[Wei Yong] Looking for Lilia

Yuuri Katsuki's mind went blank for a moment.Viktor stared at him in a way that reminded him of a blade gleaming coldly in the moonlight.

He looked completely messed up, his hair was disheveled, his sleeves were piled up above his elbows, his exposed forearm was bruised in a large area, and there was a wound about four centimeters on his face. The wound was not deep, but it was already bleeding scab.He looked at Yuuri, and Phichit was still asking questions in the microphone: "Hey, hello? Yuuri? Where are you? I'm going to Guan Chengji to borrow a car now..." Yuuri's body seemed to wake up suddenly. There was a shock.

“Give me…” he mutters, trying to grab the receiver, but Viktor is taller and stronger, and he puts a hand on Yuuri’s chest and pushes him away seemingly effortlessly an arm's length away.Yuuri watched helplessly as he brought the receiver to his mouth, and flashed a patterned smile in the blink of an eye.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Zhulanon," he said, "I am Viktor Nikiforov."

Phichit was silent for a moment. "Where's Yuuri?" he asked bravely, "What did you do to him? I need to talk to him."

"He won't talk to you now." Victor replied, "I just want to remind you that I have always maintained a very pleasant cooperative relationship with Professor Girestino. If you do something irrational, I can't Guaranteed consequences. Good day, I wish you a good mood."

After he finished speaking, he snapped the microphone back on the stand with a bang.

He turned to Yuuri, looking sullen.

"What do you think?" he asked through gritted teeth, "Yuuri?"

"I..." Yuuri stared at him dumbfounded, and after a while, he suddenly came back to his senses. "You have no right to do that!" he growled, "You have no right to - hold my phone!"

"If you recall carefully," Victor said, "you will realize that there are many things I have no right to do, but you are here now, and that is enough."

He looks - maybe just Yuuri's personal opinion - kind of obsessed, which isn't normal, because Viktor in his mind, even when broken and overwhelmed by grief and guilt, is doing the best he can Maintaining a demeanor.And at this moment, not only did he look distressed, but his expression was also very confused, as if he was trying to find a thread from a pile of wool, Yuuri found it impossible to understand Victor at this moment.

All he could do was take a deep breath—trying to suppress his anger and frustration—and turned to other topics.

"How did you make yourself like this." He muttered, reaching out to grab Victor's arm for inspection, but Victor dodged it in a rage.

"Don't you," he said, "don't say it... so easy. It's like it's okay, Yuuri."

His words reignited Yuuri's anger. "I'm fucking acting—" he cursed in his heart, "You are the one who is so wrong! Kidnapped me, didn't let me get out of the car, and then banned me from calling other people, and even threatened my friends! You ——" He was at a loss for words, "How can you... What happened to you, you were robbed?" The wound on Victor's face was too conspicuous, like a cut on a famous painting, it couldn't be ignored, no matter what Yuuri did Telling himself that "this is not the time to express concern" and "this will only make Victor seize the opportunity" was useless. Although the tone was very rude, the words of concern came out of his mouth so naturally, which made him feel a little bit despair.Victor looked away.

"This?" He rubbed his face. "There's a little nail on the bathroom door—nothing." He made a point of avoiding the more obvious bruise on his arm, and for the first time didn't look directly at Yuuri's face. Eyes, which made Yuuri subconsciously have a "problem" suspicion.

Then he said it. "No." He murmured, regardless of Victor's dodge, he forced his face to check, and then his arm, Yuuri's strength was not as strong as Victor's, but he couldn't be said to be weak—under his strong request, Viktor can only cooperate no matter how reluctant he is, frowning, looking down at Yuuri, and finally tilting his head, dodging again. "What's the matter with you?" Yuuri demanded, "Why did you bang on that damn door?" He thought Victor would soon come to his senses and realize he'd escaped through the skylight, never thinking that he would Feeling like he's still in the toilet doesn't fit with what he knows about Victor at all.

"Don't—" Victor tried to dodge again, he said irritably: "I'm panicking, okay? This area is not peaceful now, I heard people say in the restaurant this morning that there is a group of people here Picking out single passengers for robbery - you have no money, and you don't respond to me, I'm scared, okay?" He opened Yuuri's hand a little angrily, "Don't look."

His reaction left Yuuri speechless for a moment.They stand facing each other for a moment longer, eyes lingering on anything but each other, before Yuuri whispers, "But I'm just...running away. You know."

Victor said nothing.It makes Yuuri feel really awkward - he's starting to feel what it's like for Viktor to be treated coldly by him, and it's really uncomfortable, and Viktor has never treated him like that.It makes Yuuri feel guilty and sad all over again, I'm an asshole, he tells himself, literally.

"Victor," he said, his tone pleading, "you let me go home."

Victor didn't answer, but turned his eyes back to him, looking calmer.

"If I tell you to go back," he pointed out calmly, "you promise not to start ignoring me again?"

——Yuuri couldn't answer such a question, so he could only lower his eyes.

"Isn't that good?" He asked softly, "Can't we just live our own lives? If you insist—you insist on binding yourself to me, what good will there be?"

Victor looked at him coldly, as if thinking about something.After a while, when even Yuuri started to give up waiting, he suddenly calmed down completely, and when he spoke again, his expression returned to his usual Nikiforov expression—calm, reserved, full of grace and sincerity .

"I-I lost my composure." He said, his hands behind his back uncomfortably, and he leaned forward, "I'm sorry, Yuuri. I apologize, okay? Don't be angry." I don't know if he was trying to avoid it, but he used The uninjured hand squeezed Yuuri's face, "Smile? Come on."

Yuuri subconsciously wants to move the corner of his mouth—Victor’s words once had an oracle-like status and effect on him, he often obeys Victor’s request without thinking, and then thinks about what he did and what the result is after finishing, because he knows one thing It's very clear: Victor will never harm him, so what's wrong with having a more alert and flexible brain to direct his actions? —but he quickly pressed the muscles at the corners of his mouth.

——At this point, I should make my own decision and be responsible for my own decision.A firm voice in his heart said, it should have been so long ago, his blind obedience has become a shackle on Victor, in order to live up to such trust, he has to be responsible for the lives of the two of them, and that is unjust.Yuuri just wished Victor had figured it out sooner: Victor was Victor, Yuuri was Yuuri, they were two completely unrelated people.The sooner Victor understands the better, he can still have the glorious life that should belong to him.

Thinking of this, his heart became harder, which was also reflected in his expression - the lines of his originally soft face gradually became solidified and cold.Victor's smile faded.

"Victor," he said, trying to drive some logic into Victor's head like he should have done earlier, "listen..."

"No!" Victor blurted out as if he had sensed something, but he soon realized how sudden the refusal came, and he took a step back, leaving more space between the two of them. "No," he changed into a soft tone, "let me talk first."

Yuuri had to stop—he had so little experience rebelling against Viktor that the moment he interrupted his momentum, he started to shrink back—this is not good, he told himself to be firm, But how can he ignore the guilt of rejecting Victor, even letting him down?It's so hard.

"I'm sorry," Victor said again, "I'm so impatient, I always think of you as 12 years old, forgetting that you've grown up—I always make decisions for you, and that's—that's No, you have every reason to think I'm being judgmental, now I get it, okay? But I really wish we could be like the old days...forgive me, okay?"

He looked very sincere, even a bit like showing weakness, which made Yuuri completely lose his mind about what to do next, and could only look at Victor with his mouth slightly open, with a voice of "but...but..." .He faltered for a while, and became more and more self-defeating under Victor's gentle and tolerant eyes, and finally said: "But you shouldn't... you shouldn't do this!" Not too clear.

"I'm sorry." Victor said again, "Are you still angry? How about you punch me twice to relieve the anger." He saw Yuuri shaking his head quickly, showing a smile, "Then you forgive me? "Yuuri is also not sure, if a person has never been really angry, how can he forgive?He could only continue to stare blankly at Victor.

"I promise I won't treat you like a kid again," Victor said, "so I'll tell you everything now, and then I—I respect your choice. Just—hear me out first, okay?" He lightly He sighed softly, and then said seriously: "I don't just want to take you to see Lilia—that's just one of the purposes—but the main thing is, it's for Yakov, understand?"

"Yakov?" Yuuri asked in a daze, "What does this have to do with him?"

"He hasn't forgotten her," Victor said. "Obviously. Even though he claims he doesn't care anymore, he hasn't forgotten her for a day."

"But..." Yuuri opened his mouth, subconsciously trying to refute, he began to recall the old man who lived in the yard next door, Yakov was a very strict old man, his clothes were always ironed and neat, and his standing posture always Straight as a tree, he called Viktor "Vicha," and they were each other's only relatives.He's always been tough on Yuuri because—Yuuri agrees with him—he thinks Viktor's time could be better spent than raising the kids.He found it difficult to associate the old man with the image of a fool who couldn't forget his old love, but then again, he didn't know Yakov much more than Viktor knew about his guardian It's not worth mentioning.He would go back to Hasezu every year to accompany Yakov for a period of time. If Victor said that he never forgot his ex-wife, what qualifications does Yuuri have to refute?What's more--that's Lilia Baranovskaya, and it seems normal to be unable to forget her.The combination of several vaguely mutually exclusive thoughts made him lose the ability to distinguish directions. "Why now?"

The question he wants to ask more is: Why are you looking for me?

"Yakov won't get any younger," Viktor said. "He's 70 years old, and his doctor contacted me last week saying his brain function is deteriorating and he's been having heart problems—even though I'm There's not much time left to find a way to get them back together, Yuuri - in a few more years, maybe Yakov won't recognize who he is even if she's standing in front of him. He'll just keep thinking about it in his heart The woman who turned his world upside down, until, you know, that day came."

The sadness infected Yuuri, making him speechless for a while. In his impression, Yakov has hardly changed. He has looked like an old man from the beginning, but if you think about it carefully, you will find that His hair was thinning, the lines on his face had deepened, and when Yuuri came home for Christmas, Yakov had a cane in his hand, even though his back was still straight.

"You want to fulfill his wish, don't you?" Yuuri asked. "You want to bring her back to him?"

"It was a hard thing, you know," Victor said, "their breakup was ugly, and he drank a lot, and she hit him over the head with a Bible, and at some point—even though they both No admitting it—I remember them both crying, and they haven't seen each other since, not even on the phone." He looks at Yuuri with sincerity and pleading, which is already very impressive It's hard, but his next words suddenly wake up Yuuri like a wake-up call.

"They love each other dearly, I'm sure of that," he said. "You know how sad that is, don't you? Just because of some...by accident, there's no way to reconnect with someone you love... …" He took Yuuri's arm, and at that moment, there seemed to be something flickering in his eyes, but he quickly lowered his head, letting his bangs block Yuuri's view.

The warmth of his palm was transmitted through the shirt to Yuuri's skin, burning like fire.When did Victor have a lover who couldn't stay together?He'd fallen in love with someone while Yuuri was purposely ignoring him - and then had to separate, and then again, why?He couldn't imagine Victor falling in love with someone and not being reciprocated—wasn't that magical?So - when the hell did this happen?Then he had to slap himself in the head desperately to swallow this completely inappropriate taste.Remember your own position, he warned himself, even if there were not so many incidents between him and Victor, he is not qualified to intervene in Victor's love life, and he has no position to require Victor to share all the dynamics with him.

"Yuuri," Victor's voice sounded, and he laughed, "You're in a daze."

"I..." Yuuri came back to himself, cheeks burning for his audacity, I'd be shameful for saying one thing and doing another, he thought, talking about wanting Victor to have his own life, but being true to him Feeling awkward about having a secret, nothing has changed, as it was many years ago, even though he knew that sooner or later he and Victor would drift apart, even though he had prepared for it for a long time, he still felt lost when it happened It's like losing a part of myself. "Sorry..." he muttered, "but why are you looking for me?"

"You are the closest person to me." Victor said quickly, (the closest person who knows nothing about your relationship, Yuuri couldn't help thinking, his expression trembled subtly) "Or, I personally think, the closest person." Victor noticed the change in his expression, but misunderstood what Yuuri meant, and he quickly added an explanation, this cautiousness was heartbreaking, "I'm sorry, I did that again, you Don’t feel compelled to agree with me.” He even smiled.

"Of course you..." Yuuri said subconsciously, but he swallowed the second half of the sentence.

"The thing is, I want to make myself—a bit more convincing," Victor said, shrugging. "I might not be likable enough on my own. Lilia likes children, so I thought—"

"Then you shouldn't be looking for me." Yuuri reminded, "I'm not a kid anymore."

"Oh trust me, you're a child," Victor said, "how old is she—who is not a child in her eyes..." He laughed, and Yuuri moved the corners of his mouth, "Come on, honey, Okay, she will like you, you are so cute...you are studious and obedient, you..."

Yuuri didn't return his compliment.It's just in your eyes, he thought, and there's something sweet and funny about a one-time caregiver who thinks the child he's raising is exceptionally cute. "Why don't you take Yuri with you?" he asked. Yuri Presetti is Viktor's distant cousin. He is only 15 years old this year. His parents were sued by child protection organizations last year. At Yakov's house, because he had nowhere else to go, if it wasn't Yakov, he was constantly tossed among foster families.

"She'll definitely like Jurachka," Viktor agreed, "but he's the kind of kid who... takes a while to find out how likable he is, in case you haven't noticed — Yura gives First impressions are usually more... wild."

"..." Yuuri half agrees and half disapproves in his heart—the first time he saw Yuri last year, the other party jumped off a high-speed skateboard and gave him a flying kick, but on the other hand, Yuri He is very handsome, if he can smile more like Victor, he will be more attractive than now. "I think it's not as effective for you to find me as Yuri." He said, "He is also learning ballet, he is more talented than me, and I am just... crippled." He said a little embarrassedly, although walking like an ordinary person He could even dance at parties on a whim, but in his heart he always demanded of himself as a ballerina—and by the standards of a ballerina, he was... crippled.

"..." Victor tried to smile, but failed, his breath was unsteady, he took a few deep breaths, he looked like he was about to cry, but he held back, he was a little angry. "Don't—don't say that, you're just... hurt. Okay?" he said, "Trust me, you don't want Yuri to please old people—he gave Yakov a golden octopus necklace pendant as a birthday present because, he said, I was just quoting, 'This in some cultures symbolizes strong sexuality, which is good for people your age, Yakov'" he said to Yuuri Blinking, eyes a little red, but he's grinning, trying to pretend he didn't hear Yuuri just now.

Yuuri looked at him, feeling overwhelmed.That's enough.He heard a voice say in his mind.It can't go on like this anymore.

"So," Viktor, knowing nothing about his heart, smiled and shook Yuuri's arm, and at some point they stood so close again that the tip of his nose could poke Yuuri's face, he begged Yes, even looking at Yuuri pleadingly. "Come with me, come with me, don't leave me alone—please?"

Yuuri looks at him—he's so good, even the slight curl of his hair is just right, he'll never know what part he's played in Yuuri's mind, ever.

An idea gradually formed in his mind.

"I can," Yuuri said, swallowing nervously, "I can go with you. Find her, bring her back, and I'll do what I can to help you. Just," he pauses, trying to calm down , he didn't want tears to appear together with words, that would expose his true thoughts - how much he disobeyed, how reluctant, and how selfish he was, somewhere deep in his heart, he embraced like Victor There are fantasies, wishing they could go back to the past, back to that brief, dreamy time when Victor stayed by his side like the only ray of sunshine in the valley shining into the mountain stream. "As long as you promise me one thing."

It was heartbreaking to see Victor's expression at that moment - he froze for a moment, then his eyes lit up, he broke into a big smile, and soon every muscle in his face seemed to be saying Seeing how happy he was, his brows stretched, his eye sockets deepened with a smile, and his cheeks flushed with excitement. "Anything!" he said, "Anything, Yuuri, just say it!"

"I want you to change the direction of my research back." Yuuri said, the light in Viktor's eyes flickered, like the wind blowing through a candle, it became fainter, but it hadn't disappeared, he smiled, but looked Some lost.

"Okay," he said, "no problem..."

"Also," Yuuri said, and as soon as he opened his mouth, his mind went blank, there was no fear or retreat, only the dull pain caused by Viktor's reaction beating in his heart, "you don't want to fight anymore Contact me by phone, text message, email or whatever.” Victor’s smile also started to disappear, he stared blankly at Yuuri, “If we run into each other at school, don’t say hello to me, if in Hasezu Someone asked about our relationship, you used to be my caretaker - that's it, nothing else."

"You mean," Viktor said, his smile completely gone, and now his eyes were fixed on Yuuri without blinking, like he couldn't believe it, "like... strangers?"

Before that word came out, Yuuri didn't expect it to have an effect on him.He thought he was ready, but when Victor said "Stranger," he almost felt blinded, like a large part of his life was ripped from him, and he could barely stand.But he quickly replied: "Yes. You don't appear in my life, and I won't appear in your life." Victor's hand was still holding his arm, and even tightened the strength, and he backed away One step, dodged. "That's all I want—you say yes, and we'll go."

For a moment, he thought Viktor was going to punch him - he looked really scary, especially when he was smiling so happily a few minutes ago, as if the whole sky was lit up, and now, he He didn't even blink, just stared at Yuuri.

"You want me...to leave?" he murmured, "Is that so? Don't bother you anymore, do you?" He suddenly became very anxious, "But you don't understand, Yuuri, you can hate me! I There is no requirement that you must...be the same as before...just that you must let me help you, with me here, with me, many things will become easier..." He was eager like a drowning person being submerged in water The hands struggling and waving in the air a few seconds ago were extremely desperate, "It's okay to hate me...we don't have to be friends..."

"But I don't want that," Yuuri said, heartbroken and unable to look Viktor in the eye anymore, he took another step back, resting his back on the payphone, finding some support and continuing to stand the power of. "I just want... as I said."

"Stranger," Victor whispered, "Really? You want this?"

"Correct."

"No," Viktor says, "I don't believe—we—you to me—" He thinks of something, takes a little strength from it, and moves closer to Yuuri, cornering him in the phone booth. "You want us to be strangers?—I want to hear from you."

"say what?"

"Say you want me to be strangers to you," Victor said, "Say you want me to get the hell out of here, say you never want to see me again—and I'll do it."

Hell, can he really read people's hearts?Yuuri groans internally—how could he say something like that?He almost retreated again, Victor's eyes were red, he just wanted to take back his words—

"I want you and me to be strangers," Yuuri said, without the slightest tremor in his voice, "I want you out of my life."

Victor's face was paler than a dead man's, and he lowered his body. "One more thing." He reminded, his eyes were full of pleading, but he continued to oppress Yuuri with words—in a sense, they seemed to be doing the same thing.

"..." Yuuri looked at him, his lips twisted, as if he lost his voice suddenly, he trembled and couldn't speak.

"I never want to see you again," he said finally. "This is what I want."

He thought Viktor would cry—or punch him for his ignorance.But Viktor didn't say anything, he stared into Yuuri's eyes like a pale ghost for a moment, and finally, he backed away.He looks away.

"If that's what you want," he whispered, not looking at the bastard who broke his heart, "if that's what you want."

"Anything," he murmured, the corners of his mouth tightened, "Anything, Yuuri. Just say it." Then, he took a deep breath, and slowly, like in slow motion, he smiled.

"Shall we hit the road?" he asked.