[Wei Yong] Looking for Lilia

"I don't believe it." After quietly drinking two rounds of spirits, Chris muttered with his tongue out, "It doesn't make sense."

"What doesn't make sense?" Victor asked in his mouth, but his eyes were looking at the back of Yuuri's head sitting at the long table - more and more people gathered at the long table, and they began to play a kind of flower cards Game, he didn't take Chris' words too seriously.

"You're unrequited about this." Chris rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "It doesn't make sense. Hey Victor, Victor! Look me in the eyes." He grabbed Victor's chin and turned his face away Leaving himself alone, he points two fingers to his own eyes, then to Viktor's, motioning him to focus on himself.

"What's the boring question?" Victor asked inarticulately, "Can you kindly let me go?"

Chris let go with a grin. "It's hard to get your attention," he said. "Come on! You're four years older than him, what's the big deal? I'm sure my other half is still in high school! You're an adult, He's an adult too, why don't you confess to him?"

A muffled murmur escaped from Victor's throat. "It's more complicated than that," he said, "and I'll say it anyway—you're disgusting."

Chris didn't show any embarrassment, he accepted Victor's evaluation very calmly.

"What's complicated? Two people meet, they look at each other, they talk, they get to know each other, and they end up falling in love. Don't be too typical - come on, don't pretend, you know you can get the love of anyone if you want, so you Why don't you tear off this hypocritical big brother and tell him how you feel like a man?"

"...it's more complicated than that." Victor still repeated, "I... me and him... I'm the last person in this world he would consider, no, if everyone in the world dies, I'm afraid He wouldn't want to be with me either - that's what our relationship is. This trip? This is the last time we'll be together."

"...then he's blind," Chris says, "or insane. Normal people can't do that anyway." He glances back at Yuuri, as if trying to see something in him Clues come, "Why?"

"It's complicated," Victor said a third time, and Chris smacked his mouth particularly loudly.

"Love can be complicated," he said wisely, "but it's also very simple—see how you think about it. Put simply, are you fighting?"

"I don't know if 'buggy' is the right word to describe it," Victor said, and Chris stared at him so relentlessly that he began to regret talking—with Chris' character, when he is interested in something When you don't make it clear, you will never stop.He should be aware of this, but there was something disorienting about the night, his defenses were low, he felt more vulnerable, more restless—a fact he had once been able to ignore, It has never been so clearly before his eyes, which makes him eager to tell someone once, his secret is too heavy and too dark, once he speaks, there is no room to take it back.

He poured himself a glass of wine, hesitated for a moment, several desires intertwined in his heart.

"When I was 19, I left my hometown and went to university like everyone else," he says. "It was harder for me than I thought, and it was for Yuuri. Trusted me so much that when I finally worked up the courage to tell him I was leaving, he was very...angry. He wouldn't answer my calls and refused to say goodbye when I left, we had a very bad parting. I thought That was... that was temporary. Although he never got angry at me that much, I still firmly believe that it is nothing—he is too soft-hearted, and I have hardly ever met a better talker— I think we're going to get back together, and he won't be a kid forever, one day...that's what I think."

"That's good," Chris said. "What's changed? Oh I guess, he met a girl in high school."

"Right or wrong," Victor said, "no girl, but he doesn't depend on me anymore, and it's like, he stopped being the kid I knew overnight, he stopped talking to me, He only came to visit once when I was home for Christmas - to deliver some pies and roast chicken for his mother, and my uncle was a lonely old man, and she thought we were so deserted for the holidays. That's it, we separated from each other.”

"Oh my god," Chris said, "you poor little thing, it looks like your freshman year wasn't having a good time."

"Of course I'm not comfortable. I guess everyone's first love is like this. I'm out of my mind and worry about what I'll lose. The thought of hundreds of kilometers away, when I can't do anything, he knows someone new. He doesn't need me anymore. It's gone - even the last sliver of consolation is gone, if I'm not his only friend, then what role can I play? I want to wait until he grows up, but can I still wait until that day? Everyday, I mean every day, I want to tell him what's on my mind, but I always hold back at the last minute - he has started to distance me, and if I say it and he doesn't respond, it's all over between us. I live in torment until One day I couldn't take it anymore - our relationship was falling apart, and I desperately wanted to fix it. So I did something stupid, an unforgivable thing."

"...Will this matter make me an accomplice after hearing about it?" Chris asked cautiously, "No, after I hear about it, if you don't report it, it will be considered a crime, right?"

Victor laughed at him. "It's not like that. What were you thinking?" he said. "Of course not."

"I just want everything to go back to the way it used to be. When we were little, he would be so happy because of the little things I did. I want to do more things to make him happy. I only have one wish: I hope he remembers the good side of me more. I just want to make him happy. When we were young, we used to talk about adventures far away, but the farthest we have been alone is only a few kilometers. At that time, there were no accidents, but it was God’s blessing, not how smooth my reckless plan was, and the day when luck ran out, it was just that I was too arrogant and arrogant.”

"It was the spring break of my freshman year, and I drove back to my hometown a day early, and when I broke into the classroom, they were in class, and I dragged him out of the desk, and I lied to the teacher that there was something in his house. It was urgent, and they all trusted me, so I just took him into the car - although he was very resistant, the beginning of our journey was smooth, and I put him in the car , and told him we were going to find Lilya Baranovskaya. He had liked her since childhood."

"But isn't she your aunt?" Chris said, "if my lace source is right."

"But she and Yakov haven't been in touch with each other for many years." Victor said, "I only know a rough idea-but I was young and vigorous at that time, and I had a kind of blind confidence and optimism about all goals. It’s natural to reach the bridge, and there will always be a way. So I took him on the road, I was optimistic, I had to be optimistic, otherwise I would face the possibility that I would never be able to bring him back.”

"And then?" Chris asked, "Did you find her?"

"No," Victor said, "God's not on my side. We had a... got into a car accident on the way out of town. A truck driver was drunk and hit our car the wrong way."

"Oh my god," Chris covered his mouth, his eyes widened, "his legs, could it be... I mean..."

"We once learned to dance together." Victor said softly, "He... he is not the most savvy type, but his ability to express music is the best-I really hope you have seen him back then, He's...he's the best. That's why I was convinced that even when I went to college we would be business as usual - he's going to walk the same path as me one day, and at the end of that path, I know we The destination was the same, but on that day, it all changed."

"So his leg was injured in a car accident," Chris muttered. "It's... so tragic."

Victor held the wine glass and suddenly laughed, his laughter sounded harsh. "You know what the cruelest thing is?" he said softly. "He was all right—he wasn't wearing a seat belt, and he was thrown out of the car window and landed in a pile of soft bushes by the side of the road. It's nothing serious other than scratching the skin."

Chris opened his mouth sluggishly, his expression looked a bit funny. "But, but, his legs...he is..." He suddenly thought of something, and his breath became short of breath.

"It was me," Victor said, "I was stuck in the driver's seat, unconscious, so he—he came back and tried to rescue me. My consciousness was blurred, and I remember begging him to leave because I smelled Smell of gasoline - the gas tank was leaking, I think - I begged him to leave, but he insisted on getting me out, man, he was the most stubborn kid I've ever met... Finally he succeeded, the car door was blocked by him It broke, I was freed, but just as we were leaving... the fuel tank exploded behind us. Pieces of parts went all over the place, one of the... one of them hit him, I think. Mine Memories are messed up - the next thing I know, I wake up in the hospital, you know what's so ridiculous? I had the idea, I was driving the car, I was stuck in the car, But I'm fine with nothing but a mild concussion. And him?"

He looked at the liquid in the wine glass and smiled bitterly. His eyes were as bright as diamonds, as if they were full of tears.

"...he can't do ballet again," Chris said in a low voice.

"He can't do ballet again," Victor said, "and it's all my fault."