[Shenya] Aphasia

From the pure, exuberant vigor of the cypress,

Developmental bodybuilder, I'll recognize you right away;

In the clean, living water of that canal,

Most charming person, I clearly recognize you.

Whenever the hilltops reflect the red light of the morning sun,

Immediately, face-lifter, I welcome you;

Then a clear sky appeared above me,

Maker, then I breathe you.

The knowledge I gain from my inner and outer senses,

To educate all, knowledge must pass through you;

Whenever I proclaim the hundred names of Allah,

The answer of every Holy Name is an answer to You.

(Excerpt from Goethe's "Although you are invisible")

On the Friday after the third-month review results came out, I left the hospital with the report.

Three months ago at this time I was lying in the emergency room with my life hanging by a thread, with paramedics in full armor standing between me and death.There was a lot I didn't know in those few short hours, and I never would, and by the time they cracked open my skull and removed the festering hematoma, I'd been on my last leg.

Now, three months later, London is already in autumn.I saw the leaves of the sycamore turning yellow, and they swayed unwillingly in the wind.Shops on Oxford Street scrambled to put up discount signs, and the rain bathed the city in bursts.I took advantage of the discount and bought another quilt, the previous ones were too old.I also sorted out a lot of useless old things, and I plan to sell them someday, as always.

Before Kanda Yu returned to Japan, I had a big fight with him, just like we had before we fell in love.

Like a talkative woman, I try every language that can irritate him. I want to let him go to Japan, maybe I can be of some help.But he didn't agree, he thought that things on my side were not handled well enough, although I felt that I had done my best.But after thinking about it, what does it matter?Someday I'll go, because someday, we'll be lifelong companions, won't we.

I couldn't sleep that night. I hinted countless times that I must get a good night's sleep to calm down, but I still failed.I lay in bed and looked at the night sky in a trance, as carefully as a stargazer.Many people's faces appeared in that sky. Most of the time, they would not speak in my mind, but I could feel it because I love them, and I think they can too.

It turns out I was right.In the middle of the night when I was pretending to sleep, You got up and went to the bathroom, and seemed to drink a glass of water.He came around to me and kissed me lightly on the lips before going back to bed.There was still a wet coolness on his lips after drinking water, and the kiss also touched the corner of my mouth.I almost feel like this hothead has never had a kiss as tender as tonight, he loves me, he won't give up on me no matter what happens, and he does.I just want to cry for no reason, I keep screwing things up and he never really blames me.Does this mean that I'm the real grumpy one?Does it mean that I only need to make myself better to have the capital to love him?

Every time I think about it, I feel that those stars in the sky are actually just within reach.

There's a Champagne Club near Piccadilly Circus, on the first floor of a creamy Victorian terrace.

Allen stood at the door for a while, his indecision was noticed by Link behind him, he pushed the boy's shoulder: "Why are you hesitating?"

"It's not hesitation," Allen shook his head helplessly, "Didn't you notice? This place has changed."

"How has it changed? I don't think it has changed."

"It's changed." He said decisively, pointing to the door, "The sofa cover in the front hall has been changed. It used to be gold velvet, but now it's starched burlap."

He pointed to the bar: "There used to be a few pots of ivy on the top of the wine cabinet, but now they are all gone. The bartender is a new face. I haven't seen him before."

He pointed to the ceiling: "The overhead light has been replaced."

"The tie on the uniform has been replaced by a bow tie."

"The vase has been reglazed."

Link backed away in surprise, and leaned himself against the Roman pillar by the door: "You know this place well."

Allen smiled.

"Link, you once bought us a bottle of Perrier-Jouët '98, which you said you stole from your father's wine cabinet, but didn't tell us that you were imprisoned for a week because of it. That year Due to the scarcity of production, the Perrier-Jouët is even more expensive than the same Moet. But that was my happiest time. I will always remember the way the mellow yellow nectar flowed from the champagne tower, and I remember its taste. The fruity fragrance of people’s happiness, I remember the way you smile. I will still peek at Mana, and roll my eyes with Tiqi.” Allen said, “But it’s different now, I don’t regret it, but it doesn’t mean I don’t miss it Those carefree times... I don't think you guys will come with me, because I have to go by myself."

"If I say that, will you still accept me?"

Link stared at him in surprise for a while, then shook his head.

"We don't have that right... It's you who accepts you, Walker."

Allen stared at his toes without speaking.

"he's gone?"

"gone."

As Allen said, he stood up straight and prepared to walk into the gate of the club.

"Hey," Link called to stop him, "don't you go back to your old self when he left. You don't know that you... Although you look casual and happy on the surface, you are still like a group Garbage, live in the present and don't look at the garbage of the future."

"Oh, what do you think I should do?" Allen shrugged, "I went back to the Lake District to take care of the hotel and practice the piano, performed with the orchestra, made friends with the Irish in the village, visited Craw in the cemetery, I did it all... What should we do now?"

"I'm not a princess lying in a castle waiting to be rescued," he said.

"I want more and more, Link. Does this mean..."

A phone ringing interrupted their conversation.Allen took out his phone and glanced at the screen, then opened his eyes wide in surprise.

"Hey buddy, long time no see miss me?"

"Rabbi?" Allen asked in surprise, "Where are you now?"

"I'm on the beach on Delanaan Island with fresh mango, papaya and coconut juice and the sky is purer than dye. I'm wearing those pink bunny board shorts you've seen, buried in the sand by girls Here, you don't know how hot the girls here are. Their skin is tanned..."

"Your journey is still going on?" Allen always thought that his plan to travel around the world was over.

"Of course! Why not? I've sold two houses for that, fool."

Allen laughed out loud: "I thought you should calm down and come back to work after you sent Li Nali away. I didn't expect you to go out, but you didn't want to come back."

"It's a lifetime thing, Allen."

"lifetime?"

"Yes, forever," the young man's voice was extremely cheerful, "I have decided, I still want to find her. After the trip is over, I will go to China. At most, I will have a bad head. Who am I? I am the eye of the world Why did I give up so easily without chasing it to the end of the road?"

Allen was speechless for a long time.

"Since you have already made up your mind, I hope you will have good luck... To have such an awareness, you must have experienced a lot of suffering during this time, right?"

"This is probably my biggest realization in the past few months," the rabbi said excitedly, "You are always going to a farther place, and you will never stand still - embrace this world, while you are still there When you can raise your arms high."

After hanging up the phone, Alian looked at the pale sky, and when he looked up, his bangs slipped on his temples, revealing a smooth forehead.Link stared at that forehead and his eyelashes blending into the background, just like the big boy.Then he turned his head slightly.

He smiled at Link: "Does this mean that I can truly love this world without resentment?"

Without waiting for the other party's answer, he opened the door and walked in.

Link looked at the figure hidden in the light without saying a word, and suddenly began to recall what Allen Walker looked like before.In fact, his essence has not changed, he is still such a ray of light, loving the person he wants to love without defense and bias, but compared to before, Yu Kanda injected another thing in his heart.

That is a strong desire for happiness.

"From the moment you opened the bar door and waved to us, I started to admire you from the bottom of my heart."

Tiki Meek rubbed the unshaven makeup on his chin with the back of his hand, and lay his slender body over six feet high on the stone railing of Tower Bridge, looking at the wide channel of the Thames.

"Not everyone can interact with people so innocently, boy."

"How are they now?" Allen quickly changed the subject.

Tiki turned his head and gave him a strange look.

"Very good, as usual." He said, "I don't know what you said to Rhodes, it made the girl very sad. But I think, since she figured it out, it's not a bad thing. Anyway, Now she's fine, and she's happily going out to various social occasions with me again, and seems to... cling to me even more." He shook his head helplessly.

"I met a woman during my years at the Breriot Oil Company."

Tiki took a deep breath and said slowly.

"She lost her parents. Her younger brother was crushed by a collapsed house in the Indonesian tsunami and broke his leg. He is still paralyzed in bed. Later, her husband couldn't bear the poverty and derailed. He confessed to her and ran away with another woman. After a while, she resigned and left the company." He put out his cigarette and rubbed his fingers against the cold stone bricks, "I don't know if she is still alive, and in which corner of the world she lives. That woman was always optimistic, Just like you, boy. I guess there are only a handful of people who have seen you depressed?"

The wind was strong on the river, Allen straightened his collar, untied his hair tie, and prepared to retie his hair.Tiqi looked at the red hair rope with a short tassel in his hand, and chuckled.

"She must live well," said Allen, "and live a better life than anyone else—because she is freer than anyone else."

"I just don't know if she is as lucky as you." Tiqi pointed out.

He turned his eyes back to the river, where a line of white pigeons flapped their wings and flew towards the direction of Tower Bridge, passed over their heads, and went straight away.Allen was looking up at the flock of birds, too, only to watch them blink as the sun stung them as they passed overhead.

"Hey! It's you two again!"

A sudden car horn sounded from behind, and a car pulled over in front of them, and the person who got out of the driver's seat was Yu Kanda's roommate, Alma Karuma.

"I just came back from church with my family... It's been a long time since I saw you, Allen Walker, and...?"

"Tiki? Mick." Allen snapped.

Tiqi raised his eyebrows: "You're not picking up an 'uncle'?" After saying that, the other party gave him a blank look.

"Get in the car?" Alma motioned to the car behind her, "Let's go have afternoon tea together. I ordered La Duli's macaron gift box, and I was worried that I wouldn't be able to eat so many. It's great to meet you! "

Tiqi waved his hand: "I have to go home to accompany the little princess, otherwise she will get angry, and even ten boxes of La Duli can't save me."

Allen just froze for a moment before being stuffed into the car by the young man with his arms around his shoulders.

Alma took him into a garden restaurant with ease, ordered a large pot of flower and fruit tea, and placed a basket of macarons.Then he began to complain about the traffic congestion in the morning, which made them almost late, and it took him nearly an hour to queue up to buy a limited gift box. He finally said that it was very lucky to meet Allen again in a situation where he did not have any contact information. thing.

"Is that picture still there, Mr. Walker?"

"You can call me Allen," Allen smiled. "That painting is still hanging on the wall at home. Well...it's beautiful, and I'll keep it forever, don't worry."

"It seems that the white bird can finally spread its wings and fly!" Alma rested her chin on the back of her hand, happily looking at the white-haired boy sitting opposite, "Xiaoyou must be very happy too? He doesn't like to talk, but his eyebrows are more and more able to reveal his emotions."

"If it's a good thing, I'll be happy for him. I always thought he was a stubborn person, once he decided on something, he wouldn't change it..."

"Oh, that's true, those who value him," Alma interrupted, "are faithful until death."

Alian's hands trembled, and the teaspoon he was holding knocked against the edge of the teacup with a crisp sound.

"You had a misfortune, and you thought you were dragging him down, but it also happened to give him a long time to learn. During that time, I have never seen him so restless. But he is also growing, he used to What a typical Japanese, self-centered, who would not make sacrifices beyond his own bottom line for others - I once doubted that even if I foamed at the mouth in front of him, he would calmly call the emergency number and sit down. Go back to the computer and continue writing his thesis, hahaha..."

Alma took a sip of tea, smiled, and said seriously: "I guess he must have done something wrong to you? He is an idiot. If I hadn't been good at stalking, I would have been forced to move out of the dormitory by him. Yes, haha... But now, he has also learned how to love, how to impart soul to his lover. He has learned... how to write your name in his meticulous future planning."

"So thank you, Allen. Thank you for making him more complete."

Alma said so while watching the other person's expression change slightly.

He took out a notebook from his satchel and pushed it in front of Allen.

"This is the notebook he forgot in the dormitory. It seems to be a diary? He called me the day he left and asked me to bring it to you. I almost forgot about it. Today is just right."

The notebook was a little old, the corners of the cover were worn out so that the hard paper shell inside was exposed, and the inner pages were fluffy and uneven, as if it had been read countless times.Allen froze when he saw the notebook, he knew the notebook, but it shouldn't be so old, at least in his hand, it was flat, not in such a bad shape... But this is not the important thing now .

He took the notebook, flipped through it quickly, and found that the notebook had been written.He had only written about half of it when he lost it, and the other half was in another person's handwriting.He didn't know the words very well, but he knew who they belonged to.

The owner of the words wrote a lot in the notebook, some of which were just like what Allen had written before, with only a few lines, and some wrote a long paragraph and then it was erased, leaving an ugly black scar.Allen wanted to laugh. If it could still be called a diary, it would probably be the ugliest one in the world.

The man's diary followed his, from the time they established their relationship until the last page of the notebook ran out.Allen found that he could suddenly recall many trivial things that he thought he had forgotten. Those things were so small that he burned the soba noodles Kanda bought from a supermarket in Taiwan, and so big that Kanda asked the professor to help him prepare for rehabilitation training. They poured into his mind like water.

Kanda's tone is usually not very good, or he complains that Bean Sprouts has an annoying personality, or scolds him for being clumsy for doing stupid things, or is angry that he has the strength to argue with himself again... he almost writes "unhappy" on paper.Alian couldn't help but think, he is obviously a fairly straightforward person, why did he put on such a boring gourd?

He slowly turned to the last page, the last line.

"If we can write this far, we should be able to achieve happiness. :)"

He has forgotten when he wrote this line.But the line he had forgotten was seen by Kanda Yu who picked up the notebook, and then continued the diary here.

Allen smiled, his heart ached.

Pain is pulling the heart, and so is warmth.Real pleasure is always backed by real pain.

They are each other's lifeblood.

Alma Karuma was sitting across from him drinking tea leisurely, and the sweet taste of macarons was still in his mouth.He seems to have heard the chirping of the chickadee, crisp, from the depths of the rose garden, accompanied by the rustling of branches and leaves.It's the sounds that make the environment impossibly quiet, as sweet as any cozy teatime in England.

But for Allen Walker, how many times and spaces did this scene travel through?Through the lingering and transparent haze and rain, through every lonely night alone, through the unchanging air he has breathed for more than [-] years, and through the intertwined tears of loved ones, to come to him .

Ya Lian closed the diary and pressed it to his heart - this is a story written by the two of them together.As if he did this, it would protect him from all harm in the long days to come.

Until the east wind at the end of the wait brings the lover back to him.

-TBC.