【Xun Si】How Could You Possibly?

No.16 Chapter Part.16

Shinji did something stupid.

After confirming that the other two students had left, they hurriedly packed up their things and left.The moment he stepped on the tram to go home——he realized it, and then covered his mouth in disbelief, his face flushed in public.

He didn't do anything for Kaoru just now.

Grasping the handrail to stabilize himself, he rested his head on the metal post in frustration, realizing with hindsight what a mistake he had made.His mood suddenly turned bad.He should have thought about it, thought that this was a mutual matter between two people, even if he brought it up first, even if he came out first - Kaoru should have the same mood as him.At least.Shinji assumes he has feelings too.Just thinking about it made him so shy that he had to turn up his collar and pull the knot on his hat to cover his face, so as to hide the strange flush on his face.What time is it now?Has Kaoru already solved it by herself?

He can't make a phone call.He had the number at Kaoru's apartment, but he was afraid to call him.He had to apologize to him tomorrow, but—he didn't know how to bring up the subject.And if Kaoru is all right, he doesn't feel anything at all?If Shinji's assumption is wrong, in fact, only he himself cares too much from the beginning to the end?

Thinking that he might be the only one enjoying it from the beginning to the end, his nerves immediately tensed up.Now, Shinji felt like he took advantage of another boy.used his mouth.He shook his head violently.The scorching heat spread across his cheeks, and he pressed his face against the cold metal pillar to calm himself down.He took pleasure in what they did.And he hoped that Kaoru felt the same way—I was just thinking wildly again, Shinji convinced himself.Kaoru said he wouldn't do anything he didn't want to.It's just - I actually didn't do anything for him.what a jerk i am...

Kaoru must have hated him by now.

No me - I'm just thinking too much.

All the way home on the tram, he was in constant tug-of-war with his alter ego, hoping to figure out how to deal with it.How to tell him about it tomorrow morning.

But the more he thought about it, the more he blamed himself, thinking about what he would say and what he would do to make him happy if he had realized Kaoru's expectations at that time.

Then he realized that the best time had passed, and he couldn't hesitate any longer.

When he finally got the courage to walk to the phone, it was already late at night.And the anxiety and worries in his heart have accumulated to a terrible level, making him face collapse at any time.He picked up the phone countless times and put it down countless times.Whenever he holds the microphone in his hand, he forgets what he had planned to say before.He bit his lip tightly, a feeling of nausea surged in his heart, but a warmth in his heart told him that he had to call him.To be honest, the purpose of doing this is not so much for Kaoru, but more for his own relief-but he has wasted too much time, he knows that it is late now, and he knows that the boy is probably dead. Asleep but—at least he tried.

His fingers twisted the coil of the phone, and three times the trembling beep went off, and his heart throbbed with it.Anxiety rose from his chest, grabbed his throat, and whispered in his ear: Give up, hang up.Especially when the fourth sounded - but thankfully he held on, and even though he almost felt hopeless immediately, he finally got over the tension that made him shudder.He was still struggling with his cowardice until the voice of his thoughts came from the line.

"Hey?"

"Kaoru," Shinji breathed, before he realized he had been holding his breath.He gripped the phone tightly with both hands. "Thanks—thank you for taking it."

There was a sigh on the other end of the phone, a little tired - exactly the same voice he had imagined.It was vague, but it was exactly what Shinji wanted to hear.

"Why are you calling me so late? Are you okay?"

"Well, I'm fine—I'm fine. I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Kaoru's voice was filled with annoyance, because he didn't know what else deserved his apology.Shinji heard it.

"I'm a little-no..." Shinji suppressed his breath, trembling, almost cursed, "Why-I don't know how to... say it."

"What did you want to say when you called me...?"

"I didn't repay you for what you did for me today." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Shinji's cheeks flushed quickly, but luckily it faded away quickly. "I—I regret it, I think I should... call you..."

"Oh."

"Ah."

There was an awkward silence, but Shinji smiled despite the throbbing anxiety.He almost laughed out loud.

This is the happiest moment of his life.It was strange to make such a connection, but he felt genuinely in love—it was late, it was a Thursday night, he should have been in bed long ago, and now he was in bed. Talk to the most important people in his life.

In the end, he really "giggled", not sure if Kaoru heard it but—for a moment, he took the microphone away from his ear, covered his mouth and laughed wantonly.

"What are you doing?" Shinji heard Kaoru laughing lowly on the other end of the phone, he sounded a little puzzled, but he seemed to be in a good mood. "why are you laughing?"

"It's nothing, I'm just—it's too—" He laughed again, unable to contain his joy.Cheerful laughter filled the dark room, and he had never felt that the night could be so lively. "I—I just—"

Suddenly there were several loud "bang bang" noises from the ceiling, as if someone stomped on his head, or something fell to the ground.He paused for a while, then stretched out his hand to gently cover the microphone, and gave a "shh" to the other end.

Then he couldn't help laughing himself.He bit his knuckles, trying to suppress his voice as much as possible.When that didn't work, he simply took his hands away, buried his head in the mattress, and kept the receiver close to his ear, bursting out into bursts of indistinct laughter.

"Hey, be quiet! It's so late!" the resident upstairs roared angrily, but he couldn't hear clearly through the ceiling.He should have apologized immediately, but after thinking about it, he decided to forget it.

"What sound?" Kaoru was also laughing, her gentle voice soothing Shinji's eardrums. "You were told?"

"That's right." He turned his head buried in the mattress and replied in a low voice, but immediately couldn't stop smiling and rolled into the sheets. "This is the first time this has happened."

"A lot of things today are the first time, dear."

Shinji blushed.He was so happy.

"Uh, um, I—um…" He sat up, holding the phone close to his mouth, trying to keep his voice down as much as possible, "Did you—? I didn't—"

"Ok?"

"After you—well, in the closet, you know, helped me then—are you okay? Should I... do something for you too?"

Kaoru smiled, the slight laugh tickling his ears.

"Sounds really good."

"I'm really, really sorry, Kaoru—"

"It's really okay!" Shinji could clearly hear his laughter stop.But after hearing the next words, he felt that he and Kaoru had a sweet smile together. "It's your turn next time, okay?"

Shinji bit his lip.

"Hmm." A light reply.Even though no one could see, he still covered the smile on his face with his hands.