in the room, just like before he entered the room.

Severely dizzy, dizzy, vision shaking, feeling sick for a while, Lian Yan closed her eyes again.He suddenly heard footsteps, and a weight came from one side of the bed, Lian Yan opened his eyes, Shen Pingge bent down to his wife, and brushed his hair.

"Eat something," he said softly, bag of pastries in hand.

Lian Yan pushed his hand away, her little brows were furrowed, but Shen Pingge grabbed his wrist, involuntarily embracing him to sit up, and passed the small cake in her hand to her lips, but Lian Yan resisted Don't look away.

The room was very quiet, except for the sound of breathing, Lian Yan's face was too pale, her lips were pale, but her pupils were pitch black, together with a mole on the corner of her right eye, her eyelashes drooped, casting a shadow.

Shen Pingge withdrew his hand and said, "Why don't you have dinner?"

Lian Yan pursed her lips.

"You don't know that you have hypoglycemia?" Shen Pingge's voice echoed clearly in the room, "If you have hypoglycemia, you don't have dinner to take a bath, Lian Yan, what are you thinking?"

Shen Pingge seldom spoke to him in such a cold and forceful tone. Lian Yan knew that he was ill-considered, perhaps subconsciously, he wanted to avoid Shen Pingge, and he didn't want to go to the restaurant, so that he wouldn't run into Shen Pingge. Pingge, he wants to take a shower and go to bed early, so that he can avoid the embarrassment of being together.But when Shen Pingge really pointed it out, Lian Yan felt wronged and her mind went blank.

Lian Yan thought, why did Shen Pingge take care of himself?

They are no longer friends, so where does he stand to control him?

Lian Yan lowered her head, clenched the bed sheet tightly, her knuckles turned white, she couldn't refute Shen Pingge with words, she could only use silence.

"I waited outside for 15 minutes," Shen Pingge said suddenly, "15 minutes from the time you fell, I know something happened to you inside, but I can't do anything."

Even Yan opened his mouth, unable to pronounce any syllables.

"If something happens to you," Shen Pingge looked into his eyes, "Lian Yan, tell me, what should I do?"

Lian Yan's heart seemed to be caught, her eyelashes were trembling, and the piece of pastry was handed to him again - the matcha cake, Shen Pingge bought him the matcha cake.

He raised his eyes to look at Shen Pingge, the corners of his eyes were red, he took it after a while, and started to eat slowly.

He couldn't refuse Shen Pingge's kindness, no matter how firmly he told himself not to love him in the middle of the night, but when Shen Pingge looked at him in the morning, all his obsessions and rejections collapsed.

so be it.

Then continue to like it.

Until he gave up.

The author says: