paranoia

It was Song Wanzhou's first encounter with the word "homosexuality", and it was also the first time he had heard of "boys like boys" in the mouth of his deskmate Liu Qianming.Although he didn't know exactly what was going on, but from the endless descriptions and disgusted eyes at the same table, he seemed to understand that it was not a good thing that could be accepted by the public.

He didn't let Liu Qianming continue talking, Song Wanzhou really didn't like him using a joking tone to describe two people he didn't know at all, and maliciously speculated about the relationship between Han Junjing and Bai Yiyu.Liu Qianming told Song Wanzhou all as a joke, and added a sad sentence after the evaluation: "Song Wanzhou, don't you also like boys?"

"Just kidding, kidding, don't take it seriously."

Hearing his laughter, Song Wanzhou didn't relax at all, instead he took a deep breath in his throat, his brows were gradually drawn together, the corners of his mouth unconsciously moved twice, his lips were tightly pursed, his eyes were indifferent, and his face suddenly became gloomy. down.

"Liu Qianming, this is not funny."

This is the first time he has spoken so strongly to others. The gentle image he has always shown in front of his classmates made them think that Song Wanzhou is a bad-tempered person. When he really heard his displeasure, Liu Qianming didn't take it seriously. Haha casually perfunctory in the past.

On Friday night, Bai Yiyu came to No. [-] Middle School as usual. When Song Wanzhou returned to the dormitory, he was squatting at the door in a daze. He raised his head when he heard Song Wanzhou's footsteps. Said: "Wanzhou, I seem to like someone."

The roommate hadn't come back yet, and the bedroom door wasn't open. Song Wanzhou didn't know how long Bai Yiyu had been sitting at the door, and he was a little unsteady when he was pulled up. He opened the door and let him sit in first, and poured him a cup of hot water.

Today, Bai Yiyu is wearing a loose and fat sweater with a hood, but under it is a set of shorts that are not suitable for the season. The top of his head is wet, and there are water droplets on his short hair that has grown a little bit, and his white and thin legs that are exposed are already black and purple. Cold, came in for a few minutes but still didn't say a word.

Song Wanzhou stood in front of him the whole time, not knowing what to say, so he got some trousers and let Bai Yiyu, who didn't know the temperature, change into them first, walked over slowly, wiped the moisture off his body with a dry towel, and looked at him quietly.

Bai Yiyu lowered his head, a drop of water ran across his forehead, and flowed down the corner of his eye to his chin. More hot water droplets came out of the moist eye sockets. He sucked in his nose, and let out a deep choked sob.

The heart also became sour, Song Wanzhou hugged this best friend who was one year younger than him in his arms, saying nothing is the best companionship.

The rain outside was urgent and impatient, and it slapped violently on the balcony, there was a splashing sound, and there were bursts of thunder in the distance, but it couldn't cover up Bai Yiyu's uncomfortable crying.

Song Wanzhou hasn't seen a sad expression on Bai Yiyu's face for a long time. He always smiles when facing life, but because he likes someone, he can't hide his thoughts, and expresses all his bitterness and boredom by crying, as if Only in this way can the empty heart be comforted.

"I seem to like Han Junjing."

Trembling, Bai Yiyu uttered Han Junjing's name over and over again, falling into a vortex of entanglement. He didn't know whether to repeat the words to Song Wanzhou or to himself.

His voice was hoarse, and every word he spoke was full of uncertainty, and his voice became smaller and smaller as he was caught in the thunderstorm outside.

The shoulders of Song Wanzhou's shirt were soaked with tears, without a trace of heat, it was icy cold as it was blown against the skin by the wind.

The rain was getting heavier, but the crying stopped.

Bai Yiyu rubbed his wet eyes vigorously, erasing all the traces of crying, as if asking for help, he held Song Wanzhou's hand tightly, with tears in his eyes that were about to roll down, his pupils trembled because of fear Shrinking, the hand holding Song Wanzhou was cold, but the palm was sweating, and he hesitated to open and close his mouth.

"Wanzhou, am I sick again?"

One sentence made Song Wanzhou's heart ache.

Bai Yiyu summed up his inexplicable affection for Han Junjing as 'illness', which was the excuse he found for his recent unexplainable behavior after thinking for a long time.

"Ayu, you are not sick."

Song Wanzhou gently wiped away Bai Yiyu's eyes

With tears at the end, he rubbed away his frowning brows, the corners of his mouth raised slightly, and his faint smile made people feel comfortable.

"It's never a disease to like someone."

The roommate who came back late put away the umbrella and saw Bai Yiyu who had obviously cried, and joked: "Xiaobai is here again, why are you crying? Which little girl bullied you, brothers go to support you."

Bai Yiyu didn't easily show his weak side in front of people, and forced a smile to get along with them: "I won't be bullied. It's raining, the wind is too strong, and the rain got into my eyes. I haven't had time to buy food for you this week. I'm empty-handed." here."

Although everyone was joking and talking about expelling Bai Yiyu, who lived in the dormitory for nothing and didn't bring "room fee", they thoughtfully searched the inventory for this semi-permanent roommate and asked him if he wanted supper.

Turning off the lights was half an hour later than usual. The boys didn't play games, and they didn't keep making noises because of tomorrow's holiday. He also specifically asked Song Wanzhou if he needed to stay and help when moving the dormitory tomorrow.

Song Kuanyu and Song Jing will be coming tomorrow, so they don't need so many people, so they appreciated their kindness, and said thank you lightly.

Lying on the bed, when he could hear the heavy breathing of other people, Bai Yiyu turned over, pointed to his heart, and whispered: "Wanzhou."

Seeing Song Wanzhou's eyes still open, he continued, "Have you never liked someone before? It's also my first time."

"The captain said that if he likes someone, his heart will be pounding. I'm not sure if my broken heart is the same as yours, but every time I have a chance to see Han Junjing, I look forward to it and greedily want more and more love." time with him."

"Wan Zhou, you must keep it a secret for me. I don't want to tell him. What if he finds out and ignores me again, I will definitely be very sad."

"I'll tell you when I get better."

Song Wanzhou has never passionately felt liking someone. His words cannot be used as a reference for Bai Yiyu. It seems that he only has relatives and friends in his life, and he has not had too much contact with the opposite sex. His heart is like a machine that is running well. They all beat smoothly and rhythmically, and there was no glitch.

Not paying close attention to the behavior of others.

Listening to the sourness and sweetness in Bai Yiyu's mouth, his mind went blank, he blinked, and suddenly flashed the details of getting along with Song Jing.

Song Jing who had a gloomy face and lost his temper, or Song Jing who pestered Song Jing to sleep together.

The dependence in the youth's eyes in the memory is gradually replaced by the current eagerness and nostalgia. Every hug seems to change, more natural but more restrained. In the same posture, Song Jing's strength in embracing himself keeps increasing every time, as if to Knead into the bone.

The over-dependence and uneasiness shown by Song Jing made Song Wanzhou feel tight. He couldn't tell whether it was due to habit or something else. He couldn't refuse and wouldn't get bored.

Bai Yiyu's eyes were still a little red, her voice gradually quieted down, and she fell asleep.

Song Wanzhou covered the sleeping Bai Yiyu with a quilt, but he couldn't sleep with his eyes open for a long time. It was another night with worries, his eyes were astringent, and he was so tired that he didn't dare to close his eyes.

Before dawn, Song Wanzhou climbed up from the bed lightly, without waking anyone up, walked around the playground several times with the umbrella in his hands, and finally put away the umbrella and ran.

It was no longer the violent storm of yesterday, the drizzle was pouring down on his body, and his mind, which had not slept all night, was a little clearer. When he stepped on the puddle on the ground, the splashed water stains remained on his trousers.The deserted campus was shrouded in icy mist, blurring his vision. Song Wanzhou couldn't see the road clearly, and accidentally fell to the ground. He scratched his skin through his thin pants, and it hurt even more after getting wet. His mind was completely clouded. disperse.

Song Wanzhou laughed suddenly while sitting on the wet ground, stood up and patted the excess mud on his body, wiped the rainwater off his face with his clothes, and went to the cafeteria to buy breakfast for five people.

Standing the soaked umbrella on the balcony, it was still daylight, and the roommate hadn't woken up yet, Bai Yiyu kicked over the quilt again, revealing her white belly.

Song Wanzhou put the breakfast on the table, put down Bai Yiyu's clothes, covered him with a quilt, and took clean clothes for himself.

Clothes and go to the bathroom.

After he came out of the shower, the others woke up to the smell of breakfast, and knowing that Song Wanzhou bought it, they smiled and said that he was the snail girl.

"Eat slowly." Song Wanzhou wrung out the dirty clothes and put them in a travel bag. Bai Yiyu was still awake, so he packed his luggage softly.

There is no make-up class on Saturday morning, and students can go home after morning self-study.

Song Wanzhou asked for leave, took back his mobile phone and left it in the dormitory to clean up. When Bai Yiyu woke up, Song Kuanyu's call happened to come.

Standing at the window and seeing the two people waiting downstairs, Song Wanzhou ran down to explain to Aunt Li, before Song Kuanyu and Song Jing came in.

"Brother, have you had breakfast?" Song Jing passed Song Kuanyu to Song Wanzhou's side, and lifted the steamed buns in his hand, "The ones from home are still hot."

Song Wanzhou smiled and took it over: "Have Xiaojing and Dad eaten?"

Song Kuanyu nodded, but Song Jing paused.

The smile on the corner of Song Wanzhou's mouth seemed to be much shallower, without warmth, and there was no familiar light in his eyes, and the upward arc was not right.

Song Jing grabbed Song Wanzhou's arm: "What's wrong, brother?"

"No." Song Wanzhou quietly hid himself, and led them to his dormitory.

Bai Yiyu sat on the bed with vacant eyes, still nodded and dozed off with fried dough sticks in his mouth, saw Song Kuanyu and Song Jing, shivered, stood up and said, "Hello, Uncle."

Song Wanzhou didn't have many things, they were all sorted and packed in cardboard boxes in an orderly manner, and they were moved to the car in twos and threes.Before leaving, Song Wanzhou put the cakes he had prepared on the table and pressed a note, so that his roommates would see it when they came back from self-study in the morning to pick up their schoolbags.

When Song Wanzhou was doing these things, Song Jing was always behind him.

Noticing Song Wanzhou's avoiding gaze, Song Jing smiled and said, "Why is my brother ignoring me?"

Feeling the other party's perfunctory, his face couldn't be tense, his sword eyebrows were frowned, and twisted into the word 'Chuan', he stopped Song Wanzhou at the stairs, held his hand, and said in a deep voice: "Brother wants to live with me. Are you unhappy together?"