[Wei Yong] Looking for Lilia

It's getting dark.

This is the last moment when the light is walking in the sky. The layer upon layer of red clouds and the sunset surrounded by it are gone. The sky presents a kind of light blue with a gray tone, and there may still be a light yellow gleam on the horizon. , but will soon recede.

Katsuki Yuuri sat in the car, unconsciously gripping the steering wheel with both hands.He was driving too fast, which is not right uptown, but his mind refused to think rationally.

All he knew was that he had to leave, he had to get back to town, now.He needs to find Chris or Young or JJ, anyone!He had to ask them face to face: Is all this a hoax?All of this, meeting them, training, acting...is it all fake?He thought of the bright lights on the stage that night, the applause and cheers from the audience, were they all fake?And his friends, sister and Minako-sensei, are they all involved too? ——For a while, Yuuri felt that it was the most correct choice in his life to leave Victor and everyone who cared about him, and go to a distant place to go to university. He was able to escape the status of "victim", and his friends liked him He sees him as a man of integrity and not as a labeled "victim," now that they all know that too?Yuuri's past and encounters, they also have to show him care and kindness, and regard him as an object worthy of sympathy?

At what point did his life come to this point?

It wasn't anger, it wasn't sadness, it was as if his feelings had been temporarily frozen until he had an answer.And now he just let the memories replay in his mind randomly, everything Victor said, everything he did, every word, every tiny wink and smile, every gentle touch... the more he thought about it, the more he felt. He felt that the answer was already obvious, but Victor was too convincing and Yuuri fell into the trap carefully constructed by "coincidence".Tears welled up in his eyes, but he didn't know why.

Victor always sits in this seat...he drives the car, stares intently at the road, and keeps silent while Yuuri slumps in the passenger seat and falls asleep...

But he lied to me!

Victor always has a reason...he always has the best intentions...

But he lied to me!

no matter what happened...

...but he lied to me.

Victor is the person I trust most in the world, but he lied to me.

As if someone was calling his name, but Yuuri ignored it, he slammed on the accelerator, and the speed of the car was so fast that his internal organs felt like they were being torn apart.

I just want this to stop!No lies, no compensation, no distant dreams, he screamed inwardly.

The car had already reached the bridge, but Yuuri still didn't stop, the car drove onto the bridge suddenly, the poodle pendant on the rearview mirror wobbled - everything started from the day he got it, from that day on, No matter how hard you struggle, things are heading straight in a direction of no return.

this can't...

Yuuri's thoughts were suddenly interrupted, the night had fallen on the ground at some point, his vision was pitch black, but even in such darkness, the vague shape in the middle of the bridge was still recognizable, and the two A little light shining in the dark...

It's a sika deer!Yuuri didn't expect it, an exclamation was locked in his throat, and it was too late to step on the brakes, the distance from hitting it was only four or five meters away, and the blunt sound of the body being knocked away seemed to be heard in his ears, A large bloody spot appeared in front of my eyes... It was too late.

Subconsciously, he turned the steering wheel sharply to the left.

"No!!!!!!!" There seemed to be a voice sounding from far away.

The solid front of the car crashed through the wooden railing, the jeep couldn't stop and jumped out of the air, and then it began to fall at an extremely fast speed - so fast that there was no time to think, the field of vision had already fallen into the cold, dark blue in the lake.Water starts pouring into the car from all directions, and it's up to the waist in no time—and Yuuri realizes that's it.

stopped.They all stopped.

The world is finally quiet.

He gave up struggling, closed his eyes, and let the biting cold flood his head, and then he fell into silence.

It's not grand and it's not formal.

But that's the farewell.

"Please don't leave me... please open your eyes... oh my god... what have I done..."

"I just want us two to have some fun like we used to."

"We're going to find Lilia Baranovskaya!"

"You don't have to like me, but you can't exclude me from your life—otherwise I can't help you."

"...Even if it's possible for me to be happy?...Even if that's what I want?..."

"You are very cute, no one will reject you."

"So you don't like me now because I made you unable to dance anymore?"

"Do you love me?"

"If only Yuuri could see you in my eyes."

"You don't know how... you're the bravest person I know."

"Yuuri, are you that happy?"

"You seem to be talking very well... When I hit a wall with others, I come to you to relax... But that's not what I want."

"Thank goodness you're okay! They won't tell me...if anything happens..."

"Yuuri is my favorite."

"...a romantic dinner together...Birthdays, Christmas...Anniversaries and Valentine's Day..."

"Please, please don't do this to me...please..."

No this can't end...it can't end like this...

I can't leave such a mess...

He's still there...alone...

With a cloud of bubbles coming out of his mouth, Yuuri tried in vain to open the car door, but failed.Consciousness gradually slipped into the abyss.

At the last second before his eyes closed, he seemed to see that familiar and beloved figure again, and he was approaching like Yuuri quickly.

But would that be him?

Anyway... it's a pleasure to meet you.

Victor.

Katsuki Yuuri took a sharp breath, turned over and spit out a big mouthful of water.

He was panting violently, as if there was no trace of oxygen in his lungs, he was completely soaked, lying on the pebble beach, the starry sky shone in his eyes, and he blinked mischievously.

With the refreshing sea breeze blowing on his face, he was shivering with cold, and there was no place in his body to listen to.

"Wei..." he called softly and tentatively, he couldn't lift his head, but he wanted to know anxiously at this moment, was it Victor what he saw just now?Or……

An unbreakable force grabbed his collar suddenly, Katsuki Yuuri found himself being pulled up from the ground, he met a pair of familiar eyes, which contained a storm of anger.

It's Victor.He was in a kind of rage, and even his beautiful facial features were deformed. He was also soaked, with strands of hair sticking to his face, and his body exuded a bloody smell.Angrily, he lifted Yuuri off the ground, grabbed him and rushed towards the lake, throwing him into the water.

"You want to die, don't you?" Viktor yelled in rage, "Go, go!" Yuuri was pushed and staggered, fell into the water, and could only look at him helplessly—Victor looked He was so angry that his lips were bloodless, and his whole body was trembling uncontrollably. He had never seen Victor in such a mess—and his hands and arms were still bleeding uncontrollably.

"You're hurt..." Yuuri said, trying to reach for Victor's hand, "Victor..."

"Go away!" Victor dodged, he was like an angry beast, bumping into a wall in a predicament and couldn't find a way out, his eyes were bloodshot, he stood there with his back slightly arched, as if someone in his body The place was so painful that he couldn't breathe, he stared at Yuuri for a while, then suddenly turned his head and walked away.

"Victor!" Yuuri yelled, jumping over to try to grab him, Viktor threw him off in annoyance, and then was grabbed by Yuuri persistently, this time, he was thoroughly enraged.

"Let go!" he yelled, "Stop being hypocritical, I tell you to stop pretending! Say it openly, say you hate me! You desperately want to get rid of me! Say it! Say it!"

Yuuri opened his mouth, but the sound disappeared.He watched as tears of pain rolled down Viktor's eyes, and he could do nothing but watch.

"Say it, Yuuri," Viktor said, "Say it and I'll satisfy you! I said it, anything, anything! I'll do it for you if you want it... I'll disappear... I won't Pushing you again, please...please don't do this..." He staggered up to Yuuri, took Yuuri's hands with trembling hands, and he was completely broken, like a desperate man Sobbing like a child, "I'll go away...I'll disappear...I'll do whatever you want me to do, just please, please don't do this..."

"Don't do this to me..." He fell to his knees and cried, "Please don't... you can punish me however you want... just don't do this..."

He couldn't finish the sentence, but Yuuri got it.

There is no one way to really hurt and drive out a heart that loves you, unless you hurt yourself.You cut him and he doesn't care, you get revenge on him, you hate him, you scream curse, cold sentences and he doesn't care, and even smile and say well done, are you happy ?But if you hurt yourself -- if you hurt yourself, it's like setting that heart on fire, putting it in a glacier to die, cutting it open, grinding it into powder... To hurt a person is So simple, if he loves you, you just hurt yourself.

For so many years, I hoped that Victor would get injured and leave, but I didn't expect that the easiest way would be this.

The armor that once seemed invincible was crumbled and shattered, along with Viktor's last hopes and dignity—every time he tried to take a step forward, Yuuri took two steps back, and that didn't scare him. Break him, he didn't even change his smile, giving the illusion of indomitableness, but now he's here, broken, crying and begging Yuuri, kissing Yuuri's fingers with trembling lips, with infinite nostalgia And piety—it made Yuuri realize: Victor had nothing left.

Gone, the jokes and teasing, gone, the shell that protected his fragile self-esteem, Victor has nothing left, he's handed everything over to Yuuri, he's out of cards.But when he thought Yuuri was going to use the most extreme means to escape from him, he had no choice but to beg Yuuri.

Have mercy on me, please.

It was like a guillotine chopped Yuuri into pieces, and the pain continued to magnify with the number of these pieces, until he couldn't bear it.

You are my god, how can you beg me?

Ordering me, dominating me, even teasing and deceiving me is what you should do, isn't it?

But another part of him has realized the truth: Victor has never been that high god, behind all these deceptions...his timid, broken heart.

"Victor..." Yuuri said, his voice trembling, he didn't know whether it was because of the cold or pain and remorse, Victor fell to his knees on the ground with his head bowed, like a desperate revolutionary who had shed his last drop of blood, Exhausted the last bit of strength. "I...I'm sorry..." Yuuri tried to touch Viktor's face, his skin was cold but sickly hot under the surface, Yuuri's tears welled up, what did I do?he said in his heart. "Victor...I'm really sorry..." because I did think for a second that I could let it go.

"Don't," Viktor said, waving Yuuri's hand away, "don't take that attitude again...don't confuse me anymore." He looked up, those intoxicating blue eyes brimming with tears , "Talk to me, smile at me, kiss me, look at me, but that's not real, is it?"

"That's true!" Yuuri said, feeling sad and annoyed, knowing that Viktor shouldn't be blamed for thinking this way, but he still found the scene ridiculous - Viktor made it as if Yuuri had the power to decide everything, he Do you understand how far away you are?He is a star in the sky, Yuuri feels warm and content just looking at him, and what he can give is not what Yuuri wants.

It's time to speak, the most cherished and hidden secrets of my heart.

"You don't understand," Yuuri said, looking at Viktor through tears, "you don't understand what I think of you. I—I love you."

"I've loved you every day since I was 12, and I've loved you before I knew what love is." He said slowly, and Victor looked at him blankly, and Yuuri laughed , although there is a place in his heart that clearly says "Speak out, it's over", and the dull pain in his heart can't be hidden anymore. "I love you, I long for you, I'm like everyone you hate, and as hard as I try, try not to be like that...I still can't stop loving you."

"Every time you get close to me, it hurts me because I hate what I might become, and I'm afraid I'm getting greedy and wanting more than you can give me, and I'm already Can't stop...I'm afraid I'll be a burden to you, I don't want that...I'm really sorry. I'm sorry I can't stop."

He gently stroked Victor's side face, under the starlight and the reflection of the lake, his face had a layer of diamond-like light, as if transparent.Victor looked completely stunned, and didn't move even as he stroked it.

Yuuri smiled.He suddenly felt relieved.He said it, there are no more secrets, he left it to Victor to dispose of, whether it was to leave or...

Victor moved, and he lowered his head and laughed.

"I'm a fool," he murmured, and it hurt Yuuri's ears to hear it, but there was no turning back, from the day his love for Victor changed and he became possessive Borrowed time is already passing.He just wants Viktor to just go away, but if he's angry, if he's disgusted and angry—because he thought Yuuri was the only person in the world who was safe and sound for him and he was wrong—then he Whatever you do, Yuuri deserves it.

deserved...

Viktor suddenly opened his arms and hugged Yuuri tightly in his arms.They both fell down on the pebble beach together.

"I'm so stupid," Viktor said, hot tears streaming down Yuuri's neck, the trail of tears seemed to leave a spark, Yuuri couldn't help but hugged his shoulder, he heard Viktor laugh, and at the same time At the same time more tears flowed down. "This... I never..."

Yuuri's shock was not small, his eyes were still spinning, he thought dazedly, nothing happened?

"I love you," Victor whispered in his ear, "for many years—I love you too."

Yuuri straightened up, his astonishment couldn't describe his mood at the moment, he thought he had heard it wrong, but Victor just smiled awkwardly, with tears in his eyes, he looked confused and happy, oh my god, he was so pretty.

"I love you too," Victor said, with tears in his eyes, and he smiled shyly, as if embarrassed, "...I'm sorry I couldn't stop."

Yuuri opened his mouth wide open, and after a while, he was sitting on top of Victor, the stars blinking above his head, the breeze brushing their faces, and the water rippling around him.

He stammered: "... Am I dead?"