light adaptation

There are no more resounding cicadas on the side of the road, and the sun is still fierce, becoming a warm and silent heat, stuffy in the stove.

Ning Zhanmei's unrequited love also gradually calmed down, and the fire was simmering.

He was sobered up by the empty assumption, and went to the bookstore infrequently, dragged Liu Jingyang to make a few appointments, sweating profusely.Still thinking about Bi Qiannian at night, and finally comforted himself slowly, don't be in a hurry, don't ask him for an answer right away, he will chase him hard, and he will succeed.

Thinking of this, he easily became excited again, and he sighed.Grieving adolescence.

Bi Qiannian's life was no different from the usual one. The next day he worked in a bookstore, and at night he washed the dishes facing the rustling old tree outside the window. He had finished reading the picture book, and he still had no thoughts about the writing competition. He had nothing to post about his usual activities.

He silently looked at the tree outside the window, the soap bubbles were washed away by the water, and he vaguely thought of the emotion he had expressed not long ago, and now he came back again, the unchanging, uninteresting daily life.

That day Bi Qian mentioned that Xu Yun hadn't come to eat at home during the summer vacation, Bi Qiannian's eyes lit up, he hadn't seen Xu Yun for a long time.

They made an appointment to ask him to come home on Monday afternoon, Xu Yun agreed.Bi Qiannian remembered that he hadn't seen Ning raised his eyebrows for a few days after the werewolf was killed that day, and he was still a little unaccustomed to it.

Bi Qiannian: Come to my house for dinner on Monday?

Bi Qiannian: You didn’t thank you for sending me home last time

He added a reason to make the invitation justifiable, as if he could cover up something logically.

Ning Zhanmei: OK

Ning Zhanmei: Then I’ll come over in the afternoon, I’m fine at home

Bi Qiannian: / The little cat nods

Ning Zhanmei still couldn't help but be happy, the ideological construction of the past few days can only make him look more normal on the surface.When he entered Bi Qiannian's house on Monday, he smiled brightly, but when he saw Xu Yun who opened the door, he immediately lost face.

"Why are you here?" He asked without thinking.

Xu Yun opened the door for him to come in, and replied, "Why can't I be here?"

It makes sense, Xu Yun and Bi Qiannian are much better than himself and him, I don't know how many years earlier.

Ning Zhanmei didn't want to cause trouble for himself, so he entered the door to look for Bi Qiannian.

There was a lot of noise in the kitchen, so he went in and called Qian Nian.

"Hey, you're here?" Bi Qiannian was using a juicer to squeeze watermelon juice, and smiled at him, two dimples.

"Yeah." Ning Zhan nodded, he hadn't seen him for a few days, his expression softened visibly, now it looked like Bi Qiannian was wearing a filter, and the watermelon juice was so good-looking.He spurned his own virtue, and he was afraid that this glass of watermelon juice would be sweeter than the one with added sugar later on.

"Go and stay in my room, turn on the air conditioner and fan, the kitchen is hot." Bi Qiannian said as loudly as possible, the juicer was very noisy.

Ning Zhanmei didn't want to move, so he just asked him, "Why do you think of juicing? It's good to eat normally, so you don't have to worry about it."

"Xu Yun wants to drink, but there is no drink in the refrigerator, so I just want to squeeze a watermelon juice." Bi Qiannian replied.

"...to get used to him." Ning Zhanmei whispered, and he unilaterally announced that the sweetness of the watermelon juice had been reduced by three points.

Ning Zhanmei waited until Bi Qiannian finished squeezing, divided them into three glasses, and carried them into the room with him.

Xu Yun was huddling in the corner of Bi Qiannian's bed to read comic books, and there was a pile of them next to him. Bi Qiannian handed over the watermelon juice, and subconsciously wanted to get under the air-conditioning blanket to read comic books with Xu Yun. Standing beside him.

"What do you want to do?" Bi Qiannian asked him, "I plan to make up manga with Xu Yun, do you want to watch it together, or play with your phone for a while?"

Ning Zhan frowned, feeling a little redundant.

He caught a glimpse of the photo frame on the bedside table, which was a photo of little Bi Qiannian and Bi Qian, and he remembered that there seemed to be a photo frame on the desk.

Ning Zhan pointed at the photo frame, "May I see your childhood photos?"

Bi Qiannian was a little surprised, smiled and took it to Ning Zhanmei.It seemed that he could read the manga tomorrow, but he couldn't discuss it with Xu Yun, but he really didn't want to leave Ning Zhanmei alone.

In the photo, Bi Qian is not as generous as he is now, with a gentle smile, but there is a bit of fatigue in his brows and eyes.Bi Qiannian was about five or six years old, with a pouty face and a pair of round black eyes staring at the camera in a daze, very cute.

"It was when I first entered elementary school, first grade, right?" Bi Qiannian sat next to him, picked up the group photo on the desk and said to Ning Zhanmei, "This is the day I graduated from junior high school. I took pictures with Xu Yun and Tong Zhi. of."

The three boys were about the same height, and they were wearing the same white school uniform. Bi Qiannian was on the left, the flesh on his face had disappeared a lot, and he looked at the camera with a smile.It's rare for Xu Yun to smile in the middle. The boy on the far right is extremely outstanding, and his smile can even be described as bright.

"Is this childish?" Ning Zhan pointed his eyebrows at the boy on the right.

Bi Qiannian nodded, "It's him, do you think it looks good?" He laughed again, "It's not in vain for him to look good since he was a child."

Ning Zhanmei didn't take it seriously, and in his heart he liked Bi Qiannian's gentle and clumsy appearance compared to scissorhands.

"Is there any more? Photo album or something." Ning Zhanmei asked him, "Forget it's inconvenient."

"Ah, yes. I'll look for it." Bi Qiannian went to Bi Qian's room and brought two thick photo albums over.

"It's not inconvenient, I'll show you all." Bi Qiannian took the two photo albums to the table, opened the first one and prepared to read it with Ning Zhanmei.

Ning Zhanmei was teased twice by Bi Qiannian's natural and even conniving tone, and subconsciously thought, does he treat everyone like this?

"Show me all..." Ning Zhanmei pretended not to care, "Can anyone see it?"

"That's definitely not possible." He didn't expect Bi Qiannian to deny it so quickly. He thought the answer would be "Of course you can see what's here."

"There are some things behind every photo. Of course, everyone can't give it to everyone." These things can't be said to everyone.

"Oh," Ning Zhan smiled, "You mean if you don't mind me knowing?"

Xu Yun glanced at Ning's expressionless expression from the corner of the bed, but said nothing.

Bi Qiannian was also made a little uncomfortable by Ning Zhanmei's intimate tone, as if he had been leading him to admit something.

"These are nothing." Bi Qiannian replied, touching his nose, "You don't know the two most important things about me."

"Hey." Ning Zhan answered with an eyebrow, opened the photo album and stopped the conversation.

He felt a little sore in his heart, which was really contradictory.Bi Qiannian's two difficulties were known to him, and he also suffered some pain and sorrow, and was delighted by the closer distance after knowing it.

He wondered wildly, if he could get closer to Bi Qiannian, would he be able to get through it with him when he encountered difficulties in the future.Compared with the distant heartache and the slight pain of the later knowledge, he is more willing to bear those heart-wrenching hardships with Bi Qiannian, rather than becoming a person who will be narrated later.

Ning Zhanmei remembered Tongzhi rushing to Bi Qiannian's class and beating up Zhou Jian. He was lucky at that time, but now he felt a little jealous. If only he was the one who could be by Bi Qiannian's side early.

The photo was different from what Ning Zhanmei had imagined. He thought he could see Bi Qiannian in his infancy, but the picture showed a small boy.

"My mother has been taking pictures of me since kindergarten." Bi Qiannian seemed to understand his doubts, "It is said that the director of the kindergarten is doing a photo collection event, and every parent has to submit it, so here is this one photo."

In the photo, Bi Qiannian was drawing a family of little rabbits with a watercolor pen, which was not very pretty. Ning Zhanmei noticed that there were only one big rabbit and one small rabbit painted in front of the simple hut.

"Then my mother became interested and took some pictures of me when she had nothing to do."

Ning Zhanmei nodded at the picture in the photo, "The drawing is not bad."

Bi Qiannian smiled, and then told Ning Zhanmei some of the later photos.

The content of the photos in elementary school has become richer. Bi Qiannian is quietly writing homework, and there are a few flowers and plants that he probably took in the botanical garden. Ning Zhanmei saw a small picture of Bi Qiannian stepping on the small Photo of washing dishes on bench.

He explained, "I hadn't learned how to cook at the time, and I was the one who washed the dishes at home. My mother was very tired from work during that time."

Ning Zhan nodded and said something really nice.

Bi Qiannian still smiled.

Every birthday, there is a photo of Bi Qiannian making a wish in front of the cake. In the fifth grade of elementary school, Ning Zhanmei saw Xu Yun’s face in the photo. In the sixth grade, a childish face appeared in the photo. Bi Qiannian sat in the middle and smiled happily. .Only then did he realize that Bi Qiannian was always alone in the previous photo, and he and Bi Qian spent their birthdays alone every year.No friends came to him.

Bi Qiannian was still explaining to him, "Xu Yun and I met in the fifth grade host class. Tong Zhi knew him since childhood, and Uncle Xu and Aunt Ran were colleagues. We also knew each other after playing together a few times during the holidays." .”

"Little host class?" Ning Zhanmei asked him.

"Yeah," Bi Qiannian smiled, "My mother was worried that I would have no one to play with, so she enrolled in a small host class, and the children there were more lively and talkative. Then I met Xu Yun."

Ning Zhanmei remembered that Luo Xiaoli mentioned Xu Yun and Bi Qiannian's acquaintance, he was curious why Bi Qiannian went to the small host class, his character was not talkative, and he would not be as silent as Xu Yun.The reason is actually not difficult to guess.

"No one to play with?" Ning Zhanmei repeated softly.

"Yeah." Bi Qiannian nodded, understanding what Ning Zhanmei was asking, "At that time, I went to school right next to my home, and my classmates were all neighbors, and children more or less listened to adults gossiping about me saying that I didn't have a father. What, no one wants to play with me."

Bi Qiannian's tone was indifferent, as if he gently opened his sleeve, revealing a light-colored scar that had healed for a long time and could not be seen clearly.

He said it so easily, as if he had forgotten the innocent and pure malice of the children of the same age. They called him a bastard, occasionally stole his homework on purpose, and the worst thing was blocking him on the way from school, saying that he was pretending What a good student, who doesn't know that you are a bastard from a third-year student?He fought with a few boys who were much taller than him, and he was covered in bruises, but he didn't dare to tell Bi Qian for fear that she would be upset.

Just like when he was entangled in rumors in junior high school, Bi Qiannian was younger at that time, and his thinking was more likely to be extremely skewed. He only felt very sad, very sad, and calmly believed that this sadness would have no end.

Saying goodbye to his mother and coming to school every day is like being sent to a execution ground that never closes. He is in the second grade of elementary school, and there is still a long way to go to the sixth grade. It is too far away, so what if he is in junior high school?He didn't expect it.Bi Qiannian endured silently, with a large space in his heart, but he seldom cried, and he didn't know how to resist. He couldn't beat those boys, and he seemed to have failed.No one taught him what to do, he only knew not to make his mother sad.

Before he was old enough to think about life and fate, he had already been suppressed to accept his fate. Fate bullied him to be unarmed and blinded him.

Ning Zhanmei didn't say a word, but Bi Qiannian said softly, as if to comfort him, "My mother wanted me to change the environment and meet new friends after she found out, and then I went to the small host class and met Xu Yun. At that time, no children dared to talk to me. He talked, and I happened to be alone, so I went with him."

"Then Xu Yun became your first friend in life?" Ning Zhanmei said this subconsciously, without realizing how ugly the tone was.

Xu Yun raised his head from the book, frowned, and called Ning Zhanmei's name.

"Sorry." Ning Zhanmei said to Bi Qiannian, this sentence was too harsh for Bi Qiannian.

Bi Qiannian was also taken aback by Ning Zhanmei's words, he didn't expect Ning Zhanmei to react so strongly.But after thinking about it carefully, I can feel that Ning Zhanmei is not mocking him, but caring for him, and carrying some anger for his unfair experience.

"It's okay, it's okay." He smiled and patted Ning Zhanmei's hand again, as if he always comforted Ning Zhanmei like this, even when he was watching a movie that afternoon.

He was indeed stung by Ning Zhanmei's words just now, Ning Zhanmei was right, Xu Yun was his first friend in life.In his extracurricular class of the little host in the fifth grade, he met a little friend who was cold but didn't deliberately show his face at him, and didn't deliberately make things difficult for him.

When Tong Zhi clings to him, he is finally brought up to be cheerful and laughable, and everything gradually gets better.

The second photo album is in junior high school, and there are a lot of snapshots. Bi Qiannian said that most of them were taken by children. He is amazing with a small mobile phone. He always loves to take pictures. Even if he is not in the same class as Bi Qiannian, he can’t resist him enthusiasm.Even patiently rushed out a lot of photos.

"This is the first time I've won an award." Bi Qiannian pointed to Ning Zhanmei with bright eyes. Bi Qiannian smiled at the camera while holding a certificate of award.At this time, Bi Qiannian had already shown his current exquisite appearance.

"So amazing," Ning Zhanmei praised him, "What kind of award?"

"The national writing competition for the junior high school group won the second prize in the province." Bi Qiannian said, "I still have the certificate, I still remember that the school awarded 500 yuan, and I invited a few friends in the class to have a meal. "

Turning over was the photo of the dinner party. Ning Zhanmei saw Zhou Jian in it, but he didn't ask. In the previous snapshots, Zhou Jian occasionally appeared on camera.

"This one is from the sports meeting. It should be taken by the entertainment committee in the class." In the center of the picture is a relay race. Bi Qiannian is holding a bottle of undrinked water in the crowd in the back row, probably for someone in the class He is responsible for the athletes.Ning Zhanmei saw Zhou Jian again among those waiting to take over.

"This is a program performed by our class at the art festival. It's quite boring. I'm reciting poems. I spent more than half a month in the second quarter's evening self-study and went to the empty classroom to read. During that time, I dreamed of that sound." Ning Zhanmei It didn't take much effort to find Bi Qiannian among several rows of boys wearing the same clothes. His bangs were parted, revealing his smooth forehead, and his mouth was slightly opened.

What made him unhappy was that Zhou Jian was next to Bi Qiannian, why was there always Zhou Jian?He had already been rude just once, and he didn't want to make Bi Qiannian unhappy, so he listened silently.

On the contrary, Bi Qiannian also noticed the same thing, and muttered, "Why is Zhou Jian's appearance rate so high? I haven't looked through the photo album for a long time, and I saw a lot of him today."

Ning Zhanmei replied angrily, "Throw it away if you don't like it."

"That's not true." Bi Qiannian laughed, "I should have a good relationship with him at that time, eh, there's no need."

He really doesn't care much anymore, the absurd farce brought by Zhou Jian seems to be far away from him, and he only occasionally feels sorry for losing a good friend.

When I turned to the graduation photo, I couldn't help but let out a sigh, and showed Ning Zhanmei the comparison with the one at the art festival.

"He is the sports committee, so he arranged the station for the art festival with me on purpose, and said that the graduation photo will also stand together." Bi Qiannian said, pointing to the graduation photo, "It turns out that the graduation photo is separated by a hundred and eight thousand thousands of miles."

He laughed again, "Hey, who would have thought that."

Who would have thought?

Leaving aside the confusion of adolescence, Bi Qiannian's entire life seems to have been lacking and disordered.

He has too many undecided, and the reason why he didn't have a father at the beginning of his ignorant childhood is not as clear and understandable as the explanation of his father's death. Who would have thought of it?

Primary school suffers from peers' malice for a long time, thinking that it will last forever, and finally gained two sincere friendships, who would have thought?

He thought his life had finally come to glory, and when he entered junior high school, he had a bright and boundless new life, but he was caught off guard by reality. People around him called him a homosexual, and he was the son of Xiaosan. Who would have thought that?

He pondered a hundred times, a thousand times, whether this is his inescapable fate, the continuous cycle of falling and recovering, sounds not bad, but it is secretly doomed that he will never escape the pursuit and blame of fate.

Bi Qiannian stamped the photo album, and it seemed that it was the first time that he looked back on his short and hectic life in daylight, feeling a little tired and bewildered.Ning Zhan frowned next to him, and patted Bi Qiannian's hand just like Bi Qiannian patted him.

It was the first time he stopped restraining himself, Ning Zhanmei might indeed be a wonderful revelation about his fate, so bright and sharp - fate does not exist.

The daylight at five o'clock in the afternoon gently shone on Ning Zhanmei's side face, and Bi Qiannian had already been illuminated by him during the night when he cried bitterly, and now he felt a sense of ease.

Destiny does not exist.

Dust flapped its wings in the light path, Bi Qiannian was dazzled by the reflection of the mirror, so he squinted, and slowly saw Ning Zhanmei's side face clearly.

If it must exist, Bi Qiannian thought, Ning Zhanmei was a treasure that God had pity on him and gave him, so that he could escape from the sky and break through all dangers.