lucky for the rest of my life

"Why don't you come to see me these few days?" Su Xing asked straight to the point.

"I thought you didn't want to see me." Li Rui replied extremely cautiously, "I'm afraid you will leave."

Su Xing felt a little funny and distressed seeing him like this, but his face was still tense.This problem of Li Rui really can't be used to him, this time he must be allowed to develop a memory and get over it.

"Then you go." Su Xing said with an extremely cold face.

"Ah Xing!" Li Rui's face suddenly changed, "You asked me to come to you!"

His voice sounds harsh, but as long as you listen carefully, you can hear the panic and sadness in it, as well as a trace of grievance.

"You think I don't want to see you, didn't you say that?" Su Xing leaned back slightly, "Then let me tell you now, what you think is true, I don't want to see you, you can go."

Li Rui opened his mouth, but in the end he couldn't utter a single word.His back bent down in an instant, as if all the weight in the world was placed on it, making him overwhelmed.The whole person was cast in shadow, like a decayed plant in the corner.He stood up without saying a word, and then took a deep look, as if he wanted to carve the person in front of him deeply into his heart, bones, and flesh and blood.That look made Su Xing's heart tremble uncontrollably, but he laughed angrily when he saw that fool turned around and walked out without saying a word.

He grabbed the pillow behind him and threw it at the person who was walking outside.

"If you dare to leave for me today, don't come to see me again!" He didn't look at that person after he finished speaking, and closed his eyes directly, his face was not very good-looking.The wound just now was touched, and the body began to ache again.

Li Rui stopped in his tracks immediately, he picked up the pillow and carefully put it on the bed, then greedily painted the face of the person in front of him with his eyes, but when he saw Su Xing's face, his expression turned anxious again.

"You're involved in the wound!" he said with absolute certainty, and then turned back to the doctor.

"I'm fine, come back to me!" Su Xing heard the movement, opened his eyes and said hastily.His heart is very complicated now, he wants to be angry but can't get angry, this feeling is really... He covered his eyes, sighed, and fell down.

"Come back, I'm fine." Su Xing said.

Li Rui sat back on the bedside hesitantly, but he was still worried and insisted on asking the doctor to show him.Li Rui would be particularly stubborn whenever something related to Su Xing's body came up.Su Xing couldn't hold back him, so he could only let him go.

In the end, after a lot of tossing, Li Rui made a big fuss in the end, but seeing Li Rui's reassured Su Xing felt warm again.

"Relax?" Su looked at him and said.

Thinking that his dangerous period has not been lifted, Li Rui nodded honestly and cowardly, anxiously waiting for Su Xing's next words.

Su Xing sighed again, how could such an arrogant person become so cowardly?

"If I let you go, will you really not come to see me?"

Li Rui's muscles tensed immediately, and it took a while before he slowly replied: "I will not let you find me."

I will watch you silently, guard you, and prevent you from discovering me.

Su Xing's breath was stagnant, and if it was the former Li Rui, he would not have said it.But now he can say it so calmly.Only those who really lost the pain to the bone marrow can endure the pain of tearing the muscles and bones and say to the things that would never let go before death: It’s okay, I let you go.

Because of the real loss, the real despair, and the real plunge into the abyss, so we can try our best to restrain ourselves when we have hope again.It's not that I really want to let go, nor is it that I don't love deeply enough, but it's like guarding a beloved and fragile piece of porcelain. I put in all my thoughts and care, lest a careless piece of porcelain break into ashes and dissipate again In the wind, nothing remains.

But this feeling is too heavy.No matter how much he changed, Li Rui still couldn't learn to like someone normally.His love was too extreme and passionate. In the previous generation, he hurt two people. In this generation, he learned to put away his minions and inflicted all possible injuries on himself.

"Then why didn't you come to ask me?" Su Xing looked at him, unable to get angry anymore, and could only ask helplessly, "You have been hiding from me for so many days on your own, why didn't you Do you want to ask me what I think?"

"I dare not." Li Rui buried his face in his hands, as if he could hide himself like this, "I know that I have done too much to you, and I know that you hate me. I am afraid that if you You will get angry when you see me, and you will want to leave, but your body can't stand the torment now. I want to see you, I want to see you crazily, but I dare not come to you. You said that you don't want to come back. "

He spoke incoherently, as if a knife had been sharpened in his heart, bloody and bloody.But this painful feeling actually gave him a sense of relief.He used to inflict harm on Su Xing regardless of Su Xing's wishes, but now the causal rotation, no matter what decision Su Xing makes, he will abide by it.

"Why don't you want me to save you?" Su Xing couldn't help but feel distressed when he saw him like this, and stretched out a hand to grab his hand covering his face, but Li Rui immediately used both hands Hold it back in your hand.

After hearing this sentence, Li Rui paused, grasped his hand suddenly, and then said with trembling voice: "You also saved me in your previous life. But you disappeared later."

I remember every word and sentence you ever said, so I dare not have any illusions anymore.

Su Xing sighed, of course he remembered what he said back then.At that time, he clearly knew that he was going to die, and he didn't have any so-called strong resentment or resentment. He was too tired to live, and he already had the will to die.Perhaps the clearest thought at that time was that he never wanted to meet this person again, so he wished him a long life, or maybe there was still a trace of resentment that he didn't even notice, so he wished him a lonely end.

The matter of the previous generation is ultimately a knot between the two of them. If they don't talk about it, it will only become a scar that can never be touched, and it will also become a hidden danger for the two of them.And if he wants to go on with this person forever, he must first uncover the scar and cut off the carrion underneath.

"Li Rui, you have paid me back what you owed me, and I don't blame you anymore." Su Xing moved his hand, wanting to touch his head, but he clenched it tightly.

Li Rui raised his head, which had been lowered all the time, his eyes were full of unbelievable light.He just heard Su Xing say that he doesn't blame him anymore, does that mean that A Xing is willing to forgive him?

"You mean you're willing to forgive me?" he asked cautiously but eagerly.

"Yes." Su Xing held his hand firmly and could only look at him seriously.

"That means, we still have a chance, isn't it?" Li Rui looked at him, as if he was a person waiting for a judgment, and in the end his voice was so soft that it seemed to be blown away in the wind.

"Yes." Su Xing smiled and said softly but firmly.

As soon as his words fell, Li Rui jumped on him.His movements are like a very hungry beast grabbing the life-saving food, and like a person who has fallen on the cliff eagerly trying to grasp the rope in his hand. His movements look so fierce, but when he landed on Su Xing And so light, just holding him gently.But the stiff and trembling muscles under his hands were honestly telling Su Xing how excited he was now.

Su Xing was suddenly held in his arms and his body froze, but then he relaxed again.

"Ah Xing, let me hug you for a while, just for a while, I don't do anything, just hug you for a while." Li Rui murmured.

Su Xing's hand patted his back again and again, and the soothing force on it made him gradually calm down.He said that he just hugged for a while, and sure enough, he only hugged for a while and then let go. He didn't know when, half of his body ran to the hospital bed, sideways, and his posture was so awkward.Su Xing was afraid that it would be uncomfortable for him to lie down like this, so he moved his body inward, and Li Rui immediately climbed up the pole, and quickly moved his body inward too.Fortunately, the bed is not too small, and it is not too crowded for two people to lie down.

Li Rui's hands were tightly intertwined with Su Xing's, and the other hand stared at Su Xing closely. He seemed to have finally realized what happened. After calming down The corners of the mouth kept rising.He couldn't even suppress it, and he didn't want to suppress it at all, and even wanted to push it harder.

"So happy?" Su Xing looked at his silly look, and the depression in his heart dissipated a little bit, and asked helplessly and funny.

"Happy!" Li Rui stared at him, his eyes were correct, his eyes were bright, and the gray depression that enveloped him just now was gone, "I'm very happy!"

He tried his best not to let Su Xing remember what happened. Why?It means that he knows that once Su Xing thinks about it, he will leave him desperately. He already knows what he has done, so he knows that he does not deserve to be forgiven.It's not that he hasn't longed for Su Xing to be reborn one day, but he doesn't dare to gamble, he can't afford to bet, so he separates Su Xing from the past, from the people he once met with, just to prevent that trace. There is even a possibility that it basically does not exist.And just today, his A Xing told him that he forgave him, and that something that he never dared to dream of before happened like this, how could he be unhappy.This is his Axing, completely his Axing!

"Li Rui, I had a very long dream when I couldn't wake up." Su Xing looked at him, his eyes became a little erratic, "I dreamed that I was buried by you not far from your home after I died. The cemetery where..."

Su Xing narrated what he saw. It was the most painful, dark and numb ten years in Li Rui's life. Even after he came back, he still couldn't get out for a while, thinking it was a dream.Li Rui thought that when he heard those things again, he would fall into pain and depression again, but in fact, he didn't.Apart from being very surprised at the beginning that Su Xing actually saw what happened in those ten years, he was actually very calm.

"Finally, I saw you lying in front of my tombstone."

His eyes focused on Li Rui's face again, the inside was clear and peaceful: "I really thought I was going to die in the sea at the beginning, but at that moment I was suddenly unwilling. I thought at the time, no, I have to go back, Otherwise, you might have to run away with others. Then my suffering in the previous life would be in vain? You have provoked me for two lifetimes, how can one let it go for ten years? I have to let you stay with me, two ten years, Three decades, four decades, until I can't walk anymore, until I'm gray-haired and my old eyes are dim, I'll have to drag you! So I have to go back."

Li Rui listened, and laughed happily. This was the happiest day he had been in such a long time. He put his head next to Su Xing's and said, "No one else, I belong to you. Li Rui is yours." Su Xing’s has always been, and will always be.”

Now you are mine too.He quietly added in his mind.

A very simple sentence suddenly made Su Xing's eyes moist. He knew that Li Rui was telling the truth, so he desperately wanted to come back.It was at the moment when Li Rui could not sleep between his tombstones that he suddenly realized that he was not saving Li Rui at all, but pushing him into destruction with his own hands.He witnessed with his own eyes how Li Rui lived indifferently during those ten years.The cruelest thing in this world is not to let him have it and then lose it, but to have it again when he thought he would lose it forever, and then be deprived of hope when he has it again.

"What if I really die?" Su Xing asked suddenly.

Li Rui looked at Su Xing deeply, and suddenly raised the corners of his mouth. There was madness in that smile, but it looked surprisingly calm. He put his other hand on Su Xing's face and rubbed gently: "Ah Xing , Only you can have me in this world. I came back because of you. So, I'm sorry."

After Li Rui said this, his heart calmed down like never before, and finally, he said what he wanted to say the most.

Sure enough, Su Xing closed his eyes, he knew, so he frantically wanted to come back, but luckily he came back.

"Then you feel that you saved me, what will happen to me if you die." Su Xing said again.

Li Rui was stunned for a moment, then shivered suddenly, kissed his forehead, and said softly: "I'm sorry."

He didn't know where Su Xing saw this.At the beginning, he really had the idea of ​​desperately protecting Su Xing to come out, although he was agitated by Li Yue later, this idea faded a lot, but it was still very strong.The reason is very simple. He thinks that Su Xing who has recovered his memory will never forgive him, so instead of seeing him loathe him in the future, he would rather die in the hands of Yinhuan. In this case, at least when Su Xing thinks of him later When you are young, you may remember that there was once a person who was willing to risk his life to love him, like him, and protect him, which can be regarded as atonement for himself in the previous life.

But he never thought about what if Su Xing was willing to forgive him and like him again?Even if it is only a one in ten thousand possibility, if it is ruined because of his death, or even Su Xing suffers from pain and despair because of his death... Thinking of the ten years when he did not have Su Xing, this kind of thinking would almost kill him. Overwhelmed.

"I'm sorry," he said again.

Su Xing sighed softly and stretched out his hand to hug him, people, it’s always like this, self-righteously doing things that are good for others, but in the end it may be the one who hurt the person you care about the most .

Fortunately, we still have a long time to get rid of this bad habit and learn how to truly like someone.

The author has something to say: This article is also known as "The Cultivation of Li Xiaotong" / Goutou

In addition, it will be updated next Sunday.