[Wei Yong] Looking for Lilia

Katsuki Yuuri stood on the street, the midday sun was slashing down from above his head like a sword, the shadow of his bangs and the tip of his nose made his face cloudy and uncertain.

His mood was similarly restless.Yuuri tried hard to suck his sore nose, he reached out and touched it subconsciously—it was dry, no trace of tears.

Occasionally passers-by pass by him, and everyone walks in a hurry, covering their faces with their hands to avoid direct sunlight. A young man standing like a wooden pole under the midday sun must be very strange and suspicious. He gave a hasty and puzzled look, but no one paid close attention to it—it was too hot, and no one wanted to spend more time outdoors at this moment.

Yuuri took a deep breath, as if the conversation from a few minutes ago was still echoing in his head—

"If only Yuuri could see you in his eyes."

"In my opinion, Yuuri is the most admirable person I know. No matter when and no matter what the situation is, he will work hard to live, just like a tree trying to grow towards the sky."

Yuuri still remembers his retort: ​​"That's just overreaching," he said, his cheeks burning from Victor's words, "No matter how hard you try, you can't touch the sky."

"And," Victor ignored him, "Yuuri has a heart of gold and is always thinking of others, always thinking of doing a little bit more for them. Even if it's just someone he hasn't known for a long time."

"It's just a gut reaction, everybody does the same thing."

"What others see as tough choices is just an instinctive reaction in Yuuri's mind - that's why it's so valuable, not everyone believes in 'the right thing is the right thing to do'."

"This..." Yuuri was at a loss for words, but he was still thinking in his heart: this is nothing special, to help others when they need it, and to help as much as possible when you can, isn't this what everyone has been taught since childhood? "It's just rigid." He muttered, hoping that Victor would stop talking. He swayed from side to side, trying to find a way to escape without Victor's attention, but Victor noticed his intention and moved his body, blocking it completely his way.

"Every one of us is worn out from birth, life is consumed, and so is love. The older you are, the less love you can give. Even a flower is worth loving when you are a child. When you are young, you will only treat it as a flower." Appreciate the beautiful things. When you are middle-aged, you don’t even care about appreciating them. A flower is just an insignificant thing. In your old age, you will envy the beauty of flowers, and think of yourself from the short life of flowers, and feel sorry for yourself. , just like that, from love to self-focus, only Yuuri's love has never been worn out - why can Yuuri always look at the world with love? Why do you always try to understand everyone What about the difficulty? Even after I’ve been through hardships? I always can’t figure it out, but I’ve realized that this is what Yuuri looks like. It’s the fact that it never changes, which makes me admire it all the more.”

"I..." Yuuri was completely confused, what Victor said seemed to make sense, but was that person really me? What is the meaning of the metaphor of "a flower"? "It's okay to focus on yourself..." he mumbled, and Victor smiled.

"Look, that's what I said, always try to be considerate, right?"

Yuuri lowered his head and said nothing.He couldn't say no to Victor, and made up his mind not to refute or argue, and just endured.

But Victor's next words made him unable to keep calm, because Victor said to himself: "Sometimes when I think about it, Yuuri motivates me, because I realize Yuuri's existence, I want to become a better person Man." He looked down and saw Yuuri's mouth opened out of control in astonishment, and he smiled again, "Didn't you think about it? 'I'll inspire others'."

It's better to say that he never thought that this person would be Victor.Yuuri thinks, and he says eagerly, "It's not like that! I'm trying to be better because, I'm because...Victor..." Because I want to be worthy of Victor, even if what Victor just said Even if [-]% of it is true, it is all because of Victor's existence—it can only be achieved by taking Victor as his goal and example.

But his throat seemed to be blocked by something, he couldn't speak, he could only look at Victor, tears gradually filled his eyes, but he didn't dare to blink.

"Yuuri always cries," Viktor said softly, wiping Yuuri's tears with the knuckle of his index finger, "I know it's not because of weakness and fear, but because I don't know how to express that emotion—Yuuri can't express himself , I bury everything in my heart. Is it because I don’t want to say it to trouble others and cause trouble to others? Or is it because I am afraid that no one will care if I say it? ——I care, I can see it.”

"But you won't..." Yuuri says, but you won't have me in your eyes forever, you'll have your life, your focus will shift, and so will I.He didn't know how to say all this without letting the bitterness overwhelm him.

"I'm selfish." He took a deep breath and said, "I'm just a very selfish person, Victor."

"When all one thinks about for oneself is how to 'live', I don't see that as selfish," Victor said, "I'm actually glad that Yuuri has his own plans, because I know that as long as Yuuri has If you have a goal, you will focus on it and keep doing it, and you won't look back, and you won't hesitate. So no matter what Yuuri plans for himself, I know it's okay. The goal will always come true, but sometimes I think, Actually, it doesn't matter if Yuuri sets his goals a little bit bigger."

Yuuri felt his eyes itch, he rubbed them, and was held back by Victor.

"Yuuri has the most beautiful eyes in the world," he said, in a voice that was dreamy and tender, and just hearing him talk like that made Yuuri want to cry, "When Yuuri is looking for something, the eyes are Glitter like a star on a Christmas tree.

"I also like the look of joy and stability in Yuuri's eyes when he finds what he wants.

"When I lose my temper, the bridge of my nose will wrinkle, my face will turn red, my mouth will turn red, my eyebrows will be tangled together, and I will look like a little pit bull when I look at it - I will think, why Yuuri is always so alive, so real in this world? Yuuri showed me what life really is like.

"So," Victor said, slowly leaning over, Yuuri stared at him blankly, their eyes met straight, just for a split second, but in that split second, Yuuri thought Victor was going to kiss him , but Viktor just reaches out and puts his palm against Yuuri's cheek, his thumb brushing Yuuri's lower lip. "Yuuri is so good in my eyes, why doesn't he always believe me?"

I want to trust you.Yuuri said in his heart, what I don't believe is myself.He stared blankly at Victor, watching Victor puff up his cheeks and made an angry expression.

"If Yuuri is going to take me for a nonsense liar," he said, pausing for a few seconds as if pushing himself to a resolution, he said softly and unquestionably, "Then I don't want to talk to Yuuri like that."

After he finished speaking, he put down his hand, turned around and strode away.

And so there is this moment, Yuuri standing on the street outside the restaurant, staring at the reflective white pavement in a daze.He quietly thought about everything that happened, thinking about Victor and his words, and finally made a decision.

Victor stood on the stairs, leaning against the banister, a half-smoked cigarette in his hand.

He wasn't in the mood to smoke much, and he couldn't just go back to his friends and pretend nothing happened.

In fact, he was also constantly thinking: Am I making things better, or making them worse?

Did it help Yuuri, or... hurt him?

Yuuri's expression seemed to be imprinted on his retina, the spark of hope in his timid eyes was suddenly ignited by Victor's words, and then extinguished by himself - Yuuri's self-doubt had reached the point where he couldn't trust anyone.

At this time, a figure walked through the dark doorway and into the courtyard.Victor watched him: the tears on his face had dried up, and the tip of his nose was red, but his steps were steady and his eyes were firm.He crossed the courtyard without a word and went up the stairs to meet Victor's gaze, who blocked his way.

"So?" Victor asked, trying to smile.Yuuri lowered his head, and after a while, he managed to utter a word.

"Thank you," he said.But that's not what Victor wants to hear.

"What else?" he asked.Yuuri hesitated for a moment, then raised his face suddenly.

"I still don't believe what Victor said - love, life, that's too empty." Victor stood there quietly, waiting for him to finish the sentence. The young man in front of him looked the same as a few minutes ago There's a subtle difference between the distraught guy in the movie, and it's a difference that makes Viktor somehow full of anticipation.

"But," Yuuri said, "regardless of Yang's reasons for choosing me, whether it's Chris's favor, or his sympathy for me, I'll let everyone know that I'm not a regrettable choice."

"Victor said I didn't understand that, but," Yuuri said loudly, taking a deep breath, "I'll make you proud of my performance!"

After he finished speaking, he thumped past Victor and ran upstairs.Victor stood where he was, as if he hadn't recovered. After a while, he laughed to himself.At this time, Yuuri ran back again, ran to Victor, snatched the cigarette from him, and then ran away without a word.

Victor looked at his empty left hand and was stunned for a while.

This time, he laughed genuinely and happily.