old enemy riding a bamboo horse

forgetting you is more cruel than loving you

They arrived early, on the one hand to beat the jet lag, and on the other hand to prepare for the negotiations.

When Xia Chengqi went to continue to read the relevant documents, Lu Henglin did not go to bed to beat the jet lag, but quietly left the hotel and followed the address he found to find the apartment he used to live in.

The weather in New York was very cold and windy, and he was not wearing thick clothes. After getting out of the taxi, he could only wrap his windbreaker tightly around him and walked over quickly.

He had forgotten where the key to the apartment was, and since Xia Chengqi had no intention of living here, this trip would probably be a useless trip, but there was an idea in his heart that was stubbornly persuading him to take a look.

The appearance of the apartment is a bit old, he looked at it, and there was no surge in his heart, and the sleeping memory showed no sign of thawing.

The pleasant surprise was that the apartment had been replaced with an iris lock, which meant he could get in.

When Lu Henglin opened the door of the apartment, what came to his face was a faint smell of dust, mixed with the faint aroma of the cleaning agent used in the apartment.

He walked through the porch and looked at the room where he had spent four years studying in a foreign country.

Soon, he realized that there was another trace of another person here.

One of the mugs turned upside down on the table was very old, as if it had been used for a long time, while the other was very new, probably not used much, and they were put together in pairs, as if they had never been separated.

The vague feeling of loving someone deeply once again flooded his heart, with a pain he was not familiar with.

No one mentioned that he had a lover, which means that this person had disappeared from his life as early as when he became Mr. Lu.

For a moment, Lu Henglin felt the regret and sadness in his heart.

He remembered that Han Bingzheng told himself that he had lived here half a year ago.

If I still keep this pair of mugs, does it mean that I still miss the person whose memory is unclear?

Double bed, pillows for two, paired wine glasses and dishes, bathtub for two.

These old but well-preserved things remind him of the important position that another person once played in his life.

He may have been waiting for this person in place all the time, but he has forgotten all of these.

Lu Henglin stretched out his hands to hold his heart, trying to stop the spreading pain, and it became difficult to breathe.

Who is it?

If you once loved this person so deeply, why would you never see him again one day?

He has no relatives in this world, only the person he cares about is already in the same situation as him, and this person he once loved deeply, no one knows who she is, no one can tell him why this person exists The traces of her past are so clear, but no one has ever known her existence.

The guy with whom he wrote down the date in his textbook, the guy who made him foolishly draw a bunch of hearts.

Why did it disappear in his life?

It turned out that apart from amnesia, there was still such a huge shortcoming in his life, as if there would never be a perfect day again, maybe one day this person passed him by, and he would not recognize him at all.

Lu Henglin left the apartment in a daze, and walked unconsciously in the cold wind for a long time before realizing that he had been out for too long, so he finally hailed a taxi and went back to the hotel.

When he walked into the hotel lobby with eyes full of desolation, he saw the staff members who were about to go crazy and Xia Chengqi with a livid face.

Lu Henglin felt his mind was stuffed with cotton, drowsy and blocked, unable to think or react, just stood there blankly, facing his monstrous anger.

His heart was still sad, and the feeling of being left alone in this world weighed heavily on his heart, making him unable to breathe.

"Do you know what the consequences of your behavior will be? Is there a day when your childish willfulness will end?" Xia Chengqi walked up to him and said in a suppressed voice.

"Then I'm naive." Lu Henglin's eyes were blank and his voice was dry. He felt very tired and didn't want to insist on anything. "Isn't this very good? Xingyuan is all yours, so give it to you."

What is my adult self desperately pursuing, money?right?But what's the point of these, once something happens, these can't guarantee anything at all.

And what has he lost for it?He lost his relatives, lost his love, and forced the person he cared most about to the front line of life and death.

Too tired, too bitter, he didn't want to think about anything.

Lu Henglin had a splitting headache, he couldn't even hear what Xia Chengqi was saying, and soon lost consciousness.

There seemed to be a breaking point in consciousness, and when he woke up again, Lu Henglin couldn't tell what happened for a while.

The curtains in the hotel room were tightly drawn, and the surroundings were quiet, with only one floor lamp on. The light was dim and gentle, and the faint smell of incense was scattered in the nose, and there was also a bitter taste of potion mixed in it.

He was lying on the soft quilt, his head was still dizzy, his whole body was sore, his forehead was burning hot, and his eye sockets were sore.He belatedly thought that he should be sick and have a fever.

Lying alone in an empty hotel room in a foreign country with a fever, he closed his eyes, not wanting to be so vulnerable, but still felt lonely and desolate.

"Get up and drink your medicine." The familiar voice was low and gentle.

Xia Chengqi suddenly appeared beside the bed, holding a bone china teacup on the head of the bed, sat down again and stretched out his hands to gently help him halfway up, and wiped the cold sweat from his neck with a warm towel.

Cool fingers covered his forehead, and quickly moved away.

"You still have a fever, you must drink medicine." Xia Chengqi said, holding him halfway and bringing the cup to his mouth.

At this moment, this situation, leaning weakly in Xia Chengqi's arms, made Lu Henglin's heart ache. He wondered if he had a severe fever, and his nose was sore, as if he was about to cry.

No matter what the reason is for him to be here, no matter whether this moment of gentleness is his own illusion or not, this Xiao Qi who seems to have returned to the long past made Lu Henglin feel mixed feelings.

If he can, he is willing to give everything he can, so that no harm has happened, and let them go back to the best time.

"Heng Lin? Come, drink the medicine." Xia Chengqi thought he was still unconscious, so he coaxed him in a low voice.

This is a moment that he dare not even dream about, or in fact, he is too burned, and he is too eager for Xiao Qi's tenderness, so he has hallucinations.

Lu Henglin obediently took a sip, and the bitter taste filled his mouth. He couldn't help frowning, his throat choked, and he wanted to take a breath before drinking.

Xia Chengqi misunderstood him, and continued to coax him, "Is it too bitter? You drink it all at once, and I'll peel the orange for you. The more you delay, the more bitter it will be."

He hadn't heard this person talk to him in Xiaoqi's gentle voice for too long, his heart seemed to be held by a gentle hand, and he couldn't tell whether it was tenderness or pain.

He obediently drank the medicine, even if it was poison at this moment, he would feel that he would be happy with it.

A soft paper towel helped him wipe off the concoction overflowing from the corner of his lips, and then a piece of sweet and plump orange was stuffed into his mouth.

The fragrant and sweet pulp bloomed in his mouth, moistening his burning throat and his bitter heart.

Perhaps Xiaoqi didn't hate him to the point of completeness, after all he took over Xingyuan and took care of him, and he still accompanied him to recover even if he acted rudely.Even though he was always sneering and sarcastic, Xiao Qi still gently fed him medicine after he fell ill.

Lu Henglin couldn't help wishing, if he was willing to bow his head, if he was willing to show kindness, would Xiaoqi be able to forgive himself?

"Do you want more?" Xia Chengqi put him back on the mattress, helped him tuck the quilt, and lowered his head to ask him, but Lu Henglin couldn't see his expression clearly as he was backlit.

I can only nod, because I really want to grasp this illusion of tenderness that may only be there for a moment.

Xia Chengqi fed him a few more slices of oranges, and when his fingers accidentally brushed against Lu Henglin's lips, Lu Henglin tasted the fragrance and bitterness of the orange peel.

"Sleep for a while, call me if you feel uncomfortable." Xia Chengqi sat beside his bed and said softly.

Lu Henglin was half confused, and closed his eyes obediently, feeling quiet and peaceful in his heart, but also warm and sad.

He was reluctant to fall asleep, closed it for a while and opened it again, and saw Xia Chengqi sitting beside his bed holding a book.

The light illuminated his side face, which looked very graceful, and his eyelashes drooped quietly, like the beautiful tail of some kind of bird.

"Don't keep busy with business, take a break." Lu Henglin's voice was dry, but he still couldn't hold back his concern.

Xia Chengqi glanced at him with deep and complicated eyes. After a long while, he raised the book in his hand, "It's just a novel, it's rare to take a break and read it."

Lu Henglin was reluctant to part with this tender moment, and wanted to say a few more words to him, so he asked casually, "What book, is it good?"

Xia Chengqi was stunned for a moment before replying, "I only watched a short part of "Singing in the Mountains."

The silence came back again, Lu Henglin didn't know what to say to unfreeze their relationship that had been frozen for too long, or maybe what he said was meaningless.

Eyes lowered sadly, he hopelessly let the silence creep in.

"You can't sleep, do you want to hear it? I just finished reading a story?" Xia Chengqi said suddenly.