middle of the road

Cheng Yang knew that he had drunk too much, but when he woke up early in the morning, he had no memory of how he got home last night.

He hadn't been very drunk before, and he knew that he didn't drink well, so he usually tried his best to control it. The only time Yao Jinyuan mentioned before was when they had a break-up meal after graduation, because it was the first class of students he brought, and they had a special relationship. They all did well in the exams, and the sorrow of parting was exaggerated again, and finally they all came to respect him as the head teacher.

Even if each of the fifty or so people only took a sip, the total amount would be enough for a bottle of red wine. Cheng Yang didn't want to eat for two days after drinking that time.

He sat up, with his elbows propped on his knees, his head aching like a splitting headache, as if a lead had been forcibly stuffed into his mind, shaking him a little top-heavy.

Cheng Yang hummed softly, and pressed his thumb twice on his temples. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw water on the head of the bed. He took it and drank half of it in one go. The burning sensation in his throat seemed to be burning. It was because of this that the coolness was a little calmer.

The clothes were still the one from yesterday. After being ravaged all night, it seemed uncomfortable to wear them again. Cheng Yang unbuttoned them and took them off with his backhand. He pulled his trousers together and was about to go out when he found the door was ajar. Hear the sound of someone walking in the living room or the kitchen.

He thought it was Cheng Le who came back. No one among his colleagues knew where his house lived. When he woke up, it was past ten o'clock. They didn't have a holiday this weekend. Even if Cheng Le came back last night, he should have gone back if he had class today. up...

Enduring the upset stomach, Cheng Yang took a T-shirt from the cabinet and put it on, grabbed a pair of shorts, and was about to go out when the door was pushed open from the outside, and came in with the light in the living room Yes, it was a face that he never expected to appear here.

"Wake up." Chi Yu stood at the door with his back to Guang, with a soft smile in his eyes, "I just wanted to wake you up, did you feel uncomfortable?"

"Why are you here?" Cheng Yang straightened up slowly, the curtains in the room were closed tightly, his face changed slightly under the dark and deep light.

Chi Yu looked away slightly, and said softly, "I made some soup to sober up from the hangover, and I also cooked porridge. You have a bad stomach, so come and eat some."

"Are you deaf?" Cheng Yang looked directly at him, and suddenly raised his voice, "I asked why you are here?!"

"You drank too much last night." Chi Yu simply said a word and then stopped, as if he didn't intend to explain further, Cheng Yang really wanted to investigate, he would know everything by asking Feng Fei, besides, he was not angry because of him Why did he appear here, but he was the one who appeared here? Thinking of this, the warmth he created by himself last night was quickly replaced by the coldness that soaked his heart.

"I know you don't want to see me," Chi Yu said, "Can I go after you finish eating?"

Chi Yu's low-pitched tone made Cheng Yang's throbbing stomach even more uncomfortable. The raised edges and corners pierced his nerves, and he suddenly lost strength, and then his legs became weak, and he had to support the chair He stepped back a little, and sat back on the bed.

Cheng Yang closed his eyes, and the figure left on his retina flickered. Compared with the person he wanted to entangle with back then, he seemed completely different. He suddenly felt tired beyond words, "Isn't what I said clear enough? Yu, what exactly do you want me to do to satisfy you?"

"What can satisfy me from the beginning to the end," Chi Yu couldn't help lowering his voice when he saw him feeling distressed, "Don't you really understand?"

"Then I told you too, it's impossible to be with you." Cheng Yang said and looked at him, "I don't want you to disturb my life again."

"As in yesterday's situation, just as a friend, why not come here to help?" Chi Yu walked a little further, Cheng Yang sat a little far away from him, standing at the door could not see his expression clearly, although he Knowing that most of the time, Cheng Yang was expressionless when facing him.

"We are not friends." Cheng Yang vetoed it simply, "Even before, I never regarded you as a friend, let alone you."

"I never thought about it that way..." Chi Yu shook his head.

"Haven't thought much about it?" Cheng Yang interrupted him, lowered his head and smiled lightly, "In the end, it's just a deal between us."

"What happened back then was all my fault, I admit it." Chi Yu walked over slowly, knelt down in front of Cheng Yang, and took his hand on his knee, "I apologize to you Cheng Yang, whatever you want How many times do I say it, as long as you don’t find it annoying, I’m willing to say it even for the rest of my life.”

"You don't need it for the rest of your life, just one time is enough." Cheng Yang withdrew his hand, with a cold expression, "I have heard it, and I forgive you."

Just won't accept you again.

He didn't like men in the first place, and it was even more impossible for him to repeat mistakes in a decision that was unexpected to him.

"I know, you've already forgotten about me." Chi Yu tasted a bitter taste in his mouth, "...the time is really too long."

He looked up at him, and wanted to hug him at this time, but he didn't dare. The distance now was the maximum that Cheng Yang could tolerate him. He didn't dare to cross the line any more. His eyes were full of sadness, but he still forced it out. Be a little gentle, "But you can't even let me see you. Do you know how much I miss you all these years?"

"I don't want to know." Cheng Yang stepped back a little, and looked away coldly, "Nothing will always go your way, you can do whatever you want, just like before, sleeping with you It's not that I like you. When I like you, you really don't like me, so why do you have to force me like this now? For the sake of my life like this, I beg you, is it too late? Yu, let me go."

Cheng Yang had a lot of pain all over his body, and it seemed that it took a lot of effort to even say a word. Although he was not very patient with stalking, he still endured it. He didn't want to argue with him anymore, and he didn't want to go anywhere. As soon as he started, the person in front of him was about to vomit a puddle of blood again.

Chi Yu didn't expect him to be able to talk about this.

He also wanted to beg him, beg him to forgive him, accept him, beg him to fall in love with him again, Cheng Yang was troubled, he could see it, but he couldn't help it, he couldn't imagine that he would bear it after finally finding him Lost, what a desperate situation life will return to, he can give in, he can no longer ask him, they are just friends, but even so, Cheng Yang still refuses to give him even this little hope.

"Even if I don't talk to you anymore, you still don't even want to see me, do you?"

"Is there a difference?"

"Okay, then it's gone." Chi Yu's vision was uncontrollably blurred, "As long as I can still take a look at you from a distance."

"Whatever you want." Cheng Yang got up and walked out, the oppression around him that was not covered by the light made him feel a little stuffy.

Chi Yu was afraid that this would be the last conversation with him, so he pulled him back with some reluctance, "Whether you believe Cheng Yang or not, I have been looking for you for so many years, so it can be seen that I really like you, and you treat me in your heart... ...Even if there is still a trace of affection, I hope you can keep it, whether it is to blackmail me or use me, I will gladly accept it..."

"No." Cheng Yang stopped him from continuing, looked down at his arm, "let go."

"You can't imagine how much I can do for you." Chi Yu insisted on finishing his sentence. He had already confirmed the fact that Cheng Yang no longer had feelings for him, but confirmation didn't mean he could accept it, of course he He refused to let go, but Cheng Yang endured so much for him, how could he bear to use his feelings to restrain him, making him even say the words to let him live a peaceful life.

The sincerity of his pleading is moving, and the contrast with him who refuses to let go is even more shameless.

Chi Yu clenched his hands tightly, turned his head, and when he turned back again, a sad smile appeared on his face, "Can I hug you again?"

Seeing others approaching, Cheng Yang's restrained anger and the remaining alcohol immediately exploded on top of his head.

He quickly turned around and pushed Chi Yu hard.

He can have such patience because he hopes that he can listen to it, and he can do it, not to make him feel confident and keep pushing forward again and again!

With a violent crash, Chi Yu was pushed and fell onto the writing desk behind him, and the things that were neatly arranged were thrown from above in panic.

There was a short distance between the desk and the wall, and it bounced back and fell forward due to too much momentum, and the drawers on both sides fell together...

After Chi Yu stood firmly on the side cabinet, all the clanging noises stopped at this moment, and there was a moment of silence in the room. He glanced at Cheng Yang, and then his eyes fell on the mess in front of him. superior.

What he noticed was obviously what Cheng Yang was watching.

Something turquoise that popped out of the corner of the drawer was lying at his feet.

He and Cheng Yang bent down to pick it up at the same time, and their fingers touched.

Seeing his reddish face and sweating before, he thought it was hot, but at this moment when he touched it, his fingertips were cold, Chi Yu subconsciously withdrew his hand.

Cheng Yang picked it up.

Long-term water loss caused the reed leaves to shrivel and become tattered. Between the criss-crossing leaves, there was a small yellow roll of paper, which unfolded as if revealed, and hung on the edge. It pulls out and opens little by little at the fingertips.

A line of block letters wrote six characters.

-You are my baby.

Without any warning, the tears seemed to be pulled out from the depths of the body, and they gathered together and covered the eye sockets. He knew every word on it, but the combination was so obscure, and his vision was blurred. It was too fast, he thought he didn't see anything clearly, but before he read it silently in his heart for the next second, he found that this sentence seemed to have been perfectly sealed in the depths of his memory for many years.

Without looking at Chi Yu, he pointed to the door, "Get lost."

"I..." Chi Yu opened his mouth, not knowing what to say, of course he still remembered what was written on it.

You are my baby. He said this sentence to Cheng Yang back then, in a half-truth and half-false tone, so he wrote it and put it in at that time. He didn't intend for him to find out, maybe it was to cover up his A little sincerity that I dare not reveal, maybe pure, I just want to make a joke with him, just like leaving a little prank between the two of them can give him a different sense of satisfaction.

He didn't expect Cheng Yang to keep it.

Not to mention that he would eventually be exposed in such a way.

The casual perfunctory of the past and the deep-rooted sincerity of reality are intertwined, making it so ironic and out of place.

"Get out." Cheng Yang's face was full of pain, tears rolled down, his eyes were sharp and cruel, and the next second he shot straight at him, "Get out!"

Chi Yu couldn't say anything else, and couldn't bear to use his previous speciousness to hurt people a second time at this time, so he could only take two steps back. He didn't see through Cheng Yang back then, but he could understand his pain now. No matter how reluctant he is, he can only leave here first.

Although I don't want to admit it, maybe it is really only his complete disappearance that is the greatest comfort to him at this moment.

The door was gently closed from the outside, and after the hypocritical affection and blatant longing dissipated in the confined space, he was finally left alone. Cheng Yang's footsteps were flimsy, and there was nothing behind him to support him, so he fought back in vain , Stepped on the book and almost fell off.

He managed to touch the back of the chair, but he didn't sit on it. His body slid slowly to the ground. He covered his face with his hands tightly, and the feeling wrapped in tears was hot and itchy. The sky outside should be cloudy. There will be very little light left in the gaps in the curtains.

Chi Yu asked him so many affectionately, but he only wanted to ask him one question.

What did he think of him? At that time, did he think of him as a human being?

Just to match the desire that even he didn't know why, he let him take and take away, his self-esteem peeled off his face like the cheapest commodity, and he was stepped into the mud in an instant, with an unobstructed face Ugly and terrifying, he was so embarrassed that he couldn't lift his head up.

There was never a moment when Cheng Yang forgot that he was also a man like him, but he was crushed under him in that posture.

The humiliation was like a maggot that gnawed at the bone, and it once made him sleepless.

But just like in the steepest crevices of the rocks, even a little bit of light can take root and grow tough grass. At that time, he really liked Chiyu, even though he knew that Chiyu might not be so sincere to him, He also desperately wanted to catch up with him.

I don't know when the relationship started, but he watched it end.

It's just that after looking for him for so many years, can a simple sentence of childishness and immaturity explain everything in the past?

Chi Yu, who used to avoid him like a snake and scorpion, must have never thought about it this way, so why should he be required to cooperate with him.

What's more, he didn't hate him too much. In the end, he was voluntary in the end. Now that the money is cleared, why bother him again?After so many years of healing, the wound that was not very beautiful to any of them was torn open again with blood dripping...

The breath when he resolutely left solidified into a solid ice edge, inserted from the depths of his back, supporting him dutifully for so many years, but suddenly broke when he picked up the thin page with his fingertips.

Cheng Yang tilted his head back, leaned on the back of the chair, his fingertips trembled slightly, the six words that reminded Chi Yu of all the teasing and jokes he had made towards him, seemed to be out of his control anymore, struggling to get out of him The palm of my hand fell out.