Eight thousand miles of rock and roll

In a trance, like sleeping but not sleeping, I don't know where the faint sound of music came from.

Yue Yanli tried hard to open his eyes, but his eyelids were glued to the heavy burden of moving forward, and he couldn't open them no matter what.

"This is a season of love, everyone should smile at each other and hug each other..."

This song is so familiar, where did I hear it?

"I like flowers. There should be flowers in the city. Even if they are picked off, flowers should grow..."

Yes.Xu Gang sang this song, the straightforward and simple melody is particularly moving.

Xu Gang.

She was terrified like a foot in the air, and a layer of cold sweat instantly broke out on her body.Yue Yanli opened his eyes abruptly.

What catches the eye is the unique white of the hospital, all kinds of white, snow white, unpopular, and scary.

There was no one else in the ward, and the transfusion was on the back of his left hand, and the clear and cold liquid fell drop by drop before entering his body.

Memories are slow, like the tide receding to reveal reefs and tidal flats, clearly appearing in front of my eyes.

On the way Xiao Wang drove him to City S, if he asked carefully——

Why don't you show that you are the title sponsor?Even if it's nothing else, it's good to sit and have a meal with him after liking him for so many years.

Yue Yanli knew that the liking that Xiao Wang said was not the kind of dirty liking in his heart, the kind of dirty, depraved, unspeakable liking.But such a desperate liking, what should he say?Who should I tell?

Heaving a sigh of relief, Yue Yanli blinked his eyes, and the confusion gradually came into his eyes.Wake up.

He remembered what he did in spite of shame, and before going to 902, he even took an aphrodisiac pill.Otherwise, he was afraid that he would not have the guts to ask for sex.

But what happened?

Yue Yanli raised his right hand and covered his eyes, feeling extremely uncomfortable.Fall short.

It is estimated that for some unknown reason, the pill reacted with the tumor in his brain.At first, Yue Yanli wanted to endure it, but later he couldn't bear it anymore. The pain was as if someone took a nail and stabbed it deep into the brain, causing spasms of pain.

My heart suddenly became cold.

Was it Xu Gang who sent him to the hospital?So, did he already know that he—

"Are you awake?" The door of the single room ward was pushed open from the outside, and the tall, long-legged man looked refreshed: "Are you hungry? I bought porridge and rice cakes for you, so I'll pad my stomach first."

Biting his lower lip, Yue Yanli only felt that his cheeks were burning hot, wishing he could just die and save some time.

Outside the shutters, the sky is bright.What shameless bastard thing I did in the dark last night is vivid in my memory, now without the cover of the night, it is very embarrassing to think about it when I look back.The saddest thing is, it's not over yet...

The bed beside him sank, and Xu Gang sat on the edge of the bed instead of a stool without avoiding suspicion: "Does your head still hurt?"

The man's gentle palms were covering his forehead, with a little rough callus: "At least the body temperature is normal."

Swallowing, Yue Yanli apologized in a low voice: "I'm sorry." I messed up everything.

After humming in a low voice, Xu Gang didn't say anything vulgar, "Why do you say I'm sorry?"

The man lowered his head and deftly opened the lid of the lunch box, took a disposable spoon and stirred it to dissipate heat: "It's a bit hot, be careful when you eat it, don't burn it."

"Thank you." The man who was half sitting up on the bed was ashamed, his eyes dodged, and he obviously had no appetite at all, but he still forced himself to eat a piece of rice cake and drink half a bowl of porridge.

The ward was very quiet, and the tall man who was close at hand had a relaxed expression, his slightly long hair was tied into a mess, and there was a new stubble on his chin, which he wanted to touch very much.

After eating the rice cake absent-mindedly, Yue Yanli glanced at it secretly, and couldn't help but glanced again.

"If you want to see it, just look at it openly." Seeing him stop, Xu Gang raised his eyebrows: "Have you eaten enough?"

Nodding indiscriminately, with fever in his ears, Yue Yanli hummed: "I'm full. Well, I seem to have heard some song just now."

Xu Gang didn't expose that he was looking for something to say, and nodded calmly: "I played it in the corridor just now, the last song in City H in the next show, to find out how I feel."

"Oh," Yue Yanli was not afraid of idle chatter, afraid that he would change the subject, so he thought frantically, "I remember you adapted a tune, what's it called..."

"Lonely people are shameful." Xu Gang looked at him with a half-smile, a bit of a pun.

Yue Yanli especially wanted to shrink into a quail: "Well, you should go to the rehearsal in City H today to familiarize yourself with the environment, I'm sorry to delay you, I have nothing to do..."

"What do you mean it's nothing?" Xu Gang breathed out, stopped grinding his teeth with him, and went straight to the point: "You have something growing in your head, do you know?"

"I, I know." Yue Yanli swallowed, calmer than expected: "I know I may not live long."

The stagnation in the air was unbearable, and Xu Gang cursed in a low voice.

Yue Yanli wanted to laugh, but after working hard for a long time, he couldn't do it, so he had to give up: "When I went to City B, I went to see a specialist, and the doctor sent me to the hospital for surgery. I thought, I want to finish the tour with you first. "

"Knowing that you still dare to take medicine indiscriminately?" Xu Gang stared at him, cursing without reservation: "Do you know what the doctor said? You took that medicine last night, which directly affected the brain nerves and almost killed you."

"I'm sorry." Yue Yanli dryly apologized again, and slumped his shoulders in frustration: "I'm always, always so stupid..."

Avoiding like an ostrich, without the courage to face it directly.This time he used medicine to force himself, the last time he was standing in the aisle behind the Gongti, foolishly leaving the VIP seat and refusing to sit down, unwilling to reconcile when it was over, secretly following people.

Who can blame?The cowardly one will fall off the chain at a critical moment.

"Forget it." Xu Gang stretched out his hand and rubbed his hair a little rudely: "After the singing in City H, the next five performances will not be held. I will accompany you back to City B for hospitalization."

"Why?!" Yue Yanli's eyes widened in disbelief: "It's all arranged, how can you not sing? Fans, no, you are wrong."

It made him laugh out loud.Xu Gang couldn't help reaching out and tugging at his earlobe: "Surgery is more important. Be good."

Making a big blush for the last word, Yue Yanli was dizzy, even more confused than last night: "No, Xu Gang... what do you mean?"

"Brother Gang, or brother." Xu Gang leaned over and kissed the man's forehead lightly and quickly before the man stepped back: "You have confessed your feelings to me. Can't miss that sentence, right? I like you, Yue Yanli, let's be together."

Yue Yanli was completely dumbfounded.

He felt that he and Xu Gang were not creatures on the same planet.

Obviously he has such a sad and irresistible misfortune that he has brain cancer, how can this person still smile and say, shall we be together?He, he, he, are you mad?

"Xu Gang, didn't you hear clearly? I may have a malignant tumor, and maybe I won't be able to get off the operating table. That's why I refuse to go to the hospital."

The man said slowly, but without the slightest hesitation: "This is why you would rather take the medicine and get out of bed with me instead of talking about your relationship? Is it because you have withdrawn your shares and anonymously sponsored this tour? It's because you like it." But dare not say, the reason for the broken heart and heartbroken drama that I did?"

"You know all about it?" Yue Yanli said with drooping eyebrows, "Anyway, it's useless for me to keep the money."

After thousands of words, Xu Gang opened his mouth, unwilling to scold him too harshly: "I think differently from you, do you want to listen?"

With his heart beating happily, Yue Yanli gritted his teeth and nodded.If you are not afraid of death, would you be afraid of thinking differently?

"When I just got into a car accident, I woke up from the hospital bed. I guess I felt the same way you felt when you were found out that you had something growing in your brain. You couldn't feel your legs, and they were basically useless." The finished rice cakes were tied into bags and placed on the cabinet next to the hospital bed. Because they leaned forward, they almost touched Yue Yanli's shoulders, causing the heart throbbing of people who were clearly sick in their minds, as if they had a heart attack: "So I am You know what kind of virtue you are? Arrogant and flamboyant, no one takes it seriously. To be honest, I’m not afraid of your jokes. Before I had an accident in my 20s, I almost felt that I was perfect.”

"You are already perfect." Yue Yanli muttered, and the second half of the sentence almost turned into an air: "If you don't count the time you forced..."

Xu Gang didn't hear what he said, so he smiled indulgently and didn't ask further: "It is conceivable that the conclusion that I will be a useless person in the future will hit me hard. You can see that I am standing here now, no different from a normal person Right? In fact, the two years of rehabilitation at that time were really not the life of a human being. Heh. The willpower is weak and hopeless, and it takes turns. Sometimes I want to cry when I practice on the equipment, and my legs don’t work. It doesn’t hurt to beat it, it’s like being wrapped in a thick layer of plastic wrap, numb. The body is bad, the fans have dispersed, and the most frightening thing is that the brain seems to be useless. Frequently, at that time, I was holding on to the stuff I wrote, and I couldn’t see it. I wrote one piece and tore it down. I fell to the bottom. I felt very lonely and had nowhere to vent. Then I thought , It may be God’s punishment for my wrongdoing. Don’t ask about this matter, I will definitely tell you in the future, not now. I didn’t know that Bao Qiuqiu told me about my depression. My elder brother talked with me once, and I remember it very clearly. He doesn’t like to talk, so that time was an exception.”

The man smiled, looking down at his hands with lowered eyelids.From Yue Yanli's perspective, he can see his thick eyelashes, which look like small brushes, making one's heart itch.

"I can't remember the specific words he said, but the general idea is this. When you are sick, it is most useless to complain about yourself. How long you can live may be out of our control, but when you are alive, you should smile and move forward. It’s not about waiting for death with a mournful face. I used to like the energetic, arrogant and lively Rukawa Kaede, but now I like this shy and crazy Yue Yanli. I want to be with him in my lifetime and talk about the music we all like , eat the food we all covet, do the things we all love to do, the prerequisite is not to take medicine indiscriminately. Heh, let me see? Your face is still red. Don’t bother you, I will continue. Maybe for you , it’s not this disease, I can’t force you to do such outrageous things, but for me, you have this disease, and all I want is you. It’s not Yue Yanli who is not sick and eliminates shortcomings, It is Yue Yanli, who is complete and may have many imperfections, but tries her best to live every day well. Taking a step back, even if the final diagnosis is not good, even if she leaves, she will not regret it."

Yue Yanli was speechless, tears were streaming down his face, and he felt that he was so stupid that there was no cure.

"Do you think I'm good or not? I've said so many words." Xu Gang made an exaggerated expression, and casually took Yue Yanli's hand: "I don't like talking the most, you know. But you are not someone else, you It's the lover I want. Yue Yanli, I understand your loneliness, and I am willing to share your pressure with you. From today on, you don't have to hide from everyone and carry the burden alone, you are not alone, you still have me."

The author has something to say:

It is said that among the three masters of Moyan, Zhang Chu is a poet.A few of his songs, Shame on the Lonely Man, Sister, Ant Ant.A young man with a soft and clean soul.

In fact, I like his Ant the most, the melody is bright and the lyrics are also interesting.For me, fun is more important than anything else, better than perfection, better than angels.

All the lyrics in this chapter are excerpted from Zhang Chu's "Lonely People Are Shameful".