[i7][45 Huanzhuang]

"From the first day I disobeyed you, I wanted to die."

Zhuang Wu murmured, his lips trembling slightly.

"You must remember. I yelled at you the evening of my uncle's funeral. You said you'd never seen me like that, and I hadn't seen me. I didn't even know what I looked like . . . until Back in my room, I just realized what I had done.

"I squatted at the door with my head in my arms, because my legs were shaking and I couldn't walk out, I couldn't even stand...a voice kept shouting in my chest, let me come back to you immediately, exhausting all available words I apologize to you and ask for your forgiveness. But another voice stood opposite, arguing violently with it. My eyes are all dark, and I can't imagine what the next morning will be like.

"I went to the balcony, but saw Mr. Shiraki leaning against the railing, looking towards the third floor. There is no doubt that he saw me. His flashlight flashed towards me, and I quickly backed away. Do you think it's funny? ? I was thinking of dying, and I was afraid of being seen by the guards."

The father listened without moving, his hands folded in front of his face.

"If Mrs. Qingliu hadn't come to me, I can't guarantee that I would have done something. When she came, I was looking for blades in the cabinet. After searching for a long time, I realized that the noise was getting louder and louder. Someone was filming. door.

"——Ms. Qingliu was in the kitchen to oversee the dinner that day. She didn't know that I had just contradicted you. She came to knock on my door to ask me why I didn't play the piano as usual that night. At that time, I suddenly understood that I I will play the piano for a while at this time, at least one person in the family knows... Even if it is not my parents, it is our head maid, but at least one person knows..."

The father seemed to want to say something; although Zhuang Wu didn't look at him, he closed his lips as if he knew he was going to speak, leaving a small space for him.

But the father didn't speak in the end, but just bowed in the chair.

Zhuangwu smiled and continued.

"...I'm afraid, only she knows. But even if she knows that I play the piano every day, she can't understand the meaning of playing the piano for a while every night in my life. Of course. I don't will blame her."

Zhuangwu slightly raised his eyelashes, looking at the pale clouds outside.

"Then I left home and school. I worked two jobs and had to save money to go to the concert hall once a week. I didn't have a piano room to use, so I had to play guitar in my apartment. I spent three After a week, I realized that I can be very frugal, but I am not good at working to earn money... Besides, I still have things I want to do, otherwise, it would be meaningless for me to leave home. I, I probably..."

Zhuang Wu paused.

"You've probably come back and bowed your head to me."

Father suddenly answered, with a flat tone.

Zhuang Wu's eyes flickered suddenly, as if being pricked by a sharp needle.

Don't back down, Zhuangwu, it's just the beginning.

He tried to stabilize his eyes and continued to speak.

"Yes, maybe that's the case, but... Xiaotiaoyu Office accepted me. The president provided us with accommodation, and ate simple bento with us. The money saved allowed us to accept courses, go to the streets, Performing in malls and on campus. At first, I was still scared, and I worried every day...but then I realized that I worried every day because I didn't know how long this day would last. I was worried, but every day I I’m very happy. I’m with the members of IDOLiSH7—I’m very happy.”

Sogo lowered his eyes and looked at the toes.

From there the grain of the rug swings away, drawing gently wavy circles.

"I know I'm selfish, I sing for myself. For a long time, when I walked on stage, I couldn't see what was off the stage. The spotlight was too bright, and I was too nervous to see myself. Toes. But when the music starts, I will be calm, and I will suddenly understand why I have endured until today... I will remember when I was in elementary school, standing next to my uncle's piano, and he accompanied me , and harmonize with my songs. After singing a song, he will smile and praise my voice. We can sing one after another until it gets dark. I am very happy."

He repeated the word "happiness" as if to convince himself.

"Mr. Huan is the same, he is my important companion. He has various shortcomings. At the beginning, even I, who was with him all the time, didn't understand why some of his actions were for. But later, I One day, you can feel his kindness and purity more clearly. You see him raising his fist, but you don't see him handing out dolls to children in kindergarten...you see him indifferent, Sometimes it can even be called impolite, but he didn't see him worrying about his companion so much that he couldn't sleep, and wandering around the porch late at night. He has a younger sister, and he has been working hard for her to become a better person. Although he has some Reckless, but has more courage than me... As long as such Huan Jun is not willing to disband MEZZO", I am willing to keep this name with him forever.We debuted earlier than the rest of the five mates, and this has been our single name since the beginning. "

It seemed that he was a little excited when he said it, and Zhuang Wu's ending was also a little excited.

"The last time I saw you in the elevator, my...my first reaction was still fear. Because—because you don't know how happy I am now, you don't know how much I am Afraid of losing it. Father, I-"

Father's eyebrows trembled, because he had heard a title he hadn't heard for a long time.

Zhuang Wu didn't seem to notice it, and continued to speak sentence by sentence.

"...I have thought about it for a long time, wondering why you gave us this sponsorship, why you came to the happy house alone, and why you made such a request to me. I dare to speculate that it is all because you are still willing Thinking of me... still thinking of me to some extent... that's why I boldly contacted Ms. Shiina. That's why I came to you today with great fear—to ask for your tolerance."

He bowed deeply in the direction of his father.

"I hope you... can hold your hand high in the matter of Mr. Huan."

Father didn't answer right away.

His gray brow furrowed and his eyes narrowed.It was like the shutters were slightly closed, and the light in the whole room was slightly dimmed.

"Are you finished?"

A small stone was thrown on Zhuang Wu's heart, and it rolled a few times.

Father had gone on without waiting for his answer.

"Why don't you tell the truth?"

"……I do not know what you mean."

Father's elbows were pressed down on the table, and his body also leaned forward.

"After hearing what you said, I almost felt that Siyehuan was a model model in the school, the kind who would make a representative speech at the opening ceremony."

Zhuang Wu was silent for a while, biting his lip silently.

"You're joking. I don't mean to praise you too much. Mr. Huan still has many shortcomings. If I make you misunderstand this, please allow me..."

"He is obviously your burden, why don't you admit it?"

"No, you can't say that, it never occurred to me..."

"You say I can't say that?"

"I mean I've never..."

"Never thought he was a burden?"

"No—no."

"You humbly apologized to others again and again for him, and never thought about it when you were dying?"

No, not so.

You shouldn't answer this question, you can't...you can't just let your father force you to ask.

"If you don't want to believe it," Zhuang Wu closed his eyes in pain, "why keep asking me?"

A laugh escaped my father's throat.

Zhuang Wu's back trembled reflexively, and a trace of cold sweat broke out.

"Why did you go to the hospital?"

Zhuangwu raised his head hastily.

"...Which time do you mean..."

"You know it very well."

"If you're talking about the acute gastritis episode," Sogo bit his lip, "it's because... IDOLiSH7 originally had a chance to sponsor a show, but at your request... it was canceled."

"Yes."

"It was my direct order."

Cold air rushed into Sougo's mouth and stuck in his throat.

He didn't look at his father, but his father looked at him.

"You're right, I still miss you. You're in the hospital. They made a copy of your medical card and brought it to my desk. So the next time you're on some music show, they ask me, I said, forget it. You rented a venue for a concert, and the real estate company came to ask my opinion, and I also said, forget it.”

Father stood up.

At last his eyes hardened; at last the faint sunlight outside the shutters disappeared completely.

"You came to me to ask for mercy. Do you know how much forgiveness I have given you? I kindly gave you a finger, and you crawled on my head? What can you do, what can't you do, you must Make it clear from the start. Make no mistake, the things you think you can do are only because I haven't spoken up against it."

Father no longer had to stay by the guard bell, leaving the little raised silver handle on the outside of the desk.

There was no longer any threat in sight.Zhuang Wu was thin, fragile, vulnerable, and his face was as pale as his hair.

"I used to think that you were just young, stubborn, and had never seen the world, so you came to talk to me about art and dreams. Today you came and said you wanted to negotiate with me. I thought you got some important materials. Threate me, bring me down. Okay, it’s okay, do you think I’m afraid? Aisaka Zhizhi will be afraid of you? But when you opened your mouth, I was stunned. Hehe, I was stunned. I never thought, you The things that come out of my mouth are still those childish things.”

Father's voice was still ringing.

However, when it reaches Zhuang Wu's ears, there is no sense of reality, it is suddenly near and far away.

"Since you are so naive, let me tell you one more thing. Even if you find anything that can be used to negotiate with me, anything that can threaten me. Who do you think will help you? The media? You Who do you think is going to line up to visit me after you walk out of this office? Who do you expect to stand on your side and oppose me?"

The outline of the father melted in the void, and the shape was erratic.

"What answer do you think I'm waiting for you? Do you think I need your consent to make a decision? Don't make a mistake. "

That indeterminate edge wraps more and more massive, dense, icy white air.

"You want to negotiate with me? You have the right to negotiate with me. It was an illusion from the beginning."

Yes.You are right.

Who will stand by me against you?

The shadows twisted into a ball around my feet, as if trying to escape from me.

You see, even the shadow does not want to be my shadow.

I don't want to...

so cold.It's cold in here.

Ah yes.I still have a scarf.in the bag.my scarf.

Zhuango's hands shook violently, and he pulled the scarf out of the bag.

Blue and white grid, long, thick and warm shape.Zhuangwu stretched it out with both hands, and the right end was wrapped around his wrist.

"...what are you going to do?"

Father took a step back and returned to the side of the desk.

what's wrong with you

Why do you look a little scared?

Are you scared too?Do you also have something to fear?

Are you afraid of me?Not required.As you said, I dare not resist you.Even if you resist, it is impossible to succeed.

Besides, I promised not to hurt you.I remember.I promised.

Zhuang Wu smiled sadly and raised his hand.

The scarf was wrapped around his neck—wrapped around and around.

If the fish dies, the net around the fish will loosen, right?

can you?

Can you die like this?

Probably before strangling himself to death, he will pass out first, right?

Sure enough, you still have to hang on something to die, right?

It's so hard, really.It's hard to live, and so is death.

Why isn't there a way to make it easier for me?

Father seemed to be yelling; someone rushed in.

When someone grabbed his wrist, he felt a sharp pain for a moment.The body fell to the ground, panting violently.The person who came in held him down, and after judging that he was not a threat, he moved away a little.The moment he saw his face clearly, this man yelled inappropriately like his father——

"Master, how could you... there must be some misunderstanding..."

Ah, he called me Master.

This person is...

Father's bodyguard.It's Mr. Komori.

The eyes gradually returned to focus; Zhuangwu's eyes were fixed on Komori's face.

He suddenly laughed silently.Laughing mockingly and sternly.

Who does he think?Who else?

Who do you expect to go to the edge of the cliff and stand with yourself when the earth and rocks collapse?

"master……"

Komori still clasped Sogo's hand, but his eyes were looking in the direction of Aisaka Soshige.

Father has retreated far away from the door, very close to the white window.

"...Needless to say, take him out."

"But, sir—"

"You send him back. Send him to," Zhi Zhi paused, as if unwilling to say the word "dormitory", "where he lives."

Komori looked at him beggingly for a while again; but Aisaka Zhuangzhi didn't intend to speak again.

A painful line appeared in the corner of his eye, making him finally look like an old man.

There was a twitch of his fingers, which made Komori stop, expecting him to say something more.But Zhizhi can't say anything.The star-pointed expression revealed from the corner of the eyes was immediately stretched back to its original position by the stubbornness of the corner of the mouth.

It was he who spoke without hesitation.So there is no room for it anymore.

Komori stopped looking at him, let go of his hand, stretched an arm behind Zhuang Wu's back, and helped him stand up.Zhuang Wu lowered his head, not showing the slightest sign of resistance.

The ceiling is high, and where he falls is the first loop of texture from which the carpet begins.He walked into this room, a total of only one step forward.

TBC