【Xun Si】How Could You Possibly?

This after-school rehearsal continued for several days until the final ensemble day.

Shinji hadn't completed a performance in front of anyone other than himself and Kaoru.

However, his progress was noticeable—he no longer felt his head swell, nor did he lose his vision of music because of anxiety.This time he has completed most of the performance smoothly, but after accidentally playing a wrong note, everything collapsed like dominoes quickly.There were dozens of wrong notes, and the previous calm appearance completely collapsed.As if something was stuck in his chest, half suffocated, half sighed, his hand holding the bow moved away from the strings.The self-confidence that had been built up with great difficulty disappeared without a trace.

Thinking about it now, it must be Jiansuke's unexpected care that made him believe that he could do it.Just practice hard and you'll get it, as he says.

But—there was no time.This week, Kaoru has been encouraging him with warm words, even in the last minute before going on stage.

"Today is a good day," Kaoru wanted to relax the tense nerves of the other boy, "Everyone believes in you, okay? You can definitely do it."

It would have been no big deal.Earlier in the week, almost every group in the class had played, and the average length of the repertoire was just under 5 minutes—the shortest was 45 seconds, and the longest was interrupted by Mr. Akagi at 13 minutes .And now, the person he cared about stood at the back of the classroom, waiting.They bowed their heads and whispered to each other, worrying about him in their hearts.It would have been no big deal.no big deal.I can.I can do it, it's no big deal, I—

This shouldn't be that difficult.But it is.

"Shinji...?"

Shinji sat in his chair, unable to feel his legs at all.His vision was blurred, all of them baring their teeth and claws with ferocious faces.He couldn't see anything clearly.In a panic, Shinji simply let go of his instrument and bow—and stood up.The sense of balance seemed to have completely abandoned his body, and he was on the verge of falling.But he still turned around, because this way he didn't have to look at the bored faces of the students in the audience.

"Is there a problem?" Kaoru also stood up from his piano bench, blinked, and felt the air begin to become heavy. "Shinji, what's wrong with you?"

Shaking, labored breathing was his only response.

"Everyone comes here because they believe in you," Kaoru leaned into his ear, and continued to speak quietly, "You can do it. I'm right by your side."

"I can—I can't—" he murmured in a low voice.He tried to breathe, but the air was hot and dry, stuck in his throat.He looked at the lockers at the back of the classroom, and his mind wandered to imagine that he was actually in another place.anywhere but here.

He vaguely heard Kaoru say something calmly to the people in the class, and his hand was always gently on his shoulder.He didn't avoid Kaoru's touch, just numbly let him take him away, to go somewhere else, somewhere else - he could barely feel his feet moving.Eyes drooping weakly, struggling to keep breathing.breathe.breathe.

Putting his hands on his shoulders, he sat on a chair.Shinji bent down, forehead pressed against his thigh and wanted to - wanted to breathe, but the lump was still stuck in his throat, and he couldn't - shook his head, spread his palms, he could see through the blurry When the time limit saw his trembling hands, did he cry?He was crying, feeling the tears falling onto his palms one by one—

Kaoru said something, but he couldn't hear it.The mind is roaring.

Breathe.

"Shinji." Kaoru whispered his name, breathing lightly on his face.Kaoru knelt down, bowed so that his eyes were parallel to Shinji, embraced him with both arms, and a kiss fell gently on his bangs.He reached out and rubbed his head.appease.slow.

"Try to breathe. Inhale, exhale..." He slowed his breathing, hoping the other boy would follow suit. "I'm here."

"X—— Kaoru—" Shinji sobbed pitifully, his voice broken.He opened his mouth wide and gasped for breath, as if he still couldn't get any oxygen. "God, I'm so weak, I can't—"

"You are not weak at all."

Kaoru lowered her head and gently kissed Shinji's nape.The warm skin of the two touched, gradually creating a peaceful atmosphere.

Kaoru's breathing was close to his ears, and so was his heart, which seemed to be beating powerfully outside his chest - he tried hard to keep his scattered breathing in line with Kaoru's heartbeat.

On the other hand, Kaoru tried hard to keep his breathing calm even though he was becoming increasingly agitated because of his powerlessness.

doesn't work.He was so anxious that he was about to die, even though he tried to comfort him, the boy in his arms was still panting in vain, his shoulders heaving violently with the sound of sharp breathing.Shinji...

Kaoru stepped back a little, looking down at Shinji's mouth wide open in horror, trying to breathe.He licked his lips, and slowly stretched out three fingers to press Shinji's lips, hoping he could think of a way to close them.It did occur to him that Shinji's mouth was covered so that he could only breathe heavily through his nose, but his eyes remained wide open in panic.The other hand placed on the back of Shinji's neck exerted a slight force, and Kaoru pulled him closer to her.

Kaoru leaned down, put her lips close to the edge of her finger, and then sealed it with a kiss in order to more conveniently block the other's mouth.He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.Wait a few seconds, then exhale slowly——

The boy who was struggling in panic also closed his eyes, trying to use his whole body to feel Kaoru's hands on the back of his neck, and the thumbs gently stroking his ears back and forth.Kaoru's mouth was blocked with her lips, and she could only breathe through her nose—slow down.Follow Kaoru to breathe steadily, slowly inhale the air over a few seconds, and then exhale—hold your breath, and the exhalation will take about four times longer than the inhalation.Feel the presence of another person.exhale, repeat...

Kaoru pulled away from the static pressing of his lips, and was more concerned with calming down his urge to turn it into a real kiss—but just such a touch was full of his deep love .His posture changed back to what it was before, he put his arms around Shinji's neck, whispered soothing comfort in his ear, and gently caressed Shinji's skin with his fingers.

Shinji gradually calmed down, and Kaoru waited for another minute or so before letting go of the hug, but only to wipe the tears off Shinji's cheeks.He watched as Shinji swallowed with difficulty, the sound was clear and audible, but—he wasn't overbreathing anymore.He continued to breathe through his nose, slower and more steadily.The previous nausea gradually faded away, and the lump that had been stuck in his throat finally disappeared—assuming Kaoru's position, he stretched out his hand forward and grabbed his shoulder tightly.

"Thank--thank you." He said these two words in a low voice, and no other words could come out of his mouth.But that's enough.

This silence continued for 1 minute.One is sitting on a plastic chair, the other is kneeling on the ground, feeling each other's presence comfortably.

"Is it better now...?" Kaoru asked, her tone soft and reassuring.His fingers continued to stroke Shinji's skin slowly, hoping it would relax him.And Shinji clung a little closer to him, assuming he was right.

Shinji opened his eyes, but they couldn't focus for a while.He nodded slowly, sniffed, and took another deep breath to ease the oncoming splitting headache.

"I can still play." His voice was broken, and his eyes still fell on the ground.Such a broken sentence is exactly the promise he made to himself. Today's gaffe like this is the first time, and it will be the last time. "I can do it."

"If you don't want to go, don't force yourself." Kaoru comforted him.His fingers brushed lightly over the curve of Shinji's jaw, confirming that any clues to the boy's previous breakdown had been wiped out.

"I want to go," Shinji replied quietly, "I can't let you down, can I? And if I don't, Asuka will kill me..." He smiled.Although trembling faintly, it was indeed a smile.

Kaoru let out a breath suddenly, it was almost like a laugh... He looked down at the ground, trying to hide his smile, and shook his head slightly.Ah, there is really no way to deal with him.

"Okay." He exhaled the last turbid air in his chest, kissed Shinji's forehead for the last time, and then got up from the floor, "Then let's go."