match in black

Mr. Gu:

Spread the letter good.

I don't know if this letter will be successfully delivered to you in the end, but I think that as long as I write it down, the possibility of the truth will always exist.

The first time I met Lin Hefeng was in the first semester of my senior year, when I took "History of Contemporary Literature" taught by him as an elective.Although I have heard of him, he is not our professional teacher, so it was the first time I took his class.After class, I asked him a few knowledge points that I didn't understand. He patiently explained them to me one by one, and smiled and told me that if I didn't understand, I could go to his office directly to find him.

I am a person who has always been serious and competes with myself. The later courses are getting more and more difficult, and the number of times I go to him to ask questions is gradually increasing. After going back and forth, we became acquainted.He was a few years older than us, and I got along with him in private, not so much as a teacher and student, but more like a friend, or a brother and sister.I was also brought up by relatives, maybe because of similar experiences, he gave me a lot of care in life like an older brother.

I have been a very guarded person since I was a child, but his meticulous care does not make me hate it.Slowly, I opened up a little bit to him.

At that time, I was deeply trapped in a relationship with no future in sight. The other party was a man who was eight years older than me. He was mature and stable, and treated me very well.Why do you say you can't see the future?Because no matter how much I insinuated and hinted, he only doubled down on me, but never said he would marry me—which made me feel uneasy and confused.

I told Lin Hefeng all my troubles. I believe he will keep this secret for me. He usually just listens to me quietly and rarely offers any suggestions, but I know that is enough. He understands me and knows. I just want to find a tree hole.He didn't seem at all surprised by the fact that I fell in love with a man of a vastly different age, a relationship that has always been difficult for the general public to accept.But I also found very sensitively that the reason for his indifference does not seem to be because he feels right in his heart, but that he seems to be the same as me, carrying a secret that will never be revealed. This hidden truth even More shocking than my love.

My hunch was quickly confirmed when I saw him sitting with an impassive but incredibly handsome man, holding his hand, in a mostly empty midnight movie set.

——That was the first time I saw you, Mr. Gu.

Then I couldn't hold back and asked him.He was so at a loss that he didn't even dare to look me in the eye, ashamed that he had suddenly destroyed his image in my mind.This makes me very regretful, because I don't think falling in love with the same sex is an embarrassing thing, and my original intention was never to hurt him.

I assured him over and over again that I would not tell this secret to anyone else, as he had kept it from me.He was surprised, and he didn't seem to think that I would so naturally accept his incomprehensible sexuality.After calming down, he slowly told the story after meeting you.

The story was very long, and Lin Hefeng told it slowly, carefully and patiently.I am amazed that a person's liking for another person can make him remember so many trivial details like dust.After the story was finished, he also recalled his entire life—why the whole paragraph?Because he told me that the days before I met you are not called life.

You see, how much he likes you.

Because of this incident, he got along with me a lot more easily, and occasionally told me some little things that happened between you.When he talks about you, his eyes always light up slightly involuntarily, and his whole body seems to be shining.

But slowly, he stopped laughing.

There were rumors about him in the school, some people said that he was stealing in the office, some people said that he was indecent, and finally one day, he was reported by an anonymous letter, and someone wrote to the principal, saying that he sexually harassed female students.

This incident caused an uproar in the school. For a university teacher, such a report almost equaled to ruin his entire career.I knew he didn't, and the students he taught also knew he didn't. We even signed a letter to the school, asking the school to provide evidence, otherwise he would be innocent.

But it's useless, the school ignored our request, our strength is too small.Someone secretly wants to ruin him without anyone noticing, that person is too powerful, and we can't protect him.That was the first time I realized the power of power.

The final punishment was to transfer him to the library as a librarian. I felt resentful for him, but he accepted it very calmly. Since then, he has never appeared outside the library.He seemed to know who the person who was teasing him behind his back was, but he refused to tell me anything.

The work of mending books was very hard. The smell of binding glue covered up the faint smell of book ink on his body, and his hands were scarred by the utility knife.Those are a pair of very beautiful hands, you have held them many times, you should know.

Finally one day he still broke down.Relatives who had not been seen for a long time found his dormitory and knelt down and begged him to let them go.Those were relatives who were kind to him in nurturing him. Although they never gave him any good looks, they still dragged him up stumblingly.He talked to me a lot that day, and I finally realized how much your father objected to the two of you being together. Seeing that torturing him was futile, he threatened him with the life of his relative's only son.

He is such a gentle person, the pain he suffers is nothing, but he can't see the people he cares about suffer the most.

At that time, you had just broken up, and he still had a little hope in the end, wanting to have a good talk with you again.But at that time, you happened to be on the plane to Italy, and you didn't receive the call he made.

Before I could persuade him to call you again after you landed, I got the news of my unexpected pregnancy.

At that time, I was still full of joy. Although the arrival of this child was an accident, I would graduate from university soon, so I could be with that man and concentrate on giving birth to him.

I went to the man and happily told him we were going to have a baby.He suddenly fell silent, just looked at me for a long time in silence, and then told me...

He has a family.

He has no relationship with his wife.But he has a family.He lied to me.He has a family.

He told me to abort the kid.

Turn around.

I couldn't speak a word, my whole body was cold, and I was confused.When I realized it, I didn't know when I was standing on the road outside the school, and Lin Hefeng was holding my arm, and a car next to me rushed up the green belt. It's only a few centimeters away.

Lin Hefeng looked at me anxiously, and I stared blankly at his lips opening and closing, but I couldn't hear any sound, as if I was separated from the world by an invisible transparent glass.I seem to have said something to him, I can't remember.

All I remember is that he looked at me as if he had made up his mind, and told me that he came to marry me.

I nodded and Lin Hefeng smiled.He obviously wanted to comfort me with a smile, but his expression seemed to be crying.

To this day, I still feel deep self-blame and remorse for the decision I made at the beginning. The feeling of joy and relief in my heart at that moment has tormented me for many years and kept me awake at night.I am a selfish coward. Not only did I not get happiness, but I personally ruined the happiness of another person who treated me sincerely.

Lin Hefeng knew about the day you suddenly returned to China.

It was the day after we announced our marriage, and the two of us were just getting ready to go out.When he was about to walk out of the gate, he suddenly stopped like an electric shock, pointed to a direction and told me that you were there.I didn't believe it. There was only an unfamiliar black commercial vehicle parked there, and the filmed windows were pitch black, and I couldn't see inside.But he was very determined and begged me to cooperate with him in pretending to be a newly married couple.

He supported me and walked out slowly. The short distance of [-] meters seemed to take a century, and every step was extremely long.I felt his hand that I was holding was trembling slightly, and before that he had never even had any physical contact with me that exceeded the rules.

We finally came to the corner of the intersection and the car was blocked by a wall.Lin Hefeng staggered almost immediately.He let go of me, couldn't help but fell towards the wall, and then slowly slid and sat on the ground.

I wanted to prove that it was just his illusion, so I carefully poked my head out and looked at the commercial vehicle... I was dumbfounded and saw the black window slowly lowering, revealing your pale face inside.

I think you probably already know the rest of it.

Our life is gradually on the right track, and you and Lin Hefeng have resumed some contacts.That was the happiest time I have ever seen Lin Hefeng spend. He is looking forward to meeting you again, and he is really happy that you can have a happy and complete family.He especially likes Jing Xi, I think this is probably because he sees the continuation of your life from Jing Xi.

But he himself can no longer have the continuation of life, and Qian'er and I deprived it of it.

The purpose of me writing this letter is because I have the responsibility to record these trivial things, to protect the truth that may have been buried for many years, and to tell you when it is not too late.My only wish is to at least let you know that Lin Hefeng's feelings for you for so many years have never betrayed, never let you down, and have no complaints or regrets.

The person he loves deeply is you from beginning to end.

good luck

Xu Ruyin

xxxx x month x day

The author has something to say: So far this article has been completed as planned

A new article in the same series, "Back to Arms", will be updated the next day

Thank you for seeing you all the way to the end