lucky for the rest of my life

The day Su Xing left was obviously light rain, but the sky was oppressive, so heavy that it was hard to breathe.Not many people attended the funeral, only a few friends of Li Rui, but all the members of the Li family were present, even Li An, the old man, appeared at the funeral.The old man who had been strong all his life bent down in front of Su Xing's tombstone, and the last time a similar scene happened was when Li Rui's mother died.After leading the Li family members to salute, he led them away directly, looking quite embarrassed.

Gradually, only Li Jing and Li Rui were left in front of the tombstone.

The current Li Rui has long lost the high-spirited look in the eyes of ordinary people. His shoulders, which have always been straight, are slightly bent, as if something has crushed him, and it seems that he has lost the strength to support him. Can't get up.

Everyone thought that he would have an emotional breakdown, but in fact, he didn't even shed a single tear in front of Su Xing's tombstone, and he didn't say a word from the beginning to the end.

He just looked at Su Xing's tombstone quietly, without the hysteria or heartbreak he imagined, as if all his feelings had gone away from him.

Until the next morning, the person standing like a stone statue finally moved.He squatted down slightly stiffly, and stroked the words on the tombstone bit by bit with his fingers: "Xin, you want me to live, and I will live."

After that day, Li Rui completely moved out of Li's residence, and moved into the small villa that he had previously owned by Guan Suxing. He dismissed all the servants, leaving only Uncle Liu who insisted on following him.

On the first day after Su Xing left, Li Rui started having nightmares.The dream was full of Su Xing's last words to him. Waking up from the nightmare, he opened his eyes and waited until dawn.

The senior executives in the company all realized that their boss had changed. The previous boss Li had a strong aura, and his whole body was filled with that high-spirited smell. At first glance, it made people feel frightened, but the current boss has nothing to do with the vigor all over his body. It's like an old man in the twilight. His eyes are also frightening, but it's because there is no vitality in those eyes.

Moreover, the president likes to work overtime more than before. He has become the first person to come to the company and the latest to go back. Some people even wonder if their boss stayed in the company directly and never went back at all.This kind of speculation made everyone's enthusiasm for work soar.Nonsense, the boss is working overtime, does anyone dare to be lazy?Under the circumstances, the strength of Li's Group actually expanded by nearly 30% in the next ten years.

But what the truth is, only a few people who are close to Li Rui know.

"Eat!" Jiang Xu snatched the pen from Li Rui's hand.

Li Rui raised his head and looked at him, his eyes were already bloodshot: "Leave it there, I'll eat it later."

He said and drew a pen from the pen case again.

"Li Rui!" Jiang Xu pressed his hand, "Look at what you have become!"

"What's it like?" Li Rui withdrew his hand that was held down by him, raised his head and looked at him indifferently.

"What's it like?!" Jiang Xu laughed angrily at him.

The person in front of him had bloodshot eyes, and a pair of bright dark circles under his eyes. He was so thin that his entire eye sockets looked a little protruding, stubble had already appeared on his beard, and his face was as white as a ghost.

"See for yourself what you look like!"

He pulled Li Rui up and made him look at the opposite glass: "Do you still look human now?"

Li Rui looked at it and smiled: "Isn't it good?"

Jiang Xu was angry for a while, staring at him with staring eyes, and his voice trembled when he spoke again: "Li Rui, are you blind? Tell me, just like you, you still have a few catties of meat left on your body ? Can it withstand your tossing like this?"

Li Rui actually raised his hand and touched his body, then smiled again: "It's fatter than Ah Xing."

Jiang Xu couldn't say a word, but felt a chill in his heart.

"Eat." He said weakly after a while.

This time Li Rui didn't refuse, but what Jiang Xu didn't expect was that the person on the other side couldn't even swallow the food anymore.

"How long have you been like this?" Jiang Xu looked expressionlessly at Li Rui throwing up in the bathroom.

Li Rui rinsed his mouth and ignored him.

"I've been asking you for a few days!" Jiang Xu's tone became more serious, "If you don't want me to tell Uncle Li about this, you'd better tell the truth!"

It's a pity that this still didn't get any answer from Li Rui, and he looked like a dead pig not afraid of boiling water.

"You can't do this, I'll take you to the hospital." Jiang Xu was confused by him, and stretched out his hand to drag him away, but Li Rui waved him away, and he adjusted his cuffs slowly.

"No need."

Jiang Xu felt a tendon throbbing in his temple, which gave him a headache.

"Li Rui, do you want to die?"

Li Rui froze immediately.

"Li Rui, do you still remember what you said in front of Su Xing's tombstone?"

This is what Li Jing told him, but he didn't expect to use it so soon.Jiang Xu rubbed his temples.

"Go find someone, I will make time for tomorrow at noon."

He finished and walked out of the bathroom.

The meal was not finished in the end.

The doctor is a man in his forties with a pair of glasses and a very gentle look.Li Rui set aside two hours, but before an hour had passed, the doctor closed the notebook in his hand.

Li Rui didn't say anything about it, just looked at him quietly.

"Let's talk about something else." The doctor smiled. "Do you often eat with him?"

Li Rui knew who he was talking about, but now that he thought about it, the number of times he and Su Xingan sat down to eat quietly was pitifully rare, and he didn't even know what he liked or didn't like to eat.

"Go and see where he was," said the doctor.

The next day, there was no sign of Li Rui in the company.When he came back a month later, his overall condition seemed to be much better, at least he looked like a person instead of a ghost.

On the second day after Li Rui came back, he went to the doctor.The doctor didn't expect to see this patient again, and looked a little surprised: "You look much better."

Li Rui looked at him with a pair of lifeless eyes, a little dazed inside: "Doctor, do you like someone?"

The doctor smiled: "I have a lover, and we have been married for more than ten years."

"How are you treating her?" Li Rui asked again.

"Of course, I want to bring the best things in the world to her."

"Then why doesn't he want what I gave him?" Li Rui asked in a daze.

Instead of answering his question, the doctor asked him a question: "What would you do if you fell in love with someone who didn't like you?"

Li Rui replied almost without thinking: "Shut up."

Locked up, as long as he is locked up, he will belong to himself.

"But some people are like birds, and locking them up is like breaking their wings."

How can a bird live without wings?What is more important to them than their own wings?

"My wife is a flower lover. When I first chased her, I gave her a bouquet of roses, but she scolded me because once the roots were cut off, the flowers would not live long. Later, we married A small piece of land is reserved in the yard as a garden. It is full of various flowers."

"So I was wrong, right?" Li Rui closed his eyes, and his heart, which could no longer feel the pain, seemed to be put on the tip of a knife again.

He was wrong, but no one ever told him it was wrong.

Li Jing told him that what he wants must be held in the palm of his hand, otherwise it will become someone else's.But he should have thought of it earlier, his character is in the same line as Li Jing, Li Jing ruined the person he loved deeply, and sooner or later he will destroy the person he loves deeply.It's a pity that he realized it too late.

The doctor didn't answer his question, but he didn't intend to ask the doctor to answer, so he got up and left after asking this sentence.

The doctor watched the door gradually closing and sighed softly. No matter how good a psychiatrist is, he can't save a person who no longer wants to live.

Li Rui's anorexia is gone, but there are only three kinds of food left in the recipe: bean curd, steamed dumplings and noodles.There was nothing anyone could do about it, they could only try to supplement the nutrition he needed.

Li Rui is still obsessed with working overtime, because only in this way can he stop thinking about other things, and also because he doesn't know what else he can do besides work.But at the same time, he would go home every night, because apart from that home, he could not find many traces left by Su Xing in this world.He bought a lot of books, all of which taught people how to get along with their lovers. He downloaded a lot of TV series, and he played one every time he woke up from a nightmare in the middle of the night.The protagonist inside is chasing his love to his heart's content, while the people outside watch silently.How bright and prosperous it is inside, how lonely and desolate it is outside.

After watching the TV series and the book, he finally couldn't hold back and went to Su Xing's tombstone.

"Ah Xing," he stood and looked at the stele quietly, opened the wine in his hand after a while: "I know I was wrong."

Later, Li Rui was drunk, hugged the tombstone, and burst into tears on the ground, but he didn't seem to feel it at all.

"Xing, I went to see the place where you used to go to school, the school there has been renovated..."

"I also went to the small stall you used to go to when you were already in school and drank bean curd. I put too much chili, and my stomach hurt the next day..."

"I bought a lot of books and watched a lot of TV series. I know that I have done wrong. I know how to treat the person I like. Can you come back and see me? I want to find you, but I dare not .You told me not to look for you again."

"I want to see you, I want to go crazy, but I can't even dream of you now. Ah Xing, why are you so cruel?"

He babbled, and finally fell asleep leaning on the tombstone, and was sent to the hospital the next day.

From that day on, he would visit Su Xing every year, from once a year at the beginning, to once every six months, and then once a month.I don't read books anymore, and I don't download TV shows anymore.What's the use even if you learn it?Everyone he cared about is gone.

Sometimes, the more people want to fall asleep, the more they can't fall asleep. I don't know when Li Rui started to suffer from insomnia all night, and in the end he could only rely on sleeping pills to fall asleep, and the dosage was getting bigger and bigger.His body also gradually had problems, and eventually he did not escape the fate of falling ill from overwork.After years of staying up late and thinking about it, this man who is less than 30 years old actually has gray hair, and he looks like he is in his 40s.

Jiang Xu looked at him from the side and sometimes felt that he would collapse in the hospital in a second, but this person stood firm.I have been taking drugs for many years, but I have persisted.Jiang Xu didn't know whether he should be lucky or sad.

He had already understood all these things. As early as the day Su Xing died, his friend was already dead, and his heart was dead.But what to do?At least he's still alive, isn't he?But sometimes he feels that living like this is better than letting him die happily.At least the dead don't suffer.

No matter what, Li Rui is still alive.

Today is the No. 15 year since they met. They met when Li Rui was 17 years old, and Su Xing was 15 years old. Li Rui is 32 years old this year, and Su Xing is 20 years old forever.

Li Rui put a bouquet of flowers in front of Su Xing's tombstone.Then he opened the bottle as usual.

"Ashin, today is 15 years since we met No. [-], and you have been gone for ten years."

"I have had many dreams, but every time I can't dream of your face."

"Forget it, let's not talk about this. Where did I talk about it last time, oh, it snowed heavily in school, and it snowed this year, but it was not as big as that time, and no one told me There was a snowball fight. At that time..."

He was talking to himself alone, and there seemed to be an echo in the empty cemetery. The sound came out from here, and he didn't know where to turn back.

"Ah Xing, if you can calm down a little, can you come to see me in your dream and let me take a look at you? Even just one look is fine."

As if tired, his voice gradually became quieter, like a lonely soul whimpering in the wind.

The next day, Jiang Xu went to look for Li Rui in front of Su Xing's tombstone, and when he saw the person leaning on the tombstone, his heart skipped a beat.

He reached for his breath with trembling hands, but couldn't feel anything.

Li Rui left.Sadness overwhelmed him instantly, but at the same time he actually felt relieved for him.

In the past ten years, Li Rui has lived too much.Sometimes death is not terrible, what is terrible is not wanting to live, and not daring to die.

The author has something to say: This extra episode mainly introduces Li Rui's life in those ten years after Su Xing left, and generally talks about how he lived a good life and was born again.After ten years of lovesickness, guilt and repentance, those eyes still could not be opened even after they were closed.

In the past, I often saw a person say to another loved one: You are my life and my heart.But maybe I haven't experienced it before, and I always feel that this description is not very appropriate, especially not appropriate to the situation of the two of them in their previous lives.After thinking about it for a long time, I suddenly figured it out. There is no doubt that Li Rui loves Su Xing deeply. No matter in the previous life or in this life, Su Xing is his life to Li Rui, but Su Xing is his soul.

Without Su Xing, he can still live alone, but he has lost his soul. The difference is that one is like a walking corpse, while the other is a living person.With you, is life; without you just live.