Think childish

"Sometimes I feel that the world played a joke on him. He had a big absurd dream. When he jumped down, the dream woke up." - Gu Jia.

Qiu Shui waited until almost eleven o'clock, but did not wait for Gu Jia.This situation is very unusual. It is said that Ah Shui should be here when she is not here. What happened?She was worried all the way back to school.

When I got back to school, the dormitory building was about to close. Qiu Shui trotted all the way back, and when I got downstairs, I saw Yue Yue and Xu Ruibin standing downstairs, kissing each other, reluctant to part.The mother next to her waved the key chain in her hand angrily, urging all the young couples with a loud voice.

"Qiu Shui?" Yue Yue saw her, quickly stood on tiptoe and kissed Xu Ruibin on the cheek, then pulled her to stick out her tongue towards Lou Ma and ran into the dormitory building. "where have you been?"

"I went to Hongse and wanted to talk to Gu Jia about something, but when I went, I found that the door was not opened, and there was no movement after waiting for a long time." Qiu Shui said.

Moon didn't take it seriously: "Should I go out with friends?"

After Qiu Shui thought about it, it wasn't impossible: "Then I'll go find her tomorrow, and she will definitely be there on the weekend tomorrow."

The two of them were about to reach the door of the dormitory, Yue Yue grabbed her to the side corner, and asked in a low voice: "I heard from Xiao He that the quota for studying abroad from your school has been selected? Are you one?"

"You also know?" Qiu Shui was a little surprised. How did this gossip spread so quickly?She hasn't agreed yet!

Yue Yue curled her lips and pointed to their dormitory with her eyes: "I came back in the evening, and you were not here. I just heard them talking about it all the time. Xiao He seemed to want to go too. She submitted the application and found a teacher, but it didn't work out. Choose." Then asked, "Who is the other one?"

"Xiao Mantang." Qiu Shui said, "What application? Why don't I know?"

Yue Yue exaggeratedly covered her mouth and snickered: "Aren't you? You got selected without writing your application?"

Qiu Shui was really confused: "I didn't even know there was a public school. I was suddenly called by the dean this afternoon and gave me a bunch of materials. I'm still in a daze!" She suddenly remembered something, "But Some time ago, the dean of the department asked me to write a personal study resume, wouldn't it be that?"

The moon pondered and nodded: "It's probably true."

Qiu Shui sighed: "How is Xiao He? Is she okay?"

Yue Yue shrugged: "I'm not happy. When I went back to the dormitory in the afternoon, a few people were like mice seeing cats. They probably spoke ill of you behind your back! They even ran over hypocritically and asked me if I knew you were selected. What a hypocrisy! But who let her not be strong enough, it's normal to lose the election."

Qiu Shui said: "Don't talk about it when you go back to the dormitory. One more thing is worse than one less thing."

Yue Yue happily hugged her arm and walked forward bouncingly: "Listen to you."

The next day, Qiushui went to Hongse again, but still didn't open the door. She still waited until almost eleven o'clock, but no one came.On the third day, it was still the same, Qiu Shui began to feel that something was wrong, something must have happened to Gu Jia!

But she didn't have any contact information of Gu Jia's friends, and she wanted to ask someone for a while, but she didn't ask.She thought of the moon again, maybe she would leave the contact information of one or two people there!

Qiu Shui was a little anxious, but Yue Yue's grandma was sick and hospitalized recently, and she stayed in the hospital room during the morning, so Qiu Shui couldn't rush her, so she waited for her in the dormitory, and Yue Yue came back from the hospital near one o'clock in the afternoon.

Qiushui told the moon about her worries, and the moon also thought it was a bit strange, but she didn't have the contact information of Gu Jia's friends, so she couldn't help her.

"Then what should we do?" Qiu Shui fidgeted anxiously.

"Wait!" Yue Yue suddenly patted his head: "I thought of it! We can go to Sister Qingqing! Ah Shui's birthday was held at her house two years ago, I have been there! I remember the address!"

The two rushed over at full speed.

Standing at the entrance of the alley, Yue Yue frowned and thought about it for a long time, but she was still not sure: "I don't remember the way, and I don't remember the left and right after a long time... Hey, who cares! Let's go to the left first!"

The moon pulled her into the alley on the left, unexpectedly, she really chose the right one.

"Here it is!" Moon confirmed.

Qiu Shui looked at the small courtyard in front of him, walked up to the door cautiously, and knocked on the door.Soon there was the sound of people walking through the door.

The door was half-opened, and a middle-aged woman leaned out halfway through the door, looked at them with a listless expression, and said impatiently, "Who are you looking for?"

"Sister Qingqing!" Moon called her, "I am Moon! Do you remember me?"

Qingqing's eyes were dazed for a moment, and then she suddenly realized who the little girl in front of her was: "It's you!" She laughed, opened the door completely, and stroked her fluffy and messy hair, "Why did you come here? ?” While speaking, he glanced at Qiu Shui, “Who is this?”

"Hello, Sister Qingqing, my name is Zhuang Qiushui, and I'm Gu Jia's friend." Qiushui's tone was a little rushed, and he took a step forward, "Do you know where Gu Jia is?"

Qingqing first looked her up and down, then pulled the collar of the sweater as if she thought it was strangling her: "I know you, are you looking for Gu Jia?"

"Yeah." She nodded, "Hongse hasn't opened the door for three days in a row, and I can't find her, so I'm a little worried if something happened to her?"

Qingqing's expression suddenly faded: "Something happened, but it wasn't her, it was Ah Shui."

"What's wrong with Ah Shui?" Yue Yue asked first.

The tail of Qingqing's eyes twitched, his eyes seemed to be disgusted or hated, and his eyes turned to the side, and said in a cold tone: "He is dead."

"Dead?!" Moon screamed strangely in a sharp voice.

"..." Qiu Shui looked at her in disbelief, "How could it be... dead?"

"How do I know!" Qingqing suddenly raised her voice, "He abused himself, and he didn't even make it easy for Gu Jia! Gu Jia spent all these years treating him for nothing!" Her chest heaved violently, obviously angry , with a cold expression like a ball of ice slag slapped on someone's face, "Gu Jia, I don't know where she is, I can't contact her."

After the woman finished speaking, she turned around and slammed the door mercilessly.

Yue Yue stared blankly at the door and at the people around him——Qiu Shui's face turned pale almost instantly, but his expression remained stunned, obviously not recovering from the shocking news.

"Qiu Shui... are you okay..." Yue Yue approached her at a loss, wanting to say something, but her mind was in a mess and she couldn't say anything at all.

How could such a good person die suddenly?

Is this too sudden?

In the end what happened?

Was there a car accident?

The moon's eyebrows frowned into a mess.

Qiu Shui suddenly turned to her: "We have to find Gu Jia!"

The moon nodded heavily: "I definitely want to find it! It's just... where do I find it?"

Qiu Shui turned around and walked out of the alley: "Just wait for her at Hongse, Gu Jia will definitely come back."

***

After Qiu Shui made up his mind, he didn't go to the library, and skipped all the classes he could. Every day he had time, he squatted at Hongse's door, but he didn't wait for Gu Jia for a week.On the other side of the college, the head of the department talked to her again. It was nothing more than a matter of public affairs. Qiu Shui couldn't make up his mind, so he had to submit the materials first, but in fact he didn't make up his mind at all.

That evening, Qiu Shui was still squatting at the Rainbow Gate, and a dark cloud gradually approached in the sky. Before night, the whole city suddenly seemed to be covered with a curtain, and instantly darkened.

She opened her schoolbag and searched for it for a long while, then she said "Oops". Before she could decide whether to wait or go first, suddenly there was a thunder, and in the blink of an eye, big raindrops fell down.

There was a small piece of canopy above the rainbow-colored main entrance, which could barely cover her upper body. Seeing the rain intensify, she thought that she would get wet anyway when she ran back, so she might as well wait here until the rain subsided. Later.

Qiu Shui tried her best to curl herself up into a ball and put her back against the main door, but the rain was too heavy, and the steps at the door were too narrow, so she had no choice but to let her legs get wet by the heavy rain.

When it rained heavily, it was crackling, accompanied by rumbling thunder, and it was too noisy.However, after I got used to listening, I unexpectedly felt that the world seemed to have become quieter.

Qiu Shui hugged his legs, pillowed his face on his knees, and listened quietly to this cold rainy night. Unknowingly, his consciousness became a little chaotic.

After an unknown amount of time, she suddenly felt that the rain was getting lighter, and the sound of the rain that was clear in her ears suddenly became muffled, as if something was covering her whole body.

When Qiu Shui raised his head, he first saw the big round black umbrella above his head, and then he saw the person standing under the umbrella.

It's Gu Jia.

Gu Jia was dressed in black, and the hand holding the umbrella was white and thin, which was in stark contrast to the black umbrella handle.Her hair was wet by the rain, and her bangs were dripping wetly on her forehead. Her cynical eyes were filled with sadness at this moment, but she still kept smiling and leaned over slightly to look at her.

"Children, are you still waiting for me if you get lost?"

Qiu Shui couldn't explain why she felt so sad when she saw her smile, she suddenly got up and threw herself into her arms, hugging her tightly.

Gu Jia's fingers trembled slightly.

The umbrella is loose.

***

Ah Shui and Gu Jia grew up together, they are neighbors, just like Guo Qingshan likes to cling to Qiao Zhi, Ah Shui also likes to cling to Gu Jia, because Gu Jia is the most playful person in their yard.

Gu Jia's parents died young, and she lived with her grandmother since she was a child. The grandmother said that her life was hard, and she had to be raised as a boy to live long.Therefore, Gu Jia has been dressed as a boy since she was a child, and she has developed a boyish personality over the years.

When the children in the courtyard were fighting, she was always the one who stood out the most. She was more agile and ruthless than the boys.Going up the tree to dig out bird eggs, going down the river to catch fish and shrimp, those are her forte.Because of this, the children in the yard love to follow her around. Ah Shui has been calling her the title "Boss" since she was a child.

Unlike Gu Jia, Ah Shui was weak and sickly when he was a child, especially after his mother ran away with other men, he lived a typical life of "a child without a mother is like a grass root".

Ah Shui's father is a workshop worker, and he supports the family with a meager fixed salary every month.He works hard and is a down-to-earth person, but for some reason, he has never been reused in his work, maybe it's because of his bad luck.

Ah Shui's father couldn't see his son being so weak, and wanted to exercise his body. In the winter, Ah Shui was forced to get up at five o'clock to go for a run. Ah Shui didn't want to, and he was crying. Pretending to hit him.

Ah Shui was afraid of pain and being beaten, so he had to get up before dawn every day to go for a run. Once he was so sleepy that he didn't open his eyes when running, didn't look at the road, and accidentally stepped on the ground and fell into the ditch Li, directly broke his right hand and broke his forearm.

During the period when his fracture was broken, if his father was not at home, Gu Jia would come to feed him. If he was unlucky and his father was at home, Ah Shui could only eat with his left hand, and he couldn't slow down. Eat slowly, and if you eat slowly, you will be scolded.

In Ah Shui's impression, his father was like a silent active volcano.The surface of this volcano is frozen all year round, and it looks like an iceberg from a distance. It always erupts from time to time, and it is almost rare to melt once.

In his memory, the happiest time his father smiled at him was when he was just in high school, and he got the first place in a class in an exam.That time, his father rewarded him with a pair of running shoes and told him to strengthen his body while studying hard.Because he always felt that Ah Shui was too weak in character, not like a boy.

And that time was also the last time his father smiled at him.

In the second year of high school, Ah Shui fell in love with the male teacher who taught Chinese in the next class.

The male teacher's surname is Wen, and his name is Wen Wen.As the name suggests, he has a gentle and elegant personality, but he still has a masculine air.

Wen Wen is the head teacher of the class next door, and is also responsible for teaching the Chinese of Ah Shui's class.Ah Shui's composition is very good, and he is always named and praised by him, and he reads it standing on the podium.

Ah Shui likes to read books, especially Japanese literature, such as Osamu Dazai and Mishima, but in his father's opinion, what he likes is not serious, unmotivated, and wandering in thinking.

At that time, this kind of book was extremely rare. Ah Shui also accidentally found Dazai Osamu's "Retrograde" in the corner of the library. Ah Shui read it twice, but didn't understand it. The man's text is addicted.

Wen Wen found out about this from his composition, because Ah Shui once wrote "everything before death is a lie" in his composition, and he imagined that he was lying by the river and saw various butterflies.

Wen Wen had seen Osamu Dazai and knew what he was talking about, so he called him to the office, and quietly gave him a copy of "Anthology of Osamu Dazai" with excessive wear and tear on the corners.

While Ah Shui fell in love with Dazai Zhi, he was also deeply infatuated with this man who knew him well.

This kind of obsession is like a seed planted in the dark, trapped in Ah Shui's heart, and has not seen the sun for many years.Because it couldn't grow branches and leaves, it had to pierce the root system down, deeper and deeper, and finally penetrated his whole body and became the foundation of his life.

Ah Shui originally wanted to bury this matter in his heart for the rest of his life. He had always restrained himself very well, but in his third year of high school, Wen Wen suddenly got married.Ah Shui was invited to his house for dinner. At the dinner table, Ah Shui saw Wen Wen and his new wife, Yan Xiao Yan Yan, who were very intimate. A kind of jealousy and pain tightened his neck like an iron chain. I couldn't breathe, and I was so heartbroken that I almost died.

He left early with the excuse of being uncomfortable, and vented frantically on the way home, roaring, roaring, and crying bitterly, and finally he shrank himself into an inconspicuous corner.

He felt like everything in the world was hurting him.

At night, Ah Shui got up from the bed secretly and wrote a letter, a love letter to Wen Wen.

He wants to make an end to his lost love.

After the letter was written, he planned to take it to the small river and burn it, but he was so sad and emotionally ups and downs that he ran to the toilet and vomited as soon as he finished writing the letter.When he returned to the house, he was horrified to find his father, who had always been silent, clutching his letter that was urgently to be burned with a livid face.

Ah Shui was scared out of his wits.

The letter was burned by his father in the end, and Ah Shui was thrown outside the house after being beaten half to death by him.

He was abandoned.

……

"Shortly after Ah Shui was kicked out of the house, I came back from Beijing. My grandma passed away, and I came back to take care of her funeral affairs." Gu Jia said, "When I found him, he talked to some old beggars. Nesting together under a bridge hole, holding a wine bottle and singing indiscriminately, I thought he was crazy."

"Then what happened next?" Qiu Shui asked.

"Later?" Gu Jia turned the wine glass, "Later I took him to Beijing. A month ago, Wen Wen's wife suddenly came to the door and told Ah Shui that Wen Wen committed suicide."

"……why?"

"Because Ah Shui's father didn't know what was wrong, he suddenly ran into the school and made a big fuss, saying that Wen Wen ruined his son, ruined their family, and scolded Wen Wen a lot of nasty words. People's words are terrible, Wen Wen One couldn't think about it, so he hanged himself with a rope in the staff dormitory." Gu Jia stared at the liquid in the glass without blinking, "Ah Shui wanted to go back and die with his father, but he found out after he went back, The old man was found to have cancer, and he didn't have much time left to live. Ah Shui lost all hope and jumped off the top floor of the hospital."

……

Qiu Shui never knew that Ah Shui, who looks so sunny and lively on the surface, actually hides so much hidden pain in his heart.She felt a deep sadness for Ah Shui and for this ridiculous story.

"Ah Shui left me a letter before he died." Gu Jia raised her head and drank the wine, and smiled, "He said I lied to him. He said that the world is a lie, and he doesn't want to live in a lie anymore."

Gu Jia's voice was low: "Do you know? Sometimes I feel that the world played a joke on him. He had a ridiculous dream. When he jumped down, the dream woke up."

The author has something to say: It is recommended to read this chapter while listening to thefin's "Night Time", I think it will be very emotional.

Ah Shui is the epitome of an extreme case.There are many pains and sufferings in life, and it may be the normal state of adults to be overwhelmed.

Writing this story is out of emotion.I have always felt that I am fighting against life and reality. I still remember what I wrote in the previous article. The most dangerous thing about fighting alone against the public is that if you are not determined, you will start this war against yourself. Without full confidence and persistence, then you are very likely to be persuaded by the public and start to doubt yourself, am I actually wrong?

There is only one kind of true heroism in the world, and that is to still love life after recognizing the truth of life. —Romain Rolland

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