【Xun Si】How Could You Possibly?

In truth, Shinji wanted more.The whole person is teetering on the edge of collapse, "it's not enough", "it's okay to go on" is on the lips - they just kiss, his hands are not in his shirt, and there is no… Do whatever his heart desires after waiting so long.

It's not that it's bad, but he can see that Kaoru has been patient.

Even though Kaoru is so gentle, I always think that Kaoru might and must go further.He would make his whole body tremble uncontrollably, making him ambiguously numb from his fingers to his toes.What an absurd idea.

The possibility of continuing encouraged him, after all, he had a whole weekend ahead of him - it was only Friday afternoon, and even though it was dinnertime, they were just hanging out in the apartment.Just for Shinji's safety, in case he suddenly fell asleep like last night when he was outside, Kaoru insisted that they should stay here.And Misato gave a clear order that if she dared to take Shinji anywhere else, she would break his neck.

They talked about Misato, how she came to trust Kaoru so much that she was willing to let Shinji stay at his house - it was actually very simple, as a midway transfer student, in order to properly arrange the class, To better adapt to the environment, it is normal to meet with the counselor from time to time.He gradually got used to Misato's ruthless way of speaking, her unprofessional but responsible attitude - he thought she was pretty nice.Before he knew it, Misato also bonded with him, so when he called to say that Shinji was at his apartment and he could take care of him for a weekend (due to the lack of sleep both of them worried about), her trust in him was already gone. Enough for her to agree to the offer.

Take what you need.

For both boys, and Shinji in particular, he was finally able to use this weekend to get his feet wet and build the confidence to do the things that had been running around in his head.

But what the end result will be, he himself does not know.

I mean, we kissed - he confessed it - it was like electricity was running up his spine just thinking about it - may I ask?Will this be capricious?Is now okay?

But he still doesn't know what kind of world this newly opened door will lead to.

For a long time, he has been used to restraining himself, staying where he is, doing nothing.In his eyes, Kaoru would be more relaxed this way.Shinji doesn't want to bother Kaoru, he wants to make sure that he doesn't embarrass him in every detail.Especially now that he's visiting someone else's apartment.He has to be polite, and he has to be that "perfect neighbor" Shinji.Can't turn on the radio too loudly, can't use up all the hot water, and can't go somewhere else without the owner's permission.This weekend, Shinji must stay at Kaoru's house as the most worry-free roommate.

But his needs kept clamoring from the bottom of his heart.Like that... he really wanted to follow his heart and explore the whole new world behind that door with the boy he was going to live under the same roof for the next few days.There is no opportunity at all, every minute, every second, every breath is an opportunity, but he can only endure it.But he had never resisted successfully—never could overcome his demons.Shinji was completely confused.Although he should have a plan, but—ah, what a frustration.

can i ask

If he retreated again and again before, then now he can't feel his bottom line at all.

But he felt that sooner or later he had to find out where it was, and this was something he had to do regardless of the consequences.He's confident enough—a completely foreign feeling, but at least he's capable of it.

So the dull weekend begins.It's as if the mutual confession between the two never happened, and the conversation and quiet smile have changed back to what they used to be.Although it is so sweet that even I feel embarrassed, it is okay to be more intimate.Kaoru had been out for hours, shopping for food, and explaining everything to Misato in person at the school.Then he came home to find his entire apartment ridiculously clean.Casting himself into the role of a grateful guest, Shinji naturally takes it upon himself to clean up—even when there's really nothing to clean up.Just a little tidying up, beds made, dishes done, and some dirty laundry.However, Kaoru was still very touched by these small changes, thinking that Shinji was willing to sacrifice himself in this way-for 10 minutes, his face was filled with a smirk, and he said thank you over and over again.Although Shinji said you're welcome, after hearing such kind gratitude, his heart beat a little faster, and he became a little shy again.

They did not kiss again.Kaoru didn't take the initiative, and Shinji, in turn, didn't dare to act when he didn't express his will -- a stalemate for the rest of the weekend.At a time when good memories could have been created, Shinji was only frustrated by the lack of physical contact between the two of them.Kaoru didn't realize the disappointment of the other boy, but kept his usual smile, willing to stop here.

He did nothing.

And so, on Sunday night.He was so anxious that he finally decided to take action.

"Kun..."

"Ok?"

"There's something I've been meaning to ask you."

Still sitting on the floor next to the bed—the two were chatting, and although his mind was a little distracted, Shinji still tried hard to control the rhythm of the conversation.The matter of the school curriculum, the composition that the two of them had to complete... and so on... In fact, his mind is not here at all, let's say.

Kaoru sat cross-legged, quietly watching the other boy, waiting for his next words.

"Um—what's the matter?"

"Ah——" The opportunity was close at hand, but Shinji suddenly became nervous, and he tried hard to recall the lines he thought of from Fragment's mind. "Uh—I was thinking, I—"

"Huh?" Another voice of encouragement, followed by a warm smile.

Shinji swallowed, his face turned red before he could speak.

"You don't want to have sex with me?"

"You—" It was the first time that the black-haired boy saw Kaoru, who was always at ease, so flustered.He sat on the spot, his whole body was tense, his face was flushed, he opened his mouth but couldn't utter a word for a long time. "Uh, why would you...? Ask?"

"It's just—we've been together all weekend, and we've confessed...I'm living in your apartment, alone..." Shinji's eyes shifted from the ceiling to the floor.Either way, he was too embarrassed to look him in the eye. "I thought—you know, something's going to happen this weekend."

"If you want, then of course I am the same as you." Kaoru unconsciously held his breath, and moved closer sideways. "I thought you...wouldn't think about that."

"Hmm." I was thinking.always there.

"But—if you wanted to, why didn't you tell me sooner? It's too late now...we have class tomorrow."

"Oh." The heart that was still restless before jumping out of the chest suddenly fell to the bottom of the cliff.He was finally able to breathe normally.so disappointed. "Oh-oh, um, I...understand." If it wasn't for Kaoru's constant reminder before, the apology would almost blurt out again.

They have classes and it's Sunday night.It doesn't make sense what to do now.

"Next time." Said the insignificant comfort, Kaoru felt bad - because he didn't understand Shinji before.

After they finished washing, it was already late at night.After nervously changing their clothes, both of them got into bed, and neither of them looked at each other's faces.Given their previous conversation, it wasn't a good idea to stay in bed - at night, according to the school schedule, the first class was almost twelve hours away - but Shinji couldn't help himself.They shouldn't be sleeping in the same bed under these conditions.

So Shinji couldn't sleep - he couldn't even close his eyes and quietly feel the warmth of the boy next to him.He could only turn his back to him, curled up into a shrimp.trembling.Even without touching Kaoru, a layer of hot sweat began to form on the back of his neck and cheeks.In the silent night, the only sound I hear is the sound of my own breathing.

Inhale, spit out.Kaoru's weight made the mattress sag slightly, just enough for Shinji to notice.His body became hypersensitive, and...he could feel him, his body, his heat, his presence.That would only make him more restless.

Of course he had to endure, he could only endure—even if it was all in vain.Time passed bit by bit, and he became like a broken engine, breathing slowly and with difficulty.Every inch of his skin, every pulsation is perceiving the people around him. He is so lonely but there is no response. He is going crazy.Is Kaoru asleep?notice me.Turn around and touch me.The burning sensation circling in his chest intensified, he couldn't help but move his elbow, and his fingertips brushed Kaoru's skin.Even then there was no response.Kaoru didn't tense at his touch, nothing happened, bastard—

"Kun."

"...Huh?" The boy moved slightly, not fully turning to face Shinji, just to keep himself warmer under the blanket. "Are you still awake, Shinji—?" he said in a daze, softly, almost slurred.

Shinji couldn't believe he was asleep - he just grabbed Kaoru's arm and rolled over on top of him.Kaoru had a completely terrified expression on his face.

"Just hurry up, I-I don't know I'm so..." Excited, needing you-"An-whatever?"

"What did you say...?" He was still sleepy, blinking his eyes in the dark room, wondering how he would be crushed by the black-haired boy. "Are you feeling unwell...? Or do you want to drink...tea—?"

"No. I want you—you—" Seeing the sleepy look on Kaoru's face, he felt guilty for waking him up, but had enough of being alone.So hot.So annoying.

"Shinji..."

"Touch me, whatever I've been... all weekend I haven't..."

"I should do something—"

"whatever."

A little caught off guard, but Kaoru still propped himself up and met Shinji's lips.first step.He knew Shinji liked to kiss, in fact, looking back at the first real kiss between the two, he might have wanted to take it a step further then.Thinking of not understanding the signal he released at that time, he began to blame himself... Whether it was body language or the hints between words, he should not have missed it.Although he was still sleepy, he had to make Shinji happy...to please him...no matter what he was asked to do, although he could roughly guess it—at this moment, he felt that it was his responsibility.

It was clearly a grunt of displeasure, and Shinji's lips pressed against him and rubbed roughly - he wasn't satisfied with the status quo.He wants more.This is the Shinji Kaoru has never seen, completely subverting his impression of him.

"Wait..." Their positions were reversed quickly, although the movement was a little clumsy—— Kaoru grabbed Shinji's sleeve, pulled him down, and leaned over him. "Isn't this more comfortable?"

He saw Shinji nod in the darkness, and then the boy put his arms around his neck, pulling him off and touching his lips.This time Kaoru took the initiative, he pressed the kiss harder, and maybe—maybe it would work—but it was still just a brutal, desperate kiss.Everything was colliding impatiently, but the body temperature of the two still soared without any damage.

He still wasn't happy.Shinji couldn't help but pouted his butt slightly, and all the messages released were clearly audible.His fingers gripped Kaoru's hair more violently than either of them expected.

"What do you want—what do you want me to do?" Kaoru suddenly broke off the kiss, panting tightly on the other boy's lips.He didn't know what to do next - what path would be appropriate, and seeking direction rather than forgiveness for the actions he was about to take was necessary.He would not admit that he was a little confused about the situation - he suddenly felt the weight of his body in his sleep, and what he saw when he opened his eyes was completely unexpected. The darkness of the night also made him a little lost.

Shinji didn't respond immediately, on the contrary, he blushed because of the hint in Kaoru's words - he was embarrassed to speak, he directly let go of his hand in the opponent's hair, and tore off his shorts.Kaoru could only tell what he was doing by sound and touch—his hand groped down to touch his smooth thigh, he licked his lips.

"Touch me, just—" He was so confused, the words were as fragmented as his trembling voice, "I—I know we can't, but…"

Kaoru's Adam's apple rolled.He got up and knelt down in front of the slender boy, leaning over to him with his hands on the mattress.

"If you...Of course." He took a quick breath, feeling that even the air became hot.He is so beautiful. "But you can't make a sound—okay?"

In a way, these words only made Shinji more excited, and more ashamed by it.The thick night was enough to cover everything, but he still put an arm across his eyes to block his sight.When the hot cheek touched the skin of the arm, I felt a chill, or rather, it was mostly to calm myself.

"Uh-um..." He bit his lip tightly, not sure if he could keep his promise.