【Liai】Horizon

BERLINGER2013.12.12

A city that has melted snow looks extraordinarily clear, and snow water is a natural detergent.The decoration of the street is still going on in an orderly manner. The newly fixed Christmas tree on the corner is hung with star-shaped lights, and there are small candy bags that can be taken off by children that day.The unique tranquility of winter and the joy of Christmas blend together, and Santa Claus will come as expected, just as the children expect.

Everything is fine.

When Hanji received Levi's call, she was watching a movie with potato chips in her arms.She doesn't pick up right away, she thinks she needs to tone it down—Levi's definitely not going to call her casually to discuss Christmas.

A deep male voice came from the other end of the phone: "Han Ji."

Han Ji shuddered, put down the potato chips, and quickly swallowed the potato chips in his mouth, "What's wrong?"

There was no more words for a long time, and the air was frozen for a long time before she heard a faint sigh.

"I called you because I need you to go through some procedures for me."

The man on the other end of the phone was leaning on the black leather chair, rubbing his temples with his eyes closed.Outside the floor-to-ceiling windows behind him is the dusk of a small half of Berlin. It will be very cold when the snow melts. This winter, the city has been covered with snow twice, and the sunlight seems a little powerless.

The man's voice is like this light:

"You don't need to say anything to Petra or Erwin, you should understand what I mean."

"Where are you going? I don't know yet, probably for a vacation."

"Where do you get so many why?"

……

On the last day of class before the winter vacation, most of the students are already very impetuous.As soon as the school bell rang, the crowd quickly dispersed in the shape of birds and beasts. Students who hadn’t seen each other for a long time exchanged holiday wishes, and close friends made plans for the night party together.

After the noise gradually moved away, the half chalk stub that fell on the corner of the podium was carefully swept into the broom by the young man.He went to take out the trash, and when he came back, the messy desks and chairs in the classroom had been arranged by the girl with the red scarf, and another person was closing the window. After finishing all this, the three of them left the classroom.

"Let's go."

"Alan. Alan? ... Alan!"

The young man who was walking side by side between the two was lost in thought. He was always in a daze recently, and he had to be physically reminded to come back to his senses.

"Huh? What's the matter?"

Mikasha sighed softly, "I called you three times."

"Feel sorry."

He chuckled, raised his hand and rubbed the tip of his nose, as if nothing happened.

Alan Yeager must have lost his memory of how the last equally cold winter came.During the past year, his life has undergone earth-shaking changes.Also wrapped in thick clothes, at that time he was worried about the malfunctioning air conditioner in the rental house, and sincerely praised the hot fish soup made by Mikasha's mother.This year he can spend Christmas with his father, which is undoubtedly the best Christmas present, but he is still greedy thinking - thinking...

He misses Levi so much.

There were moments when he felt that he had gained supreme luck in an extreme crisis, experienced unique things, met the most special people, and felt like he was in a world without him in the previous 17 years. The illusion of living in vain.Obviously he had made up his mind to say goodbye, but he still couldn't let go, and fell into a spiral of contradictions.In fact, the matter is very simple, a phone call, a misunderstanding, maybe can explain everything.

It was better than the continuous self-torture he was doing now.

He is afraid and misses.

When he missed it, he realized that he could forget any details of his past life carelessly, but he remembered every word he said about Levi.

"Stay here, don't come out."

"How can you be sure we are good people?"

"Have we met?"

"You don't have to eat it if you don't like it."

"You already believed it, didn't you?"

"no need to say sorry."

"Fortunately, it wasn't you who died."

"That pattern is called Wings of Liberty."

"If it were you, what would you do?"

"Alan, let's go now."

"obedient."

"If you really feel sorry, pay a small price?"

"go out."

"If you know that the temperature has dropped, don't walk around the house barefoot."

"you're free."

"You shouldn't have said that."

Whenever Allen felt a little closer to him, Allen took one step forward, but he took two steps back.When I think of these words again, I suddenly feel a little ironic.Every time the heart beats, it hurts.

But every second you breathe, you love one more second.

At 23:[-] in the evening, Alan Yeager stopped.The toes of his shoes touched the first level of pavement, the red traffic light was frozen in the smoke from passers-by, and the long queue of cars whizzed by behind him.He didn't even say sorry to his friend and hurried away in a certain direction, the metal key through the sweater was hitting his chest.He didn't mind the cold wind mercilessly taking away his temperature, he just thought that if he didn't meet again, he would be swallowed up by this night.

It's 08:30 when Levi gets home, and he kind of resents the speed at which orders are taken at the Italian restaurant around the corner, and of course he hates it even more when he sees the people waiting in front of his door.

You like sitting on the ground so much?

Such a sentence was almost said.He didn't need to show too much concern, but in fact, when he saw the boy sitting with his knees hugged at the door of his house, he felt a sharp pain in a certain nerve. This curled up posture made him feel distressed.

The boy was a little confused, and he felt sick all over.Levi didn't speak until he looked up, but when he met his green eyes, he didn't know how to speak again.It felt like the original supremely beautiful gem was shattered and turned into worthless gravel.Let him think about it, this is the first meeting after two months of farewell, except of course the one-sided gaze on the flyover.What made the former energetic boy into the sensitive and fragile look he is now?That must be a damn thing.

Then the little devil in my heart pinched his throat and screamed out the words:

It's you.

The two remained silent like this for a long time, until Levi was sure that if he didn't speak, the other party would always be mute.He asked the exit dryly: "Why don't you go in when you're here, don't you have the key?"

After saying this, both of them paused.

...It turns out I still have the key.

Turns out I never got his key back.

He reached out to grab him, but the boy subtly avoided him.The signal that something was wrong was completely exposed, he stood aside, he inserted the key into the lock and turned it sideways.

The atmosphere was eerie as hell.

However, after stepping into that door, the boy smiled lightly as if he had made a certain decision.There is no flaw, the same smile as before.

"Excuse me, then, I'll come in."

"Ah."

After getting the promise, he took out a pair of cotton slippers from the shoe cabinet to wear with ease, which he had arranged by himself before he left.

"Sure enough, Mr. Levi's house would still be as clean without me."

"of course."

Looking straight out of school, he put his shoulder bag in the corner of the sofa.Then he ran to the kitchen again, "Does Mr. Levi drink black tea?"

"it is good."

"Well, it's ready for you right away."

He's still smiling the same way he used to, but Levi's getting more and more uncomfortable.

Because eyes can't lie, those eyes are obviously sad.Levi was already annoyed to the point of annoyance, but he tried to find a suitable entry point: "Have you waited long?"

"No, I just came, blame me for not saying hello in advance."

So, if I come back at two o'clock in the morning, will you sit at the door until two o'clock in the morning?

Levi doesn't ask, because he knows he will, so it makes people angry to say that stubborn brats.

"So, what's the matter?"

There was no immediate answer.The glass made a crisp sound when it touched the tiles, and the aroma of black tea wafted into the air.He sat down on the sofa, and he brought the black tea to him.It's as if nothing happened, acting the same as before.

"I... I wanted to invite Mr. Levi to spend Christmas with me a few days ago, but now I have changed my mind."

"On Christmas, I'm going to visit my mother's grave. Tomorrow, I will go back to the town where I was born with my father. I won't be back until the 24th. I'm afraid I won't have time to see you again."

"So, you came to me for a Christmas present?"

Levi cursed himself in a low voice for the extremely poor way of answering the words.The young man froze for a moment, then the corners of his mouth rose a little, but the mist in his eyes almost overflowed.

"Will you give me whatever I want?"

At that moment, Levi almost figured out everything that happened. He just went through all the things that Alan Yeager might have experienced in the past two months. Of course, in the end, all the blame was pointed at himself, at The name "Levi".He couldn't say anything else, so he hummed.

If that's the last thing you want, if that's the last thing you want.

The boy let out an oh.

"Then I want that gun," he said.

Levi came back from the room quickly, with the Wings of Liberty in his hand and no bullets.

No problem, he had promised to give it to him.Levi was even relieved to hear that he wanted the gun, because the teenager had a message written on his face that he wanted something else, and he was so afraid of him saying it, saying he wanted a kiss.

BERLINGER2013.12.25

Allen sat in the co-pilot and fell into a light sleep, as if dreaming about the past.

Outside the car window, the sky in the outskirts of Berlin is not intruded by tall buildings, showing a vast expanse of light blue.So the dream continued this faint, soft feeling, the field of vision was not very clear, the beige background was blurry, it was the khaki tablecloth, and it was also the golden rice field in the distance.

The wobbly, conscious owner seemed to be still a toddler.Falling into a gentle embrace, looking up, a woman in a printed dress stretched out her hands to herself.He was picked up, his vision was elevated, and the game of raising heights in his infancy led to the most primitive laughter. For a moment, he seemed to hear nursery rhymes and the creaking sound of the swing swinging in the wind.

Perhaps there is also the smell peculiar to the end of March.The fields where the flowering season is unknown, the fields full of life and the leaves inhabiting the new summer cicadas.Then mixed with the breath of breast milk, and the taste of barley tea that the uncle next door loves to drink.

In the distant past, all the beautiful things were outrageous, and everything was turned into the most primitive sentence:

"Ellen."

Just for you.

In fact, "once" can go a little further, for example, it can travel through several centuries and go back to the previous life.Also the birth in celebration, the spring inside the wall, the white dove over the high wall.The sudden change of the sky, the flames of war, the heart-piercing memories, the careful love among the thorns, until the last and the original farewell and agreement, together with this name, are engraved on the soul.

In the end, every rebirth, every death, every love and hate, every person who calls out his name, ups and downs, joys, angers, sorrows, and joys, in the end everything sinks quietly, circling and connecting lines in the vortex of reincarnation.Time is a blue river.

This thing of life.

"good afternoon."

Hearing this whisper, someone pulled over the car, lowered his seat, and took out a thin blanket to cover him.In the haze, I also heard my mobile phone ringing, which is a special message ringtone set for the two closest people.

These didn't disturb his dream, but made him sink even deeper.Consciousness gradually dissipated, and the apex of my heart felt a little painful but full of warmth.As a result, his eye sockets became a little hot, and when the warm liquid was about to overflow, he heard a voice from the bottom of his heart.

"Before, you clearly swore to someone that you would never shed tears again."

"who are you?"

"I'm Ellen."

"No... I am."

"It's okay, it won't be long. It's okay if you don't remember..."

Thank you for being such gentle people even in the next life.

Thank you. "

"Alan? Are you awake?"

Rubbing his eyes and regaining consciousness, the boy turned his head and nodded to his father.The car had been turned off, and he got out of the car, turning his sore neck.

"I slept for a long time?"

"No, it's only over an hour, but you slept deeply. But why did you suddenly talk just now? Did you dream?"

The man locked the car, and the boy followed behind him. There were still chunks of unthawed snow on the side of the gravel path.

"What did I say?"

"Thank you."

On a sunny day, the tombstones in the distant cemetery are already faintly visible.Allen re-tied the thick woolen scarf, and the airflow he exhaled warmed his neck.

"Ah, I don't remember."

In the pocket is the wheat candy from the grandfather of the mayor of my hometown.The town I lived in before I was five years old is almost exactly the same as I imagined.The unimpressed town is as beautiful as a painting, and there are simple people who haven't contacted for more than ten years but still have an unchanging friendship with Grisha.On Christmas Eve spent there, although there was no bustling fireworks in Berlin, it was not less happy.

At midnight, I received a call from Mikasha, and Armin was beside me.The three simply exchanged Christmas wishes, although they knew that there would always be one person who would not be really happy this year.

"Say hello to Auntie for me."

With such greetings, he hugged Bai Ju and followed his father, walking past one marble monument after another.There are also bouquets of flowers in front of some steles, and the cemetery that is cleaned regularly is not so depressing, but it naturally makes people feel sad.The young man caught a glimpse of the white roses left by others, from the time the flowers bloom to wither, there is delicate sadness everywhere.The woman in the black and white photo was frozen in the most beautiful moment. The boy took off his gloves and touched the name Karla Yeager lightly with his fingertips.

"Mother."

Allen stepped forward, knelt down in front of the tombstone, and put down the bouquet of white chrysanthemums.

"Mother."

The father behind him choked up, but Allen was calmer than he imagined.

"Sorry, it's been so long since I came to see you."

"Someone once asked me why I always had to apologize. Then I thought, maybe there's a better way to convey my feelings."

"Then, thank you."

"Thank you for giving me this life."

"Karla, did you see that this is our son, Alan, and he has grown so much. I did what I said and got him back. He is better than we thought."

Grisha spoke a lot intermittently again, and Allen just listened quietly.His father loves his mother very much, even though times have changed.Although this seems to have nothing to do with him, what a happy thing it is.Then, towards dusk, Grisha stopped talking and lit a cigarette.

"Father, I want to talk to my mother alone. Can you wait for me in the car?" said the boy who had been silent for a long time, and Grisha patted him on the shoulder.

"Maybe it's been a while, don't come to me, please."

He turned his back to him, he couldn't see his expression, but the calm voice was inexplicably distressing.

Until the sound of footsteps disappeared, Allen tried to stand up, but staggered and found that he had lost consciousness below his knees.Winter in Berlin is really too cold.He rubbed his ankle and sat down in a different position.The gray marble is cold, and there may be a thin layer of unfrozen ice on it.

"The old lady in the orphanage who adopted me had two dimples when she laughed, and she looked very kind. I remember that her favorite flower was calla lily. She must have a story."

In the most peaceful tone, he began to speak slowly.It tells about his growth that the woman sleeping in this land missed.

……

"When I was in elementary school, I didn't think it was too hard, because there were many children like me around me. Later in middle school, I moved out to live alone. At the beginning, it was really difficult."

……

"Mr. Cartel from the bakery said that I learned things very quickly. He really thought about letting me stay as his assistant, haha, but I'm just a part-time job."

……

"Mikasha Akaman and Almin Aruret, they are my most important friends, we talk about everything, we are as close as a family. I have been very happy with their company these years, oh , and they also greet you."

……

"During my school break, I went to Stonehaven in England, a small town near the sea. That was the first time I walked out of Berlin in my memory after I was five years old. I saw beautiful scenery, the sunrise, and the horizon."

……

He has been talking tirelessly, as if he was chatting peacefully with an old friend he hasn't seen for a long time.It was obviously a conversation that would not get an answer, but he felt that his experience had been well conveyed to that person.With this comforting delusion, what remains unsaid is directed to that special someone.

It must have been talking too much at once, Alan's throat was a little dry, so his voice became hoarse.

"I'm in love with someone."

"Maybe everything is bad and I don't know what to do."

"I didn't even have the courage to ask."

"Mother, can you tell me what to do?"

Allen picked up the shoulder bag that was set aside, unzipped the interlayer, and took out the gun.He held the barrel of the gun backwards, letting the barrel of Wings of Liberty lightly touch the tombstone.

"Do you remember it?"

He turned the chamber wheel of the pistol and heard the sound of the cartridge being loaded.There's a silver bullet just lying in there, a perfect fit.

"You get it. So maybe..."

As night fell, at the end, the boy got up and bowed respectfully to the marble tombstone.

"Merry Christmas, Mother."

"I love you. I miss you so much."

"Good night."

The abrupt voice of the young man stood in the middle of the cemetery, and the night wind outside Berlin was blowing the white chrysanthemum in front of the marble, but it couldn't shake its unfree wings.He is like a lost soul, but also like a guardian.The light on the mobile phone screen became the only unnatural light in the night here.Just so abruptly, he dialed a number.

The phone rang a few times and was connected.

"Hey."

Sure enough, it was still too disappointing. Mingming had been trying not to show much sadness, but when he heard a syllable from that person, he couldn’t do it anymore. The pain and sorrow surged up. He raised his hand to cover his eyes, and swallowed dryly. few times.

"Happy birthday, Mr. Levi."

The person on the other side of the phone didn't respond immediately, and was silent for a long time before slowly uttering the next sentence.

"Merry Christmas, Ellen."

"I'm not happy, you know that."

A large drop of water overflowed, and the boy didn't care about anything, and expressed all his resentment and grievance.

"Ah."

"Then why, it's meaningless to say something like that, isn't it?"

"Ellen."

"Why do you always call my name in such a gentle tone?"

"..."

—Because it's your name, just for you.

"I want to see you."

After a long silence, the man said hello.

"Where I was on that picture."