【Steel Refining Flame Steel】How to make the person I like also like me

Ed stood in the dark corridor, turning the lock silently.In the evening, the sky was gloomy, the light was dim, the sky was about to rain but the rain had not yet fallen, and the dark twilight poured in along the windows of the corridor, reflecting the thin silhouette of the young man on the door panel.At this time, the young man was standing outside the door, his shoulders were trembling with the cold wind, his heart was still adjusting his breath after he had just recovered from running all the way, but his brain was extremely clear, and the words clearly listed what he had committed and what he would continue to commit next. Guilty, he opened the door lock with both hands without shaking - just like a calm serial criminal.He told himself that this was the end of the matter, and it must continue.

"Don't continue." That's what Lin told Ed that night.Of course, it's not the current situation, but Lin probably won't support himself in doing so now.

That afternoon, Ed hurried home alone in the heavy rain.After closing the door, he went into the kitchen to heat himself a drink, then sat at the dining table and spread out the report he brought home from the laboratory, and started to write.It was a night of high concentration and high efficiency. He immersed himself in writing for more than two hours, so that by the time his report came to an end, the originally dark room was completely dark, only the kitchen lamp above his head was still shining , illuminating this lonely room, the only thing in the silent time is the pen tip falling on the table and Edward's peaceful breathing.Then he put down his pen and stretched a little stiffly.It wasn't until this moment that he suddenly realized that he hadn't changed his soaked clothes when he came back from the outside, and the hot drink he had been pouring into his mouth from time to time just now turned out to be milk—hell, God knows why there is milk in the refrigerator.

Thinking of this, an overwhelming nausea surged up from the depths of his stomach.Ed covered his mouth, picked up the glass and rushed towards the sink.White milk flowed into the slot, but Ed leaned over the edge of the slot, feeling sick for a long time but couldn't spit it out.It's so strange, the disgusting milk is raging in the body, tumbling and clamoring to burst out of the body, but at this moment, every outlet in the body is blocked by something.The dead stillness in the room is like cement buried alive.

No, Ed threw the empty glass aside and leaned back against the sink, clutching his stomach.No, thought Ed, say something anyway, make some noise anyway.

But what to say?

But with whom?Countless thoughts crowded together, too vague to speak to strangers, too detailed to tell Alphonse——

Al, Al.Thinking of his younger brother's slightly frowned eyebrows and worried eyes due to fatigue, Ed's heart trembled, and he subconsciously clenched his lips.

No one in the world knew Ed better than Al, and knew that Ed was sometimes a little scared.

He ended up calling Rin.He didn't know why he finally decided on the Chinese who had pretended to be his friend and roommate for two years. The other party didn't think he was a suitable candidate, but it seemed that he had no other choice now.

Ed's narration was intermittent and the clues were disordered, so that the next day Ed couldn't remember what he said to the oriental boy that night, and why he talked for so long.He only remembered that by the time he had finished speaking and was about to take a sip of water for a rest, the night outside the window was already as dark as water.But what's strange is that Squint Eyes, who has always been nagging, didn't interrupt him the whole time this time, and he didn't suddenly stuff him with dog food. The other party didn't even mention that he was busy going downstairs to get takeout or Hurrying to go to the nightlife - he just quietly listened to Edward's incoherent words, and then calmly told him not to continue.

"Why?" Ed said, "Because he has someone he likes?"

"That's not the main reason," Lin said.

"why?"

There was a moment of silence on the other side of the microphone, but Ed, looking out the dark window, didn't even notice.

"Ed," Lin said, "how should I put it... Each of us has more or less broken places, most of which we have to find ways to make up for ourselves, and comfort ourselves to try to live a better life every day One thing...sometimes having a partner can also help, not that the other party can make up for our broken places, but that it will give us more reasons to take the initiative to make up for ourselves.”

"...It's really strange for you to say such a thing. I thought you would say that eating can heal or something."

"Oh, don't interrupt. Of course, eating delicious food is definitely useful, but my opinion here is that Mustangu... well, I don't know him very well, but from your arrogant description, and From what I've heard before, he's the kind of guy who doesn't care about where he's broken."

"……what?"

"You... let's put it this way, it is actually very easy to take advantage of the current situation and take advantage of a guy like Mustangu who looks very broken. But..."

"I didn't want to take advantage of it!"

"I know I know you don't interrupt me! You didn't want to take advantage of the situation, that's the problem, okay! I know you, this kind of arrogant and innocent guy, once you do this kind of thing, you will be very serious... ..."

"What the hell did you say about me??"

"Don't interrupt me, didn't you come to ask my opinion yourself!?"

Lin let out a sigh of relief, and then continued slowly, "You are the kind of person who will draw strength from each other and work together to make up for the broken parts of yourself and live a good life. But I think Mustang has never been He will ask you for strength, and he will not give it to you. He...I think he probably...has given up on making up for himself—like a broken vase that has no intention of repairing at all."

Ed stared out the window wordlessly.On the other end of the microphone, Lin said slowly:

"If he can't find the motivation to make up for himself, no matter how nice you are to him, no matter how much you like him...he won't be able to handle it."

Even he likes you too.

For a while later, Ed didn't see Roy Mustangu again.The new project piled up the work into snowflakes. He took a shower and changed clothes in the bathroom of the laboratory, and slept on his stomach on the workbench for 20 minutes. He had no time to think about it, and he didn't know whether it was fortunate or unfortunate.But the teenager went to watch the broadcast they recorded together, and the interview hosted by Mustangu later-it was often when he took time to eat when he was busy with work.Ed sat in front of the electric pen with the takeout box in his hand, tired dark circles under his eyes, and he was chomping weakly on a hot dog or hash browns or a taco.The other party on the screen looked the same, the smiles to the guests were as sincere and cordial as ever, and the sighs to the news tragedies did not have any more personal sadness.Ed even pretended to be casual and asked about Mustang when Hubblek came to collect materials, and Hubblek looked astonished.

"Him? He's fine, he feels more energetic than before." He said with some taste, "Do you think he will have another beautiful girlfriend?"

This kind of statement comes from a single dog who has been single for thousands of years, and it is aimed at a dog who was a broken-hearted dog when he met last time. Therefore, even though Ed's rationality made him think it was completely possible, he still couldn't figure out how much credibility it had. .But during the short moments of breathing at work, when he was standing in the tea room staring at the tea bag in a daze, when he returned to the empty rental house to get a change of clothes - he would imagine that he had no right to know, nor Everything that cannot be explored.

He imagined Mustangu holding someone in his arms, looking down and muttering something in a low voice.The person in his arms has his back to Ed, and is immersed in the shadow of the big film, like that charming director wife, like that coquettish Electra anchorwoman, and like any other woman who has ever yelled at Luo in a bar. Yi smirking man.And Roy was facing Ed, with a bright and gentle face.Those eyes, which were full of joking one second and helpless the next, were lowered, as if no matter how sad they were, they could bend into a smile.Then those beautiful eyes really changed in front of Ed.The person in his arms was gone, and he looked up, comically wearing Ed's lemon-coloured Pichu headphones, with no tears in his eyes.Ed, on the other hand, looked at him dumbfoundedly, feeling that he was more sad than him.

It has been nearly two weeks since I saw Mustang Gushi again.At that time, Ed and his colleagues had just been freed from the project. First, they went home, took a shower, and fell asleep for 48 hours.Ed bumped into her on the way to the theater with her colleagues. Coincidentally, she actually had a girl in her arms, who was also charming and charming. Unfortunately, she was neither the wife of the director nor the anchorwoman of Electra.

The director's wife can't be taken out in broad daylight, and Rust probably hasn't given up on finding his father's clone.Ed thought silently, and shook hands with the smiling Mustangu, who was as handsome as ever.

"Ed, Ed," he tilted his head with a smile, and said with a long voice, "I haven't seen you for a long time."

"Roy, your friend?" The girl looked up, but her fingertips painted with coral red nail polish were pressed against the gap of the second button of Roy's shirt. "Why do good-looking people know each other?"

"Both each other." Ed said intentionally eccentrically, but his eyes couldn't help scanning each other up and down, thinking that Mustangu's favorite type really spans such a wide range, and his hair color is almost a rainbow.

I don't know if this long blonde hair suits his taste.

Ed then coughed and motioned his colleagues to go ahead and wait for him.

"My headphones." Edward said righteously.

Roy blinked his eyes, looking confused.

"My Pixchu headset, limited edition for the anniversary of the PC house!"

Roy showed a thoughtful expression.

"The lemon yellow one!" Ed screamed.

Colleagues in the distance looked back in astonishment.The girl next to Mustangu also turned her gaze and stared at the boy curiously.Only Roy was still frowning slightly, with a look of incomprehension, and his black eyes were looking directly at Ed, but his thoughts were not in his eyes.

At this moment, Ed's eyes did not fall on the other party.He looked at the girl's green index finger, and the brightly colored nails were clasped on Roy's skirt. The dazzling red made people jump anxiously for a moment, as if it was his heart that was clasped.

"You think I didn't tell you."

Ed turned around and ran in the direction of his colleagues.

There was no sound of leaving footsteps behind him, nor did they chase in his direction.Probably because he wasn't someone who deserved his escape from Berkeley to Seattle, nor was he worthy of enduring illness or braving the heavy rain to meet him.

All I had to do was run to find him.

As soon as this idea appeared in Ed's mind, the boy felt as if he had been struck by lightning.

Yes, he knew the address of Mustango's house, and even where his spare key was stashed.

It's like waiting for him to pass by.

Thinking of this level, Ed couldn't restrain himself anymore.He wandered beside his colleagues, listening to them chatting and laughing with each other, and responding to their inquiries hastily, while desperately telling himself: This is illegal intrusion!This is trespassing!This is trespassing! —in vain.

On the way to the cinema, he couldn't remember what he said, where he went, and what scenery he passed by. His senses were controlled by uncontrollable delusions, and his mind seemed to be drawn backward by something. The little bird was strangled by the throat, throbbing violently trying to escape, and twitching violently enduring the pain.Ed himself had never heard of it, and he was helpless. He was so nervous that only Chopin's Nocturne could calm him down, and he was so painful that he seemed to be wrapped around his heart by a silk thread of unknown origin, and tied a dead knot in the middle.

It's a lie, Ed thought.He knew very well who the other end of the silk thread was tied to.

"I suddenly remembered that the instant noodles that were cooking at home hadn't turned off the gas."

Ed stuffed the movie ticket into his colleague's arms, turned around and ran away without waiting for the other party's response.Along the way, Ed gritted his teeth and ran along the route in his mind, as if he had anticipated this moment in his heart, so he was already familiar with the road to the opponent's lair.

It was also the only way Ed could approach him fearlessly.

When Ed ran upstairs out of breath and stood in front of Mustang's house, he finally realized that he was really going to commit a crime.Ed panted heavily while his mind was running rapidly.He calmly imagined that the moment he pulled away, the security uncle who had cast a suspicious look at him just now rushed up and dragged him into the prison. He imagined himself sitting in the detention center with a blank expression and watching the police call out the surveillance Pointing to his solid evidence, he imagined the surprised expression that Mustangu would throw at him after he knew about it.Minimum three years, maximum death penalty.

The scary thing is that Ed still doesn't feel a little shaken when he thinks of this.

He looked around calmly, then quickly got close, and took the spare key out from the gap in the lower left corner of the door frame, then stood up straight, and opened the door without changing expression or beating heart.

creak.

The room was dark and dead, just like Ed's own house.The boy exhaled calmly, walked into the room slowly, and closed the door behind him.

What does the room of a broken-hearted person look like?Ed had countless real or absurd assumptions the moment he unscrewed the door lock.He remembered the moment when Wen Li was just rejected by the captain of the rugby team, the room was full of throwing pillows and underwear, Wen Li was most proud of her blond hair in a mess like a bird's nest, and the carefully applied mascara turned into panda eyes on her face.This girl who started eating only vegetable salad a week ago in preparation for the party huddled in her room while watching the "Twilight City" series of movies, while stuffing Italian sausage pizza into her mouth continuously, and burying it in cotton wool from time to time. There was a burst of heart-piercing cries and harsh reprimands for Ed's condescending behavior.Another case comes from the gossip in the tea room. It is said that people from the personnel department rushed to Sheska’s house at that time. It is difficult to connect it with the shy, honest, talented and studious girl on weekdays...

However, when he walked into Mustangu's house, the scene in front of him was surprisingly normal, even almost the same as what he saw during his last visit, and the young man's mind was almost brimming with a faint feeling of rejoicing.

After counting, this is almost the third time I have come to Mustangu's house, and it has been several weeks since I moved, but the strange thing is that the furnishings have not changed much.The room is still empty and lifeless, and the unpacked luggage that was piled up in the living room a few weeks ago is still intact. There are several cabinets in the room that have not even been opened and used, maybe covered The plastic paper has not been cut for a long time.Ed walked in while looking around, and saw that there was nothing on the cooking counter in the kitchen, but the biological box was placed directly opposite the dining table, and the salamander was lying lazily on the branch. Died as delicately as Heydrich said.Ed leaned in front of the biological box and made faces at it for a long time, but it just cast a nonchalant glance at the intruder.

The earphones are not in the living room, nor in the kitchen, Ed thought for a while, and went further into the room.The curtains in the bedroom were drawn tightly, and the room was dimly lit, with the faint scent of pine wood flowing.Ed looked around, and in the darkness, he could vaguely distinguish the outlines of the bed, hangers, stacked books, and the men's shirts and coats were neatly folded. Ed resisted the idea of ​​stealing another piece of clothing to go home, and then Open the curtains and welcome the thin twilight of the winter night into the empty room.

Then Ed stood still.

He looked down in silence for a moment, opened the glass door, and slowly leaned down.

There are no green plants on the balcony, and the chill is overwhelming. After all, it is the coldest winter, and it looks extremely lonely and cold.A long wire was dragged across the wooden floor, and a heater was plugged into the corner of the balcony.A cushion, a blanket, and a newspaper were scattered beside the heater. They were crumpled on the ground and hid in the narrow gap behind the curtains. Under the newspaper was an ashtray full of cigarette butts.Ed squatted down speechlessly, and saw five or six empty cigarette boxes scattered beside the newspaper, only one white cigarette box was still full, standing in the corner, and only two cigarettes were smoked out of it.

Ed remembered exactly where the pack of cigarettes had come from.

The young man sat up slowly, raised his eyes and looked out the window.

He had seen this scene before.At that time, it was a late night when I was delirious with drugs, and it was dark and lonely outside the window. I only remembered that I could see cedars tumbling in the wind, crows resting on the balcony railing, and the sky full of brilliant stars downstairs.Maybe it was because of the drug, he had never seen such a cute crow when he was sober, let alone so many stars in Seattle.The stars belonged to the sky above the cornfields of his childhood in Idaho, where he and Al would lie on the cornstalks all night, counting the twinkling constellations and the unknown future.

But what does Mustang look like night after night, sitting on the balcony and looking up at the starry sky?Ed pictured dark nights and cold rainy nights, sitting wrapped in a blanket by the heater, lighting cigarette after cigarette.Mustangu said he never liked the smell of cigarettes, but at that time he had no choice, and the poison he hated became the only painkiller.

He also thought of the luggage that had never been unpacked on the ancient land of Mustang, the bed that didn't seem to have been used much, and the biological box in the kitchen.The biological box is placed directly opposite the dining table, and Mustangu sits at the dining table every day and eats breakfast, lunch and dinner with a lizard, even if the other party can neither speak nor even look at him.

Thinking of this, the scenery in front of him was gradually submerged in blurred overlapping shadows, as if he was drowning in a pool.On the water, Ed remembered what Roy had said to himself with his arms around his shoulders.

"It won't be good. If you lose it, you will lose it. It won't be good after a long time."

The flood in the abyss suddenly overflowed uncontrollably, Edwood clenched his fingers tightly, the key in his palm was stuck in his palm, and it was painful to pinch.He calmed down almost instantly.

Edward sat silently for a while, wiped his face with his sleeve indiscriminately, then got up, and walked firmly to the door.

When walking back to the bedroom, a touch of lemon yellow came into view along the afterglow from the window.It turned out that the earphones were placed on Roy's bed, and a scarf was casually thrown on them. He didn't know how long they had been there. No wonder he couldn't remember them at all.

The boy stared blankly for a moment, picked up the earphones, turned around and put them on the cushion on the floor, Pixiu's bright smiling face sank into the soft cotton wool and blanket.Then Ed drew the curtain sideways and walked straight out the door.He closed the door, and the boundless darkness was shut back into the room.Ed locked the door without a word.He thought, there is really no such good thing in the world that the person he likes also happens to like him.If the broken vase can't find the motivation to make up for himself, no matter how good he is and how much he likes him, it will be nothing and nothing will help.

Edward took a step back and stared at the door in front of him.His current figure was bathed in the cold sunset, his golden eyelashes fluttered, almost transparent.Behind the door is a pile of empty cigarette boxes and biological boxes. It is a suffocating darkness and loneliness. It is something I have tasted for too long and I don’t want to taste it anymore.However, facing that dark love at this time, my heart is no longer filled with so much panic, bewilderment and sadness.He had never been so clear about what he wanted, never wanted to do it so strongly, he opened his eyes wide, and suddenly remembered what he said to Lin at the end of the phone.

"I'm not doing it for Mustangu, I'm doing it for myself," Ed said. "Maybe I'm not lucky enough to get that guy to like me just by working hard... But anyway, I want to cheer him up and at least make him like me." He knows it's not that bad, at least not to be indifferent to himself - that's my wish now."

"Better than wanting him to like you?"

"Much stronger." Ed silently said, holding the key tightly in his palm.

TBC