[Wei Yong] Looking for Lilia

If Yuuri made the mistake of thinking that he would really sleep well into the morning because Victor said "Sweet Dreams", then he couldn't be more wrong.

Katsuki Yuuri lay on the bed, eyes wide open.Viktor is lying on his side with his back to him, and he can vaguely see a slender strip protruding from the underside of the quilt - it reminds Yuuri of some rolling mountains, just as quiet, still, and motionless.

The room was filled with the smell of silence.Even if he listened hard, it was difficult to hear the breathing of the two. Yuuri himself tried his best to control the sound of breathing, but what happened to Victor?

"Victor," he whispered in the dark, "are you asleep?"

After waiting for an unknown amount of time, there was a rustling sound of turning over from Victor's direction, and the wooden bed board made a slight creaking sound, and Victor turned over.

"Not yet." He sounded very sober, "...soon. Did I disturb you?"

You're actually too quiet, Yuuri said to himself, how many times he's fallen asleep and woke up in Victor's arms with his face pressed against his chest... of course he knows what Victor's like when he's asleep , his breathing rhythm will lengthen, become heavier than when he is awake, and become slower, he will sometimes sniff inadvertently, appearing unexpectedly childish... He can easily tell whether Victor is asleep or not. Waking up, he thinks he can even tell what Viktor's mood is, if the paranoia is removed—the air smells sweet when he's happy.

...well that sounds too perverted.Yuuri cleared his throat.

"Can't you sleep?" he asks, and Viktor rolls over again, this time facing Yuuri, but his features are still a blur in the darkness.

"No," Victor said, putting his hands under his head, "go to sleep. I'm fine."

So they were silent for a few more minutes.Yuuri's heart tossed in his chest, wondering whether he should find out the sleeping pills and give them back to Victor - he hasn't been using them to sleep for a day or two, and Yuuri is not a professional doctor, maybe he really shouldn't let him He quit it all at once... Maybe he should take Victor to see a doctor... as soon as he gets back to campus... So at least now Victor can sleep soundly, right?There was no reason to torture him like this, but he suddenly remembered that when he returned to campus, they would have nothing to do with each other.

"We don't have that much time anymore." Viktor used to say that during the day, and Yuuri recalled the way he said it, he looked calm, but Yuuri could hear what he meant - there was a part of Viktor Still trying to cue him to abandon the plan: keep me in your life, he can almost hear Victor's words automatically change the content, say the real overtones, let me stay, I'll be better, I've been got better...

He's definitely getting better, Viktor's efforts can be seen by the blind, it's hard to believe that he's the same man who sneaked Yuuri out of the apartment a few days ago, and he's unconditionally in favor of almost every decision Yuuri makes— Yuuri has known Viktor Nikiforov all his life, but he's never been the master of so many, he knows that Viktor has always had the absolute confidence that he can master all Yuuri's preferences, he is always the master of the two of them That, and the one that Yuuri always obeyed, even in the years when Viktor thought he owed Yuuri, he rarely asked for Yuuri's opinion, always made his own decisions, which doesn't really seem like much to Yuuri So-called, because Viktor usually knows him very well, but every once in a while, just every now and then, he'll think, if only Viktor would listen to me even a little bit, then... and now Viktor really takes his word for it , and even take his words as a guide to action, if he can't feel anything from it, then he is completely heartless.

Victor didn't try to persuade him to give up expelling himself, but he kept using actions to influence him, trying to shake Yuuri's decision—it would be a complete lie if he said that Yuuri was not moved by him at all, and even had a strong attachment ; but he reminded himself at the same time: Victor actually has no obligation to accommodate Yuuri, as he himself said, taking care of Yuuri used to be a "responsibility" of his, but now the responsibility has begun to become a "burden".It was like a balloon tied to a rock, and his decision was the pair of scissors. It would do no one any good to bind them together. After that, the balloon was finally free, and the rock could fall back down to the ground.

He thought drowsily for a while, when there was another sound of turning over on Victor's bed—he still wasn't asleep.Yuuri threw off the covers and got out of bed.

"Why—?" Victor asked suspiciously, Yuuri had already quickly pulled up his quilt and got in, his body temperature was lower than Victor's, and suddenly approaching a high-temperature heat source made his whole body feel comfortable with goose bumps, He clumsily hugged Victor from behind, and Victor asked in a low voice, "Yuuri, what are you doing?"

"Uh," Yuuri's face turned red in the dark, and he felt that he was glowing red now, "coax you to sleep?" When they were young, Victor would often hold him in his arms and pat him gently On his back, comforting his restless and trembling heart because of horror movies, gently coaxing him to sleep——Whenever he recalled the tender years of childhood, Victor's hug and the good fragrance on his body were always the first What came into his mind, he still remembered Viktor's soft voice telling him that no matter what monsters came out under the bed and in the closet, he would protect Yuuri, he would always protect him... he groped under the covers for Viktor's thigh, Start clumsy slapping.Victor grabbed his hand.

"What are you doing, Yuuri?" He sounded a little flustered in the dark, and Yuuri wrenched his hand away, continuing to slap him persistently.

"Shh, sleep," Yuuri said, "You don't have sleeping pills to help you sleep, that's my responsibility... so I will... I will be responsible for making you sleep well." He started thinking about the nursery rhymes, which was really embarrassing because he A little tone deaf - he tried to hum "Lullaby" but it wasn't until Victor laughed under the covers, his shoulders shaking, that he stopped suspiciously, feeling something was wrong.

"What's wrong?" he asked.Viktor didn't seem to be sleepy, but smiled more energetically.He rolled over.

"Dear Yuuri," he said softly, "you're singing the Pirates of the Caribbean theme."

"…" Well, this is embarrassing, Yuuri blushed, thankful that the room was very dark at the moment, but at this moment, a car light came in through the window, making the room golden - Victor was leaning against On the pillow, his facial features and expression suddenly became extremely clear, his soft hair was scattered on his face, and his eyes completed the crescent moon.Yuuri reached out his hand as if bewitched, brushing the hair from his face behind his ears.The light moves, disappears within seconds, and the car pulls into the hotel parking lot, the doors opening and the sound of drunken, tapping footsteps.Yuuri's hands tremble because—for one, brief second, he finds himself wanting to...kiss Victor.

They resumed being unable to see each other in the dark.Lying so quietly, Yuuri could even feel Victor's breath, once, twice... on his neck, hot like steam, and he found his hand was still resting on Victor's shoulder just as he did just now .He was suddenly pricked by a needle, just when he was about to put his hands away (where did he get them? This is a question, why did he have two hands? This is another question), Victor suddenly moved, like hunting She grabbed his hand and placed it on her warm cheek.

"Your hands are so cold." He said softly, pressing Yuuri not to let him take his hand away, Yuuri's palm brushed against his lips, creating the illusion of being kissed, an electric current gathered from the fingertips, along the The blood vessels instantly led to the heart, and Yuuri's internal organs were clenched into a ball. "Cold?"

Yuuri shakes his head in the dark, and then he realizes that Viktor can't see, "No...not cold." He said, and Viktor took his hand and tested his face, and this time he was sure that his palm was softened Yuuri's scalp tingled and he almost screamed, but Viktor's strength was undeniably tough.He took Yuuri's hand and slid it down, sticking it to his neck, he could even feel the throbbing of the arteries, the blood flowing in the blood vessels non-stop, this is the proof that Victor is alive... the person he likes is alive The proof that he is alive is the most happiest and proudest thing for Yuuri...

"Is it still cold?" Victor asked softly, Yuuri's hand had already caught his heat, "Where's that hand?"

"I'm not cold..." Yuuri says in vain, and Victor smiles.

"You said you came to put me to sleep?" he asked. "Is that so?"

Yuuri nods, but he's confused now too, because Viktor's not only not asleep, he's more alert.Victor said again, "You're worried about me, aren't you?" Yuuri could only keep nodding, and Victor looked like he already knew Yuuri's answer, but he was moved nonetheless.

"Because you threw away my sleeping pills, didn't you?"

"..."

"I'm not blaming you." Victor said softly, "It's me who should say I'm sorry... I promised you, but I want to secretly break the contract..."

Was he talking about the sleeping pills, or was he talking about something else?Yuuri was also confused. "It's not your fault..." he said, "I know it's hard...I also know you must have your... your reasons." He paused for a moment, trying to organize his words, to listen It didn't sound so confusing, "But no matter what happens...it will pass, and the comfort that taking medicine can bring is not...not real."

Victor listened quietly, and after a while, he said, "That's what you told yourself, didn't you?"

"Yes," Yuuri said, "I couldn't do without painkillers for a while...it hurts...it hurts..." He stopped suddenly, realizing that he was acting like a baby, he realized that he I've been wanting to do this for too long, I'm in so much pain, he's always wanted to say this to Victor, he really wants to cry at him, he really wants to tell all his grievances and pains, and then be hugged by Victor He could comfort him—like when he was hurt when he was a child, but he couldn't, because it would make Victor's heart ache like a knife.So he endured it all the time, but from the bottom of his heart, he always wanted to tell Victor, he wanted to tell him how scared he was... Please protect me, please comfort me... During those weeks when he was injured, he This thought runs through my mind every day.

But what good would that be, besides dragging Victor into the abyss too?He is awake. "But I'm fine now," he said, not giving Viktor a chance to say anything, and Viktor lay there without saying a word.After a while, he moved, closing the distance between the two of them. He got into Yuuri's arms and rested his head on Yuuri's arms—this time it was exactly the same as when he was a child, except that the two of them The status has completely dropped.

"Coax me to sleep." He said softly.Yuuri felt his arms around his waist, and he couldn't tell who was holding whom.The tip of Victor's nose rests on his collarbone, cool.

"Okay," Yuuri said softly, and he started patting Victor on the back again, and this time he did it much better, because Victor's breathing and heartbeat gradually became even, and Yuuri himself was starting to feel a little confused.He felt that Victor was getting closer and hugged him tightly. Their body temperature and heartbeat gradually became the same, as if they were no longer two people, but two parts of one person, and now finally It came together.He felt incredibly at ease and comfortable, like he was born to be in this position.

He just fell asleep.