[Wei Yong] Looking for Lilia

"The rain will stop soon." When they were on the road again, Chris vowed, but it turned out that his prediction was nothing but groundless nonsense—the rain accompanied the three of them all the way. It was raining when they stopped at the gas station to fill up; it was raining when they ate at a seedy diner by the side of the road; The sky also turned from dark like night to a real night after waking up once. When he woke up drowsily for the last time and jumped over Victor's shoulder to look at the clock on the dashboard, it was past midnight , while the rain is still falling.

The rain seemed to fall endlessly, and the world seemed to be submerged, leaving only a car-shaped island, where Yuuri could spend his whole life with Victor.

But that's just an unfounded delusion.

At two o'clock in the night, Yuuri felt someone open the door on his side of the car and shake him.

"Little Yuuri, hey, wake up, wake up!" But Yuuri's consciousness has left his body, drifting in the universe, unable to regain control of his body for a while, he only let out a dissatisfied sound Hmph——The back of the chair is too hard, and his whole body seems to be falling apart.Someone was patting his face and calling his name continuously. "Hey, come and see," he said. "He has a high fever—isn't he sick?"

It was still raining, but not where the car was parked—a little farther away, the sound of raindrops smashing into puddles on the concrete pavement could be heard, blocking most of the answer of the other man, who sounded like It's like talking in a whisper from far away.Yuuri had to struggle to regain his senses, trying to hear what he was saying.

"Let me see." The man said, the first man stepped aside, a completely different breath approached the car door, and brushed Yuuri's hair with a strong hand, tested the temperature of his forehead and cheek— His fingers were cold, but his palm was hot.Does this mean that he has a very hot heart? "Yuuri? Are you awake?" He sounded irritable.

But why?

"Yuuri," the man said again, "open your eyes and look at me—are you sick?"

Yuuri does feel sick, he's chilled, his temples hurt like needles, and his mind...it's gone somewhere and free.

"No..." Yuuri whispered, "I'm fine..." He tried to stand up and get out of the car, but couldn't move a finger.

"Here's the luggage," said the man squatting by the car door. "He's got a fever." The first man to speak mumbled something that sounded like he was complaining about his attitude.But got no response.He puts his hand through Yuuri's knee and wraps the other around his back, and if it wasn't so uncomfortable, Yuuri would have yelped—he found himself flying.

The car door slams shut behind him, and Yuuri closes his eyes, feeling himself being carried and hurried past a brightly lit hallway, then a dimly lit hallway... for minutes, or hours, or maybe seconds Afterwards, he felt himself being laid flat on a soft and comfortable platform, but it was so cold that he couldn't help curling up as a soft duvet covered him.After all this was done, the person who had brought him in left.

"Don't... go," Yuuri said, shaking his head against the nightmare, but the man returned after a while, sat up on Yuuri's back, and stuffed a small round piece that smelled bitter. Yuuri mouthed it, and brought a warm glass to his mouth.

"Take a sip," he coaxes, "Come on, Yuuri, be good."

So Katsuki Yuuri complied, as if obeying fate and instinct, he opened his mouth, took a small sip of water, and the next thing he knew, his back touched the soft bed again - and he just slept like that caught.

I don't know how long I've been asleep for this sleep, it feels like a whole century has passed while he was asleep, but when he woke up, the rain outside the window still hasn't stopped.

Katsuki Yuuri sat dazed in the dark, sweating like he just ran a marathon, and even his T-shirt was soaked.He smelled like tropical plants in the middle of the day.He squinted his eyes, and he could vaguely make out the tea table, TV, and a vague figure lying on another single bed in the room.

He hesitated before speaking.

"V, Victor?" He whispered, his voice full of uncertainty, and at this moment, as if responding to him, there was a muffled murmur from the other bed, and Chris Giacometti's figure stood in the dark. Sitting up—that glue-on hairstyle is unmistakable.

Chris turned on the desk lamp, and the soft light filled the room.He looked sleepy, but then he asked, "Are you awake? Do you still have a fever?" His voice sounded hoarse.

Yuuri felt a pang of apology for disturbing his sleep.

"Sorry," he said, "it's all right..."

"Well——" Chris lay down again, covering his face and groaning in pain. After a few seconds, he took his hands away, lifted the quilt and jumped out of bed.He took some pills and warm water from the coffee table and handed them to Yuuri. "You'd better have it again," he said. "Victor said you used to have recurring fevers when you were a kid."

Yuuri froze for a moment, as if a contact in his mind had been flipped, he took the pills and warm water quietly, and swallowed them.Chris is back in his bed when Yuuri - with a hint of urgency - asks, "Where's Victor?"

"He's in the next room," Chris said, pointing to the wall. "The hotel doesn't have rooms for three people anymore. This is the last family suite. In theory," he grimaced, "it's for two people. couple with two children.”

Yuuri drank the water slowly, the messy and fuzzy memories of the past few hours waking up bit by bit. "Thank you," he said, "I... I didn't expect to cause you so much trouble."

"It's nothing." Chris waved his hand nonchalantly, leaning against the head of the bed, looking wide awake, eyeing Yuuri with interest, his gaze made Yuuri feel uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry." He apologized again, "I have to trouble you to take care of me..."

"It's okay," Chris said, "but ah—I might have crossed the line when I said this—you and Victor, I thought you two were old friends."

Yuuri - albeit sane and comfortable now - ponders for a while before he gets what he means.Chris thought he was too reserved.

"Victor and I are not friends," he explained, "he was my former caretaker."

"Oh!" Chris said, and he sat with his arms under his head for a moment, as if savoring the meaning of Yuuri's words, "Okay—then you'd better get some sleep, you've only been asleep for four or ten minutes .”

He said, reaching out his hand to turn off the light.Yuuri sat silently in the dark holding the cup, after a while, he put down the cup and got out of bed.

"What?" Chris's voice came from the darkness.

"I...I'll go and see." Yuuri explained vaguely, "I...that's..." He wasn't sure Viktoria didn't want his friend to know that he was suffering from insomnia, let alone how to explain himself He could only falter about forcing Victor to drop his sleeping pills, but it clearly piqued Chris' interest.

"What's the matter, is poor old Victor still screaming in his dream?" There was a rustle on his bed, and Chris sat up, scratching the back of his head, "Isn't he taking medicine?"

Yuuri's face burned in the darkness. "Scream?" He asked, his heart was pulled at that moment, "What scream?"

"Well, the 'scream' was a little bit longer," Chris said, "just tossing and turning and being out of breath—I lived with him for a while." He seemed to sense Yuuri's confusion , explained one more sentence.

After a while... Yuuri's hand gripped the doorknob tightly.He hesitated, wondering if it would be more appropriate for Chris to check it out. "Then I..." His voice sounded hesitantly in the darkness, and was overwhelmed by Chris' loud voice.

"Let's go, let's take a look together." He said, sounding more interesting than worrying, "I wondered more than once what he was muttering in his dreams... Maybe one hundred and three times is a hurdle."

He put his arm around Yuuri's shoulders without hesitation, and the two of them pushed open the door together, walked through the corridor of the suite, and came to Victor's door.It wasn't until this moment that Yuuri realized that the arrangement of the room seemed to have something to do with it—maybe every second spent with him was a torment for Victor.

Now he wasn't even sure if he should go in, he felt like an oversized light bulb.But Chris had already opened the door and leaned most of his body in.

"Oh look at him," Chris said in a tone of exaggerated affection, "it's so painful. Come on." He said, dragging Yuuri into the room without saying a word.

Victor was lying on the double bed, the quilt was pressed under one arm, the other arm was bent, and his hand was tightly clenched into a fist next to his face. His rapid breathing could be heard just by the door.

"Ouch, the poor little boy has night terrors again." Chris said, "Go, go and have a look."

"He—night terror?" Yuuri asked in astonishment, "Like, suddenly screaming in the middle of the night?"

"Only the worst time." Chris said, "Fortunately, I didn't live with him at that time, but his girlfriend at that time was very scared..." He walked over and stood by the bed He waved to Yuuri, "Come here—it's okay, that happened years ago, he's a harmless little sheep now..." As soon as he finished speaking, Victor's body twitched violently, his He stretched his arms forward like a spring, as if trying to push away something terrible in his dream, and he turned over restlessly.

"No," Viktor muttered, "please...no."

"Well, yeah, that's it," Chris said, listening. "For years I've wondered if there was anything else, but he always seemed to be just two 'no, please' and just sleep. You can't imagine how shameless he is usually, can you?" There was a very familiar and kind teasing in his tone.Yuuri didn't say anything, he walked to Victor's bedside, and looked at Victor quietly—his brows were furrowed, as if the troubles of the whole world were weighing on him.It made Yuuri's nose tingle.

what's wrong with youhe asked Victor in his mind.Victor showed a vulnerable side, which made him prefer to die.He began to regret his own assertion, which pushed Victor into such a situation.He reached out his hand involuntarily, stroking Viktor's brow, trying to loosen the gathered wrinkles a little.But Victor just kept turning over, stuck in a nightmare of unknown origin.Yuuri thought for a moment, struggling a little.

He lifted the quilt from the other end and climbed onto the bed.Chris looked at him inexplicably, his expression suddenly became very excited.

"Oh!" He yelled, and ran to the other side of the bed, squeezed Yuuri onto the bed, the two of them sat side by side on the bed, Yuuri looked at him helplessly, "Why, aren't we going to have a pajama meeting? I I have wanted to participate in this event for a long time!"

"I'm sorry," Yuuri said, "were you not accepted into the sorority in college?" He finished feeling embarrassed again.Chris shrugged nonchalantly.

"You're so mean," he said, "I sort of understand why Victor thinks you..." His words turned abruptly, "What are you going to do?"

Yuuri pulls Viktor's quilt up a bit and grabs his hand under the quilt—his hand is icy cold.

"I don't know..." Yuuri said blankly, "Maybe... hug him and pat him. When I was a child, I was scared and couldn't sleep. That's how my mother took me."

It was just a reflexive move, but the first few nights... when he did it the first few nights, Viktor seemed to sleep a little more peacefully.

"Oh..." Chris said, "Got it...you're going to be his 'comfort pillow.'"

"I..." Yuuri opened his mouth, but couldn't find the words to retort for a while, "Yes, that's it." He could only say. "You can go to sleep."

"how about you?"

"I... I'll be back in a while," Yuuri said, "when he's asleep."

"In this case." Chris said, "Why don't I stay for a while, let's chat!"

"I don't want to talk," Yuuri said, but Chris had no intention of leaving, so he just ignored the guy.Viktor's hands were cold, he turned around as if he had found a source of heat, his face was on Yuuri's thigh, and he took Yuuri's hand with both hands.His breathing eased a little.Behind Yuuri, Chris let out a particularly contrived "oh~~~~~~~" sound.

They just sat there quietly, and after an unknown amount of time, Chris suddenly said, "He's not always like this, you know."

Yuuri was gripped tightly by Victor with one hand, and patted his shoulder with the other hand, without reacting for a while. "What?" he asked. "What kind?"

Chris opened his hand and gestured, "Like this—Professor Nikiforov, personable and sanctimonious—he wasn't like that when I knew him."

It makes Yuuri curious - he always remembers Viktor like this.And he also wants to know the story of how Victor and Chris met, and he wants to know if Chris is Victor's man. He wants to know, even though he knows that it has nothing to do with him.

"how did you guys meet?"

"It's a long story at this point, and it's going to come to my first year..." Chris said, both of their voices were so soft that it sounded like the wind rustling curtains, "Simply put , I encountered a little financial problem, in layman’s terms, I have no money.”

"Ah." Yuuri said, it was such an unexpected beginning, "And then?"

"I kept all the expenses to a minimum, but it was still difficult to pay the rent alone." Chris said, "At this time, a friend of mine introduced Victor to me, and she said that I don't need to pay the rent, as long as I can clean up Go to the room, if there is no milk and cereal, I can just buy it. Later I found out that she is also Victor’s friend. He was living a...'inhuman' life at the time. She was afraid that he would live alone for a long time. He'll be found dead in the kitchen with 'NO MILK' written in blood on the floor."

Yuuri was taken aback when he heard that, "What 'inhuman' life?" he asked.

"Writing papers," Chris said, "he made himself a ghost, and only slept four hours a day, just to graduate early, get a degree, and go to graduate school. Can you imagine, he doesn't even have a beard. No time to scrape, read or write papers, go out occasionally - don't ask for classes or labs, I mean... I lived with him for two months before I realized I was with 'that' Victory I lived with Kiferov, and when I knew he wasn't the same name, my life was hit a bit. When I found out that his goal was to get a PhD... I thought he must be crazy. I mean , He is Victor himself, even if he doesn’t dance, there are other ways, which in my opinion are much more comfortable than being a university teacher, right?”

If you say that you didn't expect how much Victor has suffered, it must be a heartless lie. It doesn't even matter if you are smart or not. Compared with Victor's colleagues, he started too late. Many of them aspired to be a professor about as early as Victor wanted to be a dancer.But Viktor somehow managed to do it and become the best - it's not something that happens by miracle.But even so, Yuuri bit his lip so as not to let the tears flow.

Victor was fast asleep, he was loosely hooking Yuuri's fingers in his dream, the corner of his mouth curled up in a small arc.

Yuuri didn't know—how strong a heart must be to bury those pasts and show himself a strong side like a steel fortress.Chris doesn't speak, as if thoughtfully giving him the chance to be alone with his thoughts.

"Anyway," Chris concluded after a while, "I'm glad he didn't die suddenly, and he's alive and energetic. He really deserves to be a living legend that has tortured all dancing children for 15 years..." He He wanted to say something, but Yuuri suddenly said, "Chris..." but there was no more to say.

Chris waited patiently.After some unknown amount of time, he finally realized that he couldn't wait for Yuuri to finish the sentence, and he said, "Victor told me about the car accident - I'm glad you all made it through, it was hard, but you guys It's all done."

"But Viktor..." Yuuri said, "he paid a price he shouldn't have paid..."

"He may not have as much physical damage as you," Chris said, "but it's here." He pointed to his heart. "It's not easier for people who are injured here to start over than for people who are physically injured, maybe harder."

"I…" Yuuri said, "I don't know what to do. I hope he's okay."

He sounded like he wanted Chris to tell him an answer, but the latter just hopped off the bed softly.

"That's an answer you'll have to find yourself," he said. "Good night, Yuuri."

Viktor opened his eyes, and there seemed to be a clear sky before him, and he was back on the quiet boat with his Yuuri, as they floated idly on the lake, wondering where the waves would take them.

"I'm sorry you're back," said Yuuri in the dream, "and I'm sorry for breaking your heart."

"I know," Victor said, grinning, "I don't blame you—I want too much."

Then they start admiring the shapes of clouds.Just when Victor found a cloud that looked like Macachin, he suddenly found himself lying on the big bed in the hotel.

But Yuuri is still beside him, his hands under his head, his eyes closed—they lie under a quilt, the early morning light filtering through the curtains into the room.Yuuri's hands rest on Viktor's body, tapping lightly and constantly, like the pendulum of an old clock.Yuuri's breathing is steady, he looks like he's asleep, only his hand is still patting Viktor diligently, with the patience and perseverance of a mother with a newborn baby.

Of course it was a dream.Victor thought.It's just a different form.The reality is too ruthless, and he can only escape to his dream to enjoy Yuuri's tenderness.

He leaned over and did a daring thing he had never done in a dream.

He put a soft kiss on those two childish lips carefully.

Then he lay down again, closed his eyes contentedly, and smiled.