I'm still doing fine

"Pfft——" Si Jian grabbed the first step of the car door and almost stepped on the ground, holding his stuffy cough in the palm of his hand, and waited until he sat down next to Guan Qifu before finally taking a breath and speaking normally, "I didn't see it, Have you ever taken rustic love talk? It’s really good.”

"You, I didn't say anything, you misheard, outside, I said the weather outside is fine... the sun is so bright." Through the gap between the headrests of the seat in front, Chen Chen blushed hard, and he lowered his head Flipping through the schoolbag, he muttered to help Tang Xiaozheng get out of the car, "The power bank... seems to be in the small pocket outside your schoolbag, can you help me get it?"

Seeing the figure disappear at the car door, he grabbed the seat and turned around, solemnly beckoning to Si Jian, "Come here."

When Si Jian approached him very cooperatively, he covered his mouth and pressed his ear, "You told me that Xiao Zheng is a scumbag, that is to say...you hate him now, um, at least you don't like him, right?"

"Huh?" Si Jian stepped back a bit, with a half-smile, "What do you want to say?"

"Tell me first." Looking at his expression, Chen Chen was suddenly not so sure, "Do you still like him?"

"Hmph, compared to that scumbag..." Si Jian shook his head with a smile on his lips, and suddenly stretched out his hand to pinch Chen Chen's earlobe, "I think you are more interesting now, and I really don't care that he has had a relationship with others at all. What is the unclear relationship, so generous?"

"You guys really did... you still care a little bit." The conversation turned sharply, Chen Chen pursed his lips and didn't dare to ask any more. His expression was a little gloomy, and he let the headrest of the seat cover his mouth with ease, his voice became deeper and deeper , "But I would like something for you, I can't make a mistake. Besides, I'm not Xiaozheng's boyfriend yet, so I have no position to say this."

"Oh, not really..." As if remembering something, Si Jian looked at Guan Qifu's face, and opened his mouth with that pensive expression, "Holding his appetite and not agreeing, he is not considered a scumbag." ? Instead of waiting for him to change his mind, why not keep your eyes open and look elsewhere, maybe there are other better people who haven't been seen by you..."

Before Chen Chen could react, Guan Qifu was stunned and suddenly looked back, "Huh?"

"None of your business!" Si Jian curled his lips, "Stay here, idiot."

Looking down from the window, Chen Chen saw that Tang Xiaozheng, who has always been bad-tempered, smiled at the driver, and quickly buried himself in the luggage rack. After a long time, his head gradually emerged from the side of the rack. , "I don't want someone better, I just want him."

"Si Jian, you said you don't like him." Chen Chen turned around like a dog protecting food, "I can't go back on my word."

Tang Xiaozheng walked in through the door holding the seats on both sides of the aisle, the dusty beams of light surrounded his body, the bus shivered and turned, and slowly drove towards the mountains covered by dense forests.

"En." Si Jian's smile reached the bottom of his eyes, his fan-shaped double eyelids drooped, covering his pupils full of self-mockery, "I never regret it."

He didn't regret being fooled by Li Jian for two years, he didn't regret taking Tang Xiaozheng's careful care after drinking as liking him, and he didn't regret giving up this person he once had a crush on because he couldn't rub the sand in his eyes.

It's just... just a little bit regretful.

"You sit down, it's a bit dry, I'll change your seat." Si Jian didn't look at anyone, and before Tang Xiaozheng arrived at his seat, he walked to the other side of the aisle, the row behind Liang Duanyuan.

Guan Qifu, who was left behind, looked at Chen Chen's back, followed hesitantly, "Then I'll sit by the window, I'm not afraid of the sun."

An Yichi took down the curtain that was tied on the wall, and passed it back through the gap on the side, "Here. Pull this to block the light."

"Whoa-"

The car, which was sun-drenched like diamonds, suddenly cast a gloomy shadow. Si Jian and Guan Qi gathered in the shadow and became very silent.

"They are..." When the group of people tossed around and got on the return high-speed train, the six of them broke up into three groups and sat down in different carriages. Only then did An Yichi hesitate, touching Liang Duanyuan's arm, " what happens?"

"I can't get what I want, and I'm in a bad mood." Without thinking about it, Liang Duanyuan draped a thin shirt over him, and her voice was very soft.

"Ah...that's it." An Yichi blinked, feeling a bit embarrassed, sat up straight and hesitated, "Let me help, maybe someone will feel better after listening to them."

"Usual things are probably okay." Liang Duanyuan sat down with him, and smiled, "But not this time."

"Why?" An Yichi faced him, frowning slightly.

"Listen to other people's bad things, and you will be infected." Looking at those bright and clear eyes, Liang Duanyuan couldn't hold back, and gently tapped his forehead with her index finger, "Especially for you. "

"When you need me..." An Yichi wrinkled his nose in the faint shadow cast by his hands. It was a rare gesture that he didn't agree with. "I'm not that fragile."

"Have you tried it before?" Liang Duanyuan didn't refute, but slightly lowered her head to look into his eyes, "Quietly listen to other people's complaints."

"I've tried it." An Yichi looked embarrassed, with a smile on the corner of his mouth, his cheeks flushed, and he looked down, "Although the number is not many, I have friends who are not happy. Sometimes, I just sit with them for a while, I don’t know how to comfort them, so I just listen to them.”

"Hmm." Liang Duanyuan asked, "What kind of friend are you?"

"...all kinds." An Yichi unconsciously counted with his fingers, and after a pause, he smiled, "Ah, it seems that those are not friends."

"How to say?" Liang Duanyuan reached out and pinched his fingertips, the pinkish white nails were a little red at the end.

"At the end of the second year of high school, my father transferred me to another school and asked me to go home to study...Because I was sent to the emergency room because I cut my wrist at the previous school, my aunt refused to take me in anymore." An Yichi leaned back in the chair, When it comes to cutting wrists, his voice is low and low, "The new semester starts and it's an unfamiliar environment. I'm afraid of being isolated, so I'm desperately trying...to please others."

"Talk more about games with classmates who often go to Internet cafes, talk about fan dramas with classmates who watch anime, and bow your head to avoid gangsters who fight fiercely... All kinds of people, do your homework in advance, there is always a way Cope with it." An Yichi said with a smile, "Listening to them whining is the easiest of these homework, and I'm very good at it."

"It's amazing to classify people into categories and attributes..." Liang Duanyuan intentionally distorted the point, he patted An Yizhi on the head, "Then what kind am I?"

An Yichi was interrupted by him, and he really thought about it carefully, staring at the high-voltage wire network passing by outside the window, and turned back after a while,

"The kind that don't need to please."

Liang Duanyuan flicked her fingertips, looked up, and saw An Yi lifted her fingertips to the center of the empty bridge of the nose. It was a moment of nervousness, and she wanted to cover it up by holding up her glasses, obviously forgetting that she had nothing at the moment Wear.

"Well, no need."

Unexpected answer, Liang Duanyuan blurted out a smile, he stared intently at An Yichi, who was white and clear under the sunlight, and after a lot of patience, he finally got closer and said a sentence very quickly ,

"If it wasn't outside, I'd kiss you."

Before An Yichi could react, he stepped back and asked nonchalantly, "How did you sleep last night, how are you feeling today?"

"Very good." An Yi stayed for a while, his face was so rosy that he never went back to white, as if he was floating high in the air, and he could see his shy and timid expression, "For the first time this month, I slept enough for 4 days. Hours, good, good..."

"Still turning over at 6 o'clock in the morning, did you fall asleep later or did you feel dizzy?" Liang Duanyuan's thumb brushed the smooth skin under his eyes, "Wait until you can sleep through snoring during the normal time period." Time to listen to these 'others' troubles, okay?"

"Okay..." An Yichi looked at him, his mind was in chaos at first, and when he realized it, he asked, "I was still awake at that time, did I make too much noise?"

"No." Liang Duanyuan tucked the hem of his shirt into the gap between his back waist and the back of the chair. She was really embarrassed to admit that she was kept awake at night by a word of teasing. Maybe there was also the blessing of that kiss, who knows, He touched his nose, "It just happened to wake up."

"I'm not cold." Wrapped tightly in a loose shirt, but fortunately the fabric is thin enough so that he doesn't feel hot immediately, he sniffed, feeling the scent of laundry detergent and the faint breath of Liang Duanyuan. Surrounded by the smell, he refused to break away easily, only retorted verbally, and his body obediently did not move.

"The temperature of the air conditioner is a bit low, and you'll catch a cold when you fall asleep..." Liang Duanyuan poked her palm in from the hem of his T-shirt, touched his back, and the palm was still dry, so she added an afterthought, "Is it very hot? "

"It's okay now." An Yichi shook his head, his chin was hidden behind the stiff collar, his cheeks became more delicate.

Liang Duanyuan looked away, swallowed her saliva almost indiscernibly, and thought of "beautiful and delicious" in her mind, and began to digest the fact that she had the talent to be a hooligan with a blank face.

Whether it's the sudden whisper in the crowd, or the action of reaching into Yi Zhi's skirt, they are all too impulsive.

Knowing it can't be done.

A few years ago, Liang Duanyuan learned such a sentence in Chinese class, and she never thought that one day she would use it for her indescribable impulse.

He took out the earphones to connect them, pressed a few times on the phone screen, and put one into An Yizhi's ear, "Listen to the music and lie down for a while, I'll go to the dining car and bring you a boxed meal."

Based on the observation of a few brief meals together, he asked, "Apart from green peppers, is there anything else you don't like?"

"Don't bother." An Yi refused as a conditioned reflex, and then realized that it was a bit extreme. He reached out from under his shirt and grabbed the hem of Liang Duanyuan's short sleeves, "Sorry... no one has ever taken care of me like this, No matter at school or out to play, I seem to be unable to help you, I owe you so much, I..."

"Easy to hold." Under the cover of the shirt, Liang Duanyuan stretched out her hand to hold him, but said nothing.

He looked up at the top of the train, stopped for a long time, and said when the train was speeding into the tunnel, "Afraid of debts, clearing up at any time... People will become an island because of this, no one can get in, and you can't get out. "

"Strange people can become friends only if they bother each other." Liang Duanyuan looked away, "Besides, I don't want to just be your friend..."

He squeezed the other earphone, and before stuffing it into Yi Zhi's ear, he said the last sentence, "Can you bring me some food?"

Drilling through the body of a big mountain, the sun shines in through the window in an instant. In the background of emerald green stars and red, An Yichi squinted his eyes, only seeing the side face gradually melting in the scorching light.

It's like it's gradually disappearing.

"...Bring it!" An Yichi said hastily, tightening his grip, "If you want fried chicken rice, you can eat anything except green peppers. Bring me the rice."

"En." Liang Duanyuan patted the back of his hand, got up and swayed and disappeared at the end of the corridor.

Sticking to the wall at the junction of the carriages to avoid the crowd waiting in line for the toilet, Liang Duanyuan walked faster and faster.

What he wanted to say but didn't say was that he hadn't forgotten that face with a bright smile, but said he was going to die next spring.

He treats An Yi well, and even plans to treat him better all the time, so that the debts from being taken care of so much can become an inseparable bondage in this world.

Many years later, when Liang Duanyuan became a well-known person, she would still go home and hold An Yichi in her arms when she was distracted after drinking.

When you haven't got it, you start to be afraid of losing it.