【Xun Si】How Could You Possibly?

The second week after Kaoru's arrival was longer than any week in Shinji's memory.His concept of time has long been a mess, and he doesn't know what eve is today-but when he got up this morning, he knew that Wednesday was here.He just asked Kaoru the date yesterday, and the soft voice he answered made him unforgettable, so he was pretty sure it was Wednesday.Another short day.You're going to see Kaoru again.He didn't have the self-consciousness that the two met every day, but felt that the night was as difficult as the long day in the past.

It is still a dream to have a good night's sleep, but at least this time I slept for four hours in a row.He went to school with the familiar panda eyes.Exactly the same evaluation followed, Asuka, Toji, Kensuke, Rei.But today is still different because of Kaoru.His words would not make people feel rude, neither aimed at the ridiculous pair of dark circles under the eyes, nor pointed out the fact that he yawned again and again, and fell asleep as soon as he was in math class, he was just purely concerned.He said he looked listless and asked him why he was always distracted.He even asked him if everything was okay.

Nobody ever asked him if "everything is alright".It's just judgmental.Hearing such a simple sentence from others, especially from Kaoru, from this new transfer student who seems to be liked by everyone, who is so confident, and who is so easy to talk to... Kaoru is worried about him, It was really... refreshing.

Although he just replied simply, his tone was as indifferent as possible, trying to cover up the emotion and emotion caused by the boy's care.He obviously had a lot of thoughts in his heart, but he hid them one by one, and all he said were polite words like "Thank you, I'm fine".

That was the second thing Shinji knew about the boy.His thoughtfulness is genuine, utterly kind even to strangers, and at the same time, he doesn't hide much about himself.Always detached self-confidence, as calm as a book that anyone can read, he doesn't care much about his identity, he can easily reveal it.His schedule, his birthday, where he lives—"Well, I live by myself, and so do you? Why? Oh, it's okay if you don't want to say it."

But he finally told him.

"Kun... why do you want to live alone?" Shinji asked softly.They sat together in the back of the room, where a trombonist and violinist duo performed their rudimentary duet.It's just background noise. "I didn't mean to inquire, but I just want to know... Are you alone when you transfer from another school?"

Kaoru looked up at the ceiling, as if considering the appropriate words.

"I never knew who my parents were...they left when I was very young." Shinji wasn't sure how to explain "gone", but he just waited patiently for Kaoru to continue. "But I'm lucky enough to be alive now. I got a music scholarship earlier and that's why I transferred - luckily it was enough to pay my rent. If I could, I'd love to be here too Stay a little longer." A little vague, but that's enough of an explanation.

Although it also means that this is a two-way exchange.

"What about you? You live by yourself too, don't you?"

He'd expected the question, but even if he'd prepared for it, he'd never really given much thought to how to answer it.He was tense, struggling like a fish in a dry spot to find the right words—even though he knew there was no need to push himself.Kaoru had already gently told him that there was no need to do this.

"Misato," he began to explain awkwardly, "I—er, Misato is the counselor at this school, she used to work for my dad, she brought me here... I didn't know my dad was there , Mum died early, but she—I mean Misato—now takes care of me."

Say no more--

"You live with her?"

"No, no...she has an old apartment and I live there by myself."

"Do you like this?"

Why did he ask such a question?And what frustrates him the most is that he can't even figure out the answer himself.So he chose to be silent, just shrugged and let Kaoru interpret the meaning of this gesture by himself.

Shinji wasn't going to tell him that - he almost felt cheated, yet vulnerable, at the thought of Kaoru knowing his secret.He's been trying really hard not to bring up personal issues because he doesn't want to bother people or make them worry.But while chatting they slipped out like peas in a bamboo tube, and now—now Kaoru knew more than all his other friends combined.

Afterwards, when Shinji went to class with the new boy, he tried hard not to speak.He didn't want to be like just now, confessing everything before he could stop it.Of course he couldn't help but want to talk to Kaoru, and he became more energetic.Now they are taking music class that Shinji likes, the whole music room is full of laughing students, everyone gathers to practice or play.

They take turns playing in divisions to avoid noise caused by too many people playing at the same time.Kaoru suddenly stood up from his seat, and Shinji held his breath.

"So, what's your instrument, Shinji?" he asked with a smile, hands in his pockets, looking around at the other students in the classroom. "I'm surprised you didn't tell me that, given that we're having music lessons - and I'd really like to hear you play."

"Really?" he said slowly, just hoping it wasn't. "I—I think it's better to forget it. A lot of people are practicing—"

"At least tell me about your instrument." The gentle smile seemed like a temptation, and Shinji couldn't refuse.He can't let him down.

"Orchestra," his voice was soft, "I can play the cello..."

"You must be good at it to take this course! I've also heard a lot of beautiful orchestral music."

Quickly suppressing the flush on his face was Shinji's first reaction, but Kaoru grabbed his hand before he could speak.Completely hopeless, his face turned red into a tomato with a "boom", his lips trembled and he couldn't say a word for a long time.

"Thank-thank you."

"You really don't want to play for me?" Kaoru tugged Shinji to his feet, perhaps leading him to his instrument.

"Never mind."

"Oh." Kaoru sighed and sat back on the plastic chair. "Well, if you really don't want to."

But I would like to?Shinji, who was a little confused and unable to express his inner thoughts clearly, chose to remain silent.It's not that he doesn't want to play for Kaoru, he'd love to, it's just...what if he messes up, or isn't good enough, or plays too loudly and disturbs other people?I can't play the violin for you now.Maybe... maybe later.

Despite being rejected, Kaoru sat next to him, and the two continued to chat, listening to the other person's performance, with a smile on his face that Shinji couldn't quite understand.

"I really like you, Shinji."

"Oh... oh." What?How can you……?

Annotation: The last sentence: How could you possibly...?First question.I have to count every time in the future, eh!