why are they still in love

Public hospitals were short of beds, Xiao Zhaoshan waited half a month for a vacant single ward, so he began to consider whether to transfer Xiao Chining to a private hospital.

His right hand can't move at all, and he still needs others to take care of him. Taking care of Xiao Chining is really laborious. Even twisting a wet towel has to be done with teeth biting one side of the towel.He thought that the environment and services of private hospitals are far better than those of public hospitals, and Xiao Chining can rest better at night, not to mention that he can relax a bit.

Dong Xin once persuaded him to hire a nurse in the hospital, but he had seen the nurse in the next bed who was hired by the patient with gastric bleeding, who was no more meticulous than him. .

After staying in the hospital for seventeen days, Xiao Zhaoshan has fully adapted to the life in the three-person ward: sleeping on a [-]cm-wide camp bed, going to the boiling water room to fetch water for bathing, getting up early to wait for the doctor to make rounds, and walking to the nearby shopping mall to buy three Meals, feed Xiao Chining, massage, apply medicine and read books, and wait for him to fall asleep every night before going to bed.

Xiao Chining would often lie on the bed and watch him go in and out, at first he would find it amusing, because Xiao Zhaoshan thought the boiled water in the hospital had a smell, so he bought a box of mineral water and kept it under the bed. Mineral water with big eyes and small eyes, it’s really cute to ask others to help you unscrew the bottle cap.

It wasn't fun after that.Because Xiao Zhaoshan not only learned to unscrew the bottle cap with his teeth, but also learned to skillfully build a camp bed and fold quilts with one hand, knead towels with one hand in the way of kneading dough, and use his shoulders to support his back to help him get out of bed bathroom.

Xiao Zhaoshan learned to hold a cotton swab between the four fingers, and apply the medicine to all the allergic parts of his body at once, avoiding the trouble of turning back and forth to go to the bedside to dip the medicine.He has practiced how to tie his shoelaces with one hand, how to open the plastic cover of takeaway, how to use his left hand to sign various procedures required by the hospital, and how to hold a book so that he can turn pages accurately with only his thumb and index finger.

Xiao Chining felt sad.

In just half a month, he covered Xiao Zhaoshan's whole body with unsuitable fireworks, and he had to expend a lot of energy to relearn what a healthy seven-year-old child could easily do.

There has never been a more successful revenge.Every day when Xiao Zhaoshan wakes up, he will start to suffer punishment, and he will be reminded of his uselessness all the time.

There is no more failed revenge than this, the recipient is the most meaningless, and the perpetrator is more heartbroken.

"I want to eat oranges." Xiao Chining looked up at Xiao Zhaoshan who was standing on the edge of the bed competing with a board of capsules, and repeated, "I want to eat oranges."

He would like to see how Xiao Zhaoshan peels an orange with one hand, and how he insists that nothing is a problem to the end.Maybe when he wakes up after a nap, Xiao Zhaoshan, just like groping for how to tie his shoelaces with one hand, or flip through a book with one hand, once again "no big deal" found the skill of peeling an orange with one hand.

Naturally, Xiao Zhaoshan didn't know that Xiao Chining was angry. When he heard such hints, what he thought in his mind was not where to buy oranges, but Xiao Chining hadn't called him "Daddy" for a long time.On weekdays, he would either use his eyes to show weakness, or simply omit the address and ask straight to the point.In short, it is not called "Dad".

Misfortunes and blessings intertwine, calm and occasionally fatal.They seem to have gotten along too harmoniously in the past half month, so harmonious that he recalled their intimacy in the few minutes when Xiao Chining woke up, it was like a fog in a mirror.

Only one night, when Xiao Chining's surgical wound was fortunately not itchy and painful, and he rarely fell asleep early, but fell into a nightmare in the middle of the night, and kept making vague and weak calls for help, did he vaguely hear "Dad".

He quickly turned over from the camp bed, grabbed Xiao Chining's hand in the dark, held it on the side of his face and kissed him softly, then sat quietly by the bed and watched him all night.

After dawn, the two returned to the delicate relationship between father and son.Xiao Zhaoshan pretended that nothing had happened, and waited until he was taken to the outpatient building for an examination by the nurse, then secretly found the attending doctor and asked Xiao Chining about the possibility of suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder.

Before, he was immersed in the joy of regaining what was lost, and he hadn't realized that the body riddled with holes still had the power to hide his fear and despair.Xiao Chining's behavior was too normal, but abnormal.

"The oranges are not on the market yet." He handed the capsule that he had finally picked out to Xiao Chining's mouth, "I'll buy it for you in a while."

Xiao Chining swallowed the medicine obediently and said, "I want to take it now."

Xiao Zhaoshan thought he was being coquettish, and persuaded him nicely: "The orange is too cold, your stomach is still not full, don't think about it."

So Xiao Chining ignored him all afternoon.

The time in the hospital is never in the same dimension as the time elsewhere, and it is too long to make people impatient.The only TV in the ward has to take care of the preferences of the three families at the same time, and there is a long way to go. Xiao Zhaoshan is not interested in the short TV series of the lecturers, and has always given the remote control to the other two to "be humble".

Xiao Chining had previously rejected his proposal to read Marquez, saying that he was going to sleep, but he couldn't fall asleep after closing his eyes.

The TV was turned on very low, but the only daughter of one of the heroines was crying loudly.She screamed and asked her mother: "Do you think I want to be raised by you?! You only know money and money all day long. When did you care about what my dad and I are thinking? No wonder he will divorce you!"

Xiao Chining got a headache when he heard it.Holding the scar on his stomach, he slowly turned over and lay on his side.

"Can't sleep?" Xiao Zhaoshan came to the bedside from the window at some point, and asked by his ear.

Xiao Chining suddenly opened his eyes and stared at him: "Get lost!"

Xiao Zhaoshan felt that his temper had been worn down by the cramped and noisy environment, extremely limited living conditions, and Xiao Chining's frequent nightmares after nightfall.The hospital is really a magnifying glass for human nature and a arena for ego.If Dong Xin came to ask him now if he had made up his mind to change himself, at least he wouldn't feel guilty anymore.

"Hand hurts?" He tried to find a reliable reason for Xiao Chining's inexplicable anger, "Do you want me to rub it?"

Xiao Chining became even more irritable: "The doctor said it's normal, are you annoyed?"

Xiao Zhaoshan assumed that he was suffering from persistent pain and his nerves were too sensitive.

He rubbed Xiao Chining's hair, and said: "Don't speak so hard, be careful to stretch the wound, and it will be you who will hurt."

The sandalwood on Xiao Zhaoshan's body mixed with the unique smell of disinfectant in the hospital lingered in his nose for a long time. Xiao Chining wanted to push him away and let him roll as far away as possible, but his abdomen couldn't exert strength. It just hurts.

"Let me read to you. I'll fall asleep when I'm bored." Xiao Zhaoshan said.

Xiao Chining looked away angrily at the ceiling.

Xiao Zhaoshan knew that he would not answer properly, so he dragged the stool a little closer, and opened the collection of short stories he was reading just now to read to him.

The beginning was strangely familiar, and Xiao Chining couldn't help turning his head to glance at the cover of the book.Good guy, it really is "The Most Beautiful Drowning Man in the World"!

He closed his eyes again, trying to deceive himself that not being able to see was equal to not being able to hear.

The two patients in the same room have changed. The new boy has just had a cecum resection and cannot eat for the time being. He is weakly bargaining with his mother who is busy watching TV.

"I want to eat fried chicken..."

"You still want to eat fried chicken after this?! You think it's not enough for you to get a knife!" His mother gave him a sideways look, "If you eat these dirty junk food all day long, who will suffer if you don't have stomach problems? "

The young man was wronged: "Mom, I'm greedy..."

The old aunt who was over fifty sighed and stood up, took a cotton swab and dipped some fish soup in the thermos, and brought it to his lips: "Hey, my little ancestor, let's lick it. Wait until you beat him." Fart, Mom will make you fried chicken-flavored fish soup, do you think it will work?"

The young man pouted: "Mom, where's the sushi? Can you make it?"

"I'll make you sushi-flavored millet porridge."

"Actually, I still kind of want to eat pizza..."

"Well, steamed pizza-flavored steamed buns for you."

The more he didn't want to hear it, the more he could hear it clearly, Xiao Chining was angry but also sad.The whole world seems to be concerned only with the issue of family affection. The whole world is showing its resentment and dependence on the family, and the whole world is against him.

In February, when the ice and snow have just disappeared, at two o'clock in the afternoon, the sun hides behind the clouds, and the smog floats in the bustling city.Xiao Zhaoshan read: "He stripped off the last few rags from my body, surrounded me with barbed wire, rubbed saltpeter on my wound back and forth, soaked me in his own urine, tied my ankles I hung myself in the sun, yelling that those things were not enough to appease his anger. In the end, he threw me into the dungeon used by missionaries to punish heretics, and left me to fend for myself. I forgot about the sound of ventriloquist animals eating, the wind rustling in a ripe beet field, and the gurgling sound of spring water. He just wanted to torture me with hallucinations, making me feel like I was dying in heaven... [1]"

The voice of reading aloud gradually became weaker, and he stopped at last, looking uneasily at Xiao Chining who was lying in a daze on the hospital bed.

Sensing his probing gaze, Xiao Chining smiled mockingly: "Why don't you read it anymore? Keep reading."

Xiao Zhaoshan lowered his head, and fiddled with the corner of the page with his thumb casually: "Have you read it?"

"No." Xiao Chining lied.

"I've read it." Xiao Zhaoshan lost interest, "Change to another one, your godmother sent a lot of books over."

"When did you read it?" Xiao Chining asked.

Xiao Zhaoshan bent down and dragged out a storage box from under the hospital bed, and rummaged through it for brighter books that Xiao Chining would not easily associate with himself.

"High school. At that time, it was not introduced in China. I read the English version." He replied.

Xiao Chining was curious, if they happened to read the same story at a similar age, how would their feelings be different.

"Do you think Brakaman is doing the right thing?"

Xiao Zhaoshan found a collection of Wang Zengqi's essays: "Didn't you read it?"

"You've read this far, and I can more or less guess the plot behind it." Xiao Chining said, "'I' will definitely find ways to use superpowers to get revenge, right?"

"Yeah." Seeing that he didn't have any signs of an attack, Xiao Zhaoshan also discussed with him with some reservations, "He let this liar Brakaman die and resurrect in the grave, resurrect and die again."

"So, do you think 'I' did the right thing?" Xiao Chining asked leisurely.

Xiao Zhaoshan sat back on his seat: "If it were me, I would only retaliate even more."

Xiao Chining lowered his eyes and looked at him who was sitting by the bed: "How much can it be?"

"I will not build a chapel for him, nor cast a tombstone for him." Xiao Zhaoshan said calmly, "I will not let him die. I will let him live forever, in my own urine, in the cold Under the ground, let him hear singing and dancing outside the tomb, flowers blooming, and life continues."

"yes."

"But I'm not him after all."

Xiao Zhaoshan opened the catalog and found the page number of "About <Ordained>".

"One is forever taking revenge on the other, and is punished endlessly by hatred and vanity," he said. "Neither is a good person."

"Really." Xiao Chining seemed to know only these two words.

"When I was your age, I preferred to read Marsk's other novel, which is also in this collection. It's about the love story between a terminally ill middle-aged congressman and a 19-year-old girl. He wrote it very touchingly." , at least at that time I found it very moving."

""Eternal Death Beyond Love"." Xiao Chining said the name, "You are wrong, that girl will not turn 19 until April."

"Well, NO.11." Xiao Zhaoshan added her birthday.

"Sheep." Xiao Chining added her zodiac sign.

"'This zodiac sign represents loneliness'[2]." Xiao Zhaoshan summed it up.

The two snickered at the same time, as if they had forgotten all the quarrels and barriers in an instant.

From this, Xiao Chining understood that the biggest difference between him and Xiao Zhaoshan was that they always loved and only looked at things from their own perspectives—he saw pain and hatred, while Xiao Zhaoshan saw loneliness.

"Xiao Ning."

Xiao Zhaoshan accurately grasped a page of paper with his thumb, and turned it over with his index finger skillfully.

"'Nobody likes us'[3]," he said. "None of us are nice people."

Xiao Chining's smile suddenly became far-fetched, he turned his head to look out of the window, with tears about to fall in his eyes.

Xiao Zhaoshan only finished reading an essay, and was called to the Public Security Bureau by phone, and he didn't come back until eleven o'clock in the evening.

Dong Xin took over his shift, brought Xiao Chining an extraordinarily luxurious meal, wiped his body carefully, applied medicine, and gave him a new mobile phone as a gift.

Xiao Chining didn't know if she knew what he did to Xiao Zhaoshan, nor did she know what Xiao Zhaoshan did to him.His mind was like this tongue twister, going around and around, but he didn't dare to ask Dong Xin directly, why he understood him without any effort, and why he was willing to treat him as always.

After the visiting time limit of 09:30, Dong Xin was unable to stay overnight and had to leave.Xiao Chining was lying in the ward where the lights were turned off early, and his right hand hurt again.

The blue curtain separated him from the other two stable families into two worlds.He gritted his teeth, alone bearing the itch and pain from his bones, hating Xiao Zhaoshan and thinking of Xiao Zhaoshan like repeating the same mistakes.

He didn't like to cry at first, but the tears that had been brewing for a long time since the afternoon couldn't close the valve.He silently trembled and wept bitterly at the moon outside the window.

When Xiao Zhaoshan lifted the curtain and walked to the bed with a chill in his body, he had already scratched dozens of fingernail marks around the cast on his right hand.

After Xiao Zhaoshan confirmed that the bed next door was deep asleep, he slowly squatted beside the bed and asked softly, "Xiao Ning, are you asleep?"

Xiao Chining turned his back to him and didn't speak.

Xiao Zhaoshan thought he was asleep: "Okay, we'll talk about it tomorrow. Good night."

He got up and crossed the hospital bed, took out a food plastic bag from his arms and put it on the bedside, then went to the locker to take off his coat, and tiptoely dragged the army bed.

The movement was not small, and Xiao Chining felt that he could make a sound.

"where did you go?"

Xiao Zhaoshan was taken aback by this sudden question, he quickly turned around to look at him, and asked in a breathy voice, "Haven't you slept yet?"

"I was woken up by you." Xiao Chining's voice was hoarse.

Xiao Zhaoshan didn't think otherwise, carrying the camp bed forward or backward, the two said: "Sleep, I'll fix it in a while."

"Stupid|forceful." Xiao Chining said angrily, "Come here."

Xiao Zhaoshan gently put the folded camp bed on the spot, walked up to him, and asked, "What's wrong?"

"Shut up with me for one night and it's over." Xiao Chining turned over and scolded him, "When did you become so stupid?"

"This bed is just so big, it's not worth the loss if it presses on your wound." Xiao Zhaoshan was secretly happy for Xiao Chining's initiative to get close, but the next second he saw the tears on his face, "...Xiao Ning?"

He reached out to hold Xiao Chining's face, and couldn't help frowning: "Crying? What did you dream about?"

It's okay not to mention this issue, but when it is mentioned, Xiao Chining feels hatred creeping up in his heart again.

"I dreamed of you, you stupid idiot!" Xiao Chining cursed.

Xiao Zhaoshan hastily covered his mouth: "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhateds, don't cry baby, go to sleep, good boy, I'll watch over you."

Xiao Chining just blinked, two lines of hot tears fell straight from the eye sockets to the pillow again without warning, seeping into Xiao Zhaoshan's fingers.

"You know shit!" He shouted into Xiao Zhaoshan's palm, "You don't know anything!"

Xiao Zhaoshan really didn't know.

He let go of his hand, wiped away Xiao Chining's tears with his fingertips, leaned over and kissed his slightly red and swollen eyes: "Well, I don't know, you come and tell me."

"Fuck | Your mother, why didn't you answer my call?" Xiao Chining pursed his mouth, crying ugly, "You told me to charge the phone and keep it on standby for 24 hours, I listened, what about you?! Why did you Shut down? If you had come a few days earlier, I would never have become like this!"

Xiao Zhaoshan blamed himself: "It's my fault, it's my father's fault."

"Why don't you want me?" Xiao Chining continued to cry, complaining in a low voice, "If you didn't send me so far away, what happened later wouldn't happen."

"I don't want you." Xiao Zhaoshan pulled a piece of toilet paper from the bedside table, "I'm sorry, baby, I'm sorry."

He should have said those three words long ago.

"I'm sorry, it's my father's mistake." Xiao Zhaoshan could only move his left hand. He had to wipe Xiao Chining's tears and pat him on the back to coax him. I'm so stupid, I'm sorry, baby, I'm sorry too, I'm sorry."

"They hit my hands with such a thick steel pipe, I don't know how many times, I called for help, why didn't you come and save me..." Xiao Chining was so wronged that his tone was like a half-grown child being bullied by others in the yard. The bully went home and complained to his father.

"Today I went to see them identify the scene." Xiao Zhaoshan kissed him on the lips, "The police are here, I can't help you beat them back, but I will find a lawyer to try to give them an additional sentence. Don't worry, they will You can hardly see the sun, and no one can hurt you in the future."

"They kicked me, don't you care?"

"I kicked for you the day I went to save you."

"They haven't given me anything to eat yet."

"When they are transferred to prison, I will find someone to watch them, and I will resolutely refuse to give them food, and starve them to death!"

"Also, they—"

Halfway through Xiao Chining's speech, a small warm thing was stuffed into his mouth.He subconsciously pressed his tongue, and unexpectedly found that its shape was like the moon tonight.

He tentatively pierced the skin of the moon with the tips of his teeth, and the sweet and sour moonlight instantly filled his entire mouth.

It was a piece of orange that had been heated in some way.

"Is it delicious?" Seeing his eyes widen, Xiao Zhaoshan stopped crying for a moment, his heart almost melted.

"I went to several shopping malls, so I came back so late." He scratched the tip of Xiao Chining's nose, and said with a smile, "I'm sorry baby, I won't stop answering your calls in the future, and I won't let you be bullied by others, no It's going to be so late."

He picked up another piece of orange from the plastic bag that had been baked on the radiator for a long time, and put it into Xiao Chining's mouth.Following the light outside the window, Xiao Chining looked down at the bag of orange petals that had been stripped clean of the white veins, and was so stunned that he couldn't speak.

"The ones in this season are too sour. I'll buy you sweet ones later." Xiao Zhaoshan rested his chin on his arms, looked at the dazed Xiao Chining with a smile, and asked, "What else do you want to eat?"

Xiao Chining has nothing to eat.He didn't want to be resigned to being reluctant to part with the "bad guy" Brakaman anymore.

"Who peeled it for you?" he asked muttering.

"Where is the need for help." Xiao Zhaoshan raised his right hand with his left hand and demonstrated, "Like this, can you press the orange with your right hand and slowly peel it with your left hand?"

Xiao Chining hesitated for a while before saying, "Well, it will be fine... right?"

"Well, it will be fine." Xiao Zhaoshan comforted him, "Everything will be fine."

Xiao Chining suddenly remembered the well-known classic scene from "Back View": the son was leaving his hometown to study abroad, and his father sent him to the train station for a ride.Before leaving, the son said to his father, "Father, let's go." But the father said to his son, "I'm going to buy some oranges. You stay here, don't move around."

He is here.He won't be leaving.

-

[1] Excerpted from García Márquez's short story "Bracaman the Good Man Who Sold Miracles" (collected in "The Most Beautiful Drowning Man in the World").

[2] Quoted from "Eternal Death Beyond Love" (also included in "The Most Beautiful Drowning Man Who Lived").

[3] Ibid.

The author has something to say: [End of text] [1] Excerpted from García Márquez's short story "Bracaman the Good Man Who Sells Miracles" (collected in "The Most Beautiful Drowning Man in the World"). [2] Quoted from "Eternal Death Beyond Love" (also included in "The Most Beautiful Drowning Man Who Lived"). [3] Ibid. ——Thank you for your patient companionship and selfless tolerance over the past five months.The main text will stop here where I like it, and I will save some insignificant content for the extra time.In two days, maybe there will be a small lucky draw on [Weibo@一客客], all parents and folks are welcome to join us, bow again and thank you!