Leaving the past behind 2019

"You should have told me these things."

After a long time, Li Henan sighed, he really wanted to have a cigarette now, but he didn't want Li Jiageng to smoke it, the car window was opened a little, and the cool water vapor permeated his face, the stuffy and dirty mood was slightly relieved.

Li Jiageng lowered his head, the rain was too loud and overwhelmed his sobs, on this rainy night, he seemed to have returned to the past, his shoulders were slung over his shoulders, trembling, as if he was still a teenager, he was thin Bo's shoulders carry too many burdens that don't belong to this age, his dark and unspeakable emotional secrets, his complicated and inseparable relationship with his parents, his remorse for his father's death, his fear and disgust for his mother, he has no way to vent. , and there is no way to get rid of it, so I can only arm myself stronger, with fancy clothes, earrings, and brilliant colors that shouldn't appear on normal men. New interests, and constantly abandoning the past, he just can't accept the original self-the resentment and cursing of his mother day after day have actually been deeply engraved in his bones, even if he doesn't look at it, don't reply, tell himself Don't take it to heart, but in fact, when the father passed away, when the mother completely turned against him, everything was already a foregone conclusion.

"What's the use of telling you..." Li Jiageng sobbed softly.

Li Henan's tone was unusually calm: "It's useless, but at least you can lean in my arms when you cry." As he said, he pressed the button of their seat belts and pulled each other into his arms: "It's like This is how it is now. When you want to cry, there is someone you can rely on, and there is not so much nonsense, that's what it is for."

Li Jiageng raised his head and stared at him: "Shouldn't you comfort me? Why are you so..."

calm?

He looked at the man's face, because he stared too hard and cried for a long time, feeling that his eye sockets were hurting, he suddenly realized: "Am I ugly now?"

"Huh?" With the reflection of a little rain and glass, Li Henan looked at the other person intently, his eye sockets were red, his eyelids were swollen, and his left cheek was still swollen high. He didn't think it was ugly, but it was painful.

But he wanted to adjust the atmosphere, so he deliberately smacked his lips and said, "It's okay."

It's a bit of an indescribable taste.

Sure enough, Li Jiageng was furious: "What do you mean it's okay?!"

Li Henan laughed softly, and pressed the other person's forehead back into his chest: "Fortunately, it's pretty good, and if you know it's stinky, it means it's okay."

The two cuddled together and listened to the sound of rain for a while. After feeling that the person in his arms had calmed down a bit, Li Henan said in a low voice, "I was scared today. When I came back, I felt that something was wrong when you were not at home. Don't you think it's strange?" Strange? Logically speaking, I should think that you are out for a while, and you forgot to call me back, but I just feel that something is wrong, and I am unreliable. Could this be the telepathy between lovers? I am a medical student, and I also Superstitious."

"..." Li Jiageng reacted for a while, and said, "You can't be talking about love, are you?"

"Yeah, you just found out?"

Li Jiageng shrank his neck: "It's so disgusting."

After finishing speaking, he sneered for a while, and then said: "I should have told you a long time ago, I feel much more comfortable when I tell you."

"That's not your fault." Li Henan changed his hand and then rubbed the other's back, "You also had a fault, but it's not that big."

"Lingtang... Let me just say it straight, she has a brain problem, she put the blame on you, it's her fault, don't be as knowledgeable as her."

In the last two sentences, the tone was like coaxing children, as if they were talking about who took whose stickers in the kindergarten, and the teacher criticized Li Jiageng's children without clarifying the responsibility.

It's an understatement to expose a life-and-death event like this, but it's amazing that Li Jiageng finds it particularly useful.

The thing that has been on his mind for more than ten years, which he has never confided to anyone, and which is regarded as the biggest mistake in his life, turned out to be not that serious. He made a mistake, but it was not that big.

He raised his head and stared at Li Henan's lips: "I really want to kiss you, the kind that is very hard."

Li Henan swallowed, "Then come."

"But my face hurts."

"..."

"Are you laughing at me? Am I ugly now?"

"Go back, I'll give you an ice pack." Li Henan buckled his seat belt and started the car.

"Well, you need ice too."

"where?"

..............................

When I got home, just as the door was closed, Li Jiageng suddenly hugged Li Henan from behind. Li Henan held his hand around his abdomen and asked in a low voice, "Don't you want to apply ice first?"

"I can't wait." The wet, cool and soft kiss fell on the back of the neck, and Li Henan felt a numbness in his back from the tailbone straight up.

"That's not enough." He turned around, turning his back on the customer, "It's just that I can't work my left arm, so I need you..." His voice became lower and lower, and the words at the end of the sentence disappeared into the night.

The rain had stopped, and a crescent moon was hanging obliquely outside the window. Xiao Lulu curled up in her grass nest and slept soundly. No one turned on the light, and walked towards the bedroom with four legs in disorder.

"Ouch!" The moment Li Jiageng threw himself into the bed, he was hit by something, "What is it?" He stretched his hand down to feel it, and he touched a square, thick and angular object, "This is it. Is it... a dictionary?"

"What's wrong?" Li Henan didn't realize what was going on, instead he turned on the bedside wall lamp at his own risk.

Under the soft light, he saw Li Kageng holding a photo album in his hand, a hardcover graduation commemorative photo album of Class [-], Grade [-], XX - the photo album that his good brother Li Shuonan borrowed flowers to offer Buddha as a birthday present, secretly left here yesterday.

I actually forgot about this - when he came back in the afternoon, he first looked for the photo album, and then he started looking for Li Jiageng, it turned out that he had just left it here!What a bane!

Calmly, Li Henan thumped several times in his heart.

"It turns out that you sometimes throw things around! Shouldn't books be placed in the bookcase in the study?" Li Jiageng didn't care, but felt that he had finally caught the opportunity to laugh at him, so he didn't plan to open it at all.

"Yes, I'll put it back on the bookshelf." Li Henan stood up calmly, took the photo album, and walked towards the study.

"Li Henan." Li Jiageng suddenly stopped him.

"Huh?" Li Henan stopped and turned his head slightly.

"Why don't you apply an ice pack first, or take a bath first, I think my body stinks." Li Jiageng was half lying on the bed, flicking his feet.

"it is good."

Li Henan continued to walk towards the study, thinking inwardly that it was dangerous.

At this time, the cell phone that he had left in the bedroom rang suddenly. Before he realized who would call at such a late hour, Li Jiageng asked, "It's Shuonan's call, can I answer it for you?"

Li Henan subconsciously replied yes.

Then I heard Li Shuonan's loud voice spread throughout the room through the speakerphone.

He said: "Brother! How is it?! Did sister-in-law punish you to kneel on the washboard? Or did you two have a strange taste and kneel down on durian shells?"

There was a moment of silence.

Li Shuonan seemed to sense something was wrong, and lowered his volume a little: "Brother?"

Li Jiageng's gaze slipped down to Li Henan's hand, and he rolled his eyes slowly: "Why did I punish you to kneel on the washboard? What did you do?... You left the door early in the morning, and drove here immediately after you came back Looking for me, how can I have time to flip through the book? What does this have to do with Li Shuonan?"

Li Henan pressed his forehead speechlessly, and closed his eyes heavily: "..."

Feeling that he was in trouble again, Xiao Li unilaterally hung up the phone.

"Forget it, forget it, I won't hide it from you anymore, in fact, there is nothing to hide!" Li Henan simply walked back and stuffed the photo album into Li Kageng's arms: "Look, this is Li Shuonan's troubled affairs, which he left yesterday. Here, didn’t he call later, that he secretly kept this as a birthday present—he thought I would want to keep it for myself!”

Talking about yesterday after experiencing so many things, the world has changed, as if a few lifetimes have passed, but the joyous gathering that appeared here last night was real.

Li Jiageng looked at him suspiciously, and came to the living room with the photo album in his arms. The lighting in the living room was brighter, and sitting in the middle of the sofa alone seemed more imposing, and it was convincing to lose his temper or to be coquettish.

At this moment, Xiao Gulu was awakened by the bright light, chirped twice, flew to Li Jiageng's side with shaking arms, and lay down on the arm of the sofa like the eunuch next to Cixi.

Li Henan stood opposite Li Kageng with his hands tied, like a good student waiting for his teacher's comment.

Li Jiageng opened the first page of the photo album and began to read. It was almost full of photos. When Li Jiageng saw the words on the title page, he knew why Li Henan was facing such a formidable enemy. He smiled secretly, held his breath and continued to read.

No matter how thick the photo album is, it is time to read it, not to mention that there is nothing worth savoring in it, it is nothing more than a period of youth recorded in the book.

"Shuonan did the right thing, this one should be kept by himself." After reading it, Li Jiageng closed the album and handed it to Li Henan intact.

The latter couldn't believe it: "Are you okay?"

Li Jiageng blinked: "I should be busy?"

"I thought……"

"You think I'll be jealous and play tricks?" Li Kageng smiled, and changed his sitting posture to a more elegant one: "If it was before, I might be."

Li Henan frowned: "How long ago?"

Li Jiageng held his chin and thought about it seriously, and finally replied: "Before tonight."

"...Is it so dangerous?" Li Henan couldn't help laughing.

Li Kageng smiled: "That's how dangerous it is."

Needless to say, they are very clear to each other, what is the difference between before tonight and now, and what they have experienced together, of course it is not just the heavy rain, but one of them finally buried deep in their hearts and never showed it to anyone. Desperate, sour, soft, and unbearable, I turned it out and shared it with the other party regardless of previous suspicions.

"Seriously, don't you think about my past?" Li Jiageng asked softly. At this time, he put his feet together, his elbows on his knees, and he held an ice pack in his hand and pressed it to the side of his face. It's not too cold, but it feels refreshing like a massage, and the tight pain has been relieved a lot. Li Henan took off his shirt not far in front of him. The place where his shoulder was smashed was red and swollen, and there was a little bit of broken skin. He was rubbing iodophor himself, when he heard this, he raised his head.

The refreshing wind after the rain penetrates through the half-opened windows, and the heat of the summer night is reduced to the minimum at this time.

Li Jiageng looked at him piercingly, and he didn't know what kind of answer he wanted to hear.

Li Henan threw the used cotton swabs into the trash can, walked towards the freezer, and said as he walked, "Come on, your love history is much richer than mine, and even now I dare not ask you how many exes you have."

"Huh?" Li Jiageng immediately became alert like a provocative cat.

"But so what?" He opened the freezer door and took out a bottle of Carlsbert alcohol, "That's all in the past, you're all here with me, why care about those things, besides, there's no past, and you're not the present It’s yours, the present us are formed by the condensation of countless pasts. Well, this is a philosophical proposition.”

He lifted the tab on the beer bottle, raised his head and took a big gulp. The icy breath seemed to condense into something real, turning into a frost cupid and flying above Li Henan's head. Li Jiageng couldn't help swallowing, and said: "Give it to me Take a bottle."

Li Henan gestured to him from the air, and grinned: "Drinking alcohol is not good for reducing swelling."

Li Jiageng looked at his shoulder unwillingly: "You are also swollen."

"That's because I need a bottle of wine to talk about it."

Li Kageng's smile widened around his mouth: "That means you really mind."

Li Henan stood still in front of him, bent down, and looked into his eyes with burning eyes: "Of course, I'm not a god."

"Then you just said again..."

"That's all nonsense, that's the truth on the surface." Li Henan's face approached, so close that he could smell the refreshing Carlsberger in his breath.

For the first time in his life, Li Jiageng felt that his head was heavy and hot, and he was a little dizzy when he didn't drink alcohol.He didn't know when the ice pack slipped off. He pointed his finger at the socket of the collarbone and pulled it lightly. The smell of wine became stronger. Li Jiageng stared at the lips that were close at hand, wondering: "Drink Not good for swelling..."

"That's the truth on the surface." After saying this, Li Henan grabbed his lips.

The coldness and heat came into the mouth at the same time, and the two fell down on the sofa entangled. The little Jilu who had almost suffered a catastrophe rushed back to his grass nest, and buried his head in his wings to show that he didn't see.

………………

It’s impossible to be completely careless, after all, because I love you, I also understand your feelings very well, now I really want to go back to the day when you kissed me for the first time in the car, and give you the answer directly: If I didn’t let go , I won’t decide to contact you to have a look, am I the kind of person who eats what’s in the bowl and looks at the pot?And, thank you for breaking into my life.

The above are all Li Henan's words in his heart, but he will never say them out, it's too nasty.

He has always been a man of action, and Li Jiageng understands this better than anyone else. When two people are together, what maintains their relationship is not those sweet words that point to heaven and earth, but, when I need you, you are by my side.

The wind blew through the window, and the photo album on the coffee table was blown by the wind, and the boy's bright smile flashed by.

END