sex addict

I hope that it will not come for a long time, and those who are waiting are dying. — Samuel Beckett

"Is Su Tinger?"

"Ah, yes..." Before Su Tingjie could ask who the other party was, he heard the roar on the phone: "Where is my son!"

"What? No, who are you?"

"My son, where did Fang Fan go?"

"Are you Aunt Fang?"

"Stop pretending to me! I ask you where Fang Fan went!"

"I do not know."

"Fuck! Don't think I don't know about your dirty business, I'll tell you Su, Fang Fan better be fine, otherwise I'll never end with you!"

"Then he..." Dududu...

Su Tingjie frowned and called Fang Fan—"I'm sorry, the phone of the person you dialed has been turned off, please call again later. Sorry, The number you dialed power off..." Calling again is the same.He opened the chat software to find Fang Fan, typed "Where are you?" but never got a reply, he lit a cigarette irritably, a faint gray smoke overflowed from his nasal cavity, blurring his vision...

After he graduated, he once dated a boy, and that boy was Fang Fan.

Fang Fan is a college student at the W Provincial Academy of Arts, a part-time cosplay photo model and makeup artist, cosplaying many popular Two-dimensional characters, and has a large number of Weibo fans.Su Tingjie met Fang Fan for the first time in early November 2014. At that time, he just graduated for more than a year, his job stabilized, and he went on a business trip to W province.

After talking about business that morning, I passed by Hongfeng Park and saw a group of people taking photos.I wasn't interested at first, but my eyes were attracted by the person leaning over and waving a brush in the pavilion.It was an old stone pavilion, and the stone steps covered with maple leaves could be seen to have been there for some years. The stone table was covered with rice paper and inkstone. You can guess that these hands are good at writing.

Although someone was lighting and someone was filming, the person seemed to be outside the camera, without a sense of artificiality, which made Su Tingjie suspect that he was not taking a photo, but himself a person in the painting.Fascinated by watching it for a while, Su Tingjie actually found a stone bench and sat down, with no intention of leaving.

Hearing that mid-November is the time when the maple leaves in Hongfeng Park are the most beautiful, Su Tingjie was glad that he came at the right time.A few maple leaves were blown down by the cool wind. Su Tingjie was leaning over to pick them up. He saw a hand picking up the red leaves in front of him. He lifted his head up, and the maple leaves faced the sky. It penetrates through the space, half of it is blocked by the maple leaf, and half of it is leaked between the long hair.

The visitor flicked his wide and wide sleeves, turned around and handed the maple leaf to Su Tingjie: "Isn't it beautiful? If it weren't for the charming maple leaf, I would have thought uncle was looking at me." After speaking, a mischievous smile rose from the corner of his mouth: "Haha , I’m just joking. It’s just that uncle, you’ve been sitting here for a long time, it doesn’t feel like you’re looking at the scenery, you’re not really looking at me, are you?”

Su Tingjie froze for a moment, and looked at the boy in front of him with some embarrassment—a slender figure with delicate eyebrows, wearing a long robe that looked like a fairy, and the long hair scattered on his shoulders seemed to be a symbol of freedom and ease, and a drop of black ink was accidentally stained on the cuff, There is a strong bookishness flowing out of the uninhibited temperament, but it is by no means dull.At first, he just thought it looked good, but when that smile appeared on his face, Su Tingjie felt like his heart was sprained, it was so familiar.

"The scenery is pleasant, and the beauty is pleasant." Su Tingjie took the maple leaf, and then said: "I just don't know if this maple leaf is for me to see or for me as a souvenir?"

The boy took the maple leaf that Su Tingjie was playing with and said, "I'm here to let you see it now." Then he took out the pen beside the front of Su Tingjie's suit, wrote a line on the maple leaf, and handed the pen and maple leaf to Su Tingjie, "Now is for You remember."

Su Tingjie looked at the words on the maple leaf—Fang Fan, 135XXXXXXXX.With a pursed smile, he took out a business card from his suit, pinned the pen that had just been used on the card and handed it to Fang Fan, "It's not rude to come and go."

"Xiaofan, start working!" Fang Fan turned around and walked towards the photography team, leaving Su Tingjie with a relaxed and unrestrained back view.

With a number, there will be a connection, and with a connection, there will be friendship, and then friendship will give rise to other things similar to friendship, love, and family affection.In the later days, Su Tingjie kept in touch with Fang Fan. The provinces where the two lived were adjacent. He occasionally went to school to see Fang Fan.If the company has a project in W province, he will actively apply for participation.Slowly, the two started dating, and the gap in Su Tingjie's heart happened to be filled by Fang Fan.

Fang Fan was born in 1995, and he is only 6 years younger than Su Tingjie, but he always likes to call Su Tingjie "uncle".

He met Su Tingjie in November 14 and got married in October 11. He and Fang Fan have been in love for less than a year, but they love him deeply.He once promised Fang Fan to love each other all his life, if his mother didn't force her to die, he once thought that promise could be fulfilled...

Su Tingjie was born in the countryside, and his hometown is a small village in a county under the jurisdiction of City B. His mother was old-fashioned and urged him to marry many times after graduation: "Tingjie, your father left early, and I alone took you and your sister It's time for you to start a family and start a business. While Mom still has a few years to live, get married and give Mom a big fat grandson. Mom can still take care of you for two years. When Mom is too old, you can just ask A nanny is not a small sum."

"Mom is getting old, and she won't live for a few years. Do you want Mom to see your dad with regrets?"

"Mom asked your second aunt to introduce a girl to you. She is good-looking, filial and capable. You can meet her on weekends."

"Why didn't you go see the girl that your third aunt introduced to you not long ago? Did you do it on purpose? You just want to piss me off!"

"..."

Being forced by his mother, no matter how much he explained, it didn't work. The last time Su Tingjie got angry, he directly showed his cards to his mother: "Mom, don't introduce me any more partners! Let me tell you the truth, I don't have any I don't like women!"

"What? I don't quite understand. What do you mean by 'don't like women'? What does it mean?" Some melon seeds leaked from between the fingers of Mother Su's hand, and she bent down to pick them up.

Su Tingjie was impatient: "I like men."

Mother Su threw the melon seeds in her hand on Su Tingjie's face, "Are you crazy? What nonsense! You are a big man, you..." Halfway through speaking, Mother Su turned from anger to worry, and pulled Su Tingjie to look left and right : "Jie, are you sick? Or is it possessed by something? Why don't you go to the hospital, or go to the village and let Sorceress Liu show you..."

"Mom, I'm not sick. I just don't like women. If you want a grandson, he and I can adopt one and bring it back to you. Don't force me to get married, can you?" Su Tingjie pushed his mother's hand away.

Su's mother slapped him, "You are forcing me! Su Tingjie, you have grown up, and you are amazing after going out to study culture for a few years! You are a man, and you are the only one in your old Su's family. How can I be worthy of your father like this, what face do you want me to meet the ancestors of your old Su family?" After speaking, he collapsed and knelt on the ground, crying loudly: "Old man, I'm sorry, you Give up and go away, so heartless, leaving our mother and three children to live a hard life! I finally brought up my son, I didn't expect, I didn't expect...Old man, I'm dead, you take me down ..."

Su Tingjie's heart ached seeing his mother like this, but he was fed up with her mother's attitude and kidnapping.Heartbroken, he turned around and slammed the door and went out.After walking a few steps, I heard a voice from home: "If you walk a few more steps, you won't have my mother! Think about it!"

Su Tingjie gritted his teeth and went to the entrance of the village.After walking not far, I was really worried, for fear that my mother would really do something drastic.So he dragged his exhausted body helplessly back home.

After entering the door, there was boundless silence, no crying, not even faint sobbing.Su Tingjie yelled a few words and no one answered, he panicked all of a sudden.I searched upstairs and downstairs in and out of the room, and finally saw my mother lying in the room where the grain was piled up, foaming at the mouth, beside the fallen pesticide bottle that was still dripping out of the medicine.

"Mom! Mom! Mom, what are you doing! Don't scare me, Mom, answer me!" Su Tingjie knelt down and hugged his mother with a plop, and took out his mobile phone with the other hand to call 120. The neighbors heard crying Everyone who shouted came to watch the crowd, to come up with ideas, and it was not until the person was sent to the hospital for gastric lavage to make sure that his life was not in danger, that Su Tingjie relaxed his tense nerves, and his body seemed to be emptied by something for a moment.

The pesticide burned Su's mother's throat and stomach wall, and she needed to be hospitalized for a period of recuperation.Here, a girl named Meng Lan introduced to Mu Cheng had been staying in the hospital to take care of her. Su Tingjie was listening to her younger sister scolding herself for being "selfish, unfilial, heartless, ungrateful..." Without replying a word, she was pale and feeble. The expression hung on the vicissitudes of life, and occasionally tears flowed into the green beard and disappeared.

The first thing Su's mother did when she woke up was to ask Su Tingjie to marry Meng Lan with a hoarse voice. Su Tingjie knelt beside the hospital bed in clothes she hadn't changed for a few days, lowered her head decadently, her voice sounded like cotton stuffed in her throat, and she nodded vaguely. Said: "Okay, marry, I will marry, can't I marry..." The younger sister on the side quickly comforted her mother: "Mom, did you hear that? My brother said that he will marry him, and he will listen to you in everything, so don't be a fool." Something happened."

Flying from the southeast of the peacock to the 21st century, the old-fashioned method of forcing each other to death has been tried and tested.

So, he married the woman named Meng Lan who had only a few encounters with him.

Before getting married, Su Tingjie went to W province to meet Fang Fan.

Looking at Fang Fan who was sitting cross-legged on the sofa and playing with his mobile phone as if nothing had happened, Su Tingjie asked, "Do you want to go abroad? Is there any country you want to go to?"

"Is uncle asking me to travel abroad?"

"Don't you want to go abroad to study for two years while you are young, and also travel to learn more?"

"No, I just want to be with you. Of course, if the two of us go together, then I can think about it."

"The company values ​​me very much. I am busy with work and I don't have so much time to accompany you now, so I want you to go abroad for a year or two. I will call you the living expenses."

"Uncle, I don't need you to accompany me. Don't drive me away, okay. I promise not to disturb your work."

Su Tingjie felt his heart being pulled hard, and stared at Fang Fan in a daze.

Fang Fan brushed the fans' messages on Weibo and said: "The fans said that the maple leaves in Hongfeng Park are turning red, let's go and see."

"Sorry, Xiaofan, I'm getting married."

"...I know. But didn't you say you like Maple Leaf?"

"Autumn is too lonely to tolerate the coquettish red of the maple leaves. You are still young. Compared with the red maple in autumn, I think the cherry blossoms in early spring will be more suitable for you. Don't go to Hongfeng Park. After autumn and winter, Go to Japan next spring to see the cherry blossoms. You will like it."

"I don't like cherry blossoms, I only like Hongfeng. You said that Hongfeng is passionate and blazing, just like our love. Don't you like it now?"

"Xiaofan, you are still young, and you don't understand many things. When you mature a bit, you will know what the real 'you can't have your cake and eat it' is true. You haven't learned to be willing...I'm sorry, Xiaofan, I I love Hongfeng, I love you, but I can't leave my mother alone! She forced me, I have no choice Xiaofan... I... Do you know how it feels to be lying in your arms slowly losing life? I'm afraid, I'm scared..." Su Tingjie broke down in tears, tears running down his face.

Fang Fan threw down his mobile phone and threw himself in front of Su Tingjie like a beast, wiping his tears in a panic, "Doesn't your mother just want a woman to give birth to you? I can do it too! I can find a doctor and make an appointment for surgery. You can continue to be your Hongfeng with the posture of cherry blossoms. As long as you still love me, you can let me do anything, and I am not afraid of anything."

"Don't talk nonsense... Xiaofan, let's end it properly, shall we? At least we can still be friends..."

"Are you a friend? Since you are friends, why did you provoke me in the first place!" Fang Fan sat back on the sofa weakly and questioned.

"..."

"Su Tingjie, talk! You don't want me like this!"

"I'm getting married on October 10st, if you're free... come and have a meal."

"You bastard!"

Fang Fan threw the suit jacket on the sofa at Su Tingjie. He didn't hide, but just picked up the jacket calmly and patted the ashes in his arms.Just turning around to leave, Fang Fan jumped up from the sofa with a jerk, hugged his waist from behind, put his head on his waist, tears streaming down his face: "Don't go, okay... I don't mind you Get married, I just want you to be with me..."

Su Tingjie sighed deeply: "I'm sorry, let go..."

"I do not!"

Trembling, Su Tingjie broke away the hands that were tightly around his waist, and walked away without looking back.Hearing the sound of the leather shoes hitting the ground, Fang Fan collapsed into a pile of mud, leaving a room full of silent sorrow.

The cigarette burned to the end, and Su Tingjie was scalded so much that he shrank his fingers. The cigarette butt fell on a document, and an irregular hole was branded in the white paper.

He began to worry about Fang Fan, if he knew what Fang Fan had experienced, he would find that his worry was unnecessary.Because on the fourth night after his wedding, Fang Fan had hanged himself in Hongfeng Park.

"You didn't come...why didn't you come..." Fang Fan curled up under the tree, embraced a pile of blood-red fallen leaves and hugged him, tears flowed down the bridge of his nose into the other eye, moistened the eye socket, and turned cold Heart.The evening wind blows the dead leaves and circles not far away, but he still hasn't come...

If the memories of a person's life are replayed in his mind like a movie before he dies, how painful it would be for Fang Fan to tear up the scar and watch it again before he dies...

"When did you date that man? How long have you been dating? Why do you like a man? I'm asking you something, don't pretend to be deaf! Fang Fan! Look at me and answer me!"..." Did he force you? Come on, I'll take you to the police!" Fang Fan shook off his mother's hand, took a few steps back, shook his head and said, "Mom, I'm an adult, I have my own sense of right and wrong Values, I know what is hurt and what is true love. Heh, you won’t understand, none of you will understand.” After speaking, he resolutely turned and ran away, completely ignoring the hoarse cry of his mother behind him.

"Fang Fan! Stop there! Fang Fan! Fang Fan..." The voice faded away, and Fang Fan asked himself with tears in his eyes, "Uncle, did you hear that? My mother is calling me. I will do it for you." Out of choice, what's the answer you gave me?"

What finally froze in Fang Fan's mind was a text message Su Tingjie sent to himself - "Go here to enjoy the breeze and daylight, and the scenery on Freedom Road is beautiful." This is what Xu Zhimo wrote to Zhang Youyi. It is chic and decisive, but extremely ridiculous.

The last time Su Tingjie received news related to Fang Fan was a call from Fang Fan's sister Fang Yao——

"Mr. Su, yesterday, the police brought back Xiaofan's...Xiaofan's body. They said that Xiaofan committed...suicide. I don't know what happened between you, but you...you didn't agree Would I love him and protect him? Why...why did he commit suicide? I heard you were married, right? Why didn’t you say you would get married when you asked me to promise to hand him over to you? Oh, we I won't sue you, it's not that I forgive you, but we have no evidence, no evidence that you 'killed' Xiaofan, you killed him, your promise and hope to him killed him, I want you to always remember The fact that you are a murderer, I want you to feel guilty for the rest of your life..."

For those who waited so long for Hope not to come, Fang Yao was right, it was Hope that killed Fang Fan.He was hanging in the bright red maple forest, hanging on the best red maple tree. The thick red maple leaves on the ground spread like blood flowing from his body on the ground. The park under the gloomy moonlight was dyed red.Hope, like a frayed but lingering vine, finally hangs him hanging on the cliff of despair.

The author has something to say:

Love a person of the same gender as myself, and love my parents even more.I don't want to betray love, and I can't let go of the bondage of family affection.Many people choose to compromise in the face of family love, fulfilling the family love, but suffer for the two people in love and the innocent third person in marriage, and may continue to live in depression with regret and unwillingness for the rest of their lives... There are still some people who compromise in front of love Yes, the way to fulfill love is to choose death to the extreme, hurting their parents and ruining themselves, but they are struggling with this choice. Death is much easier than choosing one, having to choose to fulfill one and abandon the other... as long as The prejudice is still there, and there is no solution to this matter.